Advice needed - big rant though!

LegacyUser

Hay guys, I posted here before and got some useful advice so iv just broken up with my gal and im here looking for an assurance that iv done the right thing. Background information, ok here goes!
Boy moves into house, girl moves into house. They become good friends, 6months down the line, start kissing. Boy moves out to allow relationship to develop, relationship continues great for 9months. Girl leaves to go travelling (pre arranged, I knew long before she went) we decide to stay together, get skype fones, are in very regular contact, texting ringing everyday. 15months pass, I travel out to oz twice to see her (and become broke in the process!) then on night shes out and is texting me how shes upset with her sister. I ask what happened, she says that a guy was coming onto her and her sis stepped in. (I said and thank god for that!) she reckons she had the situation under control. I tell her the next day im not thick with her, it happens, but I need a day or two to get to grips with it all. She agrees. Then a week later shes telling me she wants a break. I don’t agree, I said ill give her space to allow her to think bout whatever is on her mind, but I wont do breaks. She agrees. I hear nothing until a week later when shes texting me saying shes sorry for taking so long and she wants us to be together. I figure everyones entitled to a doubt every now and then, so I say no worries. We are all good again.
So the months are passing by, nearly time for her to come home, I ask where is she planning on staying when she comes home, she says galway as she has a part time job waiting. Im on the east coast, so I said look, if it were me and id spent 15months away, id want to be a bit closer than that! (wer relying on public transport) I tell her bout an apartment that’s free in galway and asked would she like to move in together for the summer, as im off college.
She tells me no, she wants to go back to the way things were before we left. Im a little gutted at that, wanted a bit more progression in the relationship, iv waited faithfully for 15months when other lads would have played around. I said I wanted more from the relationship, she wasn’t willing to budge, so I say maybe its time to cool it so as we want different things. Shes not too bothered fighting to save things I notice..a week later im sitting here thinking I miss her like crazy, text her and ask her if shes missing me, she was, so we agree to talk things through once she gets back (two weeks time) I said id no intention of getting with anyone for the two weeks, she says we are broken up, she wont get with anybody but shes not promising anything when she gets back. We argue back and forth, then leave it a few days. Next I hear she texts saying her grans ill, obiviously im there for her, we agree to stop with the fighting and start getting along better.
Then she asks about the apt, saying she was wondering if its still available!(my sister is staying in the apt, I used to live there when I first moved out of house where boy met girl) I tell her id be a lil weird bout it, we are broken up yet she wants me to sort a flat for her before she comes home(the flat I asked her to live with me in for the summer) she gives out to me, saying she didn’t think I wanted to live together, and she still doesn’t and I never told her I was moving into galway for the summer (surely any gob would realise that the guy that waited 15 months is going to do his best to move at least to the same city as you!)
I decided id had enough and said goodluck.
Christ, this turned into an essay, but what are the general thoughts, am the gob for saying goodluck for good?

John Mason

i am confused: -

1. She went travelling;
2. you stayed home;
3. She wants a break;
4. you dont;
5. She wants to move to galway;
6. you dont want to.
7. You were together for 9 months and then she went travellling for 15months


is this it ?

in fairness, you were together for 9 mnths and she went away for 15 months!! that's not a relationship and she will have changed beyond all recognision.

you need to give her at least 3 months to settle back in to reality and normal life. it is horrible coming home from travelling and takes a long time to settle back into the rules of real life

Oh The Humanity

She sounds like a timewaster mate, you are well out of it.

LegacyUser

hi op here. ur spot on with points (better job than me!) we met in galway, im from galway originally, shes moving back there for a job.
it felt like a relationship, i went around the world twice, we talked/text once if not twice a day everyday.
now shes coming home, she wants me to get her and her friend the flat i offered to get for us when we were together. i think its a bit rude of her, and after everything else, i decided enuf was enuf.
dont know if im being a tool or doing the right thing.

Mountjoy Mugger

Don't be a doormat, mate.

