Gut feeling?

LegacyUser

Im a regular poster but need to go un-regd for this.

I broke up with my girlfriend of a year yesterday. We were supposed to move into our new appartment today.

Some background.

We met this time last year. I had been single for a couple of months and so had she. We had an incredibly passionate, intense beginning. Then 1 month into the start i walked in on her fcuking some guy. So i left and stayed away for 2 months. She called me and wanted to talk and i did. She said she loved me, and that i was the one for her etc etc. I felt the same and so we fell deeply in love with each other. There were some trust issues to start with but i got over it all. The realtionship got better and better and then 2 weeks ago, poof, something changed between us. The connection that had held us together was gone. I can't really understand why. She has problems, bad childhood, people walking out on her etc. Two weeks ago, she had been drinking alot and we ended up in an argument where she called me names, was very angry and she pushed my a little bit around the room. This was the second time she had become so angry after drinking albeit there was no pushing that time. I also have a part to play in this. I am too quick to walk away from things, i threatened to break up with her, because of her drinking before, but i thought i was making a big deal out of it as she had gotten much better and more stable.

Before this, we had been able to forgive and forget but lately the connection is lost and covered up by all these problems. I don't know what i wanted to get here and reading this it seems the right thing to do. I just can't move into an appartment when we are not happy. But im so confused as to what has happened. I love this girl, but i am exhausted with the ups and downs. The very thing that made it so amazing is also killing me. Is it fair to walk out on someone, you care about so much, that needs you, that trusted you and that loves you more than anyone before? People say i need to think of myself but i feel such a responsibility towards her.

Katgurl

Walk now. I know you care about her & feel responsible but far far far too many problems at such an early stage in a relationship.

Edit to add - also do you think if you cheated, called her names & pushed her around she'd be working so hard to forgive you?

prinz

Sounds to me like you had a delayed reaction to walking in on her cheating on you in the beginning. Better to have ended it yesterday before you move in together than tomorrow after it.

You're not responsible for her, she has issues that she needs to work out before she will be ready for a proper relationship.

*zing* bullet dodged.

Sinall

You can't fix someone or their problems, no matter how much you love them. She has to sort her issues out herself and until she does so it's unlikely she will be able to have a healthy functioning relationship.

You can't change people, only your reaction to them. For both your sakes, I wouldn't go back. You can't keep forgiving or forgetting and you have to do what's right for you.

partyguinness

Mate that was a lucky escape...it may not seem like it now...but give it time...she is a mess and she is only dragging you down with her.

Personally I cant believe you took her back after walking in on her..but old news...

LegacyUser

You say your too quick to walk away from things.....I reckon you were 11 months late with this one OP. The day you walked in on her with the other lad was your get out clause....lucky escape!

Taltos

Run - don't look back - just run...

She might have no respect for herself right now - but she never has had and never will have respect for you.
First a push - next a punch or who knows.

Get out and stay out. It will take time - but you will get over this.
As to the appt - it is only a place - don't let a property dictate how your ruin your life.

*Honey*

You made the right decision - moving in together would have been a big mistake. She needs to resolve her own problems before she's ready for a relationship - you cannot do it for her. I know it's tough and very upsetting but you did the right thing.

Nickibaby*

OP echoing what other posters have said you have done the right thing. You obviously arn't too quick to walk away. If she loved you she wouldn't have pushed you or cheated on you. Sounds like she needs to learn to love herself and have some respect before she can love anyone else. Seriously you did the right thing. Don't feel guilted into taking her back, she will drag you down with her