Girl i was sleeping with took overdose

LegacyUser

Hi,

Posting this link as the background. Sorry its a bit long winded.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055509538

Story is i wrote in about a girl i was sleeping with and wanted to get her to move on as i have met someone. I decided that it was best to just ignore the letter.

Anyway i was out saturday night and met a girl who wouldnt be friends with either myself or with the the girl i was sleeping with but we both would have known her. Anyway she asked me did i know how (i'll call her siobhan rather than saying fb or girl i was sleeping with)siobhan was. I replied no i don't be in contact with her anymore. Anyway she went on to tell me that Siobhan took an overdose of sleeping tables and what not and then got into a full bath and nearly died. I was so shocked. She is still alive she told me but she had no other details. I have tried ringing her but her phone has been off since, her bebo and facebook profiles are gone so i presume she has deleted them. I dont know what to do. I feel like im completely responsible for this. I confided in a friend about the situation but he has told me to leave well enough alone at this stage as it would just look bad me contacting her now. I dont know what to do??? Would me ignoring her really push her to take an od???? i just cant get my head around this.

sam34

OP- i would stay away from this if i were you.

i presume your FB has gotten medical attention for the OD. If she ended up in hospital then she will have also had a psychiatric assessment.

leave it to the professionals to deal with this one.

very importantly - do not let yourself be manipulated by this behaviour.

i have no doubt that others will accuse me of being heartless and cruel here.

but there is a possibility that this was done in an attempt to manipulate you, consciously or unconsciously.

if that is the case, and if you give into it now, then you will set up a pattern of behaviour for the future - the next disagreement/disappointment and hey presto another OD or whatever.

i would stay away.

this girl needs her family and friends supporting her, and professionals, and you are none of those things to her.

Nevyn

You are not responsible for her actions or what she choose to do.

I know it's a shock but and you will be upset and freaked out over it but it wasn't your fault.

ellie1

i would stay away.

this girl needs her family and friends supporting her, and professionals, and you are none of those things to her.

+ 1

broly

Look you have made your mistakes. I know girls who believe that a guy is really into them even if told straight out that there's no possibility of anything serious (maybe something to keep in mind if you ever fancy a booty call again! Its not very nice). But despite this, her actions are not your fault. You havn't been speaking to her so it may be for a completely different reason that she took such a drastic decision. Plus i think that if you get in contact with her it could actually just restart the whole problem or make it worse. If it was something for you to notice her then definitely don't respond. what she needs are the people in her life who will be there at all times not you because although you are worried about her you cant give her what she wants from you. It is obvious that you care about her but i think you can only show that by leaving her to heal with the right people helping her

Kirnsy

being back in this girl's life will make it harder for both of you with regards to moving on (which is what you want) but especially will confuse the girl and possibly will give her the wrong idea.

stay away.

LegacyUser

OP I don't think you can be said to be responsible for what this girl did. She is responsible for her own actions and while you may have been a contributing factor to her poor mental state at the time, it was a highly dispropotionate for her to do something like this as a response to what happened between you and her.

However, I do think the way you behaved to her was very cruel, you knew she was getting attached and continued to sleep with her when you felt like it, knowing that she was getting very attached to you. I know you made it clear to her that you weren't going to have a relationship with her but by speaking to her all the time and hanging out wth her you were leading her up the garden path. Then to turn your back on her and cut her out of your life when you found someone. It was very unfair. I also think it's highly unlikely that this is an attempt to manipulate you considering it seems like a fairly genuine attempt at killing herself and she made no attempt to let you know what she was planning before or afterwards.

I hope you learn from this and, in future take some more consideration for peoples feelings.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

i felt so sad reading this post.I was in a similar situation to that poor girl once. I was totally in love with someone and they used me and throw me away like a piece of rubbish. This happens to a lot of people and they pick themselves up and carry on to bigger and better things. I was not one of these people. Like your friend I had very low self esteem and I was very vunerable and the guy I was with knew this but just put it out of his mind.I think he thought it didn't really matter sur weren't we just having abit of fun. I think that was his justification for leading me on when he knew I was in love with him.

