Really depressed

LegacyUser

Im heading for my 31 birthday and I am really depressed with life I have very few friends and I go from one working week to another in the same self destructing pattern I binge drink on my home alone at the weekends watching dvds and I am also overweight. I have tried to lose weight for a long time now but I just cant.I am also depressed because I dont like my job and I have also done very little for my 31 years I have been alive. Most people my age have been traveling and been in several relationships.I have never done any of those things. I have never even kissed a girl.I dont even own a car or can drive. I am what you call a loser and I am just bored with life.I cant go on like this forever I need to change my lifestyle. I will never lose weight unless I give up the drink.Can anyone offer some words of advice

Kenno90

Ok first of all not one person sitting at the computer can tell you what you can do change your life, the changes that you want to make are your choices and what we might say are only opinions ,

Your Life is never going to change unless you change your attitude toward it , First of Start off small , if i were you i'd march down to your local gym and get a membership , if you get into the gym it can have a lot of benefits besides the exercise ,
it would give you something to do during the weekend instead of you sitting watching dvd's all day ,
it could open another world of activities and clubs that you could join, you might meet some people who are trying to lose weight and start talking to them , and of course you would get in better shape and start to lose weight,

Also you've said you have tried before and failed , well from past experience i know that telling a loved one about your problems forces you to act on them and deal with( that works with me, but might not be for you .. Just saying)

In your work, is there a lot of people coming and going and are you able to talk freely and get to know people , or is it kinds like a cubicle thing that very little chatter is going on , if it's the first option then you need to start talking an putting yourself out there , you might find some1 who has the same hobbies as you and get on well with them
and if times weren't so stressful in the credit crunch , i'd even say quit your job if you hate it and look for something more fulfilling (it wouldn't hurt to look for a job while you still have the one you hate)

As for the girlfriend situation , you come across the type that isn't the most fashion conscience , so buy a few nice looking clothes on yourself , the more friends you get the more you'd be introduced to more and more women , therefore the more chance of getting that all important relationship

As for you wanting a car , well ask yourself , do you really need a car at the mo. If you needed it , you'd be forced to buy one already ,

the good news is you've taken the first step and acknowledged the fact you've got a problem
Good Luck with it

easyeason3

I think the best thing I ever did was get a piece of paper & write down all the things the bother me & get me down. Actually writing it down seems to get it out of my head & it makes me feel like I have power over my problems.
Once you have done that get another piece of paper & write down things you want to do, for example: learning to drive/ learn a new skill etc.
It will give you a clear focus on what you want to do & it will also give you something to work towards.
As regards the binge drinking, some people might say you have a problem with alcohol but only you can answer that. From what you have wrote you seem to be in a rut. And comparing yourself to others when you're feeling like crap is always easy to do & it's always easy to think the grass is greener.
Why don't you join a gym & go in the evening times when you would normally sit at home & drink. You could start an evening course which will get you out & meeting people as well as learning new skills.
Your problem can be sorted easily enough but you will have to believe in yourself a bit more & make an effort.
You have nothing to lose & everything to gain.

Latchy

You could start by writing down a list of what it is you would like to eliminate from your life and set your self some goals .For instance the drink / weight issue .You wont achive one without ditching the other but cutting down on the drink ( rather then trying to give it all up ) and maybe starting a diet would be a beginning .You could ask your doctor to refer you to a dietician and maybe consider taking up a physical activity like jweight training at a gym . The key is to keep mind and body active .Good luck .

oisindoyle

Unregistered wrote: »

Im heading for my 31 birthday and I am really depressed with life I have very few friends and I go from one working week to another in the same self destructing pattern I binge drink on my home alone at the weekends watching dvds and I am also overweight. I have tried to lose weight for a long time now but I just cant.I am also depressed because I dont like my job and I have also done very little for my 31 years I have been alive. Most people my age have been traveling and been in several relationships.I have never done any of those things. I have never even kissed a girl.I dont even own a car or can drive. I am what you call a loser and I am just bored with life.I cant go on like this forever I need to change my lifestyle. I will never lose weight unless I give up the drink.Can anyone offer some words of advice

First of all stop being so hard on yourself .You're heading towards your 31st birthday ,,,You're still YOUNG...Why are you compareing yourself to others .Im sure you are as good if not better than a lot of people..
You have a job ,albeit a job you dont like ,BUT its a job..Think of yourself as being lucky..
Why are you calling yourself a loser ,,YOU?Re not ....
We all get bored with life ,at times ,its natural and normal..You say you cannot go on like that ,OK so do something ,,,,Join a club a group a walking group ,, a choir,,,a musical society ,,, a pitch n putt club ,, volunteer for something ,or whatever ,,but dont dwell on things ,,,only you can sort it for yourself...and by the way EVERYONE is shy ,,people just find different ways to hide it ,,,,,being louder than others or God knows what ,,,,
Maybe speak to your doctor as well .no harm in doing that ..

ogriofa

Haya, I've a good idea of what you're talking about.

Apply for your driving licence tomorow. If you live at home with your folks, get a loan of their car, or if you've a few quid, get an old junker for 1-2k (that'd get you a merc if you hang on a coupla weeks)

If your job is secure - for god sake don't move! You're lucky to have it!

