Sex with cousin

LegacyUser

I hooked up with this person who turned out to be my cousin,which i only found out after we had sex,we had arranged to meet again but i dont know if i can go knowing were cousins.

What should i do??

Confused guy.

sardineta

Only a problem if she's a girl i.e. progeny.

Qualified: this depends on cultural norms and may indeed vary from region to region. Be guided by what you think your mam would say.

Pyr0

You know it's your cousin. You've no excuse second time.

Don't go and forget it ever happened.

Seaneh

If she was your second cousin it would be a bigger deal as you share more in common genitically with relatives once removed but either way it's pretty messed up!

Dante

incest is best.....


........Seize the day!

woome

ye hun naw u no shes ur cosin u should b feelin sick wat if any of ur famaly found out its worng hun dont go dar again plez

LegacyUser

Well its a guy,im openly gay for a around 8 months now,and its the first guy ive ever really connected with,and its very hard trying to find other gay guys.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

I hooked up with this person who turned out to be my cousin,which i only found out after we had sex,we had arranged to meet again but i dont know if i can go knowing were cousins.

What should i do??

Confused guy.

The pope condones it if your second or furthur.

Follow your own heart/gut.

aare

Why not meet them and discuss it with them?

Zaph

DaaaaaaaaaaN wrote: »

incest is best

I suggest you read the part of the charter dealing with unhelpful and off-topic posts before contributing anything further to this discussion.

woome wrote: »

ye hun naw u no shes ur cosin u should b feelin sick wat if any of ur famaly found out its worng hun dont go dar again plez

Similarly, had you read the charter you would have seen that text speak is forbidden in this forum. Please refrain from any posts like that again.

LegacyUser

I cant see the harm as long as you tell your cousin. especially seeing as your gay so you wont be having any six fingered offspring. good luck

jimmycrackcorm

Actually - is the cousins thing only a religious exclusion?

easyeason3

I'd stay away to be honest. I don't mean anything nasty by this but it's probably going to be tough on you when you do bring someone home to meet the family, do you really want it to be a bit tougher when it's your cousin?
You probably have a fair idea how you feel about him anyway but if it's not a serious feeling then I'd cool things off for a while just to see how it pans out.
Best of luck with it.

CaptainSkidmark

Sex with first cousin..... if the pope says its ok then fire away.

And if yer gay then there wont be any chance of a child being abnormal cos there wont be a child.......

im not saying go for it or dont but above are the facts.

there are plenty of married couples that are cousins

MadgeBadge

There are plenty of other (non-related) fish in the sea. Wouldn't you rather not have to deal with it at all?

994

Seaneh wrote: »

If she was your second cousin it would be a bigger deal as you share more in common genitically with relatives once removed but either way it's pretty messed up!

No, that's made up and makes no sense. A first cousin is closer than a second.

Unregistered wrote: »

I cant see the harm as long as you tell your cousin. especially seeing as your gay so you wont be having any six fingered offspring. good luck

Actually the risk is only about 2-3%, it's safer to have a baby with a 20-year-old cousin than with a 40-year-old woman who's unrelated..

Joey the lips

aare wrote: »

Why not meet them and discuss it with them?

Exactly, and if your gay i cant see anything that would affect your genes. On a personel note. I have lots of cousins who are georgous would i hook up with them if I was not already in a relationship.. Probably 90% sure I would.

sardineta

994 wrote: »

Actually the risk is only about 2-3%, it's safer to have a baby with a 20-year-old cousin than with a 40-year-old woman who's unrelated..

If you can find a way for male cousins to have a child together with only a risk of 2-3% then you need to speak to Lord Winston and secure your fame and fortune.

star-pants

OP - i understand that you feel a connection with this guy, but how close a cousin is he?

I know there's all the stuff about there are cousins married & sure go for it etc. And whilst I'm not one to stand in the way of love etc - but you have to understand the complications before going ahead with something like this.

If you really think it's worth going for - then I suggest meeting up and talking to him. Discuss all of this before you guys go any further. At least then ye will both know where ye stand and will have realised any possible situations that might be awkward.

Milkey Bar Kid

OP . theres billions of people on this earth . Don't go down the cousin route .I think its not right but that my personal opinion. You will cause a rift in your family and to me it will taint you family history in the future
But thats just me

Redpunto

No no no no and NO

It is not ok to hook up with a cousin - you're blood related, there are loads of people out there and you really dont want to go down the "we're already related" route.

eddie.fandango

Why not? If it makes you happy then do it. I think if you had grown up knowing this person as your cousin, it would be a little weird and incestuous, but like you said, you just found out. If it goes further, you WILL have to deal with the taboo surrounding the matter, but i'm sure you have to deal with that to a certain extent already. Spread the love man

prinz

I would advise against it. If only on the grounds of this thing going sour, and causing a division in the family. This effects a lot more people potentially than the two of you. Even if it doesn't go bad, how would your family react to the relationship or casual fling or whatever you want to happen. There are cousins I have that I don't know because of the actions of our grandparents, which resulted in alienation from the the rest of the family. You don't know how far or how long the repercussions of this could last and who it could effect.

