Taking on other peoples problems

LegacyUser

Hi, I have been really down since about October. went to the doctors but didn't have the guts to go in. It comes in waves, constantly low for a month or two then 2 weeks feeling ok, then right down again. the problem is that I'm usually a very strong person who doesn't show emotions but now I find that I am taking on other peoples problems and I just can't shake it out of my head, for example my friends father just died and obviously I feel so sad for her and want to be there but I've spent the last few days crying and crying as if I have lost someone close but I just feel such deep sadness for my friend, I have so much work to get through and deadlines to meet which is stressing me out but I cant stop thinking of other peoples problems. I mean I love my friend and I want to be there for her but the way I'm reacting is over the top, she needs me and she doesn't need to see me in tears. Also just other things like peoples money troubles and own personal problems I feel like its happening to me and its not but my emotions just make me feel like they probably are feeling. Just in general people come to me for support and i'm glad they do but i'm at the stage where its bringing me down further and I can't detach myself from it and have many sleepless nights thinking about them.
Does anyone have an ideas on how to be able to listen to people but not take on their problems?

Nevyn

You need to have better boundaries and you need to have your own support network.
Who is there to listen to you?
Who can you ring?

*Honey*

I would suggest you talk to your doctor - to me it sounds like classic depression problems (not focusing on yourself but on the problems of other, in the meantime your work and deadlines slip by). Try making an appointment with your GP and don't leave the waiting room this time... your level of upset is indicative of depressive feelings I would suggest.

LegacyUser

Thanks for getting back to me. You see I don't have a support network really, its my own fault though because I have friends but I just don't like to burden people and feel a little embarrassed about sharing my problems and feelings, that's why its so much easier for me to write on a forum and talk to complete strangers. I know i've bottled a lot up and maybe my pain is coming out when bad things happen to other people. I've phoned the Samaratins once or twice when I felt at a complete low. but everyone gets low. I think I would feel great again if I could just stop letting things get on top of me, things which I shouldn't be worrying about to the extend that I am. I couldn't be depressed, there's no reason for me to be as nothing major has really happened in my life for a while, i'm in college, have plenty of friends, have a great family who I love, yet I feel so alone and nobody can tell. Right now I just need to focus on helping my friend and snap out of it, but its easier said than done.

*Honey*

You don't necessarily have to have gone through a major trauma to suffer from depression - chemical depression is when your brain chemicals shift "out of whack". I worry that your level of anxiety is excessive and would suggest you consider some form of depressive illness. It could be something you do a bit of research on and see what you think.

star-pants

*Honey* wrote: »

You don't necessarily have to have gone through a major trauma to suffer from depression - chemical depression is when your brain chemicals shift "out of whack". I worry that your level of anxiety is excessive and would suggest you consider some form of depressive illness. It could be something you do a bit of research on and see what you think.

Quite true, things can build up over time and just bog you down at once.
If it's affecting you this badly, you know in yourself you need to do something about it. Seeing your GP might help, he/she might be able to assertain how best to help etc.

Nevyn

Sounds like you have a lot of people who are taking from you, you need to learn to let them give back. I know it's not easy, it's something I know I can struggle with. But end of the day if it's not quid pro quo then it's not fair on you.

ibbie

OP i'm in exactly the same position as you- friends come to me for advice and to basically rant at but when I have a problem I feel that I can't talk about it to them. I sometimes feel that they are insignificant in comparison to what they might be dealing with however I should be able to talk to them about stuff.
Lately I've been finding some of them really hard going- its all too heavy and it leaves me exhausted and neglecting important things I should be doing. Also i'm getting frustrated and annoyed by it all. So I've decided to kind of distance myself from it all a bit and take care of myself. I think that i'm going to tell them that I'm going to do this so that that they don't think I'm ignoring them. Who knows it might be just what this person needs also- a chance to work some stuff out for themselves without relying on someone else?