Bi

LegacyUser

As a bisexual I have found it hard to find acceptance on the gay/lesbian scene. you get chatting to someone and its going great and when it comes out that you are bi, you can see the interest fade. I have had the 'bisexuals are just greedy' off people which I find really offensive, I cant choose the sex of a person I am attracted to, no more so than a gay, lesbian or straight person.

Anyways my question to fellow bisexuals is have you found the same? and to gay or lesbians, what do you really think of bisexuals, would you date one?

rainbow kirby

Unregistered wrote: »

Anyways my question to fellow bisexuals is have you found the same? and to gay or lesbians, what do you really think of bisexuals, would you date one?

(Lesbian PoV) I wouldn't have a problem with dating a bisexual person. If they want a relationship, and are monogamous, then I don't really see where an issue lies.

xxlilyxx

Im a lesbian and i've been wit a bisexual woman and jus from my own experience wit her i wouldn date one again, she cheated on me wit both men and women which was very hurtful. My girlfriend is lesbian like myself and i jus find it easier to be wit her then my ex. But thats jus my personal point of view. I've nothin wrong wit people who are bisexual each to their own i jus wouldn date one.

shay_562

rainbow_kirby wrote:

(Lesbian PoV) I wouldn't have a problem with dating a bisexual person. If they want a relationship, and are monogamous, then I don't really see where an issue lies.

+1 (minus the 'lesbian pov' part) - if someone's going to cheat on you, they're going to cheat on you, and it doesn't matter that they're equally likely to do it with more than one gender. I'll cop to making fun of bisexuals from time to time, but generally only to people I know well enough that they won't find it offensive.

From my admittedly limited experience, I've found straight people are much more unwilling to date a bi person than gay ones. A good friend of mine is bi, and whenever he dates girls it's always a huge deal - one in particular had friends who kept trying to get her to dump him because they were convinced her was going to 'decide' he was gay sooner or later. As well as that, I know girls who say they'd never date a bi guy, but no gay guys who say the same thing.

hot2def

xxlilyxx wrote: »

I've nothin wrong wit people who are bisexual each to their own i jus wouldn date one.

try putting the word "black" in place of bisexual, and read it back.

Nevyn

In my experience biphobia is rife in both 'straight' and gay circles.

xxlilyxx I am sorry your ex was an arsehole, but them being an arsehole is as much related to thier eye colour then them being bi.

hot2def

Unregistered wrote: »

As a bisexual I have found it hard to find acceptance on the gay/lesbian scene. you get chatting to someone and its going great and when it comes out that you are bi, you can see the interest fade. I have had the 'bisexuals are just greedy' off people which I find really offensive, I cant choose the sex of a person I am attracted to, no more so than a gay, lesbian or straight person.

Anyways my question to fellow bisexuals is have you found the same? and to gay or lesbians, what do you really think of bisexuals, would you date one?

Speaking as a bisexual woman:

I have recieved dog's abuse from lesbians on a couple of occasions, and to a lesser extent gay men. I have been accused of being in denial, not knowing what i want, I'm a tourist, I'm not supporting the scene, I'm fence-sitting, I'm actualy gay but say I'm bi so I can fit in with straight people, I'm greedy, I can't possibly commit, etc etc etc.

TBH, I've recieved this sort of crap from more gay/lesbian people that I have from straight people. Straight people tend to jst not believe me, and assume I'm one of those girls who gets drunk and kisses other women for attention at parties....


I get fairly sick of it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

try putting the word "black" in place of bisexual, and read it back.

Bit of an immature response, ethnic background and sexuality are two completely different things.

I was seeing a bi girl a few years back and it never bothered me, being honest its probably because it wouldn't bother me as much as her cheating with another guy, and that risk is there with all women I could date.

However with Lesbians I think they generally would be as bothered by their girlfriend cheating with a guy. By going out with another lesbian this risk is removed

p

Does anyone know if there's any other languages that have more subtle variations in them for the description of sexual preference. It seems that in English we're quite limited to putting people in boxes, and we only have 3: straight, gay or bi. That makes it harder for people to understand and talk about, which is difficult. Anyone know if it's different in other languages?

Maybe it'd be better if being gay was a verb rather than a noun, that way someone couldn't be 'gay' or 'straight'

hot2def

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Bit of an immature response, ethnic background and sexuality are two completely different things.

Really? Thanks for the heads up.

the point was that declaring any group of people a no-go like that was a touchy, unpleasant subject. By all means, date who you want, but there's no need for divisive declarations like that.

Further, I have heard a number of people make that exact statement, except with black instead of bisexual. Because they assumed certain character traits would be present, which is exactly what lily was doing. So my point stands....

Bottle_of_Smoke

hot2def wrote: »

Really? Thanks for the heads up.

the point was that declaring any group of people a no-go like that was a touchy, unpleasant subject. By all means, date who you want, but there's no need for divisive declarations like that.

