HELP, I've Just Been Sacked...

Armin_Tamzarian

Today I received a letter from my boss, informing me that I'd been fired.

I’ve always done my best at work but it’s not easy when you’re a recovering Soberoholic.

I think I’ve got a strong case for unfair dismissal.
Here’s a copy of the letter he sent me.
I’d appreciate it if you’d take a read and let me know what you think...



Dear Mr. Tamzarian…
It is with absolutely no regret that I am writing to inform you that
your employment with our company has been terminated, with immediate effect.
Your desk has been cleared and the contents are available for collection,
in the skip at the rear of the building.

Please adhere to the court ruling and refrain from ever contacting,
or visiting any of our offices again.

I am obliged to inform you in writing of the reasons for your dismissal.
So if I may begin.

I think it’s fair to say that the last straw that broke the camel’s back (and there were many),
was your abhorrent behaviour at our company’s Easter Ball.
What you deemed to be a ‘hilarious prank’ reduced a large proportion of our staff to tears
and has left poor Ahmed mentally scarred for life.

To kick the festivities off you decided to spike a devout Muslim’s drinks with Vodka.
After getting the man so intoxicated that he could barely stand up you then proceeded
to force the poor Ahmed to play a little game that you called, ‘Guantanamo Bay’.

Trying to make the poor man confess to prior knowledge of 9/11 was bad enough
but that paled in comparison with the ‘Waterboarding Incident’.

Lest that you are labouring under the misconception that this was a blip
on an otherwise unblemished career, please allow me to continue.

Leaving aside for now your persistent tardiness, absenteeism
and inability to remain awake for more than 20 minutes.
Let’s review some of your ‘finer’ moments.




There are two in particular which spring to mind.

• After being entrusted to oversee our break into the South Korean economy
  you were tasked with investing €400 million into local industry.
  Your ‘slight geographical error’, as you put it,
  lost us that entire €400 million.
  Our C.E.O’s visit from the CIA really was the icing on the cake.
  
  Letting €400 million fall into the hands of the most despicable despot
  on the planet was bad enough.
  But you could have at least ensured that our company logo
  didn’t get plastered all over the side of his latest Nuclear Missile.
  What was your defence again, oh yes; “sure it’ll be great
  for advertising when it shows up on Sky News”.
  
  
• Speaking of advertising, that brings me on to
  yet another of your crowning achievements.
  The ‘coup’ that you pulled off in getting our company’s logo
  on the jerseys of the Irish Soccer Team.
  €10 million seemed like a reasonable price to pay for such
  massive international exposure.
  
  That ‘bargain’ didn’t seem so impressive though when we discovered that
  we were in fact sponsoring the Women’s Under18’s Irish Soccer Team.
  Just when we thought that the incident couldn’t cause our company
  any further embarrassment, that photograph came out.
  
  You, spread across the front page of every tabloid newspaper in the land.
  Drinking from a bottle of Moet whilst lounging in a Jacuzzi with 5 members of
  the aforementioned, Women’s Under18’s Irish Soccer Team.
  
  
• I’d bring up the ‘Jakarta Affair’ but I’ve been advised not to discuss the matter
  until Greenpeace complete their investigations.

Your despicable conduct was made all the worse by that fact that we bent over
backwards to support and accommodate you in any way possible.

We constantly allowed you time off to meet with your addiction counsellors.
Incidentally, I still don’t accept that somebody can actually be a ‘Soberoholic’.
We turned a blind eye to the fully stocked mini-bar that the cleaner discovered under your desk.
We even granted your request for a week’s compassionate leave, after Jade Goody passed away.

Nothing has given me greater pleasure in life that being able to say
that your career with us is no more.

You are not only the worst employee that our multi-national organisation has ever employed,
you are also a stain on all of humanity.

I would be highly surprised if somewhere on your person there aren’t stamped the numbers ‘666’.

-Kindest Regards, Mr. (name withheld)

MagicMarker

One word.

Summarize.

emeraldstar

Three words: Post on Sundays?

Silverfish

tl;dr

RATM

tl;dr

Anyone know what a tracker mortgage is?

Ahoy!

Sorry to hear that,I'm sure a character like you will be missed in the office :P

SV

Looking for more thanks eh?

well you're gonna get it!

Saibh

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Today I received a letter from my boss, informing me that I'd been fired.

I’ve always done my best at work but it’s not easy when you’re a recovering Soberoholic.

I think I’ve got a strong case for unfair dismissal.
Here’s a copy of the letter he sent me.
I’d appreciate it if you’d take a read and let me know what you think...

I'm guessing you got this by email if you received it today.

We are only reading your ex-boss side of the story, you haven't stated your facts against his claims, so we can't say if it is unfair dismissal.

