Men?!?!

LegacyUser

Hey guys, what's the craic? Right so I've been with my bf almost 4yrs. During our time together he had an operation and the results of that operation will not be known for some time. He was told if the operation is unsuccessful it will have to be repeated but he will be left paralysed. Bf is a musician so you can imagine how that must feel. Anyway we went through hell and back when he was sick but we got through it and we were stronger then ever- getting on like best mates, sex life was unbelievable.. and then 3wks ago he broke up with me after a drunken fight. I think he is freaked out about being ill and doesn't want to push the responsibility of it upon me. Anyway he didn't talk to me for weeks until the other day and we have arranged to meet up next week. How do you think I should approach the situation? I love him and just wanna support him but obviously his illness is a very sore subject. Any advice/ comments greatly appreciated.
Cheers, G.

Kimia

He probably does feel like a burden - my bf always says that if he ever got paralysed he would want me to leave him because he wouldn't want me to have to look at him differently.

It's a very tricky subject but there isn't a whole pile you can do only respect his feelings on this. If you love him, tell him so and that you're prepared to be with him no matter what.

LegacyUser

If I was the BF and became paralysed I'd not want to be a burden on my GF. I'd want to leave her to live her life and find someone new.

Kimia

Yep - the above seems to be the norm. It's quite selfless but obviously heartbreaking when you're the girlfriend.

MilkyMOOO

I personally dont think that this is the norm. I would defo not want to be left on my own, I know that I would probably be a burden but thats what love is all about, through thick and thin and all that stuff, he might just be saying that feeling sorry for himself but I certainly think he needs you now more than ever.Would he leave you if the tables were turned?

Latchy

His pride ,possibly having his physical freedom taken away and having to rely on others is playing deeply on his mind .But If you can make him understand that you want to be with him, regardless of the outcome and will always be there for him ,will help him come to terms with it better .

Because of crippling illness a relative of mine ( female) despite her husband having to work , is totally dependent on him for care . Her frustrations were ( and still are ) similar to the man in OP's life and there is a lot of stress involved .It's just as well he does love and care for her , because others in similar situations might be tempted to leave .

LegacyUser

Hi guys OP here. I would never leave that man. I love him no matter what, I truly believe he is the one. I will stick by him no matter what. I just don't know how to make him realise this...

Beruthiel

G- Chick wrote: »

Hi guys OP here. I would never leave that man. I love him no matter what, I truly believe he is the one. I will stick by him no matter what. I just don't know how to make him realise this...

Have you told him that?

Ickle Magoo

G-chick wrote: »

How do you think I should approach the situation? I love him and just wanna support him but obviously his illness is a very sore subject. Any advice/ comments greatly appreciated.
Cheers, G.

Just listen to what he has to say. Make sure he is aware of the above and let him come to terms with what may happen to him and how that changes his life choices while letting him know you want to be a part of his life, regardless.

Best of luck, it's a tough situation.

CDfm

G- Chick wrote: »

Hi guys OP here. I would never leave that man. I love him no matter what, I truly believe he is the one. I will stick by him no matter what. I just don't know how to make him realise this...

You are a good woman G-Chick.

The only thing you can really do is demonstrate it with your actions as talk is cheap.

Its an emotional time for him and you - he needs to be very tough mentally to cope so let the guy have his bravado as he needs it.

I hope things go well for you both.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much everyone. I really hope things can work out between us. Ah well I'll know after next week. Wish me luck. x