Further, I have heard a number of people make that exact statement, except with black instead of bisexual. Because they assumed certain character traits would be present, which is exactly what lily was doing. So my point stands....

No need for sarcasm, you said it in a one line post that implied its the same thing.

The people who said that about blacks are probably somewhat racist but don't want to appear so. There's no genuine non-physical "black characteristics" Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, Lesbians/Gay men aren't, thats the reason some feel uncomfortable dating bisexuals.

Any bisexual woman I've known has a higher than normal sex drive, and most of them end up with long term male partners. Some people understandably feel threatened by this, so comparing it with a racist concept is pointless.

MicraBoy

Unregistered wrote: »

As a bisexual I have found it hard to find acceptance on the gay/lesbian scene. you get chatting to someone and its going great and when it comes out that you are bi, you can see the interest fade. I have had the 'bisexuals are just greedy' off people which I find really offensive, I cant choose the sex of a person I am attracted to, no more so than a gay, lesbian or straight person.

Anyways my question to fellow bisexuals is have you found the same? and to gay or lesbians, what do you really think of bisexuals, would you date one?

As a bi guy it is one of the great mysteries in life to me, that so many gay men are so utterly intolerant and unable to undertand a sexual identity different to their own.

A lot of the problem is that so many gay guys go through a false bisexuality stage. This is really all about denial, they call themselves bisexua as a transisition to fully coming out. They eventually realise they are not attracted to both sexes and accept they are gay. However they then assume from their own experience and that of their friends that this means bisexuality itself itself is fake.

I don't think gay guys realise how hurtful and confusing it is for bisexuals to be rejected as being in denial. It's a bit of a contradiction really.

hot2def

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Any bisexual woman I've known has a higher than normal sex drive, and most of them end up with long term male partners. Some people understandably feel threatened by this, so comparing it with a racist concept is pointless.

These are merely things you have observed personally - no doubt some people would make similar observations about black people, chinese people, short people etc.

Bottle_of_Smoke

hot2def wrote: »

These are merely things you have observed personally - no doubt some people would make similar observations about black people, chinese people, short people etc.

Ok, the only part you quoted is fair enough - What about the part of my post you didn't quote, when I described how there's no genuine characteristics you can apply to blacks or any foreigners but there is the simple fact that bisexuals are attracted to both sexes whereas lesbians/gays aren't. If you're going to ignore that point there's really no point discussing the topic with you.

hot2def

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Ok, the only part you quoted is fair enough - What about the part of my post you didn't quote, when I described how there's no genuine characteristics you can apply to blacks or any foreigners but there is the simple fact that bisexuals are attracted to both sexes whereas lesbians/gays aren't. If you're going to ignore that point there's really no point discussing the topic with you.

chillax. I was at a party with a net book in my lap, trying to repress my inner nerd....

in actual fact -not only did you say in that post that bisexuals are attracted to both sexes - you went on to say that in your experience bisexual women have a higher sex drive. This is simply an observation on your part, as is your claim that some people are threatened by this.

That handly lines up with what I'm saying about compairing biphobia to racism - people will observe characteristic about an individual and then assume it is connected to their race/sexual orientation/nationality/age etc, with no real proof other than "in my experience". I have heard countless people use that to excuse ridiculous racist rants. I have also heard it used to excuse accusing bisexuals of being incapable of commitment/greedy/sluts etc.


so, yeah, I was addressing your whole post, I just didn't tease it out into an essay.

Tricity Bendix

shay_562 wrote: »

From my admittedly limited experience, I've found straight people are much more unwilling to date a bi person than gay ones. A good friend of mine is bi, and whenever he dates girls it's always a huge deal - one in particular had friends who kept trying to get her to dump him because they were convinced her was going to 'decide' he was gay sooner or later.

+1

I'd NEVER tell a girl I was going out with that I'm bi. Gives rise to a lot of insecurities in a relationship.

Actually, I've never had anything more meaningful than a passing encounter with a gay guy, so I'm not really sure if they would react any differently. For the moment I'll just stick to my own kind :P

theTinker

Completely agree with the OP. I'm a straight guy but through out the years, i've become disgusted with the gay/lesbian 'scene'. I find as a community group(if that makes sense), that it's a disgusting group full of intolerance, callousness and disgust of most things different from them. Aimed at alot of things but in this instance i'm referring to bisexuals. It disgusts me that a sexual minority group who go through such crap so often, then turn and act the same way to another minority that is so similar in their 'reasons' for being a minority.
Straight people often are intolerant of gay/lesbian/bi but i've found that its far less intolerant of Bisexuals than gay/lesbian people, this shocked me when i started to realize it. Obviously there exceptions of course.

