What is the point?

LegacyUser

Whats the point in bothering with the
struggle that is life. Im just thinking with all the effort
and care and respect i give to others i feel i get
very little back. Why keep going just for the sake of
it, ive allways been honest and respectful of others
in life and ive very little to show for it, im 26 now,
why bother wasting time and trying any more?

abouttobebanned

Because the people that you have met so far, the people that are so obviously getting you down, are not the be all and and all in life. You need to broaden your horizons, meet more people, better people. But continue to be decent, because what goes around, comes around.

sardineta

What is it you're trying to quantify when you say you've very little to show for it?

HAve a good night's sleep and try again with a clear head.

LegacyUser

OP, the fact that you're honest and respectful, and care for and help others, is something for you to be proud of in it's own right, regardless of whether you get something back. It can be its own reward.

Do you only treat people well so you can get something back? A quote I heard that stuck with me - "If you think life is like a vending machine where you put in virtue and get out happiness, then you're going to be disappointed."

If you're doing things for people who don't appreciate it and it bothers you this much, then turn your energies elsewhere, somewhere you will be appreciated, or do things for yourself that make you happy.

star-pants

OP - I'm 25, still living at home, I have my degree but unable to get a job with it.
I have an illness too which restricts me sometimes. And I do understand somewhat how you feel, you wonder 'why bother' when you're feeling down & don't think you're getting much out of life.
But you have to focus on the small moments, laughter with friends or family. Stupid jokes, someone slipping n falling & being unable to stem your giggle. Reading a book or watching a movie that makes you smile on the inside. You have to start out small, and then work up bigger. As stupid as some of that may sound, it's sometimes the little things that get me through the day.

Like the fact my dog & pup are always delighted to see me (even if I've only gone outside to the bin!) and give me cuddles & licks. Remembering good moments. Or deciding to belt my heart out to some songs when noones around.

Life does & will get better, but only if you let it. It's easy to get bogged down & it's hard to get out. But if you try hard enough you'll find that things are worth living for. There are good people out there and good experiences, you just have to find them, or sift through some grunge to get there.

eddie.fandango

abouttobebanned wrote: »

Because the people that you have met so far, the people that are so obviously getting you down, are not the be all and and all in life. You need to broaden your horizons, meet more people, better people. But continue to be decent, because what goes around, comes around.

Hmmm... you know, I don't think it's a case of meeting "better people"; a lot of people will not reciprocate respect unless it is demanded of them, it's just human nature, it doesn't mean they are necessarily bad people.

OP, I have a circle of friends whom I show a lot of love and respect for, and they know, in no uncertain terms, that I demand to be treated the same way. Maybe it's time the people in your life knew that you're going to do the same? This doesn't have to be done verbally; actions speak louder than words. Chin up kid

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Do you only treat people well so you can get something back? .

this is my problem, now im not trying to make myself out to be perfect,
i believe im far from it. But i respect and try and look out for others , always
willing to put others before myself, im just so inclined ,i tend to try and look
out for others. im a social worker, i look after im elderly parents, and
anyone else who comes my way, it can really be a balls to have too big a heart.
you just start to think "im doing all this good stuff and all im getting is a slap
in the face from life"

LegacyUser

I think you need to try to get some balance in your life in that case. The situations where you are helping people, both in your work and with your parents, are both situations that can leave you feeling like it's a thankless job you're doing.

Your parents are probably feeling scared and vulnerable, elderly people can often find themselves resenting their caregivers - they don't mean it in most cases, it's just an emotional reaction to finding themselves so dependant on someone after a life of looking after themselves. Do you have any other family members who can help you with them? Don't try to take it all on yourself if there's help available to you...

I wouldn't underestimate the psychological effect of seeing your parents get older and more infirm. It can be very upsetting to be faced with your parents mortality, and this could be playing a major part in why you're feeling so down.

Like I said in my previous post - you're a kind and caring person, and that's something to be very proud of, just for yourself. But I do think you need to give yourself a break and find something that brings you joy in your life. Something you do just for yourself, just because it makes you happy. You don't have to spend 100% of your time helping other people, it's not a crime to look after yourself.

A councellor asked me a few years ago, what I was doing for myself - what brought me true joy in my life - and I couldn't come up with one single thing. I was actually shocked because I hadn't thought of it before, I was just so busy with other things in my life (mostly looking after other people), that it was just something I didn't think about, but it was a real eye opener to have it held up in front of me like that. In my case, what I did was got myself a couple of pets and started giving some time to my hobbies.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, even if it's just someone to listen... it sounds like you're feeling quite isolated. The same councellor also told me that I had a responsibility to make sure I was doing something that made me happy, because if I wasn't looking after myself, then how could I be in any state to look after others.