I can't speak properly!

LegacyUser

Okay, not sure if this is a medical problem or not and if so, feel free to move this thread.

When I was younger, I had a bit of a mild speech impediment but it wasn't a major problem and I grew out of it after a couple of years but for about the past 10 years, it still seems to come back sporadically. I've figured out that it usually comes back during stressful times or times when I'm lacking in confidence and it seems to have come back with vengeance recently. I'm finding it really distressful.

I'm unemployed at the moment, back home living with my parents for the first time in years and I don't have a great relationship with my dad, so my confidence has taken a bit of a knock again recently. I partly blame my dad for this speech impediment; both me (i'm the youngest) and my older sister have it and we're the two that were listened to the least out of my big family (everyone admits to that, my dad has his favourites and he makes it very obvious.) We both feel nervous when speaking to him and get the feeling he's not listening to us anyway. He's always asking me questions twice or three times within a few days, if he does actually speak to me at all (no, he's no senile!), he talks over me and I know he's not really taking in anything I say, which makes me nervous and always has since as far back as i remember. I'd like to stress that I've been living out of Ireland for the past 4 years and this was not a major problem, it's only when I came home to Ireland again recently. It's as if Ireland is the trigger, which I know is ridiculous, of course.

The problem at the moment is I'm not speaking clearly and if I do miraculously get called for an interview, I'm going to have to be able to talk clearly, which I can't at the moment and the thought is stressing me out more and i'm stuck in a vicious circle that I feel i've no control over. I'm spending a lot of time alone and ostricising myself from people because I physically can't have normal, flowing conversations with them at the moment and it's awful. I'm a chatty, sociable, outgoing person normally so for me to not be able to talk is a very lonely and frustrating existence, particularly at the moment with being unemployed. The symptoms of this speech impediment include slurred speech, not being able to get words out and when I do, I speak 100 miles an hour and my sentences become a bit of a verbal blur. Of course i'm very aware of how I sound to others and i'm afraid i'm being judged and spoken about (out of concern) and this is making me even MORE stressed.

The thing is, if I didn't have problems with my speech, i'd be fine. My situation isn't actually that bad because I've made long-term plans and know my situation is only temporary but this speech impediment is causing more stress that I don't need.

I probably need a Speech Therepist or something but I wouldn't be able to afford a private one and the public ones are only for extreme cases with massive waiting lists. Does anyone else have a similar problem or have any other suggestions like techniques I can use?? I would be very, very grateful for ANY advice.

Sorry this is a bit long-winded and thanks for reading.

Zaph

It may help you to have a look at the Stuttering & Stammering & Speech Disorder forum. I'm not going to move this thread over there however, as I'm not sure if you can post unregistered there.

HalloweenJack

I have a similar thing. For me, it always comes out when I'm with new people or in a big crowd.

The best way for me to overcome it is to think before speaking slowly and focus entirely on what it is I'm saying. Sometimes, it helps for me to avoid eye contact with the person I'm looking at.

I don't have any advice fo how to help out when speaking with your dad and the problems that go with that. That's not a problem I've ever had.

Hopefully, this can help you somehow.

LegacyUser

My dad's a bit like that.... if he doesn't agree with what I say, he'll pretty much end a conversation.

I get on with loads of people and can talk away but when it comes to him and my ma, well, it just seems to hit a brick wall. It's a weird reaction - possibly comes from being asked "how was school today?" for about 10 years but also the feeling that anything that was said would be used against me at some future stage.... and also that my opinion didn't really matter as I was a kid and they were adults.

Question him more - as in when he asks you a question, answer with a question.... also, you could try the old "sorry, I didn't hear you" trick a few times... he says something, you say "sorry, what was that?" and he is forced to say it again.... it's a small piece of one-up-manship. I used to do that with work colleagues and it worked for me - gave me time to have an answer.

Some parents like that their kids remain as kids... you having an opinion and a strong voice changes the dynamic of the relationship which they might not be able/willing/ to embrace.

It's a matter of belief in yourself I would say.
I don't back down generally in conversation with my folks - it's not that I start rows or antagonise but I'll put my point across and then we can agree to disagree.

I will be heard though - that's the main thing....