I'm happy, or am I?

LegacyUser

I am a mid twenties male who has been single for 4 years now. Whats worse, according to others is that I dont try to do anything about it. I would say that I dont need to do anything about it, as I like things the way they are. Women complicate things in my eyes, I even see it with my frinds when they argue with their girlfriends, I dont need that.
I guess my problem is that I am used to being alone, I always have. I have numerous friends, a great job where I get on very well with everyone I work with. But at the end of the day I like spending time by myself.
I dont go out on the pull or anything like thats, and the last time I had a female in my company was 4 years ago. That was my ex girlfriend, ever since her I jst gave up on women and said enough is enough.....and believe it or not, I am happy with my life. I have so much fun with my friends each weekend, and during the week I go out with work mates. Life for me is pretty balanced.
One thing that is making me write this is my family and friends, they say its not healthy for me to have no women in my life. I would consider myself to be attractive, and I get alot of complements off people I work with and girls I meet out, I like this as it makes me feel good!
As I mentioned earlier, my ex girlfriend. Ever since her I gave up on women, the reason is because she treated me like crap and cheated on me. My friends still to this day say I am not over her. But in truth I am. I havent though of her in ages until now and I couldnt care less what she is doing.
One thing that people say is that I am afraid of getting cheated on again, but I am an intellegent enough person to know that all people are different.
I dont know what I want from this, but do you think its socially acceptable to be alone and be happy? I was always independand and I am the type of person who could move to China in the morning and make friends by Friday!!
I am not gay also, deffo not! I appreciate women as much as the next guy, but I just dont want to be bogged down by some moaning cow.

Share your thoughts.

sardineta

Have you thought about a vocation?

beks101

Not all women are moaning cows, not by a long shot.

Sounds to me like you got burned and never really got over it. Sure, you don't consciously care about that particular girl anymore, but her behaviour has come to symbolise what all women represent in your eyes and you're using these beliefs to keep yourself in your comfort zone - alone and 'happy'.

It's a safe place to be and it's easy. And women are 'complicated', right?

But are you happy? If you really were you wouldn't have posted in the first place and what family and friends think wouldn't come into it. Just my 0.05

cafecolour

I think some people can be happy single and can be happy in a relationship, I've been happy in both. And some lads are confirmed bachelors though, and some people really need a relationship for happiness.

You've been single for a while, so maybe give a relationship a shot if it comes up and see how it takes this time around.

Warning though - the longer you stay single, the harder it is to adjust back into a relationship. Though conversely, the more you are able to be single happily, the better chances of a finding a healthy relationship. (as generally, able to be happy single = good self-esteem/not needy and codependent = able to shop around until finding a complementary partner).

LegacyUser

Happy person wrote: »

I am an intellegent enough person to know that all people are different [...] but I just dont want to be bogged down by some moaning cow.

Hmmm. Don't you think those two comments sit uneasily together?

In answer to your main question, yes it is socially acceptable to stay single, but if you choose the confirmed bachelor mode you'll need to be prepared for the inevitable speculation that you may be gay or have a vocation.

I think you should continue to give some women/'moaning cows' a chance. Maybe a loyal and trustworthy one will come along and surprise you by contributing to your life in more positive ways than negative.

LegacyUser

I dont know if your happy but I am the exact female version of you!

Single almost four years after a bad break up but quite happy about it (do wish I had more sex but dont feel like I want a boyfriend and not too into casual encounters so...)
I have loads of friends, interests talents and do not need a boyfriend. I am happy truely but every now and again I wonder should I have gotten a new bf by now? It is strange of me to be so content alone. Then I wonder will I be alone forever and I think Oh jesus that'd be awful, then i think of being with a man forever and I think Oh jesus that'd be awful! Catch 22!
I also love to spend time alone, its my favourite thing, but prob because I do so much socialising, visiting, activities that when i get a chance to be alone I really relish it.
My friends worry for me sometimes but they know I could get a bf whenever I want to so they realise I'm single by choice and they see I'm happy so really Its none of thier business....
Sometimes I wonder....
But almost always I'm a happy bunny!

You're like me so dont worry your not horribly emotionally scarred, you're just a bit more cautious but not closed down so *when* the right person arrives you will be better for it cos you know yourself inside out and are happy and well adjusted!

bluecell99

Good for you,fair play to ya.

Not everyone needs or is suitable for a relationship.

You can see by scanning the boards here how many are in serious problems all centred around relationships.

There is societal pressure to be in one.You have resisted this well and just continue as you are.Speculation that a single person must be gay says more about the immaturity of the claimant tan anything else.Scratch below the surface and you will find not everythings rosy in their oh so perfect set up.

There are genuine people - in many cases relationshisp bring out the worst in them.

Dont close off any option.YOu may not have fully gotten over the last head wrecker.You were burned.Does not mean it will happen again.

bicardi19

Sounds to me youve made your mind up and the only thing you are worrying about is what everyone else thinks. Thats the only thing that seems to be standing between you and happiness.
If you know what you want and that makes you happy then why are you worried.
Chill out dont worry what others think and get on with life.
If you dont want to deal with a woman then dont. easy!!

LegacyUser

Sameasyou wrote: »

I dont know if your happy but I am the exact female version of you!

