I feel like a right twat!

dceire

Long complicated story so please bare with me!

Basically i'm in college one year course and a small class. I've become really good friends with two girls in my class, lets call them Mary & Kate. Mary and Kate are really good friends & have been for a few years.

At the start of the year I instantly fancied Kate and over the course of the year have become friends with her. Mary on the other hand i didnt have an attraction to at the start but we've become inseparably close.

One day me & Mary stupidly started talking about who we liked on the course & i ended up telling her that there was 1, maybe 2 people i liked. Subsequently she found out about Kate & that was fine.

The other night we were texting and mary was asking me who the other girl was. I felt as if she was asking if it was her. I kind of felt like she was hoping it was her. I had pretty much decided that us being so close ment that i fancied her and this mixed with not wanting her to feel hurt by saying i didnt fancy her led me to telling her that i have feelings for her.

Since sending it i've been seriously questioning if i do like her more than a friend & the conclusion i've come to is no. We had a bit of a chat today & she ended up telling me that she has feelings for me even though she has a boyfriend. She didnt want to tell me a whole lot but said that her and her boyfriend are having a rough patch at the moment.

I know i need to tell her that my feelings dont go beyond friendship but after telling her that i like her the other day & now knowing that she likes me, i feel like a right bastard and really, really dont want to hurt her. On top of everything else i think i really do fancy our friend Kate but think that making a move there would be just throwing salt in her wounds!

So, so, sorry for the long post. Any advice please, i'm at my wits end!!!

Banrion

Go back to Mary and tell her your feelings dont go beyond friendship. Tell her fairly lively before she starts questioning things with her boyfried and before you know it shes broken it off with her boyfriend and is waiting for you...ok thats worst case scenario.
But for Marys sake, ask to speak to her and straight off tell her............ your feelings are friendship and you dont want it to go any further. You like her as a friend. (Dont give her any doubts about it. Dont have her hanging around thinking there might be a chance with you.) YOu hope ye can remain friends of course but you understand if this misleading behaviour on your part upsets her and she would rather not be friends.
Do it as soon as you can, uncomfortable and all as the whole thing may be.
Leave it a while then before you approach Kate.

Giblet

To be honest, you are in the perfect position to make your feelings (or lack thereof) known. She might be hurt, but if it's something that's established quickly, it really is less painful, as you've laid out how you feel quickly. Sure it's awkward, but if she really does think there is something there, allowing her to linger on it can make it worse, especially if she becomes more attracted to the idea of you and her.


You going for her friend will probably hurt her, but if you never led her on, it really will be easier in the long run.

dceire

Thanks for the advice guys, anyway i met up with her today & told her that i saw her as a really good friend but no more than that. It went really well and she was ok with everything & even said that she'd be ok if something were to happen between me and kate but i'm not totally convinced she would be

haemfire

stop worrying about it

Victor

Please don't drag up old threads.

Zaph

haemfire, as you're fairly new here you mightn't realise that we're not big fans of having old threads dragged up, especially if the post is of little substance. Before posting next time you might check to see when the last post was and whether the thread is still active.

Thanks