Feelings of isolated/lostness - unemployed

LegacyUser

hey

Not quite sure why I'm writing this. I guess its just to put my thoughts down somewhere, and maybe get some re-affirming words or advice.

My problems pale in comparison to some, I know that. But they are problems to me. I'm basically feeling pretty isolated at the moment. I was living abroad for a few years, but last year, decided to go travelling. I thought afterwards that I would return to Ireland and work. I thought it might take me 2-3 months to get a job. But alas, I didn't forsee the collapse of the world economy :-o So here I am, returned in oct/nov.. and back living with my parents because I can't get a job... still. Now I know there's no point wallowing in self-pity, but sometimes.. I guess its hard not to. I know that I need to retrain, and have enrolled in a MSc starting in september. I've been kicking myself that I didn't come back a bit sooner and start it last september, I guess hindsight is a great thing. I hate having to rely on my parents again. I know they don't consider me a burden.. but I feel it at times. So besides having the MSc to look forward to.. I've been filling my time with exercising, learning a new language, learning to drive, and volunteering with a charity.

However, with all this.. I still feeling quite isolated and lonely. I guess its a combined cause.. returning home from years abroad and being unemployed. I hate it.. It's the usual feelings of thinking everyone around me is progressing while I feel like I'm not moving at all. Life is just so quiet at the moment. Not quite how I thought my life would be going at this stage! .. But I just have to keep telling myself, that come june.. things will speed up and before I know it, I'll be back starting in college.

Like I said.. not exactly what the purpose of this post is. Maybe its seeing if theres any others in the same boat? .. or if people have advice on how to deal with the feelings of isolation and standstillness of being unemployed.

Thanks guys

smellslikeshoes

You are definitely not alone in this, a lot of people are having trouble finding jobs right now and it is probably going to get worse before it gets better. You have taken the right actions though, you are getting training and keeping yourself busy, not much more to do but keep your fingers crossed and stay positive.

Good luck.

cafecolour

Had you been working in Ireland the whole time, you may well have lost your job last fall (I did!) and been broke and living with your parents anyway. So don't play the regrets game about traveling.

You've got the school in Sept - that's really the next step in your career/education path. Use the next 4 months to work on the other parts of your life - social, physical, hobbies. You're working on most of this - exercise, language, volunteering are all excellent. Do a bit more to try and meet new people as well - volunteering is good, maybe join a local sports club, see if there's someone around who wants to do a language exchange, etc.

It sounds like you may need to lose your embarrassment about meeting new people while unemployed and living at home - that might be holding you back socially. In this economy, no one will even blink at your state, and plenty are in the same boat.

ogriofa

isolated wrote: »

... I've been filling my time with exercising, learning a new language, learning to drive, and volunteering with a charity.

I like this a lot - spot on!

Hiya,
I have some experience of this. When you're walking down the street, and you see everybody looking smug or smiley faces, remember that that moment is a moment in time. They could be unemployed too. You're defo not alone. Statistics will show you that.

Dont like the hour you posted this at though :mad: Get out of the habit of late nights.

G'luck - hope things keep improving for you

sunnyside

cafecolour wrote: »

It sounds like you may need to lose your embarrassment about meeting new people while unemployed and living at home - that might be holding you back socially. In this economy, no one will even blink at your state, and plenty are in the same boat.

When you meet people tell them you were away travelling and now that you're home you'll be starting a Masters in September. Mention how you haven't been able to find a job in between the two. Emphasise the positive things. People will just think you're a student.

Exercise, language learning and driving should keep you busy. Go to the cinema one afternoon a week, go have morning coffee and read the paper in a local coffee shop, do painting, gardening to help your parents.

Eve_Dublin

Hey OP...i'm in the very same position as yourself. Just got back from travelling after a year. Things were fine when I left this time last year and even had a promise of a job and to do a masters while i was working, which would have been paid for by the company. I've only been back about a month now but I can't find anything and i'm really not being very picky at all. I will do anything. I'm living with my parents who I haven't lived with for about 8 years and while I wait for my dole application to go through, I have to borrow money from my parents. I'm embarassed to tell strangers my current situation because like yourself, i never thought i'd be in this situation at this time of my life but i think people are more understanding at the moment; there just aren't enough jobs out there for everyone.