Single almost four years after a bad break up but quite happy about it (do wish I had more sex but dont feel like I want a boyfriend and not too into casual encounters so...)
I have loads of friends, interests talents and do not need a boyfriend. I am happy truely but every now and again I wonder should I have gotten a new bf by now? It is strange of me to be so content alone. Then I wonder will I be alone forever and I think Oh jesus that'd be awful, then i think of being with a man forever and I think Oh jesus that'd be awful! Catch 22!
I also love to spend time alone, its my favourite thing, but prob because I do so much socialising, visiting, activities that when i get a chance to be alone I really relish it.
My friends worry for me sometimes but they know I could get a bf whenever I want to so they realise I'm single by choice and they see I'm happy so really Its none of thier business....
Sometimes I wonder....
But almost always I'm a happy bunny!

You're like me so dont worry your not horribly emotionally scarred, you're just a bit more cautious but not closed down so *when* the right person arrives you will be better for it cos you know yourself inside out and are happy and well adjusted!

And good for you too! Its good to know that I am not alone. I guess I have always thought that not everyone is suppossed to follow the beaten track of marrage kids etc.

The only reason I write this is because of my friends and family. If we took them out of the equation I would be fine. The topic comes up from time to time at home and with my friends and thats what I find hard. I think people think you are weird if you are on a night out and you dont pull. My friends girlfriend even said it to me a few months ago that she thinks its strange as apparantly most of her friends would love the chance to get to know me. Maybe she is making me fell better, I dont know, but that is what she said.
I just dont have an interest at the moment, I have a very good job in which I am climbing up the ranks, busy social life at the weekend with all my friends, and in between I have a hobby that consumes alot of my life so right now I am happyand thats that!

I should apolagise by my comment on women being moaning cows, It was wrong of me to stereotype. I am not religious either! I would never dedicate my life to something I could see!

Oh The Humanity

Who cares what society thinks! Screw that, you cant live your life to please other people.

Its a pity though you seem to have tarred all women with the one brush though! "moaning cow" -doesn't sound much fun! Most of us aint that bad really!

The one thing though I do wonder about is, what about sex?

LegacyUser

Im pretty similar op.


I am a very independent person and I see friends with their girlfriends and I dont think I could ever do it.

I've had gf's when I was younger when everybody knew each other, hung out together and were basically around each other all the time anyway but I look at my mates now and it just seems exhausting to me.


Always relying on somebody and having them relying on you, having to call x amount of times a day, having to see them everyday, not being allowed to do simple things like go on holidays when you want where you want or go out with friends whenever it takes your fancy. I look at the money my friends spend on their gf's too and it amazes me. They pay for everything and drop a fortune for valentines day, birthday's, christmas, holidays.

Thats before you even start talking about the nagging and petty arguments that come with every relationship.

There is a lot to be said for being single imo. Of course some people cant imagine not being in a relationship..I think it just comes down to the fact that everybody really is different.

LegacyUser

You appreciate women as much as the next guy but don't want to be bogged down by some moaning cow? That's about as stark as contradictions in terms get, and makes me wonder if there's a bit more to the story of these past relationship troubles than you've divulged here. Perhaps you should talk to these concerned family and friends about finding a constructive way to deal with your attitudinal problems.

cantdecide

Cheating sucks but lets face it, if you're 25 ish and you were 21 ish when you last had a girlfriend. People's behavior at 21 is different to that of a 25 year old , generally, so wouldn't it be true that girls around your age are a little more worldly and mature by now??

I'm in a similar enough position to you, OP. Haven't been inundated with female admirers in my time. Up until my early twenties I would have found it hard to be happy but I just realised one day that I'd found myself a happy and contented person albeit a little lonely. Right now, I'm quite happily single at 27 but I can't help but think 'if this is how I am generally, how if the right girl was in my life how happy would I be'.

LegacyUser

What's more "healthy" - enjoying the way you are living your life or going out with someone just for the sake of it?

I get people thinking I'm gay but hey, that's their look out.

When I meet someone I like, I'll go after her.... I am not, like a few friends of mine, prepared to go out with someone just because they will go out with him.

I'm away most weekends with friends doing activities.... I have plenty of friends...... I enjoy my job...... If I met a girl I really liked, it would certainly make my Sundays less boring and I'd probably go to the cinema theatre more but until I meet a woman I really like, well, I'm happy being single.

As for "moaning cow"? - well, maybe that's why you don't want to get with a girl, as you see it as a negative thing.

Do whatcha like..... live howya like!

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Similar enough myself apart from the fact I have never had a girfriend. It gets sort of annoying after a while when you constantly get asked "why dont you have a girlfriend", "cant believe you have never had a girlfriend", "I was engaged at your age" etc but its not as if I have made a concious effort never to have one, it just hasnt happened. I'd get plenty of compliments off girls too which is nice but its very rare I find someone I'm interested in enough. I have plenty of friends, get on great with the people in work, socialize alot but I never go out with the intention of getting women. The few times I have met somebody I have been really into well they havent been into me or else vice versa girls have been into me but I havent been into them. I was perfectly content at being single but recently I have found that I would actually love to meet somebody but well its been 25 years so far so maybe some of us are destined to be alone OP but if your perfectly happy with that then its no bad thing.

LegacyUser

If you're happy being single all you have to do is stick up for yourself and tell everyone that you don't need some ****ing dame to validate your existence. And it seems like that's the attitude that western society has.

I never been on a date in two years and I think dating is overrated. But still I'm waiting for the right man (I'm gay by the way) to come along. If he comes, great, if not, that's all I can do. In the meantime though I'm not going to put my life on hold. I'm going to work hard at what I do, and I'm going to enjoy my hobbies such as swimming.

SarahSassy

BTW you choose who you go out with so if you choose a 'moaney cow' then you have no one to blame but yourself.