Zaph

994 wrote: »

No, that's made up and makes no sense. A first cousin is closer than a second.


Actually the risk is only about 2-3%, it's safer to have a baby with a 20-year-old cousin than with a 40-year-old woman who's unrelated..

If you have facts to back up those claims then it would be appreciated if you could post them. Otherwise please refrain from posting random statistics without credible sources.

Thanks

Searlait

Well, I'm guessing, as you said you found out afterwards that you were cousins, that you didn't grow up with each other, well certainly haven't seen him in a long time. I for one, wouldn't be too bothered by it, you haven't grown up with them in the sibling kind of way. Its not illegal, I guess just frowned upon!

The taboo around being with a cousin afaik stems from the fact that cousins having children have hightened chances of abnormalities, but hey my biology teacher was married to her cousin, and they had kids, so I guess if someone in the know does it...

As you are both gay even if down the line you were to have children I would imagine that it would only involve one of you in some way or another. So way down the line, it needn't cause that a big problem.

The only point, as someone mentioned, if it sours, would it create a family situation? As you don't seem to have grown up together I can't imagine the families were that close.

I say go for it!!

dudara

What class of cousins are you? First, Second, Second once removed?

In theory, there's nothing wrong with you seeing a distant cousin, but to be honest, dealing with family in such a situation might be too much hassle.

RawShark

ye hun naw u no shes ur cosin u should b feelin sick wat if any of ur famaly found out its worng hun dont go dar again plez

Maybe he's swedish?

In reply to the original question by the thread starter, tell family to mind their own business and go enjoy yourself. You only live ONCE. Think about it - it's scary when you do!

dudara

I was doing some reading into this and here is the information that 994 alluded to earlier

In April 2002, the Journal of Genetic Counseling released a report authored by a team of scientists led by Robin L. Bennett, a genetic counselor at the University of Washington and the president of the National Society of Genetic Counselors, which showed that the potential risk of birth defects in a child born of first cousins was slightly higher than the risk associated with a non-cousin couple. The report estimated the increased risk for first cousins at 1.7 - 2.8 % over the base risk of about 3%, or about the same as that of any woman over age 40, or of a still younger man (see paternal age). Put differently, first-cousin marriages entail roughly the same increased risk of birth defects as a woman faces when she gives birth at age 41 (roughly 6%) rather than at 30 (roughly 3%). Critics argue that banning first-cousin marriages would make as much sense as trying to ban childbearing by older women. These numbers were reported only for first instances of cousin mating; repeated generations of cousin coupling are thought to increase the risk substantially.

Link to the original article.

dudara

RawShark - stick to the topic at hand. Please take the time to read the charter with regard to posting in this forum.

dudara

Miss Fluff

Unregistered wrote: »

I hooked up with this person who turned out to be my cousin,which i only found out after we had sex,we had arranged to meet again but i dont know if i can go knowing were cousins.

What should i do??

Confused guy.

How closely related are you?

To my mind the deed is already done, you've connected with them and it's a biological impossibility that you procreate so no chance of gracing the world with web-fingered trophy-eared munchkins. Why don't you meet with them and discuss how you are feeling? The fact you didn't know who they even were would suggest you are distant relations.

crotalus667

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Why don't you meet with them and discuss how you are feeling? .

That’s the best bit of advice I have seen on this entire thread , by the way we are all technically related threw a common ancestor (ok it’s a very distant ancestor) as far as I am concerned love is love ok you may have a social stigma to put up with but if you did not know then there will be very few other’s that will

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

Well its a guy,im openly gay for a around 8 months now,and its the first guy ive ever really connected with,and its very hard trying to find other gay guys.

Well the cousin taboo has become pretty important to mainstream society because of genetics, long before we really had an understanding of those genetics. Simply put inbreeding leads to increased risk of complications.

Now I mean in fairness, being gay is another social taboo.

Incestuous, yeah it is a bit. But thinking about it rationally theres not any harm in this case, in which none of these complications can actually arise given that it would be a homosexual relationship.

Really its not about that is it. tbh, I could see a family being supportive of someone who was gay, but an extended family being accepting of two gay cousins in a relationship? Its a hard sell.

