May have had a revelation, very very confused about 'God'

Affable

OK, I'm hoping for objective answers. All my life I've been quite an irreverent guy, with attitude, not earnest and kind of dismissive about religion. I thought tonight that what scares me about godliness, holiness, earnestness is that it's closer to my own psyche than I believe(Like the homophobe that senses attraction to their own sex)
I walked out tonight and felt something above. I lay down when I got back and felt at peace, like I want to let god in. I imagined having partner who was god loving and the peace and feeling of nobility it'd bring us.

At the same time, I began to feel for the first time I could justify aspects of organised religion. I'm not sure whether I subscribe to organised religion because some is dangerous. I'm unnerved that I feel this need to submit to relieve anxieties. I even began to contemplate that homosexuality is wrong, because of intstinctive relgious reasons, something I would never have contemplated.

I'm scared of what I could become be it a homophobe, pious holy righteous whatever. But it's like my objective sophisticated mind is in a tussle with my base nature. Which one do I value?

Do I allow this feeling to override me and for peace to take over, or do I stay edgy, troubled slightly, trying to express myself creatively, on edge and not at peace but not self-satisfied?

The belief in a god or guiding force may take precdence over the details of religion, guide me into some aspects of organsied religion which are wrong, that worries me.

But I've started to think about how to be godly, even without organised religion, like becoming more gentle, humble on this earth in the face of god, less attitude less abrasive more respectful, pious, holy even. I'm really confused. I think it may cause me, this feeling of submission to god, to lose my intellectual faculties.

Before this I had had some submissive fantasies about women so maybe I was seeking something. Can you give a very confused guy some advice?

aare

Don't be afraid to leave yourself open to being whoever you are...

...and that will come to you...

Good Luck

Affable

I don't want to lose attitude edge, and become self-satisfied. But I think God would take over completely.

Affable

I also fear love of god make me lose my love of people. I know religion doesn't say this but in my case, if I'm feeling this thing from above, I will become less interested in people.

Time Magazine

It's possible to believe God exists and not be a member of any particular religion. You can call it Affability if you like

You're probably going to struggle with this for a couple of years. I believe in God, and accept that I can be a horrible person. I lie and cheat and steal. I'm not going to lie, it's not nice having to accept that these things are "wrong" in an absolute sense. I still have to live with myself though. Similarly my best friend is gay... and he's still my best friend. There can be a distinction between thinking something is a sin and being closed-minded about it.

DS

I walked out tonight and felt something above. I lay down when I got back and felt at peace, like I want to let god in.

Why did you feel it necessary to attribute these feelings to God?

cafecolour

Not having thought about it much, likely all you know/associate with 'God' is intertwined with whatever residual Catholicism you were brought up with - likely the only context you'd learned about 'God'.

Millions have tread this path. Do your homework if your serious. Read up on different religions, read up on being 'spiritual' without being religious, etc.

Something like homophobia is more tribalism than religion IMHO - even to the point that one of the key 'anti-gay' passages cited from the bible (If there is a man who lies with a man as one lies with a woman...) is from Leviticus, which is basically just the old jewish tribal laws. There are plenty of 'gay-friendly' religions.

Affable

cafecolour wrote: »

Not having thought about it much, likely all you know/associate with 'God' is intertwined with whatever residual Catholicism you were brought up with - likely the only context you'd learned about 'God'.

Millions have tread this path. Do your homework if your serious. Read up on different religions, read up on being 'spiritual' without being religious, etc.

Something like homophobia is more tribalism than religion IMHO - even to the point that one of the key 'anti-gay' passages cited from the bible (If there is a man who lies with a man as one lies with a woman...) is from Leviticus, which is basically just the old jewish tribal laws. There are plenty of 'gay-friendly' religions.

No, I was raised athiest, in England.

Affable

DS wrote: »

Why did you feel it necessary to attribute these feelings to God?

I don't know what else to attribute it to.

DS

Ok, well why do you need to attribute these feelings to anything for that matter? They sound like nice feelings, brought about by whatever chemical processes are going on inside your head. Can't you just embrace them without complicating matters by involving supernatural entities - an idea which it seems you already know to be delusional.

LegacyUser

ok this might be a stab in the dark..

affable you have posted on this forum a couple of times. No offence but sometimes i think you find it to say whats bothering you and you seem to be rambling on. Sometimes being intelectual about things is a way of avoiding whats really bothering you or blocking things out(much the same way people use drink or drugs)

I suggest you get counselling and be upfront about what the real problems are

Affable

DS wrote: »

Ok, well why do you need to attribute these feelings to anything for that matter? They sound like nice feelings, brought about by whatever chemical processes are going on inside your head. Can't you just embrace them without complicating matters by involving supernatural entities - an idea which it seems you already know to be delusional.

Well I would like to let go of the feeling of a god-I don't need complications in my life. At the same time, I just felt something above guiding almost, I can't seem to ignore what's above now. When my minds occupied it's fine but I guess last night was a quiet moment and I felt it.

I don't know as I say, whether i can replace it with submission to a woman!

Luisella

If god wanted us to believe in him, he would have existed.

kmick

OP Im just going to come out and say it - are you worried you may be Gay?

Das Kitty

Affable wrote: »

I don't want to lose attitude edge, and become self-satisfied. But I think God would take over completely.

Believing in God does not make you self-satisfied. You can have no belief and be like this. I think your only experiences with "believers" have been with the squeaky wheels of society. There are huge amounts of people around who do believe but don't make an issue out of it and don't want to be represented by the God Squad.

Also, if you love God / Buddah / the Great Mole Rat, it doesn't lessen your love for people in any way (if it does you might want to get yourself checked out). In my experience, when people have experiences like yours it fills them with love for everything and gives them the ability to see goodness and humanity in even the worst "sinners".

DinoBot

What are you asking ?

Affable wrote: »

Do I allow this feeling to override me and for peace to take over, or do I stay edgy, troubled slightly, trying to express myself creatively, on edge and not at peace but not self-satisfied?

Thats not a real question, because the only two answers are (1) let peace to take over or (2) stay edgy, troubled . You have already drawn your conclusion's and are trying to justify them to yourself.

Plus, whats all this submission to women about ?

You say you were raised athesit so where does this concept of god as a guiding force come from ? Also, you say you have began to contemplate that homosexuality is wrong, because of instinctive relgious reasons.............."instinctive" ? you just "feel" its wrong. I think you have some self questioning to do and dont try to side step it by calling it god.

Minxie123

Affable wrote: »

But I've started to think about how to be godly, even without organised religion, like becoming more gentle, humble on this earth in the face of god, less attitude less abrasive more respectful

Why not just focus on this instead of over analyising and trying to define and label everything that you are. You'll find peace within that for sure.

Beruthiel

Affable.

Did I not suggest you get a blog?

If I see another thread started by you on this forum, I'll be banning you.
B