Should I walk away now or am I exagerating?? what should I do?

KildareCross

Well I'll try be brief. I was seeing my boyfriend only about 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. Back then we were drinkin a lot (prob way too much) It was a confidence thing for me at the time as I was very insecure in myself.
We then moved in together and got on so well, he's a great lad n he does all he can for me as I do for him. I couldnt have asked for better. We're both 24.
As the pregnancy continued our sex life suffered due to complications so after a few months it went from 5 or 6 times a week to now being every few weeks, I mean it's lacking to say the least.
So a couple a weeks ago I noticed he was hiding his phone which he never done before, I thought it was me been paranoid just over thinking and stuff. Finally i got to his phone anyway and all his messages were there for a week. He was textin some girl and these were the messages after the usual chit chat:

1. So you like been f**ked up the bum
2. Even for me to come up ur ***
3. I'm mad to f**k ye but its hard to get away you may be patient
4. This isnt right, maybe we shouldnt text
5. No this isnt right i'll look ye up if im ever single, bye

They were the only messages in over a week, I text the number myself it turned out she use to be textin him before we met. They never met in person and she contacted him a few weeks before hand. He told her he had a gf but they were going to meet up for a f**k then he stopped it all etc.

I find it hard to deal with that he was ever thinking about it in the first place when im sitting at home 8 months pregnant. It shocked me as I have always trusted him and never had reason to doubt him.

So what should i do, he has done the dramatics burning his sim card etc but i dont want to be in a relationship where im paranoid and doubtin. Was it down to cuiosity, lack of sex, the fact that our relationship is so new n moved so fast? Or is it only a matter of time?

seanybiker

Id say it was only a bit of harmless fun. He thought it was going to far so he stopped it.
I never met any women who admitted to loving it up the bum, maybe your boyfriend was just having a laugh texting her about that.
Tis a bit much burning his sim card but its done now so thats that. I imagine he is really sorry. Its upto you to believe him or not.
In all fairness he talked the talk but couldnt walk the walk. Best of luck with the new baby .

bluecell99

Benefit of the doubt time I think.Probably just a fantasy and he's more than likely embarrassed at the whole thing.

In the past .You've more important things to be going on with.Dont even think about it.

Good luck.

KildareCross

Thanx for replies, just needed to get it off my chest because its not really something you would talk to family about:eek:

Just got a fright i suppose, thanx again

Mr. Incognito

This is why women should leave ther OH's phone the hell alone.

Aye he was texting a bird but he stopped it and nothing happened. If you weren't so nosey you'd be none the wiser.

You're both in the wrong here imo.

I reckon you should just forgive and forget.

KildareCross

Yea i know well I shouldnt have been at his phone but like I was suspicious and i cant even recieve a message without his lookin over my shoulder or moanin and questioning me etc...N heaven forbid if i go on bebo haha... N they do say people that can't trust can't be trusted, i dont make a habbit of it

Storm_rages

Eh... NO!!

What!! She should ask forgiveness for looking at his phone!! I don't think so!

If i found out my other half was having text se x like that i would kill him!! (i would not kick him out but he would be a sorry bunny and he would not be doing it again!)

if he wants to get his rocks off he can look at porn like the rest of the world.. but texting some young one is way too far...

Das Kitty

Jaysus I wouldn't consider that harmless fun in the slightest.

He was considering cheating, didn't do it and told yer wan that he'd get back to her when he was single. Eh...

I totally agree, stay away from the other half's phone, but you can't exactly un-know this now can you.

I don't know if 8 months pregnant is the right time to broach the subject, but it needs to be broached.

Also, If the sex has had to decrease due to pregnancy complications, him considering cheating is not your fault.

Just read your reply there OP, he watches your texts and won't let you on bebo? Not a good sign at all at all. How terrifically controlling. Not advising you, but if I were you I would run for the hills.

Kimia

I totally agree with Storm. He is texting some other girl this crap and she's at home 8 months pregnant - and he deserves an apology??

Ridiculous. He needs to really earn your trust back. How DARE he emotionally cheat on you when you need him to be supportive about the birth of your child.

beth-lou

He's sending messages to another girl that he wants to shag her up the arse and she owes him an apology?
Lad's, come back down to earth!

If your girlfriend was sending messages to some guy stating that she wanted them to shag her up the arse would you be so relaxed and would you apologise for getting upset about it? Thought not.

Bizarre.

OP I would be pretty disgusted and disappointed and distraught to be honest.
You're pregnant for Christs sake. He sounds very immature. And what, you're not allowed use Bebo???

I would seriously consider your options. He has a lot of growing up to do.

KildareCross

o well i am "allowed" use bebo, but he sits up with a puss on him like im doin something wrong. Most of my friends are fella's so that seems to be the issue but I know them all years if anything was goin to become of it, it would have by now, they are like brothers to me at this stage.