LegacyUser

I know this sounds completely narrow minded but i think its odd.Very odd in fact..I dont see how anyone could sleep knowingly with a relative! Just because they cant have defected children doesnt mean its ok to sleep with each other!!

I am genuinely shocked that everyone thinks it is a good idea to pursue this relationship.I'm sure maybe back in ye oldy times this was the done thing but I thought the world had evolved slightly since then..good grief..eye opening post to say the least.

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

I know this sounds completely narrow minded but i think its odd.Very odd in fact..I dont see how anyone could sleep knowingly with a relative! Just because they cant have defected children doesnt mean its ok to sleep with each other!!

I am genuinely shocked that everyone thinks it is a good idea to pursue this relationship.I'm sure maybe back in ye oldy times this was the done thing but I thought the world had evolved slightly since then..good grief..eye opening post to say the least.

I'm just saying its more okay in my books than a incest-heterosexual relationship, given the obvious other complications there. Not saying that it wouldn't be extremely awkward in regard to family life (I'd advocate secrecy if you went ahead with it..) But to be honest, its such a bizarre, unorthodox case that I think everyone wants to see them do it out of morbid curiosity it would make the bestseller list in a month if you ever wrote it.

Searlait

Unregistered wrote: »

I know this sounds completely narrow minded but i think its odd.Very odd in fact..I dont see how anyone could sleep knowingly with a relative! Just because they cant have defected children doesnt mean its ok to sleep with each other!!

I am genuinely shocked that everyone thinks it is a good idea to pursue this relationship.I'm sure maybe back in ye oldy times this was the done thing but I thought the world had evolved slightly since then..good grief..eye opening post to say the least.

Eh 'world evolved' In days of yore, weren't all royals married off to their cousins, distant or not, to keep the blue blood in the family, this wasn't frowned upon, encouraged actually, but I'm sure the genitical thing came into play as science evolved. Which, I'm sure led to the cousins thing being frowned upon by society now. If the science factor isn't coming into play then what's the big deal!?

Blangis

Moonbaby wrote: »

The pope condones it if your second or furthur.

Follow your own heart/gut.

We're talking two guys here, so it's the same as a guy getting a blowjob off his female cousin, and slamming her in the ass.

What does the pope say about that?

Searlait

We're not talking about the moralities of homosexuality here, but your views are quite apparent.

dudara

Posters - please be thoughful when posting on this subject.

dudara

username123

Blangis wrote: »

What does the pope say about that?

I hardly see how the popes thoughts on the subject are relevant? The OP has not mentioned that he is a practicing catholic and subject to the popes thoughts on sexuality.

The incest taboo is found in most human societies, plus a lot of animal societies. There are a number of different theories on the underlying reasons for its existance. If people are not raised together as known relatives but meet later a known phenonamon can occur called GSA (genetic sexual attraction), so a brother and sister seperated at birth but who meet as adults can easily feel sexually attracted to each other because they have missed out on the social conditioning that would lead to them viewing each other with the 'normal' lens of an incest taboo.

The OP did not even know this person was his cousin until after they had met - so no surprises that the incest taboo did not kick in for them.

By law in Ireland:
The term incest refers to sexual intercourse occurring between close relatives. Close relatives include a child, a sibling or a parent. This is a criminal offence and charges are brought under the Punishment of Incest Act 1908 as amended by the Criminal Law (Incest Proceedings) Act 1995.

So sexual intercourse with a cousin is not against the law in this country.

If the OP and his partner are engaging in homosexual activity then they will not be risking any genetic issues by creating children.

However - the incest taboo is strongly ingrained in our society and although the OP and his partner may feel strongly attracted to each other chances are that many people in their social circle will not feel the same way. Add into the mix that it is a homosexual relationship and outside of the 'norm' of mainstream society and its a double whammy.

I dont think that the OP is doing anything morally 'wrong', he is certainly not responsible for not knowing his cousin was his cousin at the initial meeting, and he definitely has not broken any incest laws - but I could easily see a relationship of this nature causing problems for other people if the OP and his partner wish to continue it.

yawnstretch

Zaph wrote: »

I suggest you read the part of the charter dealing with unhelpful and off-topic posts before contributing anything further to this discussion.



Similarly, had you read the charter you would have seen that text speak is forbidden in this forum. Please refrain from any posts like that again.

That's not text speak. My guess would be partial illiteracy. Insensitive modding.

Zaph

yawnstretch wrote: »

That's not text speak. My guess would be partial illiteracy. Insensitive modding.

If you have an issue with a post or moderation in this forum please report it or start a thread in Help Desk rather than posting off-topic remarks on the thread.

Thanks

Bottle_of_Smoke

994 wrote: »

No, that's made up and makes no sense. A first cousin is closer than a second.

