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  • 18-04-2009 12:17am
    #1
    saoranach
    Closed Accounts Posts: 52 ✭✭


    Hello all,

    Just broke up recently with my OH who emigrated to find work. I have a decent job here, i'd have a chance at getting some kind of crappy internship for a year and then taking my chances trying to get sponsored.

    I understand why she left, it was an alternative to the dole and debt, she has been gone a month now and we drifted because I wasnt physically there while she is under pressure and finding her feet etc. she doesnt have a visa and is planning on 2-5 year stay (though obviously anything can happen)

    She throw the 5 years at me, talked about getting married on paper only to get legalised etc and then said she doesnt want to break up on bad terms so lets just do it now.

    I'm gutted, I dont want to lose her and feel that if i was physically there that things would be fine between us. Im torn trying to decide whether to chuck in job (hard to come by) and chase her or not. Was planning on visiting her in a few months anyway and hopefully that will still happen, the other thing is that maybe she will come back.

    I dunno, I'm just a mess at the minute


Comments

  • #2
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Firstly I wouldn't up and move to follow someone if they didn't want to be with me.
    IF you were considering doing such a thing - I would talk to her first, no point upping roots to land on her unwanted doorstep.

    Secondly she seems unsure of what she wants - she wanted to get married but then said lets break up? Confusing to me indeed.
    did ye not discuss moving away together or was it only an option for her?
    TBH you don't move the other side of the world and leave your OH behind if you really care for them.


  • #3
    bluecell99
    Closed Accounts Posts: 259 ✭✭bluecell99


    Stay where you are and move on in yourself.You cant get inside someone elses head and find out their true feelings.Sounds as if theres too many doubts on her part towards you and maybe its one of those occasions where do nothing is the best approach.


  • #4
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    Granted good jobs are hard to find, but great women are even harder to find!!

    Never let your career decide what your heart wants. i have seen so many people put career infront of their partners and the misery it can create for both sides is crazy. Its never worth it!

    If you love her and want to be with her, then get your b*tt over there! Take a chance, ok so things mightnt work out job wise the way you want, but there is no guarantee it will here either. Also things might work out for you there and you could land the coolest job, but you wont know unless you go.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    it sounds like the only reason she's confused is probably because she expected you to want to follow....If she can't get work here, she really has no choice but to emigrate...what would you rather do, have her wait out the recession on teh dole (which might not even last), causing immense stress to both of you?? Get your ass over there, she only suggested breaking up because she knows long distance doesn't work, especially when she doesn't know when she'll see you again.

    leave the job, you might be fired soon anyways the way things are, is the job really that fantastic that it's worth not takign a risk with the lady you love? you can always come home from australia if things dont work out, u cant always fix things with ur gf...


  • #6
    Nickibaby*
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 676 ✭✭✭Nickibaby*


    I would advise you to stay put for the moment at least. I don't know about Barracudaincork's comments about women being harder to find than jobs, as the saying goes plenty more fish in the sea!

    Your OH doesn't sound like she is sure what she wants at the moment. I think wait a few months so both of you can get your heads together and try and move on from the break up. Perhaps arrange to go over on a holiday in a few months and it would give you an idea if you would even like to live over there. Don't rush into anything.


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  • #7
    Barracudaincork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    The saying plenty more fish in the sea makes it sound like he will take any fish. Just because there are options doesnt mean you will want or like all the options that are there.

    If you think she is unsure then do what Nickibaby said and give it time and see what pans out.If your sure she doesnt want you, then move on as thats all you can do.


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