How can I improve with women?

Affable

Is it all looks? Am I too unsophisticated? Do I need to be better at dinner, meals, how to be assertive, take decisions etc?

What do I need to know? Or is ther not much you can do with your 'innate' personality?

Tips from girls would be great

Dressing better make a difference?
I dunno. I'm too agitated and a questioner, I dont' exude cool. Maybe I need to be more distant. I struggle for conversation being kind of abstracted.

JC 2K3

Affable

JC 2K3 wrote: »

What does it say?

sardineta

Jon Favreau's "Swingers" should be compulsive viewing.

JC 2K3

Affable wrote: »

What does it say?

Heh.

The Game and pickup artist guides generally give a good idea of how to attract women. Don't take it extremely seriously. You'll realise that the key is essentially confidence.

RedXIV

JC 2K3 wrote: »

Heh.

The Game and pickup artist guides generally give a good idea of how to attract women. Don't take it extremely seriously. You'll realise that the key is essentially confidence.

Can't stress this enough. Be confident, they'll come out of the wood work for you. The trick is to pull of confident without going into arsehole territory

Affable

RedXIV wrote: »

Can't stress this enough. Be confident, they'll come out of the wood work for you. The trick is to pull of confident without going into arsehole territory

I am confident. But not in a loud way. Can be a little too intense maybe, not sure I can engineer that out of existance. I'm not in arsehole territory. Respectful. I like black/mixed race women too btw.

RedXIV

Just look at the posts in the ladies lounge and in PI. Women are looking for the likes of

1. Sense of humour
2. Honesty
3. Confidence
4. Ambition
5. The ability to actually be nice
6. Sense of Humour!

I put sense of humour twice because it really is important. As my dad says "Kisses lose their flavour but conversation can only get better". You need to be able to get on with a girl and making them laugh is guaranteed to put you in a very strong position.

Also, don't be a doormat. You can be nice without getting walked all over.

Affable

But basically I've been kind of cynical and cut off. Didn't have much belief in relationships.

RedXIV

Affable wrote: »

But basically I've been kind of cynical and cut off. Didn't have much belief in relationships.

there's your problem. you sound like no fun whatsoever for a girl to date

fix that, have fun, problem solved, NEXT!

LegacyUser

Affable wrote: »

Is it all looks? Am I too unsophisticated? Do I need to be better at dinner, meals, how to be assertive, take decisions etc?

What do I need to know? Or is ther not much you can do with your 'innate' personality?

Tips from girls would be great

Dressing better make a difference?
I dunno. I'm too agitated and a questioner, I dont' exude cool. Maybe I need to be more distant. I struggle for conversation being kind of abstracted.

The line between anything below and cringe is clear. If you can't spot the line then you'll stomp all over it without noticing it.

- confidence: women want a man to take charge. Not a problem even in this "enlightened" day and age.

- listen 70% of the time and take your converstation cues from what she says. Don't be a parrot or play stupid "I'm acting interested when I'm really not" games. Actually listen and if you do you'll find that she's interesting and interesting questions/conversation can be generated from what she's talking about. Any subject (and I mean any subject) is interesting when you're faced with a women whose animated by your interest in her.

- humor. Not so much telling jokes but generally a bit playful and seeing the humor in the everyday

- steer clear of sexual issues like the plague until an actual relationship is established. You're dick won't fall off if you do.

- dunno on dress. Dependant on age and the like. But clean hair, body, clothes, shoes, nails clean and trimmed etc. Basic grooming attended to in other words

- It's not about looks once you've some kind of basic match going. Looks are like a set of goalposts: there are more ways to score than shooting it right down the middle.

- doors open, attentive, protective etc but subtle and not forced. On my second date to my now wife-to-be we got out from dinner a little late/dark/lonely and I insisted on putting her in a taxi instead of her usual bus home. It would have been too much to walk her to her busstop and wait. Balance thus.

- if you enjoyed the date, say so. I you think she looks well turned out, say so. If you'd like to see her again, say so. Let her know you're enthusiastic before the date (you should be, based on prospect of relationship), during the date (you should be (at worst) if only for politeness sake) and after the date (you've had her time even if it didn't work out - it not working out is as much a success as anything: you found out that you're not suited!)

Affable

RedXIV wrote: »

there's your problem. you sound like no fun whatsoever for a girl to date

fix that, have fun, problem solved, NEXT!

I could do with a place of my own. Also I don't have much to talk about.
Self promotion seems the order of the day these days.

Pete4779

Affable wrote: »

I am confident. But not in a loud way. Can be a little too intense maybe, not sure I can engineer that out of existance. I'm not in arsehole territory. Respectful. I like black/mixed race women too btw.

What is "respectful"? Is there some reason that you are "respectful" to women in general, even if they haven't earned your respect or don't deserve it?

