Wheres my life going

merlie

My life has been a big mix of ups and downs and some real downs. I am a single parent of an absolutely wonderful teenager from a past relationship that did not work out. Currently I am in a long term relationship with an equally amazing man who lives across the pond. But what I have just mentioned isn't what I want to talk about.

I have been feeling left wondering where my life is going. Too start with going back a few years say about 1997 to 2003 my life was really interesting. I had a good few friends, I had a job I really liked doing and had a fair bit of money coming in etc. So all in all it was good. Since 2003/ 2004 things changed. I was let go from my job owing that the company couldnt afford to pay me. My best friend changed and she and I fell apart ( long story ) my other close friend met her boyfriend and she drifted away as all her time was taken up with him. I rarely see her even now. Other friends soon moved away one to Australia and others elsewhere.


I then met my present boyfriend in 2004 but was not looking for anyone at that time but he was and after a few months got together and have been together ever since.

Now since 2004 I have been looking for work. Got some work but the hours were too short to do all the work that needed to be done and the pay didnt reflect that either. So I left. I have been looking for work ever since and am getting worried about my bills and stuff and I dont want things to go out of hand.

I often sit at home wondering where my life is going, I have no friends at this point, I have not mentioned the fact to my boyfriend, as I think how will that make me look to him. I sometimes look at people in town and think to myself, if only people knew how nice a person I am and that my life shouldnt be like this.

I feel at times unloved although I am loved by my boyfriend. I have always been such a giving person that I really dont get why I am in the situation I am in. I am patient, kind, caring, giving, fun, understanding and loving. I do not know why I am telling how I am but its just me. It is how I am. I cannot explain myself more. But I dont know where I am going

pierrot

And what's your question? Would someone as 'giving' as yourself use the word "I" almost 50 times in one post?

banquo

pierrot wrote: »

And what's your question? Would someone as 'giving' as yourself use the word "I" almost 50 times in one post?

Don't be an asshole. Let's have some politeness for the lady. Anyway, back OT.

Merlie, I get the impression from your post that you're bored. You love your teenager (rare, so be thankful) and are grateful for your lot, but can't help feeling like ''Meh''.

Have you considered going back to college as a mature student? My mother was in the same situation as you a few years ago and went back to college. There was a lot of fear taking that step - not having been in school for so long, everyone else being able to do ''it'' except her, etc - but it might do you a world of good. You get some skills, some letters after your name, a change of lifestyle and a potential new career.

If you're broke you get a maintenance grant, and with a teenager you'd be more likely than most to get one!

CDfm

Any CE schemes which might increase your take home money

bush Baby

i've an idea you have dipped into melancholy. I can assure you there's nothing wrong with you at all. You are loved and you appear smart but you also appear under-stimulated. And maybe that's the point.

Why not retrain, go back to college, do a course, do anything to get you thinking that you are valuable most of all to prove that point to yourself. Where you are going in life is not the issue, its the what you are doing with it now might be the point to examine!

merlie

pierrot wrote: »

And what's your question? Would someone as 'giving' as yourself use the word "I" almost 50 times in one post?

In trying to understand a situation naturally one has to talk about oneself in order for anyone to understand. So you counted me saying "I" 50 times, what made you do that?

banquo wrote: »

Don't be an asshole. Let's have some politeness for the lady. Anyway, back OT.

Merlie, I get the impression from your post that you're bored. You love your teenager (rare, so be thankful) and are grateful for your lot, but can't help feeling like ''Meh''.

Have you considered going back to college as a mature student? My mother was in the same situation as you a few years ago and went back to college. There was a lot of fear taking that step - not having been in school for so long, everyone else being able to do ''it'' except her, etc - but it might do you a world of good. You get some skills, some letters after your name, a change of lifestyle and a potential new career.

If you're broke you get a maintenance grant, and with a teenager you'd be more likely than most to get one!

Thank you banquo for your kindness. You are right I am feeling like "Meh". Am feeling like I'm in no man's land. Yes, I do love my daughter very much she is a most wonderful person and she has her life sorted but mine is not. I do need to do something alright. I can apply to a college but will have to wait till next Autumn to begin anything, even at that I have no idea what to do in the meantime. But thank you so much for your suggestion

CDfm

merlie wrote: »

I can apply to a college but will have to wait till next Autumn to begin anything, even at that I have no idea what to do in the meantime. But thank you so much for your suggestion

You do.