Oh The Humanity

now shes coming home, she wants me to get her and her friend the flat i offered to get for us when we were together.

Its more than rude its arrogant in the extreme, tell her to get the fcuking boat, who does she think you are? Her PA ?

Cheeky cow, oh and as for all her prevarication while she was away deciding whether she wanted to be with you or not, she most likely made a muppet of you then too. For all you know she was riding everyone left right and centre and the demand for a 'break':rolleyes: was just her conscience at her.

As for you moving out in order to 'progress the relationship' You made yourself a doormat from the start! ARGH !

Then YOU went around the world twice to see her, I think you've jumped through enough hoops for the little princess.

What did you actually get out of this supposed relationship?
Nine months of a normal relationship and 15 months of waiting around while she kept you in cold storage.

You did the right thing. She is a user, she may not even realise it yet but she is and you dont need it.

LegacyUser

hi guys, thanks for the replys.
thanks humanity for the straight talk, u are right.
i was being a bit of a mat alright, id like to think she wasnt riding all round her, maybe there was someone she met or something going on, guess ill never know now.
when she started asking bout the flat i thought to myself, not a flippin hope honey.
then i jsut said to myself, ara whats the point in this sh!t, and ended it.

needed the reassurance that i hadnt made a split decision which in the long run would end up being a massive mistake, she is coming home next week like!
its a shame i waited 15months and for it to end up like this..
fecking life and its lessons..

star-pants

I would agree with other posters -- you went halfway across the world, twice to see her.
She gets back to you when *she* feels like it. Says she misses you and wants to be together but then when you suggest being together she says she never wanted anything like that? So why didn't she just tell you straight when she left the country.

If I were you I wouldn't bother helping her get an apartment, she can get off her backside & do it herself. It's not being petty, you went looking for the two of ye, she was thinking about herself only. Leave now and save yourself hassle.

AngryBadger

She sounds like a plank, you did the right thing to give her the old heave-ho. Frankly I reckon you're some kind of saint for putting up with her as long as you did.

LegacyUser

thanks for the continued replys guys!
i wouldnt consider myself a saint, but i was in love and i guess love actually is blind.
(if anything im the plank, i have a sister who would whisper in my ear every now and again saying shes being way too selfish and i need to set her straight!)
well, its done now, we are officially over, no plans of meeting up when she does return.in a strange way, i walk away with my head high, i feel i gave it my all to the relationship,maybe she will wake up one morning and discover not every lad will put up with her messing!
and goodluck to her.

thanks again everbody!

LegacyUser

Just move on – she sounds like she's not in love you with. Find someone who is worth your time.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for the continued replys guys!
i wouldnt consider myself a saint, but i was in love and i guess love actually is blind.
(if anything im the plank, i have a sister who would whisper in my ear every now and again saying shes being way too selfish and i need to set her straight!)
well, its done now, we are officially over, no plans of meeting up when she does return.in a strange way, i walk away with my head high, i feel i gave it my all to the relationship,maybe she will wake up one morning and discover not every lad will put up with her messing!
and goodluck to her.

thanks again everbody!

Hi OP (I just posted above – 17:42),

Congrats on approaching this with a level head and having the right attitude. You sound like you're fairly young so I'm sure you'll have lots of opportunities to find a nice girl!

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for the continued replys guys!
i wouldnt consider myself a saint, but i was in love and i guess love actually is blind.
(if anything im the plank, i have a sister who would whisper in my ear every now and again saying shes being way too selfish and i need to set her straight!)
well, its done now, we are officially over, no plans of meeting up when she does return.in a strange way, i walk away with my head high, i feel i gave it my all to the relationship,maybe she will wake up one morning and discover not every lad will put up with her messing!
and goodluck to her.

thanks again everbody!

Good man yourself! I would have absolutely no regrets and you made the right decision. Best of luck

AngryBadger

Best ending man, you can walk away saying you gave it every chance. Kudos!

