How to give oneself a kick in the arse?

LegacyUser

I'm in my mid 30s, work in a bar, spend most of my time hanging around with early to mid 20 somethings and socializing or wasting time on my computer or playing video games, live paycheck to paycheck, etc. Basically an early 20s lifestyle a decade past my prime.

It's plenty of fun, of course, but this thing really doesn't age well - I'm surprised I'm still managing to do it now. I can see me continuing to drift and do this as I get older and it becoming harder to get by.

I have ambition in theory but no motivation in practice, and I'm a chronic, chronic time waster - computer, tv, socializing - it doesn't really matter. I can quite literally sit and stare at a wall for hours on end.

I've tried drugs (prescription and non), self-help books, life coaching, counseling, etc. none of them really changed my habits much. I've had a number of different jobs - service industry, teaching, IT - none of them I really minded, but none of them really kept me excited.

Has anyone on here figured out a way to give oneself a kick in the arse that I haven't yet? Short of getting married to ball-buster and/or having kids

star-pants

The only person who can kick yourself is you.

You say you have ambition in theory -- but ambition for what?
What's your dream job? What things would you like to do most? (apart from play games/socialise)

LegacyUser

I'm well aware that I'm the only person that give myself the kick, unfortunately. I'm just wondering if anyone ever found any motivational tricks for doing so that I haven't encountered before.

All my ambitions are things like 'be a writer', 'travel a lot', - ie very vague things that I don't really have a concrete idea for. And given my general resistance to writing and/or traveling, perhaps things I like as ideas more than practice.

i-digress

Unfortunately, its hard to give you more advice than: work out what you want to do with your life, work out what you need to do to achieve it, start doing it. Honestly. You just have to make yourself.

star-pants

So you don't like the idea of travellin/writing?

You say you like games -- would you be interested in the computer designing/programming side of that?

Splendour

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm in my mid 30s, work in a bar, spend most of my time hanging around with early to mid 20 somethings and socializing or wasting time on my computer or playing video games, live paycheck to paycheck, etc. Basically an early 20s lifestyle a decade past my prime.

It's plenty of fun, of course, but this thing really doesn't age well - I'm surprised I'm still managing to do it now. I can see me continuing to drift and do this as I get older and it becoming harder to get by.

I have ambition in theory but no motivation in practice, and I'm a chronic, chronic time waster - computer, tv, socializing - it doesn't really matter. I can quite literally sit and stare at a wall for hours on end.

I've tried drugs (prescription and non), self-help books, life coaching, counseling, etc. none of them really changed my habits much. I've had a number of different jobs - service industry, teaching, IT - none of them I really minded, but none of them really kept me excited.

Has anyone on here figured out a way to give oneself a kick in the arse that I haven't yet? Short of getting married to ball-buster and/or having kids

Well drugs,prescription or not, are most certainly not the answer, and I'm personally not an advocate of self help books unless you're talking about the bible of course

Have you thought about seeing a career guidance counsellor? Seems to me that this is your first port of call...

Ticktactoe

You seem to severly lack motivation. Also, you dont seem very passionate about what you are doing i.e work etc. To me it seems like you are stuck in a rut and cant get yourself out of it. Fear of change?

An idea would be to travel... visit difference countries, take on part time jobs as you go, see parts of the world and you never know maybe after aa few months of this you may find something that will inspire you, and give you direction which will then give you motivation.

If you are stuck in a rut, you are basically only passing the time because its the only thing to do from one day to the next. I think you need to yank yourself out of this by drasically changing you life and travelling seems to be a good direction (me thinks!)

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

fabbydabby

Join the French Foreign Leigon!

pwd

caffeine

The Corinthian

In my experience there is little point in giving yourself a kick unless you know what direction you're kicking in.

You need a goal, something to aim for that you, ideally, are passionate about and want. Once you do that and build up a basic framework of a plan to achieve it, the rest is actually a lot easier than you might think.

Beruthiel

fabbydabby and pwd, this is PI, not AH.
Please read the forum Charter with regards to unhelpful advice.

pwd

caffeine is effective for motivation. I wouldn't get half as much done without it.
Disagreeing with me doesn't mean it's unhelpful advice

littlefriend

The first thing I think you should do is find a daytime job. I worked in restaurants for years and working at night like that makes you feel like you aren't part of the world or something. Don't know how to explain what I mean but I know that when I was waitressing I felt my opinion on things was worth less than someone who had a 'real' job. Maybe that was just me though.