Get your ass off to your local FAS and see what is going in terms of jobs,training courses or CE schemes or even part time work which allows you to keep your benefits.

There are lots of jobs others might turn their nose up at but you might need to work to keep busy and where just a small bit extra can improve your quality of life.

You sound a bit lonely and down and money is tight too so you really need to boost yourself by taking action.

If finding work is proving hard try some volunteer charity work to fill your time with. If you cant find local charities drop into your local church parish office and ask them who is looking for volunteers.

You sound intelligient so jot down a quick action plan on a scrap of paper and get off doing stuff.

DinoBot

I think a lot of people find themselves in a similar situation to yourself.

You said "I sometimes look at people in town and think to myself, if only people knew how nice a person I am and that my life shouldn't be like this."

I'm not being smart when I say that just because your a nice person does not mean you deserve a happy life. What I mean by that (and this is my own view), there is not some measure of "good life" waiting to be handed out to nice people. If you want your life to be meaningful you have to DO something meaningful.

Happy people have goals in life. Make some realistic goals for yourself, at the very least it may narrow down what you want your life to be.
You need to take control of your life. Be honest with yourself about what you want.

merlie

CDfm wrote: »

You do.

Get your ass off to your local FAS and see what is going in terms of jobs,training courses or CE schemes or even part time work which allows you to keep your benefits.

You sound a bit lonely and down and money is tight too so you really need to boost yourself by taking action.

Thanks for your reply CDfm.
I have gone to FAS and joined job agencies and applied left right and centre and been in contact just about everyday and it has been a no go. Nothing. It isn't like I am not doing anything about wanting to do something. I have but it just doesn't seem to come my way for what ever the reason. But am not giving up trying.

DinoBot wrote: »

I think a lot of people find themselves in a similar situation to yourself.

You said "I sometimes look at people in town and think to myself, if only people knew how nice a person I am and that my life shouldn't be like this."

I'm not being smart when I say that just because your a nice person does not mean you deserve a happy life. What I mean by that (and this is my own view), there is not some measure of "good life" waiting to be handed out to nice people. If you want your life to be meaningful you have to DO something meaningful.

Happy people have goals in life. Make some realistic goals for yourself, at the very least it may narrow down what you want your life to be.
You need to take control of your life. Be honest with yourself about what you want.

Thanks DinobBot. I do know what you mean, I have had a really tough time in the past few years and know it is all about the DOING but since my daughter has grown up and is getting on with her life, and my friends have moved on with theirs, I have found there is a void in my life. I just need to get something done but although I may have some directions as to which way to go, I do not seem to get the opportunity. I may take the college idea and go with that. I do not know and as to a part time job, well I have applied for loads and make the follow up and get rejected every time. I did apply for a job that I was qualified to do and it was a job I would have loved to have done very much, but I wasn't given it for reasons I do not understand. I did feel very gutted over it.

banquo

I'm sorry to hear that Merlie.

One thing you could do is be a Tutor with NALA - national adult literacy association.

It's two hours a week, starting anytime. You do a few weeks training and then start with people. And I can tell you from experience that most of the tutors are middle-aged women who came from your own situation.

It's a great experience.

SarahSassy

merlie wrote: »

Now since 2004 I have been looking for work.

For the last 5 years or so?? During times when the country was at full employment, you couldnt find a job?

merlie wrote: »

Got some work but the hours were too short to do all the work that needed to be done and the pay didnt reflect that either. So I left.

Its nice to have the choice. My pay doesnt reflect my work but I cant leave as I have committments..

merlie wrote: »

I have been looking for work ever since ....

Unless you were going for a job as President of Ireland then surely there has been a vacancy.....

Please stop making excuses. Of course you could find a job that pays decent money.

Ave Sodalis

SarahSassy wrote: »

For the last 5 years or so?? During times when the country was at full employment, you couldnt find a job?



Its nice to have the choice. My pay doesnt reflect my work but I cant leave as I have committments..