When Bi discussion ever it arises, I keep hearing terms such as greedy, never satisfied, untrustworthy in a monogamous relationship because 'they can't be satisfied with just one gender'.

A large portion of my friends (who are mostly gay girls) also find the scene disgusting for similar reasons. It's a nasty place full of negativity imo. Its like a breeding ground for the worst parts of human emotions and behavior. I'm not sure i even know a single person who enjoys the scene.

My parents are completely against bisexuality. They don't think it's possible to be bi and monogamous. Most gays I know are pretty ok with it, though

Weidii

I've experienced biphobic lesbians in the past, one girl told me recently that she liked me last year but she was afraid to go for it because she thought I was "confused." Seriously.

Around christmas time I came out to my friends and family as being bi, which went well until two months ago I got with a guy. Everyones reaction was "but you like women now"

It's something we have to deal with unfortunately, my strategy for dealing with is educating people about it as I go. Explain what it means to be bisexual if needs be.

redbeast

Weidii I have to say you and I have had pretty identical experiences!

One thing that happens often is when I'm single, my friends/family say things like "who are you going to go out with next, a guy or a girl?" ... It used to make me mad as hell, but now I just shrug it off and try and educate them.

I haven't been back to The George in about 6 years (been overseas for a few years) and I wonder is the rumour I've heard that its now full of knackers and more scary lesbians* true?

* thats what we called the group of scowling girls in the corner who made everyone feel small, back in 1996-2002 :rolleyes:

Boston

Weidii:

I remember a bi girl sayings this "When I'm with a guy my friends and family think I'm straight, but when I with a Girl they think I'm only doing because some guy fuked me over". I thought it was very apt. I don't know where you find the strength to educate people, that grew old for me a long time ago.

Weidii

Boston wrote: »

Weidii:

I remember a bi girl sayings this "When I'm with a guy my friends and family think I'm straight, but when I with a Girl they think I'm only doing because some guy fuked me over". I thought it was very apt. I don't know where you find the strength to educate people, that grew old for me a long time ago.

Yeah, when I got with a guy so soon after coming out everyone assumed that I'd had some awful experience with a woman. It must be difficult to understand being bisexual from a hetero/homosexual point of view.

L.Jenkins

Im Bi and reading all this doesn't really leave me feeling inspired about telling people that I am bi. I had an experience before in telling an ex girl friend that I was bi and she fliped. Everyone else that knows seems to be okay with it, even though I haven't told family yet.

smileykey

I wouldn't have a problem dating someone whose bi, what difference does it make. I hate biphobia, I hear it equally from my straight friends than from my gay ones, the same thing being said like bisexuality doesn't exist - why the hell wouldn't it exist?? I think a lot of people say this type of thing in jest though.

I also think though that my straight friends make a much bigger deal of it, e.g. a few of my gay friends are dating bisexuals and its not an issue for anyone but one of my straight friend is also dating a bisexual and the rest of that group of friends were all in shock by this when she started seeing him an they still talk about it. It's crazy.

L.Jenkins

I think we bi people get the short stick, and have to hear it from everybody regardless of sexual orientation. Granted I do know some Gay and Straight people that are okay with it and yes I have met the worse from both who freak at the thought of bi. It will always be the way.

I think everyone should read Alfred McKinseys study on sexuality and most might realise that they're just a number on a 6 point scale of bisexuallity, whether gay or straight. That'll freak them out even more.

Nevyn

I got told I was just greedy saturday night, wasn't impressed at all and I was exected to find it funny.

redbeast

@djhunter I suppose the best and worse stories are the ones that stick in your mind, and the bad situations just make better stories...

So its only fair to say that truthfully the response to my sexuality has been mostly positive, if occasionally mixed with confusion. In fact some friends (gay and straight) have commented that knowing me as Bi over a long time has demystified bisexuality for them- I suppose the same as when (some) people realise that gay relationship have the same ecstasy and agony as straight relationships.

Anyway, I love being Bi, I will always love boys and girls!:P

Cupcake_Crisis

From my experience, biphobia can come from anywhere and anyone. Ive gotten it from people i meet when im out and also from close family and friends. None of them, whethar they are gay or straight, seem to understand how a bisexual can go from guys to girls so quickly.

Just because im bisexual doesnt mean im afraid or commitment or just out for anything i can get. It means that i fall for someone its based on their personality and it doesnt matter whethar they're male or female.

The whole stigma attached to bisexuality is getting really old imo and there's only so many times you can take being called greedy as a joke.

OneArt

The LGBT "scene" makes me sick.

I'm a bi-romantic asexual (according to AVEN, it's a mouthful I know but still), so I find people of both sexes interesting in the whole romantic/emotional kind of way, I just have zero sex drive and no sexual desire for either.

Straight girls think I'm gay in denial.

Gay guys think I'm going through a bisexual "phase" and will end up straight in the end.

