Ex-BF no longer wants to be friends

LegacyUser

I was seeing a guy for 3 years and we broke up 2 years ago. It was an amicable breakup and we agreed - it was his idea actually - that we should definitely remain friends. We did, and got on very well, talking maybe once a week and meeting up from time to time.

Since Christmas, hes been seeing another girl and has told me he cant see me anymore because she doesnt like it and its difficult for him and although I have sent him the odd text, like last week when it was his birthday, he has ignored them. He also deleted me from Facebook. What do I do? I would like to be friends still - I have no other feelings for him. I think hes making a mistake.

nomorebadtown

two possiblities:

1. he is completely whipped and his gf tells him to be friends with.

2. he still has feelings for you and cannot be in a new relationship while you are still around.

Silverfish

Or it could be possible he just doesn't feel the need to be friends, and is using the new gf as an excuse to cut the ties.

Perhaps he was getting something emotionally from you, which he is now getting from his gf.

Unfortunately, you can't force someone to be your friend. Friendships break up for all sorts of reasons. There's nothing you can really do but let him go, if he misses you he'll be back.

shellyboo

Unregregreg wrote: »

Since Christmas, hes been seeing another girl and has told me he cant see me anymore because she doesnt like it and its difficult for him and although I have sent him the odd text, like last week when it was his birthday, he has ignored them. He also deleted me from Facebook. What do I do? I would like to be friends still - I have no other feelings for him. I think hes making a mistake.

You can't make someone be friends with you if they don't want to. And if he's making a mistake, that's his problem. His new gf is more important to him than you are. Move on.

Overheal

nomorebadtown wrote: »

two possiblities:

1. he is completely whipped and his gf tells him to be friends with.

2. he still has feelings for you and cannot be in a new relationship while you are still around.

Silverfish wrote: »

Or it could be possible he just doesn't feel the need to be friends, and is using the new gf as an excuse to cut the ties.

Perhaps he was getting something emotionally from you, which he is now getting from his gf.

Unfortunately, you can't force someone to be your friend. Friendships break up for all sorts of reasons. There's nothing you can really do but let him go, if he misses you he'll be back.

Agree with both of these points. Bum draw for you, but unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about the situation; you'll need to move on.

Because in scenario 1, you can't tell him how to think. in scenario 2, you can't tell him how to feel, and in scenarios 1 2 and 3, you can't make him stay friends with you.

He's made his decision and you need to respect it unfortunately. Don't go chasing after him with texts and emails, don't go stalking or badgering him, just move on. If you continue to hold a candle for him you may be disappointed.

LegacyUser

Its quite simple, an ex-girlfriend hanging around will play havoc with his new girlfriend - I'm sure you can imagine it would make things difficult for them both. This is why you can't be friends with your ex any more. Its nothing you did, but if she isn't comfortable with it, then its just something you have to accept.

You have to respect the position you are in his life, his ex, and respect his new relationship. I don't think he's making a mistake, he's just trying to give his current relationship a chance. You just have to let him go.

star-pants

Silverfish wrote: »

Or it could be possible he just doesn't feel the need to be friends, and is using the new gf as an excuse to cut the ties.

Perhaps he was getting something emotionally from you, which he is now getting from his gf.

Unfortunately, you can't force someone to be your friend. Friendships break up for all sorts of reasons. There's nothing you can really do but let him go, if he misses you he'll be back.

Agreed, some peoples new partners also sometimes have issues with ex's hanging around and can make them choose.

Either way - if he's cutting you because she told him to, then he's not much of a friend. If he's cutting you because she now fulfills his emotional needs / using this an excuse, then you're better without him. I'd try and move on hun

Snowie

more then likely his gf has issues with him being friends with his you...
Some women are like that unfortunately!

To be fair there's nothing you can do about it. Try not to take it, to personally which i realise is easier said then done!

John Mason

Unregregreg wrote: »

I. What do I do? I would like to be friends still - I have no other feelings for him. I think hes making a mistake.

you are in complete denial.

If you dont have any feelings for him why would you care whether he is making a mistake or not

you just have to accept the fact that he has moved on and no longer wants or needs you in his life.

and its probably about time you move on as well

pookie82

Unregistered wrote: »

Its quite simple, an ex-girlfriend hanging around will play havoc with his new girlfriend - I'm sure you can imagine it would make things difficult for them both. This is why you can't be friends with your ex any more. Its nothing you did, but if she isn't comfortable with it, then its just something you have to accept.

You have to respect the position you are in his life, his ex, and respect his new relationship. I don't think he's making a mistake, he's just trying to give his current relationship a chance. You just have to let him go.

This hits the nail on the head. Personally I don't think that anyone should put a friendship with an ex above a new relationship if said friendship makes the new person feel uncomfortable (as it so often does). it's not respectable or fair. I know I wouldn't do it.

It suited him to be mates with you when he was still free but he's moving on now and has told you in no uncertain terms that you don't fit into his future. You should respect that and stop texting him - you could be causing him acres of hassle in his new relationship if she gets wind of the messages, something he won't thank you for.

easyeason3

Move on, he has.
His girlfriend obviously didn't like the contact you had with him so out of respect for her he has stopped it.
You can't make him keep a friendship that he obviously doesn't want. And if the friendship meant that much to him then he would have told his girlfriend to put up with it or get lost.
He probably kept up contact out of courtesy.

Nervous Wreck

Roll with it. When he and the gf end things, he'll come crawling back to be your friend and tell you that "it was all her, she's crazy" and then you can decide whether or not to be his friend again.

MagicMarker

Anyone who can do that is no friend tbh.

You're better off without.

tfeldi

For many guys it is very difficult to move to the friend stage after a breakup. We can't just 'switch' like girls can. I'd say that he had still feelings after you broke up and when you still met up in a regular basis. Now, with his new girlfriend he finally moved on.

Dovers

You can never be friends with an ex simple as that. No contact, no texts, nothing. Harsh yes and not waht you want to hear when you have spent so long with someone but unfortunately the only way to move on with your life.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

You have to respect the position you are in his life, his ex, and respect his new relationship. I don't think he's making a mistake, he's just trying to give his current relationship a chance. You just have to let him go.

OP I think this hits the naill on the head he has moved on and you need to do the same . I also feel it is disrespectful to his current girlfriend for him to be texting you. Why do you feel the need to have contact with him ? . Your relationship ended for a reason I think you should stop trying to hang on to the past .
I don't think it is unreasonable of her to ask for this contact with you to stop either , I know that if my other half was maintaining contact with an ex of his I wouldn't like it either. Leave them be he has chosen her and wants to give their relationship a chance. Stop running after someone else's man .

Ickle Magoo

OP,

I don't think it matters whether you find it fair or you think he's making a mistake, it's not your call. He has the right to be friends with - or cut ties with - anyone he wants. If your relationship is not making him happy directly or someone else he cares about, then regardless about how you feel about it - he has every right to say what he has.

It's awkward to keep in touch with ex's for some people, sooner or later it can cause issues of some sort & maybe for him it's just not worth the hassle?

Sorry.

Dave!

Just forget about him, he obviously rates his relationship with the new g/f as more important than his friendship with you. I dunno why you'd want to maintain a friendship with someone who wants to cut ties with you.

Move on.