Ex Past Killing Me!

LegacyUser

I have this problem which is really bothering me. I was seeing this girl for a while but we never slept together. I dont know why, but it just never seemed to happen.

We have split up, on friendly terms and stay in contact in some ways bebo,facebook nd the odd text. The trouble is her past do. There are one or two guys around the area who she was with and that she did sleep with and that really really bothers me! It has come to the point were its that bad I cant stand to even see the lads, which is really hard because we are all from the same town, and in my crazy world I feel as though they are sniggering and laughing at me. The fact that they got "IT" off her and I didnt.That really bothers me,upsets me,feels me with rage and makes me wish bad things to these guys.

What also really bothers me is that she slept with one of the guys while he was going out with her best friend. How could someone do that? And I cant get it out of my head that perhaps she did this on me!

I dont know whats wrong with me, but this is driving me insane. I wish I could forget about everything and not let it bother me but I cant. Maybe its because I was so head over heels in love with this girl, and maybe I still am (although I hate that I am, because of the tings she has done which I have previously mentioned). I cant even go out anymore because as I said we live in a small town and everyone drinks in the same pub, and I cant go out becuse It feels like a stake being driven through my heart everytime I see them. PLease help me!

Queen-Mise

OP everyone has a past, and unless all your girlfriends are going to be virgins, you are going to have to deal with the fact that she has slept with other people.

Is that fact that she has slept with these lads in particular, making you think less of her, especially when one of them was in a relationship at the time. Would it have made a difference if she has slept with two different lads you didn't know on a sun holiday.

It is highly unlikely these lads are laughing at you, they are getting on with their lives, you are the one that is hung up about it.

And lastly we are all entitled to make mistakes or sleep with inappropriate people, I think you are judging her harshly.

MagicMarker

OP, you should be glad, you dodged a bullet imo.

LegacyUser

I was in this position before around 5 years ago when I was 20. Was with a girl for a few months and for some reason we just never slept together. After, I found out she had had sex with a few lads around the area (was also with her best friends boyfriend) and had slept with some other guy within a week of us breaking up. I was pissed at all this news. It isnt so much that she has a past that got to me and I suspect its the same with you but its more like you think at the time what was so wrong with you that she could jump into bed with all these guys but not you. I treated her great yet she has sleeps with these d*ckheads (and they were d*ckheads)...I held alot of anger towards her for a while but I grew up and realised it was just a waste of time. She wasnt good enough for me anyway. I learned a great lesson though because now Im able to deal with any partners past sexual relationships with alot more ease!

LegacyUser

Somewhat similar to a situation I found myself in. Liked this girl all during college but had a rule if you like about going near girls in my class/I work with etc.
Besides that though she seemed to "get around" if you like, now I'm not going to be the misogynistic male stereotype, I realise most women I have been with/will be with have slept with other men but there is something to be said for discretion and a person's behaviour. For example I've seen that girl in action a few times with random blokes (and quite a few from our college as well) and it really didn't endear me to her a whole lot, not the fact the she was with them but rather how she conducted herself.
When it came to crunch time I resisted being with her, something she wasn't too happy about. I saw her again after the final summer break at a training seminar for work and people were suggesting that I make a move (she really likes me etc), I didn't for the aforementioned reasons and sure enough I heard the next morning she had bedded some guy who was still in college from a previous year. In summary I really liked her for a long time since, primarily, I get along so well with her but she's just not somebody I would ever trust.
Just move on man, life's tough and people let you down, that's just the way things are.

pow wow

You seem to have a really low opinion of her...therefore I can't really see why you care either way? Other than the fact that they got 'it' off her and you didn't, as you said in your post. Her past isn't 'killing' you, you're just getting worked up over it because of your ego. Move on.

LegacyUser

....that you were holding off making the move that pisses you off - you're not pissed off with her or her past but the fact that you didn't make the move.

The thing about the "dickheads" is that maybe they didn't think about it too much - they saw an attractive girl and went for it. They may have seen her as someone to "bang" while you saw her as "someone special who wouldn't do that sort of thing until we got to know each other....."It "didn't seem to happen" with you guys possibly because you never instigated it.

Your rage towards these guys is actually anger at yourself for not having the courage/strength/belief in yourself to get IT for yourself?

You can picture them doing something that you wanted to do - so you are jealous of their achievements and the achievement happens to be someone you liked so it is eating you up.

I have been that soldier.

What to do?
Well look - nobody is laughing at you. People don't laugh at you because you didn;t get with someone.

It's over between you guys - realise that.

Regarding her sleeping with her friends fella - well, that in my mind would totally turn me off someone to the point where I'd be happy that I didn't sleep with them.