Close Call

LegacyUser

Hi,

I posted on here some time ago looking for some advice on asking a girl out – well for once its good that I played the long game, having a chat with others after doing some voluntary work, when I noticed a ring on her wedding finger, like a horse kick to the stomach I was really gutted, although no one else knew of my attraction, I feel like a real fool, this is the usually story I am happy doing my own thing meet someone I like and attracted to, I think I may get lucky and bang they are happy with someone else. I feel so stupid for thinking the way it did.

I may not be very good at picking up signals but this time I thought I was correct, this girl would make eye contact and maintain it smile, and always be in my sight no matter what I did, I didn’t believe she may be attracted to me so I ignored it. Now we all like a good ego boost, and maybe that is all it was, but I am still slightly curious why a happy girl with a partner would act this way (I know I could have been miles out but I really don’t think so)


Part of me is relieved as I don’t have to deal with my insecurities about relationship. I think I will continue to paddle my own canoe for the foreseeable, deep deep down I feel I will always be on my own, as I have been for the past 30 years.

Any way self pity rant over – but for once I am happy to have played the long cautious game. And its great to have an anonymous place to let off some self pitying steam

Kevster

Hey dude,

I suspect that I am somewhat younger than you (I'm 26) but I can relate to your situation. I am single and am increasingly finding that the girls I'm most attracted to these days are in long term relationships. It's different from those youthful days when relationships lasted weeks or months.

Das Kitty

Unregistered wrote: »

I may not be very good at picking up signals but this time I thought I was correct, this girl would make eye contact and maintain it smile, and always be in my sight no matter what I did, I didn’t believe she may be attracted to me so I ignored it. Now we all like a good ego boost, and maybe that is all it was, but I am still slightly curious why a happy girl with a partner would act this way (I know I could have been miles out but I really don’t think so)

So, she smiled at you? I really think you were reading too much into it tbh. Last I knew it was okay to smile, chat and be friendly with people when you're in a happy relationship.

Lollipops23

OP i wear a ring on my wedding finger even though i'm not married??i am in a relationship though. you need to find out if she is married/spoken for before writing her off!!

SarahSassy

I would say you are reading too much into it. She was probably being friendly and you thought it was more...

LegacyUser

I have to say that your post is making me paranoid about smiling at my male colleagues in case they are secretly seeing that as a green light.

It doesn't sound like she has been acting inappropriate, I know alot of men think friendliness = bona fide flirting

Kimia

I don't think that being overly cautious is ever a good thing when it comes to being brave and asking someone you like out. You did read FAR too much into it though, but if you liked her there shouldn't have been anything to stop you asking her out. Obviously that doesn't matter now because she seems to be married.

In the future though, I wouldn't be overly cautious. What have you got to lose? Don't say pride - is that better than self-pity? Anyway girls are flattered when they are asked out by a guy even if they aren't interested.

Self-pity and cautiousness are not attractive. Confidence is! Next time you fancy someone, don't go all hawk like trying to see if she gives you 'signals', just grab the bull by the horns and ask her out! What's the worst that could happen? She says no? Oh well at least you know! She could say yes!

myusernameis

it could be a purity/abstinence ring? she might not necessarily be married or it could be her granny's. you just have to ask her, its only a question!! and maybe dont take too much into these smiles and stuff just treat her as a friend at first and get to know her.