Friends with the ex?

LegacyUser

My ex got back in touch there in December and have been having the odd text email since then. He added me on a few social networks and that. Anyway I was reluctant about replying at first because I was really hurt by the break up, and things that happened but secretly delighted he got back in touch and even though I shouldn't I know a little part of me hoped we might rekindle things.

Anyway four months on and nothing. He will go on about wanting me back and talk about how things were (mainly sex) and text at random times inviting me to his house but I made it clear to him that I wouldn't settle for this. He told me he doesn't want a GF now and if I can't settle for jsut casual sex it can't happen. He tells me one minute that I am perfect and we we so great together and he hasn''t met anyone like me but then the next he tells me he only wants sex. That's fine I have to accept his decision but I wont be used for sex so basically our 'friendship' involves the odd chat online or facebook comment and as time moves on rather than getting over him I am missing him more and more because I have to see him every day that I am online and know that nothing will happen. I find that I can't move on because I have this constant reminder there. He will always be my what if guy and I will always wish he could have felt differently but it's just not going to happen.

So I decided the best thing to do is cut him out of my life, for my own sanity and so I can move on. I deleted him from everything. He hurt me so much the first time round and in spite of this I seem to have blocked out all the bad stuff and only remember good things so end up pining over him and I think the only way to cop myself on and get on with my life is to cut him out of it?

Did I do the right thing? I felt so relieved when I did it but now I am just so upset that he is out of my life forever.

star-pants

I think you did the right thing.
You guys broke up, he wanted a casual FB and you wanted a relationship. Essentially.

So neither of ye will do what the other wants. It's only hurting you so you're best without any messiness. It's hard but cutting him out will benefit you in the long run. A chance to find someone who will want what you want.

easyeason3

Yep you're right to cut contact just make sure & stick to your guns on this.
If he thought anything of you at all he wouldn't be playing mind games by saying how perfect you are & then saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship.
It sounds like he knew you might still have a soft spot for him & wanted to take advantage of it.
He sounds like a wanker to be honest.

MagicMarker

Was I right? wrote: »

Did I do the right thing?

100% yes.

LegacyUser

I was with a girl before and unfortunatly she just didnt feel the same way and I tried the friends thing for a while but it just doesnt work. You want them more than they want you and really the best thing to do is cut them out of your life. It will take a little while but with each day you will think about them a little less until one day you will wake up and not think of them at all.

It is also easier for you to then give your full attention to finding somebody new and it will also be fairer on that new person as you will not have your ex hanging around the background.

Lizard Queen

hey i have recently got back in touch with an ex boyfriend , he text me and we began talking again, ive the best boyfriend in the world and he knows we are friends, but since he made a move on me and i rejected him, i havent heard from him so i do not know whats mens problems they want you but only for sex

dont torture yourself

couerdelion

Lizard Queen wrote: »

hey i have recently got back in touch with an ex boyfriend , he text me and we began talking again, ive the best boyfriend in the world and he knows we are friends, but since he made a move on me and i rejected him, i havent heard from him so i do not know whats mens problems they want you but only for sex

dont torture yourself

That's a bit harsh. Not all men want to remain friends with their ex's just for sex. Some of us remember why we got on with the person outside of the bedroom and enjoy being able to chat to someone every now and again who knows us very well and we can have a laugh with. Agreed though that there is always a chance of the sex issue from both sides

idontknowmyname

OP, you were 100% right to cut all contact. I had a similar situation recently, i wanted a relationship, turns out he wanted something casual. I deleted all his details off my social networking sites, his phone number, email etc so I can't be tempted to contact him even though he hurt me.

Sounds like this guy would only wear down your self-esteem so it was better you got out! Find yourself someone who will give you 100% and not just want to use you.