The first thing you should do is establish yourself as the centre of your world. Ignore everything your female friends say they want in a man - they aren't lying, they do want those things like respect, loyalty, sense of humour, etc., but they are not necessarily going to be attracted or want an adult relationship with that man.

Go to the gym every day, make it part of your life. Buy a new item of clothing every paycheck. Don't go out with a large group of friends "on the pull". You are always ready to pick up women, you are no longer a drunk, you no longer "pull" by actually picking up the ugly fat drunk girl at the end of the night.

You must change entirely the way you think, and undo a lot of social conditioning that ensures your longterm celibacy.

RedXIV

Affable wrote: »

I could do with a place of my own. Also I don't have much to talk about.
Self promotion seems the order of the day these days.

A place of your own is good but by no means necessary. A girl that goes out with you for you're place of residence isn't worth your time.

There's LOADS to talk about. if self promotion is your plan, it'll fail. If anything, do the opposite. Stories where you're mildly humiliated will display humility, ability to laugh at one sense, and a sense of fun if the story is good.

Talk about movies, things you want to do, things she wants to do, what she wants to do with her life, where she'd like to go, ask her what her 5 favourite movies are, ask her if she drinks coffee or tea, ask her loads!!! but NEVER say "I'm great because of X and Y"

Affable

RedXIV wrote: »

A place of your own is good but by no means necessary. A girl that goes out with you for you're place of residence isn't worth your time.

There's LOADS to talk about. if self promotion is your plan, it'll fail. If anything, do the opposite. Stories where you're mildly humiliated will display humility, ability to laugh at one sense, and a sense of fun if the story is good.

Talk about movies, things you want to do, things she wants to do, what she wants to do with her life, where she'd like to go, ask her what her 5 favourite movies are, ask her if she drinks coffee or tea, ask her loads!!! but NEVER say "I'm great because of X and Y"

Thanks dude. Yeea, but it'd be nice to have somewhere private to be with my girl. I just get too attentive after sex. I get that way, too intense and I think it puts the girl off.
I don't do anecdotes, I'm more a philosophical kind of person.
Added to that, I don't want anything too proper/familiar as it were, I want to challenge myself, sense that I've gone somewhere else with my relationship.
There is the question of where to meet girls unself-consciously as I prefer to do it privately and not around the spectre of 'mates'

RedXIV

If the girl has had sex with you, chances are you're problems don't stem with initial attraction.

philosophical isn't a bad thing, can usually lead to great conversations but i still think a sense of humour is important. even if it's just the ability to throw a joke in a 2 hour philosophical debate, it's still good to have.

I'm kinda having trouble keeping up with where you're problem lies. If you're just looking for places to meet women away from guys, then as the usual answers stem from here are the likes of various sports clubs, gyms, work, classes etc.

LegacyUser

a girl wants to feel proud of the guy she's with, and to feel safe....i love wen im with a guy and i know he is looking out 4 me but you have 2 be careful not to be toooooo protective...another attractive feature in a guy which has already been mentioned is ambition.. this creates a lot of conversation and a girl can tell a lot by a guys ambition!! being good at conversation is a must...there is nothing worse than wen the convo is like drawing blood from a stone...ask her questions, sound interested!!

another thing i really wanna stress is hygiene.....shower, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes and nice shoes and ur half way there already

keep things simple

one final thing which i like 2 tell myself wen i get nervous about talking 2 guys is...they are only human, just like u.....they are not scary or better than u.......so just chillax and have fun

Affable

RedXIV wrote: »

If the girl has had sex with you, chances are you're problems don't stem with initial attraction.

philosophical isn't a bad thing, can usually lead to great conversations but i still think a sense of humour is important. even if it's just the ability to throw a joke in a 2 hour philosophical debate, it's still good to have.

I'm kinda having trouble keeping up with where you're problem lies. If you're just looking for places to meet women away from guys, then as the usual answers stem from here are the likes of various sports clubs, gyms, work, classes etc.

Yeah I know, but some kind of intesnity is putting her off after that perhaps. I have trouble with work as I have quit my last job and can't find anything interesting. Dead loss really there.

Affable

Also, a lot of places I go seem to have tarty women. It seems a pretty small town with a limited populace. Wish I could get to London tbh.

sardineta

Dude, London can be one of the loneliest cities in the world, but if you're serious the London Borough of Hammersmith & Fulham has the highest gender imbalance in your favour in the country.

The bad news is that it is caused by Fulham being a favoured destination for the wide-eyed young things seeking money and success and any sign of character weakness will see you dismissed out of hand.

One thing that does come across is that you're quite needy. Improving your self-image will help with that, so that means changing things about you or your lifestyle that you're not comfortable with.

In the meantime, I've found loads of great girls at gymnasia, comedy clubs and pub quizzes! No coincidence that that those places are populated with people improving self-image, sense of humour and brains. Just get out there.

Beruthiel

Affable
How many times do you need to be told to get a blog?
Take some time off.