Ladies and Gentlemen, smashey's shebeen is now open.

smashey

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Given the day that is in it, I have decided to open my shebeen right here on BGRH.

We don't have Sky Sports or Setanta, only RTE1, RTE2 and TG4. We also only have one 14" black and white tv.

Kitty, our one-armed chef from Mayo, is a godess in the kitchen, or so says Pat, our waiter.

The health board knows nothing about this place so food will be served as and when you want it.

Due to a minor dispute with farmer next door, the outdoor toilet also doubles as a cow shed. This should not pose a problem as it is outdoors.

No bodily fluids are allowed on the floor..

We don't serve any of those namby-pamby cocktails here, so don't ask for them.

We did however get in a load of poitin, especially for Beruthiel. Kitty says she has some friends in Mayo who can source it for us.

We have a great supplier in the North who gives us a good deal on cigarettes and whiskey, and anything else we need. Although their accountant is away for a while so they asked to be paid in cash. Strange.

As today is our grand opening, your first drink is on the house.

So, what will it be?

Toto Wolfcastle

Woooooo go F5!!!!

smashey!

/me downs bottle of vodka

Vodka please.

smashey

Help yourself.

No licensing laws, no health and safety meddling, no planning. This is a true free house.

Toto Wolfcastle

Do I get to give massages? Tom Dunne put a stop to that one in the bar.

smashey

janeybabe wrote: »

Do I get to give massages? Tom Dunne put a stop to that one in the bar.

Oh yeah.

The evil Tom has no say in the running of this place.

Massages are to be encouraged.

Toto Wolfcastle

Brilliant! Well I'm off out to the shops to buy some pork products. Massages for all when I get back!

smashey

Bring some hocks of pork and we'll fire the oven up.

trout

Is there a policy on belching and farting ?

smashey

trout wrote: »

Is there a policy on belching and farting ?

Just do as nature intended.

trout

smashey wrote: »

Just do as nature intended.

Saibh

Tom also closed the bar in the first class lounge

Can we have a few drinks here instead

Tom Dunne

Saibh wrote: »

Tom also closed the bar in the first class lounge

Can we have a few drinks here instead

Just upholding the law.

Can't be losing my license, now, can I?

Just hope that Sgt. O'Leary doesn't get wind of this.

Saibh

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Just upholding the law.

Can't be losing my license, now, can I?

Just hope that Sgt. O'Leary doesn't get wind of this.

Did you not hear, he said we can keep the bar open (he received a brown envelope in the post the other day)

Nevyn

Is there any goats milk ?

Sargent O'Leary

Oh, be golly and bejaney, what would this be now?

trout

Goat's blood ?

Nevyn

No trout goats milk.

Afternoon Sarge, hows you today of all days.
Did smashey invite you to his private party ?

Sargent O'Leary

Thaedydal wrote: »

Afternoon Sarge, hows you today of all days.

I am not sure where you are, but it's still morning where I am, so a very good morning to you, on this very Good Friday.

Thaedydal wrote: »

Did smashey invite you to his private party ?

Indeed he did not. I may have heard about it through other means. This is a small town, I like to keep on top of everything.

Tom Dunne

Saibh wrote: »

Did you not hear, he said we can keep the bar open (he received a brown envelope in the post the other day)

I didn't hear that. :eek:

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

Oh, be golly and bejaney, what would this be now?

Oh dear.

Beruthiel

smashey wrote: »

We did however get in a load of poitin, especially for Beruthiel.

Pass the bottle smashey!

/runs out back, over ditch, across 2 fields *wheeze*

trout

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

... I like to keep on top of everything.

Sargent O'Leary

trout wrote: »

I know it does.

Tom Dunne

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

Indeed he did not. I may have heard about it through other means. This is a small town, I like to keep on top of everything.

So, tell me Sgt. O'Leary, what brings you in here today? I don't think we have seen around these parts before.

Ghost Train

So whats this then... Saibh recommended this place

Can I get a free drink.... won't make me go blind will it?

Nevyn

Anyone for a game of dominoes?
50cent a knock?

Sargent O'Leary

Tom Dunne wrote: »

So, tell me Sgt. O'Leary, what brings you in here today? I don't think we have seen around these parts before.

Ghost Train wrote: »

So whats this then... Saibh recommended this place

Can I get a free drink.... won't make me go blind will it?

There will be no drink served on these premises on Good Friday. That's the law.

And smashey, I take it you are the proprietor of this premises, are you?

trout

*quickly fetches donuts*

Sargent O'Leary

trout wrote: »

*quickly fetches donuts*

Donuts, you say?

Beruthiel

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

There will be no drink served on these premises on Good Friday. That's the law.

This is a private party Sarge, no law against that.

trout

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

Donuts, you say?

That's right Sarge, all the donuts a man could want.

You help yoreself there ... dig in ... there's more where they came from.

Plenty more.