Your friend is totally responsible for her own actions and she can't blame you for what she has done to herself. HOWEVER you cannot imagine how much pain she must have been going through in order to have done this to herself. She wanted to die.She must have felt so empty and alone. Never treat anyone like this as you never know how vunerable some one might be. I hope everyone who reads this posts learns from it.I read a greater saying today 'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'


I will be keeping your friend in my thoughts. I hope that she will be well and happy soon. All you can do is hope the same for her

Bottle_of_Smoke

I think she's best off not hearing from you. I don't mean that in any kind of judgemental way toward you, she just needs to sort herself out and could well still have feelings for you.

She's in hospital, she'll get evaluated and given support.

I read your other thread. I guess she was hurt but people get dumped every day and don't try and end it all. There were other factors to this attempt at her life and you shouldn't feel responsible.

sam34

sam34 wrote: »

this girl needs her family and friends supporting her, and professionals, and you are none of those things to her.

Amen.

Just leave her alone.

MagicMarker

Thaedydal wrote: »

You are not responsible for her actions or what she choose to do.

I know it's a shock but and you will be upset and freaked out over it but it wasn't your fault.

I completely disagree.

OP, we don't know her real reasons for doing this. But if it had anything to you with your relationship with her, then you're definitely at fault here.

You completely fúcked her around, she told you she loved you and you took advantage of that. People will say that she made her own choices, and she did, she could have tried to stop, but the fact is she didn't, the minute she told you she loved you, YOU should have ended it.

You know you are somewhat responsible, consider it lesson learned, and thank your lucky stars she didn't die.

LegacyUser

Im bringing my opinion to the table as I have experiene in this field...

I took an overdose in my early teens, I know, a stupid, stupid thing to do and luckily, it didnt work! obviously.. im still here to tell the tale anyway.

However, you didnt treat this girl with respect. She obviously had very strong feelings for you and the minute she said she loved you, you should have found someone else to call on for a booty call.

Secondly, this isnt actually you're fault... someone who is suicidal has more than likely thought about it every day for years before they would actually try something. I think you should try and contact her and let her know that you know, and that you're glad that she's ok. she needs all the support that she can get. but leave it at that... If she gets back to you, say all that you want is to be friends and that you have moved on with your life. At least she'll know that she has you as a friend and if she really does love you then that will be enough for her.

Hope this helps!

corribdude

Sounds like the usual story when a girl 'attempts' suicide. Seems to me like she was just looking for attention as if you actually wanted to kill yourself it isn't hard, the stats show that when guys attempt suicide they actually do end up dead yet 9 times out of 10 when a girl does it she survives, just a load of drama tbh.

It is in no way your fault OP, your not responsible for someone else's actions, you told her from day one there wouldn't be a relationship and I can see why you weren't interested if she is so highly strung as to do this attention seeking crap.

That said I think it'd be a really bad idea for you to contact her again, she is obviously feeling terrible and you getting in contact with her would only aggravate that and stress her out even more.

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

I completely disagree.

OP, we don't know her real reasons for doing this. But if it had anything to you with your relationship with her, then you're definitely at fault here.

You completely fúcked her around, she told you she loved you and you took advantage of that. People will say that she made her own choices, and she did, she could have tried to stop, but the fact is she didn't, the minute she told you she loved you, YOU should have ended it.

You know you are somewhat responsible, consider it lesson learned, and thank your lucky stars she didn't die.

Thats a bad thing to say very guilt inducing.

Das Kitty

Unregistered wrote: »

Thats a bad thing to say very guilt inducing.

Very true, no one is responsible for someone else's suicide.

However he should feel very guilty (and no doubt does) over how he treated her.

LegacyUser

OP, NO WAY are you responsible for what she did. She is.

No one put a gun to her head and made her sleep with you. You never said you loved her did you?

It sounds to me like she was having a one sided "romance" with you in her head and allowed herself to get carried away with a fantasy.