LegacyUser

hi all, OP here.
so iv stuck with my decision and we are still broken up, im trying this whole out of sight out of mind kind of thing. its going ok, but when im on my own i cant help but think about her.
now shes back in the country and we have been in touch a few times.iv stuff iv to give back to her so we are meeting up during the week..trouble is i know in my heart im going to want to ask her what the hell went so wrong, its going to be heartwrenching.im actually dreading it, but i have to know for closures sake at least.
how best to approach, should i be friendly,should i act like im not too bothered,or should i tell her that our breaking up was hard as hell, despite me trying to be as level headed as possible about it.

G-Money

I agree with other posters, it sounds like she's a waste of time. I also hate to say it but I'm betting she was with at least 1 other person the whole time she was away.

With regards meeting up with her, I think I know what you should do. You say you have stuff to give back to her, fair enough. Can you get someone else to drop it off? You don't have to be honest, you can make up some excuse like you are busy. If you do this, be very brief and don't tell her what your other plans are (even if you have none).

If you are meeting up with her, let her know beforehand that it will have to be quick as you have stuff to do. It doesn't matter if you have nothing at all planned, she doesn't need to know that, let her wonder. Have something made up to say beforehand in-case she starts quizzing you about what you are going to do.

When you meet her just say "hey hows it going, sorry I'm in a mad rush" give her the stuff. Small talk for a few mins so as to be polite, then say "right, I have to go, good meeting you again" and head off.

Like I say, it doesn't matter if you have nothing else to do other than go home and wonder about what went wrong. Hopefully this isn't the case. Either way, tell you have to dash and make it a very quick 2 minute meet. If you act all stroppy she will take the hump probably, but if you are in good form and just seem really busy, that's the best impression to give. Even if it's completely made up.

Just have a "excuse" for why you need to leave and make it water tight so she can't start saying "oh I was talking to x or y and they said you didn't help them with z". It doesn't matter if it's completely made up. You just want to drop off her stuff and get away as soon as possible, preferably within 2 minutes.

That way it will be easier on you as well.

LegacyUser

hay thanks for the advice.i know im going to end up saying so what did actually happen while u were in oz. im finding it so difficult to accept that she could get with somebody else.she really doesnt seem the type.
she text me at 3am this morning saying she misses me loads, i didnt reply until this morning and said we need to talk about what went wrong before anything else..she replyed saying she doesnt remember texting me and she hopes it wasnt too OTT and agreed that we do have to talk (i havent replyed)
christ, call me simple but i wish to gawd she would make up her mind and stick to it.

soundsham

get a spine man!!
tell her where to go !!
sounds like a total messer !!

tell her not to contact you till she's home for 5-6 weeks as by then she should be settled into living in auld ireland again ,and also have plenty time to think about how she feels about yourselves

Kirnsy

soundsham wrote: »

get a spine man!!
tell her where to go !!
sounds like a total messer !!

tell her not to contact you till she's home for 5-6 weeks as by then she should be settled into living in auld ireland again ,and also have plenty time to think about how she feels about yourselves

this+1

tell her to take a hike.
don't give her the pleasure of knowing your upset etc. And please dont ask anything about australia. its not worth knowing what did/didn't happen.

Come on.... pull yourself together and tell her to just leave you alone.
you've waited long enough its time for her to grow up.you deserve better imo.

LegacyUser

i have to meet up to give her stuff back, ill see what she has to say and sure if its not pleasing to my ears, we are already broken up, so i can just get up and walk away at any time i guess.
i am curious as to what she has to say to me. ill play my cards close to my chest and let her do the talking i think.

LegacyUser

arrrgghh! im just so annoyed. right, heres where im at (feel free to call me a plike) its been nearly a month since we broke up, we decided to meet tomorrow as iv stuff to give her. she tells me shes finished work at 5.30pm, i tell her im meeting a friend at 7pm so i can stay and chat about things until then.
(ok so im going to see a footy game, and well she knows that!)
but after a month of being broken up, shes been in the country 2weeks and hasnt once bothered her h0le to ring me, im sorry but the way i see it i have a prearranged plan made and i intend to stick to it, and her trying to guilt me into not meeting my friend by asking me whats more important, talking things through or meeting up with a friend, is just actually her being nothing more than a ridiculous self centred aul sh!te.
iv told her ill be at a certain place at 5.30pm until 7pm, if she wants she stuff and to talk thats as much time as im willing to give, anything else can be said some other time (or if she decides to pick up the fone)
am i being a bit too much or am i finally finding my spine?