Oh yeah.

*passes large plate of donuts over to the sarge*

Beruthiel wrote: »

This is a private party Sarge, no law against that.

ssh! I think we're winning him over with the donuts.

Saibh

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

There will be no drink served on these premises on Good Friday. That's the law.

I believe there was a brown envelope hand delivered to you the other day, are you backing out on your word now

trout

Saibh wrote: »

I believe there was a brown envelope hand delivered to you the other day, are you backing out on your word now

ssh! make with the donuts. He's powerless to resist the donuts.

Sargent O'Leary

Beruthiel wrote: »

This is a private party Sarge, no law against that.

It is my duty, as a member of An Garda Siochana to ensure there is no money changing hands for alcohol on this day.

trout wrote: »

That's right Sarge, all the donuts a man could want.

You help yoreself there ... dig in ... there's more where they came from.

Plenty more.

Oh yeah.

*passes large plate of donuts over to the sarge*

Hmmmmmm, well this changes things somewhat.

Saibh wrote: »

I believe there was a brown envelope hand delivered to you the other day, are you backing out on your word now

Oh, that wasn't for the whole penalty points thing, then was it?

Ooops.

Tom Dunne

Perhaps the Sargent would like something a little, well, "stronger" with his donuts?

smashey

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

There will be no drink served on these premises on Good Friday. That's the law.

And smashey, I take it you are the proprietor of this premises, are you?

That's right Sarge but as it's a private party and I bought all the food and drink we don't require a license.

Eh, I see there's been a horrific road accident over the mountain road. Three tractors, two cars, a lorry load of sheep and a few pedestrians. You better get yourself over there.

trout

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

It is my duty, as a member of An Garda Siochana to ensure there is no money changing hands for alcohol on this day.

I can assure you, and I speak for us all, there is absolutely NO chance of money changing hands today.

None at all.

'nother donut ?

*shakes plate*

Saibh

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

Oh, that wasn't for the whole penalty points thing, then was it?

Ooops.

Nope, it wasn't

You already received something for them - don't you remember??

Sargent O'Leary

smashey wrote: »

That's right Sarge but as it's a private party and I bought all the food and drink we don't require a license.

Eh, I see there's been a horrific road accident over the mountain road. Three tractors, two cars, a lorry load of sheep and a few pedestrians. You better get yourself over there.

I am sure young Gda. O'Sullivan has it covered.

trout wrote: »

'nother donut ?

*shakes plate*

Don't mind if I do.

Saibh wrote: »

Nope, it wasn't

You already received something for them - don't you remember??

Er, not exactly. A lot of things come my way quite regularly. Refresh my memory.

Saibh

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

I am sure young Gda. O'Sullivan has it covered.

I'm afraid not, he is bringing me out for lunch now

Er, not exactly. A lot of things come my way quite regularly. Refresh my memory.

Weekly supply of donuts
maybe you should have a word with Gda Kelly about that

Sargent O'Leary

Saibh wrote: »

I'm afraid not, he is bringing me out for lunch now

So you're his new fancy woman? The little fecker....

Saibh wrote: »

Weekly supply of donuts
maybe you should have a word with Gda Kelly about that

Weekly supply? I got one last Monday week, and that was it. I'll be having words with that young wan.

The Recliner

trout wrote: »

Jebus Trout

What you do at your weekends is your own business, keep your holiday snaps to yourself

LostinBlanch

Afternoon all.

Smashey thanks for the invite to this private party

I'll have the usual please.

*What's the sarge doing here? Was this exactly what was meant by pork in the invite?*

Star Lord

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Just hope that Sgt. O'Leary doesn't get wind of this.

With the way Trout is blowing from both ends, everybody has gotten wind of it by now :eek:

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

It is my duty, as a member of An Garda Siochana to ensure there is no money changing hands for alcohol on this day.

There is no money changing hands for alcohol, merely free drinks being given out at this private party, and some charitable donations being given...

Saibh

Sargent O'Leary wrote: »

So you're his new fancy woman? The little fecker....

His new fancy woman? the secret is out now...

Anyway, he will be off duty for a couple of hours, so you better go and clear that traffic jam over the hill there

LostinBlanch

Damo,

Do you know who got the clampers in to clamp that cop car outside?

They were just starting as I came in.

Star Lord

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever!!!

Clamp it? FFS they were meant to tow it!!!

smashey

Time for lunch.

I just fired up the barbecue...

Star Lord

smashey wrote: »

Time for lunch.

I just fired up the barbecue...

*OMNYOMNYOMNYOMNYOMNYOM!!!*

smashey

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

*OMNYOMNYOMNYOMNYOMNYOM!!!*

I hope you enjoyed that Damo.

There's plenty more where that came from.

LostinBlanch

Jaysus smashey they smell good.

You must the the bbq king. Throw a platter over here please.

smashey

/lobs platter across room