Vinta81

I want to find the humour in it but i just...can't

Snowie

RATM wrote: »

tl;dr

what that mean


funny letter tho :pac:

My name is URL

Tried too hard, tbh...

like an over-zealous trainer flogging gym memberships =p

Saibh

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

what that mean


funny letter tho :pac:

too long: didn't read

Professey Chin

Vinta81 wrote: »

I want to find the humour in it but i just...can't

Read between the lines to find the joke about 3 priests and only 2 alter boys. Its highlarious:pac:

Tellox

Well, might I just say **** the lot of you - fantastic post.

Vinta81

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Read between the lines to find the joke about 3 priests and only 2 alter boys. Its highlarious:pac:

I lost my sense of humour it seems...not even the slightest crack of a smile! What to do

Professey Chin

Vinta81 wrote: »

I lost my sense of humour it seems...not even the slightest crack of a smile! What to do

Kill a man?

Vinta81

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Kill a man?

Can I choose whom

Professey Chin

Vinta81 wrote: »

Can I choose whom

Anyone as long as it aint me:pac:

Ghost Train

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

what that mean


funny letter tho :pac:

it means you haven't been around the internet very long

Vinta81

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Anyone as long as it aint me:pac:

Why of course not! I have the perfect victim

Dampsquid

Please tell me thats a copy and paste, and that you didn't spend time on it...

Onikage

So the cops KNEW that internal affairs were setting them up?

Snowie

Ghost Train wrote: »

it means you haven't been around the internet very long

yeah i have just not on boards...

Diabhal Beag

*Looks at OP's post*

Am I hell gonna read all that :mad:

Thrill

Little Shyte wrote: »

*Looks at OP's post*

Am I hell gonna read all that :mad:

WHAT!!! You mean you only use the internet to look at all the pretty pictures?

Simple version of the OP....

OP loses job after behaving poorly at a party.

Diabhal Beag

Thrill wrote: »

WHAT!!! You mean you only use the internet to look at all the pretty pictures?

Simple version of the OP....

OP loses job after behaving poorly at a party.

So out of the 12% unemployed population he wants my sympathy :mad: If he wants it badly enough there must be a Father Ted related video in this thread

alexandros

can someone please move this thread (along with the OP) to PI?

Sharpshooter

I think I would like to see a Pighead version of that post.
Sorry OP but it's just not hitting the funny bone.

Red Hand

My rheumitism, which is acting up this evening, is funnier.

mikemac

Your soberholic post last week was quality.

But like most movie sequels, this just doesn't compare

Armin_Tamzarian

mikemac wrote: »

Your soberholic post last week was quality.

But like most movie sequels, this just doesn't compare

Damn, I always peak too early.
I knew I couldn't pull off the 'Terminator 2' of posts.

Well, it's better to try and FAIL than never to try at all...

*dusts myself off and begins again*

Armin_Tamzarian

emeraldstar wrote: »

Three words: Post on Sundays?

It's a new thing they were trying out at work.
Some sort of 'electronic' mail.

Armin_Tamzarian

Sharpshooter wrote: »

I think I would like to see a Pighead version of that post.
Sorry OP but it's just not hitting the funny bone.

Well, he is the master...

dSTAR

OP I think you have run your course. These humorous posts are becoming a bit like Police Academy. By the sixth one they are no longer even mildly funny.

My advice is to give up now.

Oh and TLDR.

Armin_Tamzarian

dSTAR wrote: »

OP I think you have run your course. These humorous posts are becoming a bit like Police Academy. By the sixth one they are no longer even mildly funny.

My advice is to give up now.

Oh and TLDR.

Well strange you should find the need to comment seeing as you didn't even read the post.

I've no problem accepting that alot of people found my post to be somewhat lame.
It's just some random wafflings from a person with too much time on their hands.
If it made at least one person smile then I'm happy.

However, what I do have a problem accepting though is humour criticism from someone
who found the first 5 Police Academy movies to be funny.

dSTAR

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

However, what I do have a problem accepting though is humour criticism from someone
who found the first 5 Police Academy movies to be funny.

OK you got me on that one.

<Applause>

Sharpshooter

First one was brilliant.

Armin_Tamzarian

Thank you Sharpshooter.

It annoys me when people come along and post comments along the lines of "you suck lamer, quit trying".

I don't understand that mentality.

When I glance through some of the other threads on offer.

> Recession Related #1
> Recession Related #2
> Machedda is God
> Help me masturbate for longer
> Recession Related #4 ,etc, etc.

I have to ask myself, is my thread with it's attempt at humour really that
much of a nuisance to people?
Is it not no more bothersome than the multitude of other pointless threads
that are out there?

Is it not ok to make abit of an effort now and again to try
to make a half decent post that amuses people and sparks some banter?

Is it not better to do this, than to do nothing for fear of failure?

I'm really against such negative comments.
They only serve to silence people who otherwise might get out there and have a go at posting.

Whosbetter?

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Thank you Sharpshooter.

It annoys me when people come along and post comments along the lines of "you suck lamer, quit trying".

I don't understand that mentality.

When I glance through some of the other threads on offer.

> Recession Related #1
> Recession Related #2
> Machedda is God
> Help me masturbate for longer
> Recession Related #4 ,etc, etc.