The thing with that industry is that it is so easy to let years slip past where work is kind of all you do. You get up late [having stayed back drinking after work], wait around until its time to go to work not really doing anything, go to work, finish work and start having a few drinks....and then the same thing starts again the next day.

I did it until I was 26 I think and got out of it. Thank God. Once I was out of that cycle I had time to do stuff...like hang out with my friends, night courses, work related exams etc. I literally couldn't believe how much time I had. I'd finish work at 5 and feel like the day had barely started.

Anyway, I'm babbling on here now. Try to get a job with different hours or find some course to do in September and still do your night work [minus drinking]. To be honest, vague ideas of being a writer or traveling a lot are a bit flakey..If you want to write - do a course in it. You say you are into games - as someone else said would you go and study something along those lines?? If you just head off traveling without having 'earned' that time you are going to end up doing the same thing in different bars all over the world. Its all kind of grand when you are doing it but if you feel you are wasting your life now then that feeling is going to be waaaayyyy worse in 5, 10, 15 years etc. Get out now.

sunnyside

When you've made a slightly more specific plan about writing, travelling, finding a new job tell everyone arouund you. You won't want to be seen to be lazy, un-motivated by other people so that should motivate you do to the things you say you will.

Limit the computer and television to a few hours a day at most.

fabbydabby

fabbydabby and pwd, this is PI, not AH.
Please read the forum Charter with regards to unhelpful advice.

I apologise if my comment was interpreted as being flippant, but I stand by it. Lot of people in this situation do this.

A friend of mine was all set to go but it took his mother bawling her eyes out before he left for the airport to stop him, but it changed his life.

For those need of an arse kick I reckon a spell in the military would work wonders. The FFR has low entry requirements, unlike say the irish army which is a lot harder to get into.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the suggestions, sadly, I've already done a fair few of them with little results.

- I've not tried the military/french foreign legion yet - I've considered it, but been put off by the high time commitment (ie 3-5 years generally). A little long if I hate it have 3 months.

- I've only been in bar work for 2 years - I worked 9-5 regular office jobs for 8 years. it mainly just resulted in many threats to be fired, as I would stay up to late and be late for work.

- I've been traveling around and working part time jobs - good fun, but just degenerated into another fun extended party in a different location.

- I've told people my goals, and then just keep making self-effacing jokes as I keep missing my goal points.

- Computer game programming is a nightmare industry I would not work in, as I burnt out on IT. Something less intensive - like level design would be fun - in theory - yet when I try to do it just for fun at home, my attention drifts very quickly. Ditto with trying to write anything.

Maybe I do need a driving goal, but I don't know what it would be - I enjoy many things, but then I avoid them. The only thing that's ever gotten me really worked up is when I'm head over heels for someone.

I may just be a pathological procrastinator. Even if there's something I really want to do, and think about a lot in my head (ie writing something or toying with level design), I'll almost obsessively avoid it as soon as I start on it.

wylo

OP, I wouldnt look at an option like the legion lightly, but in fairness to the suggestor it is a common option for people in your situation. You would want to do a serious amount of proper reading and talking to people first (im not talking about the cool novels). I know one person whos been there and rarely has something positive to say about it. The words prison-like, gangs, bullying, cannon fodder , come to mind.

I know youve said you tried drugs ,but honestly,
Can I ask, do you smoke weed/hash now?? All your characteristics describe a weed smoker, i have been there in the past and I have friends similar. the whole 'full of ideas' but too lazy to go ahead with em is a common trait.

If not you might have to admit to yourself your just plain lazy and need to start setting dates and times of when to do things to make sure you get up off your arse.

You dont seem to be completely lost , you seem to have solid interests but just too lazy to go ahead with them. Maybe next time write a date on a piece of paper of when your gonna work on it.

The other thing you might have to addess is the games, are you actually addicted, something you should look into, treat it like cigarettes or any other addiction and kick the habit.


