Overcoming insecurities/jealousy

LegacyUser

Realised this post is pretty long so, for the "too long didnt read" crowd a tiny version
Met amazing girl abroad, kept in contact, met up year later spark still there, plan to meet up again this summer, open realtionship until then, mad about each other and still speaking all the time, saw photos of her and her ex on holiday together, feeling jealous, how to overcome jealousy?

Hello folks, recently a strange but familiar emotion has been hitting me. It's that weird stomach vacuum pain that results from insecurity and jealousy. My life in the past few years has been getting better and better, maybe it's a function of age or all the hours put into self analysis however I'm now very good at while being aware of my emotions and what they are for, still being able to control them. This is a feeling that is consuming me lately.

Here is the story. I'm a 25 year old guy that met this amazing smart sexy foreign girl two years ago abroad. We hit it off very well, and despite only being together a three or so weeks, when we went back to our own countries we kept up frequent contact. Despite the distance (hundreds of miles away) and lack of contact I liked her more each time we spoke and she felt the same way maybe more so. We talked about me visiting her, and I said I would in the summer as long as we were still in touch and the spark was still there, as I didn't want there to be any pressure as I knew as the long time apart could really change things. During the time apart I saw other girls and I would imagine she saw other guys, this was totally fine with me, and she said it was fine also though I suspect not as she would occasionally ask me questions and judging from her reactions I could tell she was upset. So anyway I was supposed to travel to see her last summer but I couldn’t organise the funds. She was pretty let down, and I felt really guilty for having promised to go see her and not done it.

Just at the end of summer though I landed my hands on some money and booked a ticket to go see her. Visited her in November for two weeks and it was great, just like old times. One day one of her friends trying to remove the ambiguity of our relationship asked were we boyfriend and girlfriend, and I said she was my girlfriend. Later she told me she was delighted I said that, but was confused what it meant then when I would leave. Were we just girlfriend and boyfriend while I was there and back to being single when I got back, and I said yeah...

Anyway we still talk often and I'm still mad about this girl and she is about me. I'm going again to see her in a month’s time for a few weeks probably, she is delighted and so am I. She will also be moving much closer come September. And now on to the issue. When I was there in November, one day her ex got mentioned, she said they still got along and were friends, she suspects he still likes her though she has no feelings for him in that way, to her they are just friends. So she just returned from a week away and she uploaded some photos of her holiday and turns out she went with him. When I saw the photos I was a little jealous but said nothing, none of them are any more intimate than you could be with a friend, though one of her friends commented that she should have removed some photos before she uploaded them, seeing as there are no other photos except of landscapes and her and her ex, I assume she is talking about the ones with her ex. The friend is also someone I speak with regularly and knows our plans.

So I'm in this position, where I made it clear that we have an open relationship while I am away, yet now regret that decision. I'm being overwhelmed by jealousy and insecurity now, feelings I haven't had since I was 16. It's not the type of jealousy where I feel threatened by the guy, or that she might choose him over me, I just feel jealous that he is spending time with her that I ament. I want to be there with her, I can't get her out of my head now. These feelings are taking over and distracting me from day to day things, I need some advice on how to overcome them. Anyone go through something similar and know how to think about it straight forwardly? All advice appreciated.

Later she told me she was delighted I said that, but was confused what it meant then when I would leave. Were we just girlfriend and boyfriend while I was there and back to being single when I got back, and I said yeah...

Why on earth would you say that? If you're jealous and insecure when she's with other guys, and she was thrilled to be called your girlfriend, why would you say that? Why don't you want her to be your girlfriend full time?