Your right about that but afaik it can be more dangerous with a second cousin due to recessive genes skipping generations.

Anyway OP - go for it, no risk of having a mixed up child and you only share 12.5% of your genes. If there was no pregnancy risk I think most of us would consider a cousin.

LegacyUser

Something similar happened me years ago. I met a guy at a party, dated him and slept with him. Afterwards I found out he and I were cousins, though it was far out (great-grandfathers were brothers). It was never an issue as we broke up not long after.

You didn't say how closely related you and your cousin are. Depends as well how much further you want to take this relationship.

LegacyUser

well i am catholic.....and were second cousins, my mothers cousin's son to be precise.But ive decided to tell him and see how he takes it,maybe he doesnt feel how i feel,and just sees it as a fling,but thanks for the respectful advise guys

Victor

OP, who do you feel about it?

You didn't know you were cousins and yes, many people have sex shortly after meeting someone, but I ask, are you practicing safe sex?

Seaneh wrote: »

If she was your second cousin it would be a bigger deal as you share more in common genitically with relatives once removed but either way it's pretty messed up!

Wrong. The closer the relationship, the closer the genetics and greater the risks of foetal / child abnormalities. While one may get away with this once, repeated incest over more than one generation starts stacking the numbers against having a healthy child.

Unregistered wrote: »

Well its a guy,im openly gay for a around 8 months now,and its the first guy ive ever really connected with,and its very hard trying to find other gay guys.

This makes it essentially a social issue (aside from usual sexual health issues).

prinz wrote: »

I would advise against it. If only on the grounds of this thing going sour, and causing a division in the family.

Agreed.

Searlait wrote: »

Eh 'world evolved' In days of yore, weren't all royals married off to their cousins, distant or not, to keep the blue blood in the family, this wasn't frowned upon, encouraged actually, but I'm sure the genitical thing came into play as science evolved. Which, I'm sure led to the cousins thing being frowned upon by society now. If the science factor isn't coming into play then what's the big deal!?

Of course, even with royals, there were problems. This isn't particularly relevant so keep such discussion to Biology / Medicine or History & Hertiage.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Your right about that but afaik it can be more dangerous with a second cousin due to recessive genes skipping generations.

Contrived no-sense.

entropi

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Actually - is the cousins thing only a religious exclusion?

Correct, it is actually legal, and perfectly fine to go out with or even marry a cousin if it is male-female marriage is ok still in this country. The only thing stopping people doing it is the social and religious stigma attached to it, passed down by the overlords of the church.

In the OP's case, i would get in contact with the cousin and talk it out with him and see what can develop from it. No point in being freaked out about it:)

CelticDemon

please just dont think of your feelings,think of your familys feelings involved if they found out..

you could easily cause massive family arguments.

But i can say this,follow your heart, we can only guide you to what we feel, we are outsiders looking in and your the person experiencing it.

just look at the big picture my friend and best of luck

lynsalot

Hi OP
Sorry to hear what's happened. have you managed to speak with him to see how he feels? I don't think it's very helpful for someone to tell you, you should be feeling sick. That's a ridiculous comment to leave. You've become emotionally attached to someone before you learned who they were and it's societally unacceptable for you to have a relationship with them.

I would definitely advise to look at the bigger picture and seeing the effect your relationship would have. That being said if you care deeply for him already then you'll know yourself what to do.

I'm adopted and met my husband few years ago - fell in love straight away from first date. I knew there was something special there. We discovered his mother's family had the same name as my birth father and I panicked. We confirmed they weren't related but I was in so deeply I don't think I could've gotten out. A lot of ppl don't understand how u could have feelings for a relative but my heart goes out to you. I hope you can make the best decision for you. Good luck

LegacyUser

We meet up and have decided its for the best ,for us and our families,that we dont go any further and just stay friends.Thanks for all the advice,as someone said theres plenty more fish in the sea.:)

Miss Fluff

Unregistered wrote: »

We meet up and have decided its for the best ,for us and our families,that we dont go any further and just stay friends.Thanks for all the advice,as someone said theres plenty more fish in the sea.:)

Well done for having the maturity to meet up and discuss with it. There are PLENTY of nice boys out there so am sure you will meet one of them soon:)

aineolach

You seem happy with your decision OP.

As the OP has basically brought the situation to a close I hope the mods won't mind a slightly off topic reply to one of the posts...

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

...and you only share 12.5% of your genes.

If they were first cousins the number of identical chromosomes they could have would range from 0% to 50% (of course even this is simplified).

For two children born to the same parents the number of identical chromosomes they could have ranges from 0% to 100% (even without including identical twins). While 0% & 100% are less likely than 50%, ¬50% is more likely than 50%.