Dodgy text message

LegacyUser

the other night my missus got a text at 1.30am saying"night babe x"
said it was wrong no.
i thought about it and said ring no. , she said no you do it.
so i said you ring and say hello and went to ring . she stopped me and stared crying and said it was i guy she knew from long time ago and she didnt know why he would send a text like that.
she dumped into him 3 weeks ago in a shop and swapped emails
anyway she admits to flirting on emails with him for a few weeks,nothin more.she liked the attention!
she let me see her phone bills to prove she hasnt been texting him.
anyway i got a call from the guy saying sorry i was a text meant for his missus ,whos name
happens to start with same letter!(now my missus had called him so maybe this is a story they made up).
he has a missus and kid so i presume they live together ,why would he be textin her at 1.30 saying "night babe x" then?

opinions please,we ve been together a long time and are engaged

LegacyUser

Sorry mate to be nitpicking but if they only swapped emails how does he have her number

MagicMarker

Sounds dodgy.

First she lied about who it was, then admitted to 'flirting' in emails. And because of this she bursts out crying? That's a slight over reaction is it not? Sounds like there's more to it.

Whether she's cheating or not I cannot say, but for me there would not be enough trust there now, and I'd certainly be thinking twice about marriage.

Joey the lips

Sounds very dodgy why dont you send him txt from your o/h phone saying "Thanks for covering me on that one!" and see what it leads to

Or else

Trust your wife and get over it

SarahSassy

How did you know what the text said? Were you reading her messages before she got them?

If so, have you a reason for doing this and was there trust between ye before?

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

How did you know what the text said? Were you reading her messages before she got them?

If so, have you a reason for doing this and was there trust between ye before?

isat up in the bed and seen it

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

isat up in the bed and seen it

It still must have taken some effort on your part to see it... Surely if your gf was expecting this or any texts she would be wise enough to have her phone on silent and not read it in front of you...

Is there more here than meets the eye?

ManOfMystery

SarahSassy why not try and concentrate on the issue in hand instead of looking for some phantom trust problem between the OP and his gf? I know if my gf is sitting beside me it doesn't take much effort at all for either of us to read the screen on the other's phone.

@ OP - it definitely sounds fishy, especially your other half 'crying' over what she claims is a random text - to burst into tears over it would, in my opinion, imply guilt of some kind.

spurious

ManOfMystery wrote: »

@ OP - it definitely sounds fishy, especially your other half 'crying' over what she claims is a random text - to burst into tears over it would, in my opinion, imply guilt of some kind.

Or if we are wildly speculating with no basis, fear of repercussions from the OP.

@OP Talk to your fiancee - without trust maybe you should reconsider marriage.
Does she not get enough 'attention' from you?
She showed you bills? Didn't you take her word for it?

There seems to be more to this than you are saying.

Blue_Wolf

SarahSassy wrote: »

It still must have taken some effort on your part to see it... Surely if your gf was expecting this or any texts she would be wise enough to have her phone on silent and not read it in front of you...

Is there more here than meets the eye?

Op did say that he checked her phone bill and there were no texts from that number so she wasnt expecting that txt from the guy.
I think she did over react to the questioning and that there is more to meet the eye. I think its good that she gave her email address to him and obviously gave her number to him by email. So she was taking it to the next step by doing that. You managed to stop it from going any further.

I would also be reconsidering the engagment. Baffles me to why people get engaged and than start fooling around. You should have followed up on the emails and ask to see them. If they have been deleted now, than she is covering up.

Good luck.

Craft25

Your girl is definitely reaching out beyond your bedroom!! I would be less concerned with "is it or isn't it" & more concerned with why she isn't happy! Your problem is the same one most relationships fall on.... communication

ps. by the way it looks like she hasn't cheated yet, so you still have time to right things!!