Kirnsy

Unregistered wrote: »

arrrgghh! im just so annoyed. right, heres where im at (feel free to call me a plike) its been nearly a month since we broke up, we decided to meet tomorrow as iv stuff to give her. she tells me shes finished work at 5.30pm, i tell her im meeting a friend at 7pm so i can stay and chat about things until then.
(ok so im going to see a footy game, and well she knows that!)
but after a month of being broken up, shes been in the country 2weeks and hasnt once bothered her h0le to ring me, im sorry but the way i see it i have a prearranged plan made and i intend to stick to it, and her trying to guilt me into not meeting my friend by asking me whats more important, talking things through or meeting up with a friend, is just actually her being nothing more than a ridiculous self centred aul sh!te.
iv told her ill be at a certain place at 5.30pm until 7pm, if she wants she stuff and to talk thats as much time as im willing to give, anything else can be said some other time (or if she decides to pick up the fone)
am i being a bit too much or am i finally finding my spine?

you handled it perfectly OP just make sure to stick to your plan and not let her guilt you into spending more time with her.


are you giving her things or meeting up for a 'talking things through' chat?

Amazotheamazing

Do you actually want to be with her, despite all the messing? If you do, talk to her about how you feel. Sure you waited for 15 months, but as far as you know, she did too.

If you want her out of your life, just give her back her stuff and don't bother dragging over the relationship, imo.

CDfm

OP - Im normally on the side of the romantics but even I can see thru this one.

Your young lady is quite manipulative and wants everything. It is fairly obvious that she is a user in every sense of the word and you really dont know where you stand with her.

This is Headwreck Central or at least it would be for me. I couldnt live like that and you have to decide whether or not you can. You say you cant but are very indecicive when it comes to commiting to stopping acting like this.

You have every right to see the football.

Whats so wrong in just packing her stuff in a box and putting it in a cupboard or indeed a locker in the trainstation and mailing her the key.

Taltos

OP - hope it goes well for you later.

Remember to stay strong. Just keep these thoughts at the forefront of your mind.
> You were being used
> She is still trying to use you
> She will be very happy to keep using you

Come on - 15mts on the road and this is how she has been behaving?
Turn your mobile off at night - who needs to be woken at 3am by someone who the next day claims to remember nothing - think we all used that one...

Stick to your guns later - if anything cut it shorter - you know have to pick up your mate etc... Last minute change in plans - here's your stuff and talk to you later.
What do you really have to talk about - do you really think she will admit to why she is treating you like a doormat? Not gonna happen. Go in there a man and leave with your own self-respect.
If this relationship was ever meant to work it would have by now.
Who knows maybe after being home for a few months and growing up a bit she might realise what a user she has been - but do you really want to be with someone who has clearly treated you with so little regard?

Great job on how you have handled this so far - keep it up.

G-Money

Seriously OP, this one is using you. If I were you I wouldn't even stay for the full time you said. I bet if you talk things through you will just end up feeling worse at the end of it. Let's be realistic, she's probably not going to profess her undying love for you. Instead she's more likely to say something that will make you feel like your heart has been ripped out.

Try not to think of her as a girl you like or used to like. Just think of her as some annoyance who's bugging the hell out of you and who you want to get away from. The best thing for you to do is to focus on her negative traits fully, that way you won't be that interested in what she has to say and whatever she says will have less impact.

As other people have said, don't let her guilt you into staying longer than you want or plan to. I'd go as far as telling her something has come up and you can only meet her for a few mins (say something has come up at work or you have to meet your friend early or something). Again do not let her guilt you into changing your mind. In fact, if she tries to, I'd go as far as completely ignoring what she said and acting like she never said it at all.

