Shes going away for 6 weeks... will she be gone?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I think im completly over reacting but i cant be sure, as my thoughts are a bit all over the place. (typical weird girl related problem.. is there any others )

I'with a girl for basically over a year. Both college graduates. now, when we first started seeing eachother we never made official due to both going away for 3 months to different countries during the summer.

This was fine. I never once forgot about her. She thought we were over so started seeing a new lad. Whatever none my business as we had no official status etc. That is all fine, no problems there.

Upon returning home however i instantly went for her again. We are together happily since then.

I love her etc... and her me. no probs there. We get on great.

This coming summer she is heading to thailand for 6-7 weeks with her mates. I'm gonna be at home working. She hastn brought up the idea of staying together or whatever. Tbh im scared she will. I want to be with her. A break... well i dont trust them, i see it as breaking up, where i will be pining after her and mising her and she will be partying it up and having great time(biased view i know).

I honestly dont know what shes thinking and would be scared to bring it up in case i put ideas in head. I dont think she would bring it up until closer to the time anyway.

Basically i was just watching "the beach" and its based in thailand (where gf is headed)
and all i can now think is what will she want? Would i be resented for her being taken over there or would she prefer to be single?

Now shes never one for sleeping around etc so i dont think she would on a break ro whatever. but i dont want one... i actually dont know what i want except her to be happy. if she slept with sum1 i would never get over that. Not that she would of done wrong but i cudnt sleep with her as id always remember...

Have people had this experience themselves? Will she be ok to be single or taken?

Alot of her mates are single etc, so will def be load of partying etc and honestly i want her to do that cos she enjoys it!
I just dont want to have her feeling shes missing out cos cant kis a boy or whatever. But i don't think i can cope with thought of her kissing other boys or more and would ultimately end our relationship regardless of whos in the right or wrong just how i feel!

What do ppl think i should do?

Should i approach it with her? knowing its a convo i do not necessarily need to have for a while? im afraid if she said she wants a break well, it would be in my head between now and then and wreck the time we have now.

Or let it fall as it does?

I want to not have a break. but easy for me to say as ill be at home working! Shes the one who will be "missing out" i suppose...
Going over to her isnt realy an option as im saving up to do a masters in september!

BUT the other problem i am having is with her lack of contact. She has mates who have gone away for few months abroad for college or various other reasons. As in mates she is extremly close to. she struggles to even write them an email to talk to them etc. I am worried if she does go away this will happen to me!

Now we have never been one to talk to her every day etc... not necessry but every few days is all i want. I'd be scared we just wouldnt talk for 6 weeks. And that would be us done either! This i know i'v to talk to her about. But its just part of the problem. Thought it relevant to put here!


Anyway sorry if my post is incoherant...
thanks

Terodil

TBH I am confused.

What do you both want out of the relationship?

You yourself seem not to be too certain. If you really wanted to be in a sincere relationship then you'd not even be posting here, but discussing it with her directly.

I am wondering if you even have one at the moment. Your entire post seems very confused, I'm sorry to say. Make up your mind first, develop a clear strategy, discuss it with her, the end.

Monkey61

Okay so your girlfriend of one year is going on holidays and you think she is going to want to break up with you for the duration of that holiday???

Who on earth would do that? When one is in a relationship I think it is safe to presume that you aren't going to break up every time one person goes on holiday.

If I was going out with someone for a year and they said they wanted to take a break while they were on a 6 week holiday I can safely say that I would be sending them on a permanent break! Christ if I was going out with someone for a month and they said that I would not be taking them back.

Stop being insecure. If she suggests such a thing all it means is that she doesn't like you very much and you guys should not be together at all.

pookie82

you express a fear of bringing it up now, getting an answer you don't want, and having the time you have left with her ruined. But it sounds to me like it will be ruined anyway unless you ask her what the story is. Last time you guys went your seperate ways there was no defined relationship, by your own admission, and it was a free for all. I should think that after a year together, the situation will be far removed from that. You should at least be able to broach the subject without being petrified of her reaction. Bring it up with her and tell her that you want to stay together. She made the plans to go away while with you, right? Imo going away and enjoying it doesn't necessitate breaking up with your other half and sleeping around. If she does intend on doing this, I hope she doesn't expect you to wait around for her to come home.

LegacyUser

Grow a pair of balls man.

Break it off now. If she comes after you, even in a subtle or tacit way, she wants you.

If you hear her squeal yippee on the way out the door, you´ll know that she´s sick of the sight of you and can´t wait to get away from. From reading your email it looks like she wants you to make the decision. So make it. Break it off and go out and enjoy yourself, don´t let her travel habits dictate.

Salome

You really need to talk to her OP - if you want to make your relationship exclusive, you need to tell her that before she goes.

At least if you have the talk, you'll know where you stand.

RedXIV

Chop Chop wrote: »

Grow a pair of balls man.

Break it off now. If she comes after you, even in a subtle or tacit way, she wants you.

If you hear her squeal yippee on the way out the door, you´ll know that she´s sick of the sight of you and can´t wait to get away from. From reading your email it looks like she wants you to make the decision. So make it. Break it off and go out and enjoy yourself, don´t let her travel habits dictate.

Dont do this.

Ask her as soon as you can, if she suggest the break for when she goes away it gives you and indication on how she feels about you and where she see's the relationship.

I dont understand the whole break thing..its like giving her a free reign to do what she wants but you'll be at home waiting for her when she comes back.

cazmcco

Hey OP.

Iv been where you are now. Two years ago this summer my bf was heading to the states for the summer. When he left, we were only going out for 6 months. He was gone for about 12 weeks.

We never had a specific (serious) conversation about whether to stay together or break up, but it did come up in conversation a few times and we just went with it (stayed together).

While he was over there he didn't have decent internet where he lived to have a conversation with him, but things like google talk are great. He did have internet where he worked, but he worked the early shift which wasnt always brilliant because with the time difference id be working while he had access to internet that was good enough for a webcam. As a result days passed when i didnt hear from him, which was hard at times and a pain in the ass :mad:, but i got over it !

However, i went and visited him on my holidays which was great! It was also a cheap holiday to the states coz i only had to pay for flights (free accomodation) !! Maby you could do something like that? It broke up the weeks that he was away brilliantly for me. I booked my holidays so that he was away for about 6 weeks before i went over, was there for 2 weeks and he came back a few weeks after that, so it didnt seem he was away for as long.

It worked for us, and were still together today. It all really depends on what yer relationship is like. If yer strong enough it will work.
If you dont want to have the serious conversation with her then bring it up casually in conversation and get a feel for the situation and what shes thinking and go from there.

The only thing that i WOULD NOT recommend is going on a break. From personal experience they never work. If ye go down that route, you will only end up having an awful summer while shes away wondering and hoping etc etc.
Also, while shes away make sure to do plenty of fun stuff with your own friends, it helps to take your mind off the fact that shes away and that your missing her.

I hope it all works out for you. PM me if you want a chat!

6 weeks is nothing. If I couldn't maintain a relationship while I was away for 6 weeks, I wouldn't even bother. I'm lucky to see my boyfriend every 6 MONTHS and we were only together a few months when he left to go abroad. If you can't trust each other not to score others or whatever, why are you together?