Are there ways in knowing if your partner is cheating?

LegacyUser

As in no concrete evidence but as in you know they would never admit it if they risked losing you. Are there any body language signs or anything like that?

I have a feeling my boyfriend MAY have done something in the past but he swears he hasn't, that isn't enough. I need to know.

Kimia

Not really - some people say there are:
example: being overly nice to you, or being horrible to you, being distant, talking about another girl to you, making more of an effort, hiding his phone when he didn't before, etc.

None of them are concrete ways though. What is making you feel like he cheated?

abouttobebanned

You sound a bit too full on to be honest. I'm guessing you're not a very trusting parnter. My guess is that the relationship is never going to work because you're always going to doubt him.

Kimia

abouttobebanned wrote: »

You sound a bit too full on to be honest. I'm guessing you're not a very trusting parnter. My guess is that the relationship is never going to work because you're always going to doubt him.

Wow - you got that much from her very short post? Bit unfair.

OP for us to give you an opinion you need to tell us why you are suspicious.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

prinz

The question really is how badly do you need to know ? Badly enough to end the relationship? You obviously have trust issues, as you won't take his word for it. Maybe he did cheat, maybe he didn't. But unless he's got a time machine to take you back to prove to you he didn't then......... you're never going to be satisfied really are you? If you really need to know that badly end the relationship, because there's no future if you have this hang-up continually.

LegacyUser

Me again,

He says I am the first girlfriend he hasn't cheated on because he loves me and has grown up. Why he had to tell me this I do not know but I have a huge complex about his past now. This came originally from a girl who we both know who used to fancy him and I accused him of something happening on a night out because he told me she was trying to kiss him and he backed off saying you know I am with someone. Why did he even tell me this? I don't need to know if something nearly happened, I just want the truth about things that have happened.

I don't think this is the only thing either, he has a girl mate who is a bit loose to say the least, she has kissed (and more) men who are taken and he said just because she is like that with others, doesn't mean they are like that. Still doesn't sit right with me though.

I truly believe he has done something, I really do. It is an overwhelming gut feeling and I am sick of it. Don't know if it is gut feeling or paranoia. I know I am a good catch, I don't think I am inferior to anyone but even if I did feel that way, it wouldn't change what he does would it?

Do I have to let it go as I have no proof or do I keep at it? We have been together 18 months, me 27, him 28. We live together and are engaged.

bubblewrap

You will catch on if it is an affair (inconsistent behaviour/hiding phone/deleting internet history etc) but a ONS maybe not, if something did happen in the past then it is done and if he was drunk, he may have a fuzzy recollection of it anyway and probably wants to bury it as far back in his mind as possible.

There is a lot to be said about intuition but I am afraid there is nothing you can do unless you find any evidence or he makes a confession.

What has he said/done to make you think he has done the dirty?

prinz

cheating wrote: »

Me again,

He says I am the first girlfriend he hasn't cheated on because he loves me and has grown up.

Warning bells with bells on. Any such sort of declaration would put me on my guard tbh.


I have mate who swears blind he never kisses a girl he couldn't see himself spending the rest of his life with. That actually gets him laid a couple of times a week.

bubblewrap

Oops didn't see your reply there! Let me ask you, have you pushed him to say these things? I ask this because I have a habit of asking my boyfriend things that I really do not want the answer to but can't help myself. This has caused many a row because now I have images in my head of things he did to other girls in the past.

Just a thought.

shellyboo

cheating wrote: »

He says I am the first girlfriend he hasn't cheated on because he loves me and has grown up. Why he had to tell me this I do not know

Because he was being honest with you? I suspect this didn't get declared out of the blue over dinner - I'd imagine this was part of a discussion something along the lines of, "Have you ever cheated?". In which case, would you rather he lied to you about his past?

cheating wrote: »

This came originally from a girl who we both know who used to fancy him and I accused him of something happening on a night out because he told me she was trying to kiss him and he backed off saying you know I am with someone. Why did he even tell me this? I don't need to know if something nearly happened, I just want the truth about things that have happened.

You do need to know something that nearly happened - I know I wouldn't want to be hearing that from anyone other than my bf. Imagine if he hadn't told you and you'd heard it on the grapevine? You'd think he was keeping something from you. Again, all he's doing is being upfront and honest with you - you accused him of something happening, he told you the truth about what happened. That's why he told you, he was defending himself.

cheating wrote: »

I don't think this is the only thing either, he has a girl mate who is a bit loose to say the least, she has kissed (and more) men who are taken and he said just because she is like that with others, doesn't mean they are like that. Still doesn't sit right with me though.

Don't punish your bf for his friend being "loose".

cheating wrote: »

I truly believe he has done something, I really do. It is an overwhelming gut feeling and I am sick of it. Don't know if it is gut feeling or paranoia. I know I am a good catch, I don't think I am inferior to anyone but even if I did feel that way, it wouldn't change what he does would it?