I'm very grateful to have a place to stay and my parents understand the situation but like yourself, I feel like i'm doing alot of hanging around, feeling a bit isolated and not really contributing to anything. I started a few things just to keep my mind off it like improve my Spanish with a group that meets once a week, drama group and i'm in the middle of applying to volunteer with the Simon Community just to give my life a bit of purpose again and to do something worthwile with my time.

I think it's important to have a long-term goal and you do, you're starting college again so I really don't think you should be so hard on yourself, man? They say the best thing to do during a recession is to study or travel and ride it out. I've just started my month-long TEFL course and i'm hoping to move over to Spain before the end of the year and teach English (although their economy is no better than ours so that might not be an option). We're doing the best we can under the current circumstances by keeping busy, getting out and meeting people but I can completely empathise when you say you're missing the rat-race (never thought i'd say that!) and the social aspect of it.

Good luck with everything OP and you're not alone, believe me!

McFearless

isolated wrote: »

.. I've been filling my time with exercising, learning a new language, learning to drive, and volunteering with a charity.

hehehe wow im exactly the same!ye its ****ty,getting up and doing nearly the same this everyday. One thing im trying to do at the moment is get some money off fas to do a course while iv so much time..although i am in college part time..but your defo not alone!!

mini mouse

OP don't be embarrissed about you're situation!!!
I know so many people who are out of work and just on the booze all weekend doing nothing about it!!!
you should stand tall and be proud of yourself!!! yeah you dont have a job but you're heading back to college and learning loads of new skills in the mean time!! you're on the right track and sept won't be long flying around at all!!!
Get out there and meet people , you have nothing to be ashamed of!
Best of luck and try stay positive ... try keep you're focus on you're goals !!
I read that Secret book and was amazing ..... really helped me to stay positive !!

LegacyUser

Hi OP
Just another message to say that you are definitely not alone. I am in the exact same boat came back from travelling in December, thinking it would take one or two months to get a good job and be back on my feet again. I wish! It is four months now and still unemployed and am applying for everything and anything jobs I know are going to be terribly paid and with no prospects. and i'm not even getting interviews for them. It is so disheartening because I am well qualified have degree and many other training courses done.

Like you, i'm at home living with my parents but even though they are great and supportive I feel like i'm in their way all the time and I also feel guilty for going travelling and spending all my savings that could have got me back on my feet. I'm trying hard not to think like that though as I did what I really thought was the right thing at the time and have seen so much of the world trying to be proud that I went and did that rather than resent it for the position its' left me in now.

I just wanted to agree with you that it is very difficult to keep positive all the time I find it hard to not compare myself to friends who are all in good jobs. Keep on telling myself it's not my fault that recession hit when it did who could have seen that coming but it is difficult.
You're right to keep busy with volunteering, driving etc I'm doing the same but those feelings of isolation and depression are constantly there. I just hope that sooner rather than later things improve for everyone feeling the same as us.

JuJuBean

Hi OP I am unemployed too and can understand where you are coming from. I feel really lonely during the day. I live with my partner and find the job search very disheartening even thought he is very supportive.

I have tried working for myself too as a contractor in my field but there is nothing doing. I am also a complementary therapist and have tried to get work with that, but no one seems to want to spend on luxuries at the moment which I can appreciate.

The key thing is to do things that make you happy - for example if I am in the house on my own and feeling down, I listen to music or something like that, go for a walk - anything but focus on how low I feel. Don't let it get in on you. We'll all get through this bad space.

LegacyUser

And here I was thinking that every one else have something to do by day.

Here is my story

was made redundant last November and thought to my self I would take a month off and as soon as the new year starts I will apply to go back to college and get a random job to keep me going till September.