Just start crossing things off that list. One at a time. If you don't, give yourself a kick in the arse

G'luck

KittyeeTrix

Listen,
Don't be so hard on yourself!!!!
Try to think of anything that interests you and try to get involved with that in the community, I mean if you like reading join a local book club. If you are finding it hard to quit drinking and you know it is adding to your weight, then try to choose drinks that are low or nil in calories.
As for having a girlfriend, honestly once you develop a little more confidence in yourself and maybe start seriously with the diet all of that will fall into place.
There is someone out there for everyone, maybe you just haven't met them yet!!!!
I don't know what job you have at the moment but you will probably enjoy it more if you get out at the weekends and try something new.
Don't procrastinate and just get out there

legalmillie

Hey there,

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are only 31! Life isn't over yet. The weather is pretty fab at the moment. Just put on your runners and go for a 20 minute walk a few nights a week. The gym can be pretty lonely. Take up a sport like tag rugby. It's a great way to meet people. See if there is already a group in your office. You could try white collar boxing or join a bookclub. Join a class doing something in the evening like dancing, boxing, a new language.

You need to make the changes. Write a list of changes you want to make and small goals to get yourself there. Don't set yourself ridiculous goals that you can't possibly achieve. Each time you reach a goal treat yourself to something... new clothes etc.

Good luck! Smile

Miss Fluff

Make a deal with yourself that you will only drink socially, i.e. with other people. Sitting at home drinking by yourself is destructive as well as contributing to weight gain. You'll be in a much better position to tackle the other issues you wish to change with a clear head.

LegacyUser

Plenty of advice has been offered above, so I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I know exactly how you feel - I'm practically the female version of you!

The rest of my reply has turned into a bit of an essay, so I wanted to get the "not alone" message out first & ppl can read on if they need a depressing bed-time story...
I'm a year older than you but none the wiser. I'm overweight too and binge eat rather than drink. I've lost touch with almost all of my friends and spend most of my time in front of the TV/on the internet. I made a big push to lose weight and "get out there" a few years ago and ended up being used by a guy who disappeared once he got what he was looking for so I gave up on relationships again after that. I too hated my job and was jealous of all those people who went traveling so, after 6 months of convincing myself it was the best thing to do, I quit my job & headed off myself. Travelling didn't work out and sometimes I wish I never left my job at all - even though I hated parts of it, the routine was actually good for me. I've been unemployed since I came home and if you think working in a job you hate is bad...try the guilt trip of being on the dole and the constant job rejections!

So I guess that's my only piece of advice for you...don't quit your job until you have your next venture lined up.

I'm as lost as you are with everything else. At least it sounds like you're willing to do something about it whereas I'm still in the wallowing phase-most days at least. There are some days when the metaphorical sun shines and I change at least one thing for the better - the last was to read the book for the boards.ie book club so I can go to the next meeting. Now I just have to pluck up the courage to go!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Im heading for my 31 birthday and I am really depressed with life I have very few friends and I go from one working week to another in the same self destructing pattern I binge drink on my home alone at the weekends watching dvds and I am also overweight. I have tried to lose weight for a long time now but I just cant.I am also depressed because I dont like my job and I have also done very little for my 31 years I have been alive. Most people my age have been traveling and been in several relationships.I have never done any of those things. I have never even kissed a girl.I dont even own a car or can drive. I am what you call a loser and I am just bored with life.I cant go on like this forever I need to change my lifestyle. I will never lose weight unless I give up the drink.Can anyone offer some words of advice

Hi OP sorry to hear you are having a tough time,
Im 31 next week too but i have over come many challenges and i am feeling happy for the first time in my life.

My advice is that dont try and loose the weight straight away take the emphasis off it for the moment, have you heard of the book the secret, its about the law of attraction if you are talking to yourself in a negative way daily like im so fat, i hate my job, i cant do anything right, im unworthy, etc this is becoming your reality.

Become aware of your thoughts so you can track them and change them to the oposite of what you are thinking,start to affirm i have a happy slender body, i love my job, i always do everything right, i am worth it,

if you can do this your self esteem will start to change and then bit by bit you will have the inner strength to start to loose the weight because you know you deserve it!

the sooner you can feel better about yourself everything will change,

If your interested Try

Louise Hay, You can heal your life,
the secret by rhonda byrne- you can you tube it and get the first 20 mins free

who_ru

hey,

look whatever you do - DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB - all of your happiness and contentment is inside you - you just need to let it out - DO NOT go travelling abroad - start at home - so do get a drivers licence - slowly it will change - you NEED to reflect - you are a GOOD & DECENT human being - weight is MEANINGLESS - ABSOLUTELY MEANINGLESS - your shape does not and WILL - never define you - all of the goodness in people comes from within and never without - no immediate change will come - all change starts and finishes in the mind - all addictions for example are broken in the mind - the body is a reflection of the mind - but only that - a smile and good gesture is a reflection of the SOUL - nothing is more VALUABLE than a GOOD SOUL - YOU ARE A GOOD SOUL.

upmeath

Kenno90, I wouldn't call purchasing gym membership a small start, it's a large financial commitment for anyone on any sort of income, and at first it can seem daunting going in there. Try the gym alright, if you like it, purchase membership. Probably the most effective method of weight loss. Walking is a cheap alternative and a bit of fresh air and scenery is always good too.

CDfm

If you are overweight and drinking to much you should probably see your GP.

Lots of people get depressed and snap out if it and others need a bit of help.

Try some gentle exercise like a club or something.

Its summer time or will be in a few weeks - so get in touch with friends.

LegacyUser

i know what you are going through.just be happy with yourself and your body first. Hope everything works out for you. Life is to be lived - use this motto everyday. i Know life at times can be mundane but try and do some differant things and get out there and try to meet some new people.i know there are plenty of clubs always looking for people to help them as i have joined a few of them myself.