For anyone to say that you are responsible, I would ask them, what about all the people you slept with casually over the years or to scratch an itch, what if they all turned up having tried to off themselves.....?

Are you responsible?

NO -a resounding no!

Its not your fault you got mixed up with someone unstable. She chose to attempt suicide or a cry for help or whatever.

If you put out your hand you might get slapped in this world, you cant go off crying and blaming others. I know some people will think thats hard but whats the alternative?

Allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by every FB you meet?

Impossible, I am sorry for the girl but she has no one to blame but herself.

He did not lead her on, and EVEN if he did she should have read the signs he was using her. If you dont look out for yourself you cant turn around and blame others for your own stupidity.

Oh The Humanity

OP -its not your fault.

From your posts I got the impression you tried to distance yourself from her and she continued almost stalking you.

Very difficult position for you to be in, but remember...YOU tried to get her to move on, SHE chose to harm herself.

She sounds very sensitive and unstable. It is sad but I seriously urge you to let her friends and family deal with her. Its actually nothing to do with you, you just got involved with her in a casual relationship that she chose to contrue as more ignoring the truth, that is unfortunate. But it was her decision.

But if she's like this, then you could have been anyone. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She needs help.

I hope she will be ok. And I hope you are ok. Leave well enough alone.
Its not your fault.

KittyeeTrix

Unregistered wrote: »

OP, NO WAY are you responsible for what she did. She is.

Are you responsible?

NO -a resounding no!

I know some people will think thats hard but whats the alternative?

Allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by every FB you meet?

I have nothing but sorrow for this young girl but we are all individuals and we cannot be held responsible for the actions of others.
Do not allow yourself to wallow in guilt over this, but do be a little more careful with how you treat some women in the future.
Some of us can bounce back after a let down but as you have discovered some of us cannot.
That still does not make you responsible for this girls actions, so remember that:)

clones1980

Hi OP,

I see i replied to your original post.

Good god that is a bit of a shock alright. I wonder did ur fb ever suffer from depression that you knew of, has she ever tried anything like this before. If she did and you were aware of it then i feel you prob contributed or added in someway to her poor mental state. That said taking an od is a bit over the top. I also dont think this was used as a way of getting back at you as you were not aware of her taking an od until you heard from a third party. She didnt ring you telling you she was going to take an od, she just did.

I dont agree with Corribdudes "Sounds like the usual story when a girl 'attempts' suicide. Seems to me like she was just looking for attention as if you actually wanted to kill yourself it isn't hard, the stats show that when guys attempt suicide they actually do end up dead yet 9 times out of 10 when a girl does it she survives, just a load of drama tbh"

I Think taking an overdose and getting into a bath of water is hardly an attempt for attention, its a very serious attempt to kill herself.


This should be a lesson learned to anyone thinking about using someone for sex or otherwise as you never know just how low someone actually is or their true mental state.

I would leave her alone. As other posters have said she needs her family, friends and professional help, not someone who wanted her out of their life as you previously put it.

littlefriend

corribdude wrote: »

Sounds like the usual story when a girl 'attempts' suicide. Seems to me like she was just looking for attention as if you actually wanted to kill yourself it isn't hard, the stats show that when guys attempt suicide they actually do end up dead yet 9 times out of 10 when a girl does it she survives, just a load of drama tbh.

Are you serious? What an absolutely ludicrous thing to say

Nevyn

Women are more likely to parasucide then men.

corribdude

clonesbabe wrote: »

I dont agree with Corribdudes "Sounds like the usual story when a girl 'attempts' suicide. Seems to me like she was just looking for attention as if you actually wanted to kill yourself it isn't hard, the stats show that when guys attempt suicide they actually do end up dead yet 9 times out of 10 when a girl does it she survives, just a load of drama tbh"

I Think taking an overdose and getting into a bath of water is hardly an attempt for attention, its a very serious attempt to kill herself.