Do I have to let it go as I have no proof or do I keep at it? We have been together 18 months, me 27, him 28. We live together and are engaged.

Let it go. If you keep at it, you're going to drive him away with your behaviour.

bubblewrap

I agree with shellyboo, he was being honest and it is good it came from him, especially as this girl is someone you both know. Someone could have come up to you and said those two looked very cosy last night and then he will be saying nothing happened and you won't believe him.

Forget the loose mate, he is the one who needs to self restrain - let her sleep with whoever she wants, if anything did happen, it would be his fault, not hers.

As said before, this wouldn't have come out of the blue as a way of smarming his way into you, there was obviously a discussion open regarding this, you have been together 18 months, not really worth throwing away for some nagging in your head.

Do you think it would be easier to handle if he told you he cheated? I am a bit like that, sounds weird but I get more angry that he says he hasn't because there is nothing there to deal with and it is in my head telling me he has - I feel like I am going mad because I am very suspicious too...is that how you are?

LegacyUser

Hi it is me, he said the thing about the girl trying it on out of the blue, everything went downhill from then. I said why did you have to tell me that, I will be thinking there is more to it and I will never know, as it happens, it never came out from anyone else.

When he said he cheated on his exes, that did come out in a row - basically he said all I have ever done is be honest to you and you are the only girl I have never cheated on, I used to lie to my exes blah de blah.

I just can't get it out of my head.

I can't do anything about it. Thing is, he tells me I have no reason to be jealous yet he kicked off at my mates brother on a night out at the weekend because he was chatting me up. I never did anything wrong, not my fault the lad fancied me but why is he allowed to get angry when he knows what is happening in front of him whereas with my situation I don't have a clue what he did.

markyh16

Speaking from personal experience, i say go with your gut feeling. Sometimes you've got to let the head rule over the heart. Unfortunately
just when you think you know someone they can do or say something that
really makes you wonder if they're as genuine/honest as you give them credit for. Hope you make the right decision.

LegacyUser

We had a chat last night, I was crying my eyes out saying I can't believe he would cheat and he came over and swore on my life he never did anything behind my back. To be honest, he isn't the most handsome man on the planet but he is to me, maybe I just believe that women fall at his feet or something.

The gut feeling has only come from him telling me too much, he has told me things I didn't need to know but it is done now.

Even if he did cheat, what can I do? I need to get it out of my head, if I keep imagining him doing it, I will start to believe it is true whether it is or not.

Nitxteha

there's nothing worse than the feeling of suspicion all the time. I know it's difficult, but just forget about all he said before and don't overanalyse.

Enjoy your relationship, be positive. Don't look for signs of cheating (if you look for signs of cheating whatever he does could be misinterpreted).

If he ever cheats and you catch him red handed, hit the road and never go back to him. Otherwise..relax..for your own peace of mind

bubblewrap

Sheesh, it must really be bad if you are bursting into tears over it. He swore on your life, what more do you want?

I can't lecture you over this because I am pretty much the same so I know how hard it is but you can't change the past even if he did something, he was just being honest with you about things that happened. He shouldn't have mentioned cheating on his exes but he laid his cards on the table. Doesn't mean he will do it to you, and I agree with the above post, anything you look into will be misinterpreted.

I have gotten myself in loads of trouble with my man because I have checked his phone etc and asked who it was etc and one time it was even his old mobile number because he had lost his current one and was ringing it to find it and there was me thinking he was calling another girl!

If he had intentions of cheating on you, do you think he would have told you he cheated on his ex and put doubts in your mind?

My take on it is, they only cheat when they are unhappy. So we have to relax and keep them happy, if they STILL go ahead and cheat then it is their loss.

blondiegirl

If you have a feeling he did something bad chances are you are right. One guy i went out with in the past used to drive me crazy. I suspected he had cheated with a few different girls which he always denied as soon as we were finished he admitted everything. I had been right about every single thing. I used to check his phone and would always wonder what he was doing when i wasnt with him. I was such a nutjob when i was with him it came to the stage where i had to dump him or i would have gone totally insane. If there is no trust you dont have a relationship, trust is everything. My next boyfriend after him was an absolute sweetheart and in comparison to my previous relationship i was in heaven. Never settle for second best you will find somebody who loves you completely, you obviously think deep dpwn he isnt really in love with you.

bubblewrap

Yes but would she have these bad feelings had he not mentioned anything about the past? Actions speak louder than words, if he is/has been acting dodgy then worry.

My bf has said things to me which I didn't want to hear. I remember saying to my friend when I first met him, god I could trust him 100% - then the odd comments started coming out like he slept with a lady of the night on a stag do when he was younger, he slept around behind his exes back etc when they were having a rough patch. Had I not known his past, I would have treated him with the way he is in the present, not before he even knew me.

Now we get rough patches cos of it then I wonder is he doing the dirty on me????

Argh. It is easier being single.
Do you get me?