Well since then I have applied to college but still did not get that random job. I never once though that at the age of 24 I would be told I'm over qualified for a job just because I have a degree in something completely different. And those are the jobs that gets back to you.

But as you all say the worst thing is waking up at 9am in the morning thinking to your self what will I do today. And at night when you go to bed it turns out you did the same today as you did yesterday NOTHING.

At first I was keeping busy painting the house (I moved back to my folks as well) then I painted my sisters house and now the highlight of the week is going to the post office on a Wednesday to collect a few bob.

and before any one tells me to get of my backside and get a job I’m trying as I said I’m sending out c.v's for all sorts of jobs willing to do anything just to have something to do by day.

So by reading every ones post here I see there are lots of people just like you and me

Was thinking if any one is up for it maybe we can try that full Monty thing I know I'm no price pig but............

LegacyUser

hey!

wow.. thanks the for replies. It's quite heartening to know theres others in the same boat (although I don't wish it upon people!). I think part of the issue is that they're aren't really many people I know who are out of work at the moment. I don't always feel frustrated about my position. I do get out and I have tried to meet new people. But generally, most things happen in the evening or at weekends. So during the day can be a bit of a struggle sometimes! It's just a bit intensified for me at the moment as I injured my leg at the moment and can't go exercising, which is a great outlet for me. But things will heal and I'll get back out It's horrible to wish time away, but I just can't wait to get moving again!

It's all about staying positive. And I was much happier when I got accepted to the MSc. At least then, I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel (if I couldn't find a decent job by september I'd be back in education..).

Eve.. scary parallels!.. Like you I had a lump sum which I had originally earmarked for something else, then spent it all travelling for a year! I don't regret it at all. I know I'll probably never do something like that again. Part of what I loved was that it was quite an impulsive thing to do, which isn't something that comes naturally to me! So I guess its the revenge of my sensible side now (I'm just picturing a small angel and devil on either shoulder now...)

Eve_Dublin

Hey again OP. I'm trying to be philisophical about my situation and remind myself what an incredible year I've had and that maybe this is the yin-yang of life, that the last year has essentially been an extended holiday (lets not fool ourselves here. Yep, travelling can be tough sometimes but nothing like the real world and we were lucky to have had that chance. I've no regrets whatsoever and I make no apologies for "blowing" money I could have used for something a lot more "sensible"...I didn't see this recession coming a year and a half ago.). You have to take the rough with the smooth and all those other cliches and maybe this rough patch will make me appreciate how lucky I was to take a out of my life and travel.

One of the harshest lessons I've learned over the year is that the world owes you nothing, you have to make things happen for yourself with the resources you're given and by what you've said in your posts, you're doing everything you can to improve a not-ideal situation. This is my first time as an adult living through an economical crisis and it's come as a bit of a shock, particularly when i was out of the country when it all happened. Life will always have it's set-backs and maybe some of us forgot that during the good times. I know I did to some extent.

Another way of looking at it, you'll probably never have as much free time on your hands as you do now so make the most of it. Maybe we could get some boards daytime get-togethers for the unemployed going on around the country and go hiking or start knitting clubs (just a suggestion!) or do some voluntary work together!

LegacyUser

Hey

Yep you're dead right Eve, and it is how I usually think. Just sometimes, it bothers me. And from the look of it, there is a fair amount of others all in the same boat! It's all too easy to fall into the trap of college->job->house. I was in it too until some other things happened which changed my outlook on life. I just felt that I was starting to live much 'older' than I should have been.. more living the life of mid 30s than mid 20s.. if that makes sense. When I take a step back and reflect on everything, and realise that I will be working probably for another nearly 50years before I retire, surely taking 2yrs out to re-order my life (1yr travel/1yr masters) really isn't that much in the grand scheme of things. Yes I will be graduating when I'm 28.. yes there will probably be people who are 22/23 doing the same.. does it matter? probably no, time will tell I suppose

I wish everyone who has responded to this thread the best of luck in the coming months. It's going to be tough at times I'm sure for all of us, but aslong as we re-assess our priorities in life, we will get through it.