Just come across as friendly and upbeat, basically giving the impression that your life is the best it's ever been at the moment. As I say it doesnt matter if it's a complete lie, just get through the meeting and she will wonder how come you are so happy without her etc.

Anyway dude, we are all rooting for you. Nip this in the bud before it sucks the life out of you and does your head in even more.

Wibbs

grandmaster wrote: »

Anyway dude, we are all rooting for you. Nip this in the bud before it sucks the life out of you and does your head in even more.

Agreed and I also agree with the notion she's a user. I've made the mistake of being with the type on two occasions. She's maybe not even aware of what she's doing. It's usually a self centered thing. She wants, she needs, its all about her and when her wants correspond to what you want she's fine. Not anything like a good person to be with. You'll be chasing your tail way too much. The other aspect is it's not all her issue. You allowed her or enabled her to do it. Now that can happen to us all(as I say, happened to me), but after the first signs of her dodgy behaviour you should have scraped her off, no matter how you felt about her at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 vision of course, but this is a good lesson to learn too. You're doing fine. Next time she pulls this stuff, just treat it with the energy it deserves, which is very little. Do not put yourself out at all. If she wants her stuff, arrange a time that suits you. What may happen next and usually does, is as you back off from her, she'll get panicky and pull the emotional stuff to get you back on track for her needs. Self centered types are masters of that, just give you enough of an emotional sniff to keep you around. Don't fall for that one. You deserve better, so believe that and act accordingly.

Basically I would get her stuff back to her, don't engage in much convo when you do, don't get recriminations with her as that will just give her an opening to pull her emotional jedi mind trick on you. Scrape her off, get rid of her stuff and the shared stuff in your life, do not answer her calls texts pigeon post etc and move on.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

It all sounds proper sketchy in fairness, but doesn't sound like we're hearing the whole story. Don't be too hasty with your decision making! She's back in two weeks...meet up and talk about it face to face. You'll know then where you stand, if not by what she says then be aware of her body language. Don't leave it up to a forum to make your decision.

You've waited 15months so far, another 2 weeks won't do any harm. Hang in there until then!
And if she's still playing games when she gets back, then tell her to get the f***ing boat.

GOODLUCK!

p.s Let us know how you get on!

G-Money

So OP, how did it go??

Radiotower

I hope he pulled throu' and isn't curled up with her in bed as we speak...
I seen plenty of girls like this when i was in oz - travelling alone and in a relationship at home and low and behold 9 times out of 10 they'd be in bed with some random lad in the hostel... Even met one girl from Kildare wearing an engagement ring who ended up in bed with some Scottish lad on her first night in Sydney....

RossFixxxed

Hey OP fair play, you've definitly manned up to a difficult situation. Just hope you've followed through. You've wasted too much time and emotion her and it's really time to get on with your own life. There's gotta be a lot of things you want to do right ? Go do them!

LegacyUser

well i'm guessing since we haven't heard back from OP that he gave in and got back with ex?

bet he'll be back here very soon complaining how she messed him around again.....

where is the willpower these days???

