Is Twink to blame for all our woes?

dublinario

It would be shameless scape-goating to blame Twink for everything that's gone wrong in this country. But perhaps that's exactly what we need? A guilty figurehead? A face to put to our anger?

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I propose we collaterally damage Twink in the name of our own anger. I'm not suggesting we kill the poor woman. We simply drag her from her home, tar and feather her, strip her naked (uh huh huh huh huh), and parade her down Grafton Street whilst she apologies through a megaphone for the bank thing, and the property thing. Anybody who feels compelled can paddle her arse with pre-approved paddles (I'll have exclusive selling rights to those paddles, by the way).

No lasting damage will be done to the woman. I mean, we're not talking titanium paddles here (likely they'll be constructed of a lightweight, nickel-plated steel). She'll be back in Twink Towers by teatime, a little bruised, a little fragile, but ultimately in good health. We'll probably pop around the morning after and tar and feather her one more time, as a final warning to the greedy fat cats in government.

My name is URL

Probably not, but lets blame her anyway.

Gentlemen start yer pitchforks

AnonoBoy

Sure she's guilty enough of all them fuppin' woeful 'plays' she's in.

Menopause the Musical. Me arse!

It's a while since we've had a good ol' fashioned Tar and Feathering anyways.

Mr.Lizard

Ah zip up your finances!

Biggins

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sure she's guilty enough of all them fuppin' woeful 'plays' she's in.

Menopause the Musical. Me arse!

It's a while since we've had a good ol' fashioned Tar and Feathering anyways.

So can we blame Dustin too?

dublinario

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sure she's guilty enough of all them fuppin' woeful 'plays' she's in.

Menopause the Musical. Me arse!

It's a while since we've had a good ol' fashioned Tar and Feathering anyways.

I've heard enough. To Twink Towers. WHO'S WITH ME???

ScumLord

It's all to easy to blame Twink for everything but I think she'd make an excellent executioner. She could hang the entire government panto style so that we could let children watch such an important event.

dublinario

Biggins wrote: »

So can we blame Dustin too?

Easy, brave Biggins. Let us not spread ourselves too thin. That puppet's cards were marked the moment he sullied Ireland's good name in the prestigious Eurovision contest. He'll get his, and even more importantly, the hand up his arse will be crushed in a vice.

But for now, we need to concentrate all our misplaced rage upon the relentless (innocent) beast that is Twink.

az2wp0sye65487

dublinario wrote: »

It would be shameless scape-goating to blame Twink for everything that's gone wrong in this country. But perhaps that's exactly what we need? A guilty figurehead? A face to put to our anger?

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I propose we collaterally damage Twink in the name of our own anger. I'm not suggesting we kill the poor woman. We simply drag her from her home, tar and feather her, strip her naked (uh huh huh huh huh), and parade her down Grafton Street whilst she apologies through a megaphone for the bank thing, and the property thing. Anybody who feels compelled can paddle her arse with pre-approved paddles (I'll have exclusive selling rights to those paddles, by the way).

Yes! there's a name for people like her. It begins with an Irish slang word for a female 'area', and ends in 'bag!'

Turd Ferguson

When I woke up this morning I stubbed my toe on the edge of the bed. Lets blame her for that too.

ejmaztec

I think that all that Twink can be blamed for is turning being a non-entity into an art-form.

However, I await her Budget speech with interest.

merlie

Omg! This is serious gas! What levity...What joy! We are all scared of taxes....now who is scared of Twinkle?! Lol!

connundrum

I'm happy to blame everyone else.

Call me Cowan. Brian Cowan.

pow wow

Put her in a duffle bag in a shed somewhere and find out?

dublinario

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

When I woke up this morning I stubbed my toe on the edge of the bed. Lets blame her for that too.

Typical Twink. Not being there to stop things like this occurring. Well I've had enough, frankly.

Saint_Mel

ScumLord wrote: »

... She could hang the entire government panto style so that we could let children watch such an important event.

OH NO SHE COULDNT ...

/gets coat

dublinario

Saint_Mel wrote: »

OH NO SHE COULDNT ...

Oh...my...God...SHE'S ONE OF THEM. GET HER!!!

Turd Ferguson

Shee tuck arrrr jawbs!!!!!!

dublinario

meanie boots wrote: »

Put her in a duffle bag in a shed somewhere and find out?

There isn't a duffle bag made that could hold Twink for long. Nor a shed for that matter. No, to properly subdue your garden variety Twink, you'd want to be....

a) - sedating her with a dart shot from an elephant gun
b) - immediately nullifying her tentacles within a straight-jacket
c) - de-venomise her by sewing shut the spores beneath her tongue
d) - freeze her brain with liquid nitrogen
e) - entomb her in a concrete sarcophagus
f) - launch the sarcophagus into space, aimed at the sun

Even then, you know you're just buying yourself time. She'll be back, and when she is, she'll be mightily p*ssed. I know how temperamental she can be, having interviewed her here

irishgrover

oh God, she'll probably use this thread to generate some additional self serving publicity... look out for it in the Star or RTE guide in coming weeks..

Twinks Own Story : "Twinks terrifying Internet Threat hell", "Increased Security surrounds love public star..."

dublinario

irishgrover wrote: »

oh God, she'll probably use this thread to generate some additional self serving publicity

There's only one way she could halt my crusade, and that would be by sexing me into silence. You heard me.

AnonoBoy

dublinario wrote: »

There's only one way she could halt my crusade, and that would be by sexing me into silence. You heard me.

You. Sir. Are. Sick.

dublinario

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You. Sir. Are. Sick.