I'm not a huge fan of dating or relationships in general (I'd sooner be out on the town with friends than at home with someone), but if I were to ever to find myself in a relationship I would either pretend I was straight or gay depending on the partner. There's just no winning with the vast majority of people.

This is why I have a cat.

Dwn Wth Vwls

OneArt wrote: »

if I were to ever to find myself in a relationship I would either pretend I was straight or gay depending on the partner.

Not to single you out or pick on you or anything, but it's that kind of dishonesty that causes a lot of problems for bisexuals. It's not much of a relationship if it starts off with a lie.

Noelleieos

I'm bi, I've had a few problems with friends saying I was just greedy, a lot of girls in my school found out and insisted I was a lesbian. Then it continued with certain girls in my class becoming convinced I was a lesbian and had a thing for them. Completely pathetic how some people act. I wont tell my mother because she's just weird. Over the past few years though since leaving school I've gained better friends who have no problem with me being bi and my boyfriend has absolutely no problem with it. It really hurts the way some people have such a problem with it, you'd think that in this day and age people would have learned to accept others for who they are. I'm sexually attracted to men and women, I'm happy with myself and if other people have any problems with that then they're probably not worth knowing. It's the sad truth I'm afraid.

Ashen Light

I'm actually kind of surprised looking at some of the responses here.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Any bisexual woman I've known has a higher than normal sex drive, and most of them end up with long term male partners.

That's a generalisation, and it's sad to see that on a gay forum. If I were to say "Any gay person I've met is a a raging whore and will never be in a relationship", that doesn't help any argument, it's still just a generalisation.

Indeed, when any straight person says something like this about gay people, we hear the collective moaning about how that's unfair, and how "society is degregating gay people". How in any good concience can those same people then turn around and do the same thing to another group of people?

(and yes, I haven't reused your entire comment, only the part I took issue with. And that's why it's called "quoting".)

I'm a bi guy, and so is my boyfriend. Before we got together, we had relationships with girls (and guys). The problem is, we're either referred to as the cute gay lads (admittedly understandable, and not that bad to be known as), or the "two greedy ones". Some girl I vaguely knew asked if we wanted a 3some with her the last day, because she'd "heard we were both bi, and that means we must be in an open relationship". It's getting better though, in my Uni I know a few openly bi-guys dating girls, and they're not having any problems.

Both of us still fancy girls, but we love each other, and that's all that matters. Just because we're bi doesn't mean we can't be faithful. Cheating is about someithing being wrong with the relationship, it doesn't matter what orientation you are. If you're paranoid about someone cheating on you (whatever their sexuality may be), then you clearly have other problems.

redbeast

@ ashen light

Here Here! Well said.

Boston

Ashen Light wrote: »

I'm actually kind of surprised looking at some of the responses here.

That's a generalisation, and it's sad to see that on a gay forum. If I were to say "Any gay person I've met is a a raging whore and will never be in a relationship", that doesn't help any argument, it's still just a generalisation.

Indeed, when any straight person says something like this about gay people, we hear the collective moaning about how that's unfair, and how "society is degregating gay people". How in any good concience can those same people then turn around and do the same thing to another group of people?

(and yes, I haven't reused your entire comment, only the part I took issue with. And that's why it's called "quoting".)

I'm a bi guy, and so is my boyfriend. Before we got together, we had relationships with girls (and guys). The problem is, we're either referred to as the cute gay lads (admittedly understandable, and not that bad to be known as), or the "two greedy ones". Some girl I vaguely knew asked if we wanted a 3some with her the last day, because she'd "heard we were both bi, and that means we must be in an open relationship". It's getting better though, in my Uni I know a few openly bi-guys dating girls, and they're not having any problems.

Both of us still fancy girls, but we love each other, and that's all that matters. Just because we're bi doesn't mean we can't be faithful. Cheating is about someithing being wrong with the relationship, it doesn't matter what orientation you are. If you're paranoid about someone cheating on you (whatever their sexuality may be), then you clearly have other problems.

It's not generalisation. He indicated that any bisexual woman he'd personally known were more highly sexed. He didn't say all bisexuals woman.

Sharlovesjohn

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

Not to single you out or pick on you or anything, but it's that kind of dishonesty that causes a lot of problems for bisexuals. It's not much of a relationship if it starts off with a lie.

I no how the person you quoted feels Im a bi girl and god its been hard to find anyone that would accept it guys laughed it off thinking I just kiss my friends like all girls and girls refused to get with me because I cheat? I have and never will cheat on a person whether im with a guy or girl,
and thanks to me been honest Ive never had full relationship with a girl and as you can prob see from my user name I have a bf at the moment and I didnt say anything to him when we first got together but after he told me he loved me i told him and he said it doesnt matter as it has nothing to do with our relationship