I have to ask myself, is my thread with it's attempt at humour really that
much of a nuisance to people?
Is it not no more bothersome than the multitude of other pointless threads
that are out there?

Is it not ok to make abit of an effort now and again to try
to make a half decent post that amuses people and sparks some banter?

Is it not better to do this, than to do nothing for fear of failure?

I'm really against such negative comments.
They only serve to silence people who otherwise might get out there and have a go at posting.

Don't worry about it.
I write what I like on this & I know that most people dont agree with what I say.
I 've been banned already & I'm not here that long...

tech77

First post was the real "Armin Tamzarian".
This post was more "Seymour Skinner" tbh.

From what i can make out from your OP i gather Chalmers has relieved you of your principal's job, is this correct?
I suggest you go back to Capitol city and resume your life as a "no-good street-punk".

common_parlance

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

When I glance through some of the other threads on offer.

> Recession Related #1
> Recession Related #2
> Machedda is God
> Help me masturbate for longer
> Recession Related #4 ,etc, etc.

...

Well, to be fair, you were responsible for at least one of those:

Armin_Tamzarian wrote:

Damn, I always peak too early.

Fago!

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Today I received a letter from my boss, informing me that I'd been fired.

I’ve always done my best at work but it’s not easy when you’re a recovering Soberoholic.

I think I’ve got a strong case for unfair dismissal.
Here’s a copy of the letter he sent me.
I’d appreciate it if you’d take a read and let me know what you think...



Dear Mr. Tamzarian…
It is with absolutely no regret that I am writing to inform you that
your employment with our company has been terminated, with immediate effect.
Your desk has been cleared and the contents are available for collection,
in the skip at the rear of the building.

Please adhere to the court ruling and refrain from ever contacting,
or visiting any of our offices again.

I am obliged to inform you in writing of the reasons for your dismissal.
So if I may begin.

I think it’s fair to say that the last straw that broke the camel’s back (and there were many),
was your abhorrent behaviour at our company’s Easter Ball.
What you deemed to be a ‘hilarious prank’ reduced a large proportion of our staff to tears
and has left poor Ahmed mentally scarred for life.

To kick the festivities off you decided to spike a devout Muslim’s drinks with Vodka.
After getting the man so intoxicated that he could barely stand up you then proceeded
to force the poor Ahmed to play a little game that you called, ‘Guantanamo Bay’.

Trying to make the poor man confess to prior knowledge of 9/11 was bad enough
but that paled in comparison with the ‘Waterboarding Incident’.

Lest that you are labouring under the misconception that this was a blip
on an otherwise unblemished career, please allow me to continue.

Leaving aside for now your persistent tardiness, absenteeism
and inability to remain awake for more than 20 minutes.
Let’s review some of your ‘finer’ moments.





There are two in particular which spring to mind.

• After being entrusted to oversee our break into the South Korean economy
  you were tasked with investing €400 million into local industry.
  Your ‘slight geographical error’, as you put it,
  lost us that entire €400 million.
  Our C.E.O’s visit from the CIA really was the icing on the cake.
  
  Letting €400 million fall into the hands of the most despicable despot
  on the planet was bad enough.
  But you could have at least ensured that our company logo
  didn’t get plastered all over the side of his latest Nuclear Missile.
  What was your defence again, oh yes; “sure it’ll be great
  for advertising when it shows up on Sky News”.
  
  
• Speaking of advertising, that brings me on to
  yet another of your crowning achievements.
  The ‘coup’ that you pulled off in getting our company’s logo
  on the jerseys of the Irish Soccer Team.
  €10 million seemed like a reasonable price to pay for such
  massive international exposure.
  
  That ‘bargain’ didn’t seem so impressive though when we discovered that
  we were in fact sponsoring the Women’s Under18’s Irish Soccer Team.
  Just when we thought that the incident couldn’t cause our company
  any further embarrassment, that photograph came out.
  
  You, spread across the front page of every tabloid newspaper in the land.
  Drinking from a bottle of Moet whilst lounging in a Jacuzzi with 5 members of
  the aforementioned, Women’s Under18’s Irish Soccer Team.
  
  
• I’d bring up the ‘Jakarta Affair’ but I’ve been advised not to discuss the matter
  until Greenpeace complete their investigations.

Your despicable conduct was made all the worse by that fact that we bent over
backwards to support and accommodate you in any way possible.

We constantly allowed you time off to meet with your addiction counsellors.
Incidentally, I still don’t accept that somebody can actually be a ‘Soberoholic’.
We turned a blind eye to the fully stocked mini-bar that the cleaner discovered under your desk.
We even granted your request for a week’s compassionate leave, after Jade Goody passed away.

Nothing has given me greater pleasure in life that being able to say
that your career with us is no more.

You are not only the worst employee that our multi-national organisation has ever employed,
you are also a stain on all of humanity.

I would be highly surprised if somewhere on your person there aren’t stamped the numbers ‘666’.

-Kindest Regards, Mr. (name withheld)

Damn you Armin you've done it again. Funny stuff.