Ladies and Gentlemen, smashey's shebeen is now open.

smashey

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Given the day that is in it, I have decided to open my shebeen right here on BGRH.

We don't have Sky Sports or Setanta, only RTE1, RTE2 and TG4. We also only have one 14" black and white tv.

Kitty, our one-armed chef from Mayo, is a godess in the kitchen, or so says Pat, our waiter.

The health board knows nothing about this place so food will be served as and when you want it.

Due to a minor dispute with farmer next door, the outdoor toilet also doubles as a cow shed. This should not pose a problem as it is outdoors.

No bodily fluids are allowed on the floor..

We don't serve any of those namby-pamby cocktails here, so don't ask for them.

We did however get in a load of poitin, especially for Beruthiel. Kitty says she has some friends in Mayo who can source it for us.

We have a great supplier in the North who gives us a good deal on cigarettes and whiskey, and anything else we need. Although their accountant is away for a while so they asked to be paid in cash. Strange.

As today is our grand opening, your first drink is on the house.

So, what will it be?

Toto Wolfcastle

Woooooo go F5!!!!

smashey!

/me downs bottle of vodka

Vodka please.

smashey

Help yourself.

No licensing laws, no health and safety meddling, no planning. This is a true free house.

Toto Wolfcastle

Do I get to give massages? Tom Dunne put a stop to that one in the bar.

smashey

janeybabe wrote: »

Do I get to give massages? Tom Dunne put a stop to that one in the bar.

Oh yeah.

The evil Tom has no say in the running of this place.

Massages are to be encouraged.

Toto Wolfcastle

Brilliant! Well I'm off out to the shops to buy some pork products. Massages for all when I get back!

smashey

Bring some hocks of pork and we'll fire the oven up.

trout

Is there a policy on belching and farting ?

smashey

trout wrote: »

Is there a policy on belching and farting ?

Just do as nature intended.

trout

smashey wrote: »

Just do as nature intended.

Saibh

Tom also closed the bar in the first class lounge

Can we have a few drinks here instead

Tom Dunne

Saibh wrote: »

Tom also closed the bar in the first class lounge

Can we have a few drinks here instead

Just upholding the law.

Can't be losing my license, now, can I?

Just hope that Sgt. O'Leary doesn't get wind of this.

Saibh

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Just upholding the law.

Can't be losing my license, now, can I?

Just hope that Sgt. O'Leary doesn't get wind of this.

Did you not hear, he said we can keep the bar open (he received a brown envelope in the post the other day)

Nevyn

Is there any goats milk ?

Sargent O'Leary

Oh, be golly and bejaney, what would this be now?

trout

Goat's blood ?

Nevyn

No trout goats milk.

Afternoon Sarge, hows you today of all days.
Did smashey invite you to his private party ?

Sargent O'Leary

Thaedydal wrote: »

Afternoon Sarge, hows you today of all days.

I am not sure where you are, but it's still morning where I am, so a very good morning to you, on this very Good Friday.

Thaedydal wrote: »

Did smashey invite you to his private party ?

Indeed he did not. I may have heard about it through other means. This is a small town, I like to keep on top of everything.

Tom Dunne

Saibh wrote: »

Did you not hear, he said we can keep the bar open (he received a brown envelope in the post the other day)

I didn't hear that. :eek:

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

Oh, be golly and bejaney, what would this be now?

Oh dear.

Beruthiel

smashey wrote: »

We did however get in a load of poitin, especially for Beruthiel.

Pass the bottle smashey!

/runs out back, over ditch, across 2 fields *wheeze*

trout

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

... I like to keep on top of everything.

Sargent O'Leary

trout wrote: »

I know it does.

Tom Dunne

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

Indeed he did not. I may have heard about it through other means. This is a small town, I like to keep on top of everything.

So, tell me Sgt. O'Leary, what brings you in here today? I don't think we have seen around these parts before.

Ghost Train

So whats this then... Saibh recommended this place

Can I get a free drink.... won't make me go blind will it?

Nevyn

Anyone for a game of dominoes?
50cent a knock?

Sargent O'Leary

Tom Dunne wrote: »

So, tell me Sgt. O'Leary, what brings you in here today? I don't think we have seen around these parts before.

Ghost Train wrote: »

So whats this then... Saibh recommended this place

Can I get a free drink.... won't make me go blind will it?

There will be no drink served on these premises on Good Friday. That's the law.

And smashey, I take it you are the proprietor of this premises, are you?

trout

*quickly fetches donuts*

Sargent O'Leary

trout wrote: »

*quickly fetches donuts*

Donuts, you say?

Beruthiel

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

There will be no drink served on these premises on Good Friday. That's the law.

This is a private party Sarge, no law against that.

trout

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

Donuts, you say?

That's right Sarge, all the donuts a man could want.

You help yoreself there ... dig in ... there's more where they came from.

Plenty more.

Oh yeah.

*passes large plate of donuts over to the sarge*

Beruthiel wrote: »

This is a private party Sarge, no law against that.

ssh! I think we're winning him over with the donuts.

Saibh

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

There will be no drink served on these premises on Good Friday. That's the law.

I believe there was a brown envelope hand delivered to you the other day, are you backing out on your word now