Advice Please

LegacyUser

I really need some advice on this one

I started seeing a guy a few months ago at the start it was a casual thing but then we had a conversation and decided to make things official. Around Christmas he got a text from an ex while out of the room I picked up the phone basically it was a reference to a sex act asking if he would like it . Now I cant seem to help myself I go through his phone every chance I get. I can't help myself .I also watch what they say to each other on line . They are always very flirty lots of sexual innuendo etc even in open forums .

Now i have discussed her with him they were going out last year she dumped him he was gutted it took him a while to get over it but he says he is totally over her and mad about me . If this is so why the need for this constant contact and all this sex talk between them ? We went away to Europe for the weekend he was constantly texting her then as well why do this if he cares so much about me ?
. I found a conversation on line at the weekend between them again innuendo about the same sex act .

I told him I had seen it he admitted that he had been over to her house the night before . she is having a hard time and needs his support nothing happened etc It just seems to me that he goes running every time she has a issue. She has told him she has panic attacks and cuts her self I have seen her in short sleeve tops and skirts so I know this is crap she has no scars. I know from his phone that he has been over to her house and she has been in his at least twice in the past two weeks . What I think is that she is manipulating him all I can do is stand by and watch .

I told him I couldn't handle this constant contact between them it is all day long via text and the web etc he told me it would stop . It hasn't I have been through his phone again last night there was 50 texts from her in the last two days raging from how bad she is feeling and might cut her self to sex talk . Also they are constantly leaving messages all over the web for each other. It appears to me now that she is rubbing it in my face on line as well . Is it time to call it a day ?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

I really need some advice on this one

I started seeing a guy a few months ago at the start it was a casual thing but then we had a conversation and decided to make things official. Around Christmas he got a text from an ex while out of the room I picked up the phone basically it was a reference to a sex act asking if he would like it . Now I cant seem to help myself I go through his phone every chance I get. I can't help myself .I also watch what they say to each other on line . They are always very flirty lots of sexual innuendo etc even in open forums .

Now i have discussed her with him they were going out last year she dumped him he was gutted it took him a while to get over it but he says he is totally over her and mad about me . If this is so why the need for this constant contact and all this sex talk between them ? We went away to Europe for the weekend he was constantly texting her then as well why do this if he cares so much about me ?
. I found a conversation on line at the weekend between them again innuendo about the same sex act .

I told him I had seen it he admitted that he had been over to her house the night before . she is having a hard time and needs his support nothing happened etc It just seems to me that he goes running every time she has a issue. She has told him she has panic attacks and cuts her self I have seen her in short sleeve tops and skirts so I know this is crap she has no scars. I know from his phone that he has been over to her house and she has been in his at least twice in the past two weeks . What I think is that she is manipulating him all I can do is stand by and watch .

I told him I couldn't handle this constant contact between them it is all day long via text and the web etc he told me it would stop . It hasn't I have been through his phone again last night there was 50 texts from her in the last two days raging from how bad she is feeling and might cut her self to sex talk . Also they are constantly leaving messages all over the web for each other. It appears to me now that she is rubbing it in my face on line as well . Is it time to call it a day ?

Yes, it is. He seems mad about her and you don't trust him. Move on.

kaizer05

Op dump him NOW he has no consideration for your feelings and is having his cake and eating it and if they have been in each other's house without your knowledge and he lied about it i seriously doubt they're just drinking tea,come on its so obvious there's sexual tension and attraction between them,and i think your making excuses for him if you actually think she's manipulating him from what i see the two of them are in it together and seem to be enjoying all the sexual innuendo between each other,put it this way as long as you stay with him she's always going to be on the scene he'll keep telling you what you want to hear but the longer you let this go on the more you're going to get hurt

LegacyUser

kaizer05 wrote: »

Op dump him NOW he has no consideration for your feelings and is having his cake and eating it and if they have been in each other's house without your knowledge and he lied about it i seriously doubt they're just drinking tea,come on its so obvious there's sexual tension and attraction between them,and i think your making excuses for him if you actually think she's manipulating him from what i see the two of them are in it together and seem to be enjoying all the sexual innuendo between each other,put it this way as long as you stay with him she's always going to be on the scene he'll keep telling you what you want to hear but the longer you let this go on the more you're going to get hurt

Op here thanks for your reply . You are right he has no consideration for my feelings and yes i was making excuses for him . the problem is i am crazy about him but I do think its time to move on its just so hard

upmeath

Get out of there OP, neither of them seems worth the hassle. If he was genuine about the constant contact ceasing and he hasn't already done so then I'd at least put the sh1ts up him by calling it quits for a while and seeing how he reacts.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

If your young and this is one of your first relationships these things are hard to deal with at the beginning, but this could be a time to be a woman and learn to never let any man play you like this!

he sounds like he is taking your kindness for weakness, He knows he can get away with what he is doing with you, if you showed yourself more respect and stood up for yourself things would change,

You need to get to the bottom of what they have done and call him up on it, you also need to ask yourself is he worth working through all this for?

The x and her problems should not be your problems, he is controlling you because you want to be with him,


There is nothing more attractive to a man than a strong confident woman! Build up your self esteem and attract a boyfriend who is an honest man!

HouseHippo

DUMP HIM!!!!!!!

smileykey

I'd have to agree with the previous posters. Even if she is manipulating him you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is effectively controlled by such a manipulative person. Then there's the possibility that he's not being manipulated. I've had an ex try to do something similar but I made sure my current knew exactly what was going on and was ok with everything and I also ensured that I was there only as a support to the ex and kept my distance with regard everything else. If you BF really cared about you, he'd do the same.