The fact that he didnt cheat doesnt mean much to me at the moment cos he considered it and had he been out on the beer or something had of made it easier for him he probably would have like she lives a couple of hours away its not like its down the road.

He is going to have some serious work to do to earn my trust back and I dont know if things will be the same again but I genuinely hope that they get there.

I always said I'd never stay with a fella for the sake of a child or what not but I know if I wasnt pregnent now I would be gone. That does not mean to say that I wouldnt go if anything else happens I mean I have a supportive family and good friends and been on my own isnt an issue. Im hoping that because this is his first relationship and everything happened so fast that he was just been imature and showing his own insecurities.

Kimia

I do think he was showing his immaturity, but I really don't think that talking to some girl who's not his pregnant girlfriend about how he would like to f*ck her up the bum show's his "insecurity"!

Don't excuse him. It was BAD FORM and I would be questioning the relationship big time.

Kimia

KildareCross wrote: »

3. I'm mad to f**k ye but its hard to get away you may be patient

This one would be the deal breaker for me.

prinz

KildareCross wrote: »

he was just been imature and showing his own insecurities.

Getting a girl pregnant, two months into a relationship, and your first relationship at that would usually mature anyone fairly pronto imo. It's a bit late now for all concerned to be worried about his maturity levels.

beth-lou

Kimia wrote: »

This one would be the deal breaker for me.

That would make me think that the deed had already been done.
You don't get that graphic with someone just by flirting.
It's not an anonomous sex text he's having, this is with a real person who doesn't live to far away.

Kimia

KildareCross wrote: »

3. I'm mad to f**k ye but its hard to get away you may be patient

Ya. The reason this would be a deal breaker for me is because it implies, nay declares, intent.

He's telling this other one to wait and be patient, that he fancies her and wants to have s8x with her, but that it's hard to get away because of the pesky problem of the pregnant girlfriend.

That is wrong on so many levels and not for a minute harmless.

KildareCross

Kimia wrote: »

This one would be the deal breaker for me.

Yea that was the one that done it for me alright. He fully intended on doin it only for his so called conscience got the better of him. But who's to even know, her messages were deleted out of his phone so maybe twas her that told him where too go. Althou I spoke to her before him and she said it was him that put a stop to it. He don't eben know the girl or what she looks like or anything and he was able to say tham things?? How desperate>??/

prinz

KildareCross wrote: »

He don't eben know the girl or what she looks like or anything and he was able to say tham things?? How desperate>??/

You're the one carrying his child. Should you not be able to answer that??? I despair sometimes.

beth-lou

KildareCross wrote: »

He don't eben know the girl or what she looks like or anything and he was able to say tham things?? How desperate>??/

How did he get her number then?
I don't believe her or him going on the information so far.

KildareCross

beth-lou wrote: »

How did he get her number then?
I don't believe her or him going on the information so far.

He use to be texting her before I met him. I didnt know that though it was some text dating thing that they swapped numbers on

KildareCross

prinz wrote: »

You're the one carrying his child. Should you not be able to answer that??? I despair sometimes.

Well I obviously can't answer that or I wouldnt be asking for advise. I was told I couldnt have children and was on the pill, it wasnt planned so I wassn't evaluating our relationship on weather to have children or not

prinz

KildareCross wrote: »

I wassn't evaluating our relationship on weather to have children or not

Or on the fact that he was an immature child himself either obviously.

KildareCross

prinz wrote: »

Or on the fact that he was an immature child himself either obviously.

How well do ye know someone after a couple of months? Me been pregnant isn't the issue here and I wouldnt change that for the world regardless of whats happened

Nevyn

Well congratulations on being pregant you seem to be happy to be expecting despite the circumstances.

Are you prepared to be parenting your child with out being in a relationship with him ?
Because it honestly sounds like he maybe just being there for you atm as he can not leave yo while you are pregant but may do after the baby is born.

KildareCross

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well congratulations on being pregant you seem to be happy to be expecting despite the circumstances.

Are you prepared to be parenting your child with out being in a relationship with him ?
Because it honestly sounds like he maybe just being there for you atm as he can not leave yo while you are pregant but may do after the baby is born.

Thank you.

Yea im prepared for whats to come, many people do it and I believe that having an absent father is better than a child growing up in a house of arguments etc. Worse things can happen than him leaving, once my baby is healthy and I can care for him/her then nothing else matters.

Kimia

Well the main thing is you asked the question - should I walk away now or am i exaggerating?

You are not exaggerating, and yes I think you should walk away.

You know that he has been texting this other woman, talking about extremely graphic sexual details of what he wants to do to her. Fair enough he didn't go through with it but how could he even go that far?

Some guys look at porn or whatever and I don't see anything wrong with that. This is like a much more personal level where he is loving the sexual attention from another girl and is not only accepting her advances, but is encouraging and participating in them.

That said, if you think you can trust him and it's a once off, it's up to you if you want to give him another chance.

If you weren't pregnant you would probably dump him I'd say.