Unless you were going for a job as President of Ireland then surely there has been a vacancy.....

Please stop making excuses. Of course you could find a job that pays decent money.

Quite harsh words there in my opinion. Prehaps she cant find a job she likes. No point suffering through a job for the sake of a few extra euro.

SarahSassy

sup_dude wrote: »

Quite harsh words there in my opinion. Prehaps she cant find a job she likes. No point suffering through a job for the sake of a few extra euro.

Harsh alright but all of them true...

If more people woud suffer through jobs we would not have 300k people on the dole right now...

banquo

I think what Merlie was saying that the job wasn't time fixed i.e. you don't leave the office at 5pm even if they work's not finished. Read to me as if ''we'll pay you x amount to see this amount of work through'', but were only paying her as if the job was much less of a workload than it was in reality.

Fair play to her for not being taken advantage of imo.

Also, she's posting here publicly, not unreg'd, looking for advice. She has at least some ambition.

SarahSassy

I am sure the lady ambition, she has made a success of her life by rearing a fantastic daughter and making a loving relationship work...

All I am saying is that sometimes people need to get off the pity pot and stop complaining about things they can or could have changed.

CDfm

merlie wrote: »

Thanks for your reply CDfm.
I have gone to FAS and joined job agencies and applied left right and centre and been in contact just about everyday and it has been a no go. Nothing. It isn't like I am not doing anything about wanting to do something. I have but it just doesn't seem to come my way for what ever the reason. But am not giving up trying

Go back and ask about courses coming up. Insist they put youforward as you need the social side.

Salome

SarahSassy wrote: »

Harsh alright but all of them true...

If more people woud suffer through jobs we would not have 300k people on the dole right now...

Wow, you're very negative. Life isn't black and white. You are very presumptious about the OP's situation. Not everything can be answered with your knee-jerk reactions.

OP, you do sound bored and lethargic. In order for something good to happen, you do need to MAKE it happen. The adult literacy suggestion sounds ideal. Or if you prefer to study as a mature student in the autumn, do some voluntary work in the meantime - it's very worthwhile. It might make you enjoy getting up in the morning.

It's life-affirming doing something you enjoy and it's good for the soul helping others.

MeMyself&I

Might be completely going off the gist of things here, but you say your B'F is across the pond, you met him in 2004, and it seems to be all downhill from there.

Maybe its just a case of missing him, do you see him often?

Im in a LDR too for over a year, and during this whole year i have be soo depressed, and i think its all down to missing him.

Maybe a move over to him is what you need!!

Anouilh

I'm just dropping by from the Photography Forum as your post seemed positive, insofar as you are trying to undestand why life seems to have taken a change for the worse.

I think you are not alone in feeling a bit left behind, as so many people now leave to work abroad and it's almost impossible to have a conversation these days that is not punctuated by cell 'phone interruptions and continuous text messages.

I live very quietly and find all the advantages this offers.
Perhaps working from home in an area that you are skilled in could be the answer to financial questions?

Also, since taking to photography as a hobby, I don't seem to have time to draw breath and it has led me to many contacts, both on the Internet and in everyday life.

Contemporary society can be very strange indeed, and perhaps the following post might console you:

http://blog.doneganlandscaping.com/2009/04/06/do-i-really-care-about-the-irish-government-budget/

People have been working so hard in the past few years that they are beginning to slow down and take time to chat. You may suddenly find that there are plenty of new friends just round the corner...

cafecolour

merlie wrote: »

I can apply to a college but will have to wait till next Autumn to begin anything, even at that I have no idea what to do in the meantime. But thank you so much for your suggestion

Apply now, deadlines are coming up. Seriously, do it now, or else you'll spend the next month thinking about whether you will or not and what you should do, and the window will close and you'll be stuck til next year.

Apply now. Go to school in Autumn. Look into local volunteer opportunities and volunteer somewhere until then.

Volunteering and school are two of the best ways to meet people and make friends.

cafecolour

SarahSassy wrote: »

If more people woud suffer through jobs we would not have 300k people on the dole right now...

3-4 years ago with that statement, you'd have a point. Now it's a pretty moronic statement, unless you seriously believe that recession is some sort of economic myth.