It's a total attention seeking move. I take it she left the door open and knew someone was in the house and would find her when she did it. Or else she got into the bath and took a pill or two and then got out of it and went around and told everyone that she attempted suicide. I'd like to hear what other possibility there is for why it didn't work and everyone knew about it?

You'll find that if she actually wanted to kill herself she would be dead, as is what happens when males attempt suicide.

corribdude

Thaedydal wrote: »

Women are more likely to parasucide then men.

Yes, that is correct. Women are more likely to attempt it, but men are more likely to actually kill themselves when they attempt it. Thats why a female suicide 'attempt' is basically a cry for help/attention rather than a serious attempt to kill themselves.

PK2008

This is her problem not yours

If we all attempted suicide everytime someone rejected us/messed us around then there wouldnt be a person left in the country.

Dont contact her- she has a bit of growing up to do but you cant help with that.

LegacyUser

Op here.

Thanks for your replies folks. I couldn't rest until i had some news so I called into a friend of hers this morning before work and she was not impressed seeing me so id say they all blame me. She said it happened nearly two weeks ago and she was unconscious when found and was in hospital for she thinks about 8 days. She had left a note but she did not know the contents of that. Her friend told me she was so depressed in the lead up to it, she just stopped answering calls then just turned her phone off and couldn't be contacted in the days before hand nor since. Aptly she also left her job and she had a great permanent pensionable job so that was another shock. she also told me her sister was keeping her posted but i think they are all on egg shells waiting for it to happen again.. This is just not the girl i know. Anyway her friend told me to leave her alone and let her get on with her life. I keep wondering if we were still in contact would this have happened.

littlefriend

The girl never contacted him to say what she was about to do or after she had done it. Hardly looking for attention from him then? You can't just presume she is an attention seeking moron.

Men tend to use more violent methods than women - hanging, stepping in front of trains, shooting themselves etc. Women generally try overdosing which is a bit more hit and miss I suppose. Both men and women do the 'cry for help' thing.

LegacyUser

The op treated the girl appallingly at the time. She told him , she loved him and he continued seeing her, not just for sex for dates etc. What was the girl supposed to think?

this may have been a cry for help however anyone who does this must be in a bad bad place and deserves compassion and kindness. this rubbish that she was stalking him etc is untrue and the op knows it.



however, he said at the time of the last post that he didnt feel guilty for what he had done to this girl. Hey, how are you feeling now?

themacdaddy

MagicMarker wrote: »

thank your lucky stars she didn't die.

So does that mean that we should all be aware of our partners attempting suicide everytime some one gets messed about or we break up with someone?
Maybe all relationship should come with warning sticker saying "may cause suicide"


Come on he is at fault for being a d!ck in the relationship but not for her attempting to take her own life!

OP your are to blame for messing her around but that is a far cry from making her try to take her own life. She obviously has other issues going on and it all got too much for her! It is a lesson to learn to treat someone with respect but you are not responsible for her actions after that.

username123

OP - I dont think that you are responsible for the girl attempting suicide.

I do think that you treated her appallingly though. From your original thread it would seem that you not only met her for sex but phoned her most days and met up with her for weekends, hung out etc...

While you may have been keeping an emotional distance she was not and that was clearly indicated to you with her telling you she loved you. Yet you chose to continue the 'relationship' for selfish reasons. You may have considered her only a f**k buddy - but your actions would suggest you were a boyfriend of sorts. To just cut all contact because you had met someone new was selfish, disrespectful and extremely mean. Even if you werent a stated 'boyfriend' you clearly had a friendship of sorts with her - would you just cut contact with any friend because you found someone new?

Overall your actions are certainly a contributing factor to why she felt bad enough to try to kill herself. But - you are still not responsible for this action. That was her choice.

What you are responsible for is treating another human being in a horrible manner. Would you like to be discarded so casually by someone that you had feelings for?

I hope you learn a lesson from this that your behaviour can strongly impact someone elses mental state.

I hope this girl gets the help she needs and moves on.

I definitely do not think you should contact her, you have already caused a lot of hurt in this girls life, leave it be now.