LegacyUser

hi all, sorry for the total delay! well we met up at her apartment, got chatting, which flowed nicely into a massive arguement, i told her how i operate is love first, jobs/accomodation, in fact everything else comes 2nd, i wear my heart on my sleeve.
and from what i had seen of her, it was jobs/accomodation must be sorted first, then love life, and i told her i wasnt ok with that.(to which she took a grave offence, saying i might aswell be calling her materialistic and spoilt, and said later in the arguement that she has never heard me speak like that before, i think i pointed out a few home truths myself)
when on the topic of the apartment, she maintains she wasnt ready to move in, and claims she didnt realise i was plannig on moving back to galway,(to recap- im form there, my friends are there, im off for the summer, where else am i going to go?!)
i went on to ask her bout the "break" she had asked for, and told her from an outsiders view, it looked like someone brighter had caught her eye. she says thats completely untrue, she just needed time to think as the thoughts of coming home, back to reality etc put a doubt or two in her head, but she realised it was me she wanted.(on this im choosing to believe her)
she ups and leaves and tells me to close the door on the way out..
i do..(made it in time for the footy game nicely too!)
didnt hear a thing until the next day when i get a text saying she cant and will never get over the hurtful things i said, shes heartbroken and wished it didnt happen like that.
i txt back asking how else she she expect it to go? the texting went back and forth a few times, im this that and the other, im reminding her it takes two to argue.
i didnt get any sleep that night, next day i rang her to clear the air, i did manage to get an apology from her as i told her i was insulted and hurt when she refused to move in with me.
didnt sleep much that night either.
i text her next morning to see if she wanted to meet up, she asked why. i said (some of u are going to want to slap me in the face right now!!) that im still madly in love with her, im crazy about her, straight up, no messing. she says thanks for the honesty and she needs time to think about it. (because iv said so many hurtful things and she doesnt know me anymore you see)
she found out last night im still taking the apartment and will be moving in with mutual friends, and throws a wobbly over it, saying i should have told her, forgive me but i had other things on my mind at that moment in time.apparently im a liar, untrustworthy, deceitful as i didnt tell her my plans for living accomodation for next month (is it really that big of a deal where or who i live with? im not seeing it)
so that brings the story up to now...

what the jurys verdict?

CDfm

I think she is being dramatic but what else is new.

You got thru and saw thru the emotional blackmail which is a big plus for you.You did some plain talking and her feelings were hurt. Now you are a liar asnd deceitful as well.Boohoo.

Its ok to fancy her and have a crush on her etc BTW. Even to roll over and have your tummy tickled by her if the opportunity arises and you wouldnt refuse that.

Whats not right would be to provide accomadation etc for her and to do without yourself. Thats being a doormat. Or indeed sharing accomadation with her as "singles" as that would hurt you emotionally.

So thumbs up from me as you have stuck to your guns and been decisive.

I am not criticising her - maybe she doesnt want to give up her single life and is not being honest about it. That is her decision and you should move on.

LegacyUser

at this stage op id tell her to put up or shut up!

LegacyUser

OP, you are a class act. Not only did you stay faithful to that arrogant girl for TOO long, but she treated you wrongly (IMHO) and you gave her the boot. You are 100% right. Get on with your life, and find that dame that will appreciate the man you are. Hats off to you mate.

LegacyUser

Based on that I'd say the balls in her court, but you're going to have to make her do some begging.

What's the update now?

LegacyUser

hi all,
well the update is:
met up monday night, her flatmate was in the apt, so no real chat. just the 3of us sitting there having a laugh.got the feeling she was enjoying it.(got a hug on the doorstep)
tuesday, met her for lunch, all nice and chatty, usual melarky.
met again tuesday evening, long chat.
basically i told her i wanted to get back together, she thinks that because we dont see eye to eye on issues its not going to work out.
also said that she feels she has become "independent" of me after travelling for so long.(we'l see how "independent" she is when something goes wrong and she needs a shoulder, tenner bet i get the phonecall!) i told her it was a massive mistake, and walked..
we text once or twice since,i wasnt being overly friendly, she replyed "fine", i replyed saying what did she really expect, i had my heart ripped out, im not ging to forget it anytime soon.
shes text me there to say shes putting pics of us up in her room?! what the hell does one say to that?! needless to say,i havent replyed.

sarsarsar

God almighty!!

Good that you havent replied - dont!!!!

Be Strong xx

Toots

OP, I'd leave it. She's just messing with your head, and it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. You're better off forgetting about it and getting on with your life.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

she thinks that because we dont see eye to eye on issues its not going to work out.
also said that she feels she has become "independent" of me after travelling for so long.

i think the challenge for you is to be emotionally independent of her

she has not become that independent for her life to be drama free -read your posts and it hardly seems that she has grown at all.

mbren

Having read through all the posts here, all I can say OP, is that you are your own worst enemy!
No one should let themselves be treated in the manner that you have been treated. It's completely unacceptable and all she is doing is mind-fcuking with you!
Forget about her and have a good summer!

