My mother's affair is destroying our family

LegacyUser

I feel a rant coming on.

Right. Basically, I'm 18 years old, and my mother is having an affair with my father's best friend. I knew she was having an affair for a while, as she would go to see him when my dad and grandmother were away. In retrospect, I was an absolute idiot, but I figured that it was just sex.

A couple of days ago, the daughter of the man she's having an affair with found out, so my mother had to tell my father and grandmother what she had done. I thought that it would end there, but it hasn't. The other guy's family kicked him out, and he's staying somewhere else. My mother feels really bad for him, and says that she really loves him, and that they may have to move away to start again. but she insists that she does care for me, and we will stay in touch.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I find it hard to love her with what she is planning to do. The local priest is coming down tomorrow to talk about it to her, so hopefully that will work. But it feels so unfair. I have the Leaving Cert coming up in a few months, and everything just seems to be coming at once.

Like I said, I don't want to lose her, and this is the first stupid thing she's ever done. We have a great relationship, and have great fun. I just don't know what to do or think about this whole situation.

I'm incerdibly shy, and so can't talk about this to any of my friends or family. So any input or advice from you guys would be much appreciated.

Catari Jaguar

Awh hun, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know if I have any advice that will make you feel better about the situation...

Your mother is a person too. She might be stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage. People break up and I don't think it's a priest's business tbh. I think you have to understand that as well as being your parents, they are people with wants and needs and they deserve a happy life. Would you want her to remain with your Dad if she is unhappy? Will he forgive her or will resentment be there always?

Your mother will not forget about you, love you less or see you as less important to her. I assume you will remain at home with your Dad and Gran if she moves out?

I think you need to concentrate on your exams at the moment and maybe chat to a counselor or tutor if you have one in school, just so that they know what stress you are under.

Maybe forgive her and her new partner if you can (it might not be easy) and stay out of it until it calms down. It might work out in the end

star-pants

I assume your parents aren't separated? If your mother is leaving then does that leave you with your dad?

I empathise with you hun I really do - it must be fairly harsh to have all of this going on.
Your mother will always love you though, no matter where she is or whom she's with.
Firstly you need to concentrate on your Leaving Cert, you'd kick yourself if you let this interfer majorly with it. You need this for your future.

As regards your mother - you can talk to her, explain how you feel, but by the sounds of things she wants out of her current situation and may well move on with this other guy. It must be hard to trust her and believe in her when she's being going behind peoples back with this situation, but you learn to deal with it one day. She shouldn't have been sneaking around, and neither should he, but what's done is done.
It's going to be a hard transition but try and hold it together for now. I would also advice like the other poster, to speak to your counsellor in school - explain the situation, they may be able to give you some advice or even just listen. And in fairness it's a pretty big thing to happen so at least then certain higher teachers / head teachers will know (maybe not the story) but that things are tough for you at the moment and take that into account.

You can and will get through this, it's hard right now and will be to adjust to everything, but it sounds like your family shall be splitting somewhat so be prepared for that *hug*

bluecell99

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Awh hun, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know if I have any advice that will make you feel better about the situation...

Your mother is a person too. She might be stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage. People break up and I don't think it's a priest's business tbh. I think you have to understand that as well as being your parents, they are people with wants and needs and they deserve a happy life. Would you want her to remain with your Dad if she is unhappy? Will he forgive her or will resentment be there always?

Your mother will not forget about you, love you less or see you as less important to her. I assume you will remain at home with your Dad and Gran if she moves out?

I think you need to concentrate on your exams at the moment and maybe chat to a counselor or tutor if you have one in school, just so that they know what stress you are under.

Maybe forgive her and her new partner if you can (it might not be easy) and stay out of it until it calms down. It might work out in the end

Fuly agree with this.Your mam is an adult and while we wish things would be alright and back to normal ufortunately life's not ike that.You too are an adult and will realise that people make mistakes,they take chances to try ad obtain happiness,they hurt others they love unintentionally.

She is your Mother and this wont change.Just take a step back and concentrate on your own life for the moment.