Yep, by sexing me into silence. Me and Twink sexing it up, probably on a tandem swing out the back garden, her naked bosoms scraping the lawn.

pow wow

dublinario wrote: »

There isn't a duffle bag made that could hold Twink for long. Nor a shed for that matter. No, to properly subdue your garden variety Twink, you'd want to be....

a) - sedating her with a dart shot from an elephant gun
b) - immediately nullifying her tentacles within a straight-jacket
c) - de-venomise her by sewing shut the spores beneath her tongue
d) - freeze her brain with liquid nitrogen
e) - entomb her in a concrete sarcophagus
f) - launch the sarcophagus into space, aimed at the sun

Even then, you know you're just buying yourself time. She'll be back, and when she is, she'll be mightily p*ssed. I know how temperamental she can be, having interviewed her here

I find it strangely impressive you've given this such thought.

dublinario

meanie boots wrote: »

I find it strangely impressive you've given this such thought.

Really? I find it unsettling, and I believe my psychiatrist would side with me over you.

pow wow

dublinario wrote: »

Really? I find it unsettling, and I believe my psychiatrist would side with me over you.

Your psychiatrist is only your friend because you pay them. They like me better, your obvious psychological issues notwithstanding :eek:

dublinario

meanie boots wrote: »

Your psychiatrist is only your friend because you pay them. They like me better, your obvious psychological issues notwithstanding :eek:

Well, when I said "psychiatrist", I actually meant a woman who lives nearby that I like to follow sometimes. I have no idea whether or not she has psychological training. She could work at a fruit & veg stall, or be an assassin for all I know. She never stops long enough for me to interrogate her. The minute she sees me in my full clown costume, lurking in the shadows, she just takes off like a hare.

pow wow

dublinario wrote: »

Well, when I said "psychiatrist", I actually meant a woman who lives nearby that I like to follow sometimes. I have no idea whether or not she has psychological training. She could work at a fruit & veg stall, or be an assassin for all I know. She never stops long enough for me to interrogate her. The minute she sees me in my full clown costume, lurking in the shadows, she just takes off like a hare.

Playing hard to get, obviously. I'd up my game if I were you, show her you really care! Unless it's Twink....

dublinario

How many more ways I can show I care? I order her pizzas she doesn't want, all the time. Last week I ordered a bouncy castle to her house, and she doesn't even have children. Every week I abduct her cat and shave his hind legs. But nothing ever seems to be enough.

pow wow

Nothing says I love you like a duffle bag and a shed!

*hopes it is Twink*

Hazys

"Twink" that doesnt sound like an Irish name, Twink must be a foreign National and according to AH the foreign nationals caused the recession so...dey tok ur jawbs!!!!!

asdasd

people defendiing Twink on the thread show try and prove that she wasnt responsible for the bank crisis, recession, and recent tax increases.

Extraordinary claims need extraordinary proof, after all.

Ostrom

dublinario wrote: »

It would be shameless scape-goating to blame Twink for everything that's gone wrong in this country. But perhaps that's exactly what we need? A guilty figurehead? A face to put to our anger?

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I propose we collaterally damage Twink in the name of our own anger. I'm not suggesting we kill the poor woman. We simply drag her from her home, tar and feather her, strip her naked (uh huh huh huh huh), and parade her down Grafton Street whilst she apologies through a megaphone for the bank thing, and the property thing. Anybody who feels compelled can paddle her arse with pre-approved paddles (I'll have exclusive selling rights to those paddles, by the way).

No lasting damage will be done to the woman. I mean, we're not talking titanium paddles here (likely they'll be constructed of a lightweight, nickel-plated steel). She'll be back in Twink Towers by teatime, a little bruised, a little fragile, but ultimately in good health. We'll probably pop around the morning after and tar and feather her one more time, as a final warning to the greedy fat cats in government.

Dealt with her in the hotel I used to work in once, awful person

Homer

Important memo to self.. NEVER google image search for "Twink" again :eek:

What has been seen cannot be unseen and all that :mad:

pow wow

Apparently 'Twink' isn't just a euphemism for hideous vanity-filled trash tv presenting.

/google image search

marcsignal

I heard she was making a comeback in the Dance Music scene :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UprXOj-3yEs

LouOB

IMO I blame Westlife

At least Twink pretends to have talent and gives the theatre lark ago (er panto)
But the 'lads' actively claim they have no talent - other than the one who caught the ghey (akin to Ronan - carrying the band)

No I blame Westlife - as twink is from the good auld days. When thats the only sort of entertainment you got. Count the rings er wrinkles lads, she has the mileage.
But Westlife, c'mon 100yo for a ticket to see them sing other peoples songs. I think they only released one song that was theirs - World of our own. And indeed thats what we were living in - with all our monies back then

Now, monies gone - lets not blame twink but westlife
They should refund all indebt people their concert tickets back

dublincitadel

marcsignal wrote: »

I heard she was making a comeback in the Dance Music scene :pac:

LOL!

Peteee

Homer wrote: »

Important memo to self.. NEVER google image search for "Twink" again :eek:

What has been seen cannot be unseen and all that :mad:

Her daughters however...

http://www.herald.ie/entertainment/around-town/after-a-week-playing-a-busy-mum-i-get-to-be-one-in-real-life-1620865.html

Wouldn't mind giving them some hows your mother.

Latchy

Young Chloes a purdy young thing and she can sing better than her mudder to

Mr. Frost

I'd like to put forward Brendan O'Carroll as the blame. Instead of making another God forsaken 'Mrs. Brown' 'film' can't he give the money and what little proceeds to the Gov? I mean I know it's only a few hundred quid but...