Oh The Humanity

OP, she is still playing you like a fiddle.

All the melodramatics and self pity and 'poor me' behaviour she goes on with when you wont do her bidding. She said it herself, spoilt and selfish.
You should have just laughed in her face, dont mind all that 'hurt' nonsense, the only thing hurting her is you are no longer such an efficient lapdog.

When she throws you a bone or two by text (which you snaffle up).... Dont be analysing it and everything she does, it means nothing. Im sorry, you keep trying to be clever and graduate this into a proper relationship but you cant.

She doesnt respect you, you cant change that now. All you can do is walk away. I know you think you love her, but this is not love. Love is a two way thing.

I know you are still learning now and kudos, you have come far, but you still have some way to go and this one is just going to play you and play you.

Its unlikely you can change the dynamic of the relationship at this stage.

Wibbs

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Its unlikely you can change the dynamic of the relationship at this stage.

+1 and indeed why would you want to? She'd still be a self centered person.

SunInDublin

Well you sure at this point deserve each other!

If you're serious about not wanting drama then move away from the girl!!

You know what they say, you can see clearly with a distance and as much as i cant see anything in my own drama i sure see very clear for yours!

I think you do stand for yourself then she thinks shes losing you but then you crawl back to her!!....she knows you're crazy bout her that is why she will always disrespect you!!! i know for a fact, i have been THAT girl in the past and not proud of it of course, i grew out of it, but I knew all too well I could get away with anything with him cos he was insanely crazy about me and i always pushed him away, his buttons, to see how far i could get away, til one day he actually stopped coming back!!!!!

Chocked and heartbroken for the first time, or maybe my ego but it was the best for him in the end, both of us actually.

Best of luck !!

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

shes text me there to say shes putting pics of us up in her room?! what the hell does one say to that?! needless to say,i havent replyed.

Bloody hell id just delete the number and all contact. Send a brief explaination by text to her (ie. you're an idiot, bye) and then leave it die.

You're being too nice to her at this stage. I can understand that. After all the time you were with her you still haven't shaken that element, and after she's been away for so long i can get why you'd just want to see her. so you're reasons are completely understandable.

BUT, she has other plans. she doesn't want a relationship but the emotional support that she's been getting for the last year or so from you while she goes out and "finds herself". Look at everything she's done so far:

1. Made you wait for 15 months for her only to say she wants to break up.
2. Refused to move in with you.
3. Wanted YOU to find an apartment for her and her mate.
4. it the roof when you decided to move into the gaff with your mates.
5. Has been meeting up with you and texting you nice things, showing just enough affection to keep you hoping and waiting around so you can be that emotional stability for when she gets hurt, while she goes off and does what she wants guilt free.

These aren't the actions of someone who loves you. It's the actions of a self centered cluless tit who thinks they have a handle on life because they went to Australia for a year. The truth is she hasn't got a clue and the only thing she learned to do is how to take advantage of people who care about her. Not something admirable to have. but she doesnt give a toss if it's right or wrong because she believes the world revolves around her.

And i also completely agree with you when you say you'll be the one who gets the phone call when things to pear shaped. It's gaurenteed because to her, that's what your role is in her life. It's the worst one in the world to have. you have to get rid of her simply because NOTHING WILL CHANGE.

Picture this one: You give her the emotional support and stick by her and she cries into your shoulder and tells you your a nice person and she really cares about you. Then she meets someone else. Suddenly, you dont hear as much from her. And when you try and get in touch she rejects your calls and questions saying that you're just an ex and that she likes you as a friend but she has to move on. Not nice, not pleasent and the kicker is that's pretty much what will happen.

Also, I'm willing to bet she cheated on you in Oz. Possibly more than once. Her actions speak a lot of this, as in the kind of person that says different rules apply when you're in different countries. Horseshít i believe it's called.