One last piece of advice is to hit the Gym, believe me its great, it actually makes you feel really good about yourself, it also pumps the oxygen better through your system, the fitter you are, the better you feel, especially running. Its when you feel good you have alot more get up and go!!

Best of Luck

(ps,have you seen 'you, me and dupree', maybe you just have to wait around and wait for the mothership to call, :P, you describe yourself similar to him)

seachto7

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. Thanks for the suggestions, sadly, I've already done a fair few of them with little results.

- I've not tried the military/french foreign legion yet - I've considered it, but been put off by the high time commitment (ie 3-5 years generally). A little long if I hate it have 3 months.

- I've only been in bar work for 2 years - I worked 9-5 regular office jobs for 8 years. it mainly just resulted in many threats to be fired, as I would stay up to late and be late for work.

- I've been traveling around and working part time jobs - good fun, but just degenerated into another fun extended party in a different location.

- I've told people my goals, and then just keep making self-effacing jokes as I keep missing my goal points.

- Computer game programming is a nightmare industry I would not work in, as I burnt out on IT. Something less intensive - like level design would be fun - in theory - yet when I try to do it just for fun at home, my attention drifts very quickly. Ditto with trying to write anything.

Maybe I do need a driving goal, but I don't know what it would be - I enjoy many things, but then I avoid them. The only thing that's ever gotten me really worked up is when I'm head over heels for someone.

I may just be a pathological procrastinator. Even if there's something I really want to do, and think about a lot in my head (ie writing something or toying with level design), I'll almost obsessively avoid it as soon as I start on it.

F**k. i stumbled on this thread just browsing the forums, and I am in a very similar situation to you. I'm letting each day drift by, and keep saying "I'll do this by this date and have that done by that date", and I always break the deadline. I'm working at the mo (I'm 32), but am not really into it, so am on the look out for another job. This year may be very bad for looking for work, but I need to say "If I haven't gotten a job by X date, I got to go abroad" or whatever...

I don't like where I'm living at the mo, but don't seem to be doing anything about it. I'm living with my ex, until the house is sorted (rented out for example), but I'm not doing anything about it really. I could push it more to get it sorted, but I'm not..

Someone mentioned you do some travelling. That could be great. I'm sure it would be great, but what happens if you come back to Ireland and then think "ok, now what...".
I would love to do another bit of travelling , but I feel if I do it, say go away for a month or 2, if I come back, or wherever I go, it will be back to square one: try to get a job, (what job exactly) make new friends etc. i spent a few years on and off the dole trying to "make it" in music, and don't want to go back to those days not working. They did my head in...

Sometimes the dream job will always be just that, a dream job. You just have to be realistic about it sometimes....

I'm not sure if travelling will fix the problem, it may only put it off, but it could be good to go travelling on your own. Even rent a house on your own out in the west of Ireland and just think about what you want to do, and how you are going to do it...

LegacyUser

Hey Op, it sounds like you are stuck in the "comfort zone". That's not meant as a criticism, the fact that you have posted means you are unhappy with your current situation and want to change it. You can change it too, I am a similar age to you and was in a similar situation six years ago (working in a factory and wanted to do something better).
I went to college and did a degree and even though I am out of work at the moment I am positive I did the right thing.
You sound a lot like me when I was toying with the idea of doing a degree ("I don't know if I will still be interested in it after a year or two", "I don't know if I can do it" ,"I'm too old" etc. etc.).
Maybe you don't want to go to college, you don't have to, you could do something else, but make sure it's something you have a real passion for, not just a passing fancy for.
A word of warning though:you'll have to make some sacrifices, you'll have to give up some of your pastimes (or at least greatly reduce the time you spend on them); you have to dedicate yourself one hundred percent to whatever it is you decide to do. Nothing is for free I'm afraid!
I wish you well.

Crannog

Hi OP

I wonder if you would consider getting a pet? Something that is completely dependent on you to take care of it. Feed, clean up after, maybe walk etc. This would give you something that you have to do each day.

Sorry to say it sounds like you don't like yourself much with all the name calling. Being kind to an aminal may kick start you into being kinder to yourself.

I recommend more carrot than stick. When you achieve little things you start to trust your capability and your confidence will grow.

Best of luck.