So mate, don't entertain this little bítch any more. That's all she is. you've done a lot and you deserve much, much better than this so my advice is to get it all over with now and block all contact with her. And have some fun this summer with your mates and maybe some other ladies who'll treat you better. There's always better looking women out there too dont waste any more time on her. you've a lot of good karma now and it's time it was put to good use. and you wont be able to to that when she still treats you like a lapdog.

Good luck bud

LegacyUser

hi all, thank you for all your advice throughout all this, i mean that sincerely.
well i havent replyed to that text she sent where shes putting up pics of me, im finding it hard as hell to be honest.
i guess i had fallen very deeply in love here, i have friends around me who are my age (25ish) some are starting families, some in long term commited relationships. whenever i thought about the "maybe one day ill have my own family" thoughts, i pictured my ex as being the one that would be in that picture with me..i really did.(hope thats some form of insight into how deep i felt for her)
guess thats why waiting for so long didnt seem like much of a deal for me, when u love someone, u do tend to put up with a hell of a lot really dont you?
thanks "wagon" for your advice, you are right, im moving in with my friends, im going to start getting back to the basics of being single-going out and enjoying myself. i already know im nowhere near being ready to move on, (funny story-i have since been offered what i can only describe as a "booty call" by a different girl! ..i caved and told her i was coming out of a relationship and just wasnt ready..most of my mates would have jumped at the opportunity,but i hadnt a notion to be honest, but i was in a weird way flattered as i had fancied this girl from years back)..small steps first though.maybe in time, some other gal might catch my attention and hopefully things can happen.
as much as i am admittedly still in love my ex, im beginning to see thats its always going to be oneway, im always going to be the one that makes sacracifices, unless of course there are drastic personality changes made on her part (its not me, its her!haha!) i think that we cant help who fall for, but we can protect ourselves if its not good for you. so thats what im going to do..cut the cord as they say, its the best thing for me, and probably for her too.
thanks again guys..

cabrwab

OP,
glad your last post seems like you've started moving away from her! DO NOT talk to this one, you'll move on at some point, find new love, can't believe you were made hang around for 18 months and you got no thanks.
Wait until you get into a new relationship she'll be around sniffing again!
I know the type i've being there.

Avoid and ignore, best option. Don't entertain her posting photos of you with responses, she is clearly spoilt beyond belief, expecting you to hand her over apartments, when you were playing on staying there yourself.

You've done the best thing.
Well done. Keep it up

Taltos

cabrwab wrote: »

OP,
glad your last post seems like you've started moving away from her! DO NOT talk to this one, you'll move on at some point, find new love, can't believe you were made hang around for 18 months and you got no thanks.
Wait until you get into a new relationship she'll be around sniffing again!
I know the type i've being there.

Avoid and ignore, best option. Don't entertain her posting photos of you with responses, she is clearly spoilt beyond belief, expecting you to hand her over apartments, when you were playing on staying there yourself.

You've done the best thing.
Well done. Keep it up

+1
Keep it up - stay strong and do not falter here.
She will be back in touch when it goes wrong for her; but keep in your mind that she has you on speed-dial under "Doormat".
You have taken the hardest step here and somedays you might think you have made a mistake - but you have NOT.
If she really did care for you, you would not have been treated like this.
In terms of the argument - great way to shift the blame to you and now take responsibility.

You had a lucky escape there - do not falter now...

Wagon

Glad to help mate You'll bounce back in no time. Best of luck!

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

(funny story-i have since been offered what i can only describe as a "booty call" by a different girl! ..i caved and told her i was coming out of a relationship and just wasnt ready..most of my mates would have jumped at the opportunity,but i hadnt a notion to be honest, but i was in a weird way flattered as i had fancied this girl from years back)..small steps first though.maybe in time, some other gal might catch my attention and hopefully things can happen.

Funny story OP - I got into a new relationship. Was in real shock for months at how well I was being treated - OH raves at how nice I am.

Why not return the booty call and say wow a dose of real loving and normality and you will never go back