CDfm

Craft25 wrote: »

Your girl is definitely reaching out beyond your bedroom!! I would be less concerned with "is it or isn't it" & more concerned with why she isn't happy! Your problem is the same one most relationships fall on.... communication

ps. by the way it looks like she hasn't cheated yet, so you still have time to right things!!

You need to communicate with her that you are not happy with her behaviour.

couerdelion

There seems to be a lot of people widly specualting and calling foul without any real evidence.

I've had random texts from people before and even sent one to a mate saying "love you x" when I was out drunk. It's possible that it's happened and that's why he has her number. I've got other females numbers on my phone apart from my OH and it doesn't mean I'm cheating on her!

At the end of the day it is a trust issue. You must have reasons to doubt her story or you would not be asking. If she was cheating, I'm sure she would have had the sense to ask him not to text her at night.

Bottle_of_Smoke

couerdelion wrote: »

There seems to be a lot of people widly specualting and calling foul without any real evidence.

I've had random texts from people before and even sent one to a mate saying "love you x" when I was out drunk. It's possible that it's happened and that's why he has her number. I've got other females numbers on my phone apart from my OH and it doesn't mean I'm cheating on her!

Would you have started crying if your OH saw those texts? Substitute crying with any other guilt implying behaviour if necessary

At the end of the day it is a trust issue. You must have reasons to doubt her story or you would not be asking.

What's your point here? Even if you trust someone 100% certain things are going to make you question that trust, that's what seems to be happening here

If she was cheating, I'm sure she would have had the sense to ask him not to text her at night.

He could have been drunk and forgot. Or maybe he's trying to split them up.

CDfm

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Would you have started crying if your OH saw those texts? Substitute crying with any other guilt implying behaviour if necessary

Im not with you.

It went from I know nothing to I met the guy again and we exchanged numbers to we had a few flirty emails and no mention of MSN.

Not being crass but the situation changed rapidly and OP didnt know what to believe.I know I dont but the crying was OTT. Forget the him being drunk stuff and all that but she fudged her replies a lot.

LegacyUser

@ OP - it definitely sounds fishy, especially your other half 'crying' over what she claims is a random text - to burst into tears over it would, in my opinion, imply guilt of some kind.[/QUOTE]

+1 definitley sounds like there's something more going on here, there has to be otherwise why would she start crying? And if they exchanged emails how did he get her number? Sounds very very suspicous to me, I would confront her again. She showed you her phone bill? While she may not be texting him or phoning him sounds like she has been emailing him a lot more then she lets on. I'd put money on it she cheated.

who007

OP - a long time? Is it long enough for someone to get bored in a relationship or short enough that this shouldn't be happening? I have a reason for asking. But either way - doesn't sound good the way she reacted! If it's screwing up your relationship that much that you have to look at her phone bill and she is willing to go so far as to let you then maybe you should ask to read her emails to/from him just to put the situation to rest. Although either taking that step or ignoring the issue may be the final nail in the relationship's coffin I think.

couerdelion

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Would you have started crying if your OH saw those texts? Substitute crying with any other guilt implying behaviour if necessary

So crying is an implication of guilt? She may have been talking to the bloke by email and we don't know what exactly was said. It could be that the OP was throwing accusations that were blatently untrue and upset her.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

What's your point here? Even if you trust someone 100% certain things are going to make you question that trust, that's what seems to be happening here

My point is that although there are things that may make you question your trust in someone unless you have proof then you have to go back and remember why you put your original trust in that person. If you are questioning on slim evidence then you are already mistrusting of that person.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

He could have been drunk and forgot. Or maybe he's trying to split them up.

Or maybe he was the mystery person on the grassy knoll?
See what I mean about speculating? It doesn't really help anyone. If we cry wolf often enough then we'll eventually be right and be able to say I told you so and be happy in the knowledge of our own self rightousness.


Anyway, we aren't going to agree. I'm just hoping for the OP to come back and tell me they lived happily every after because i still believe in fairytales.

Bottle_of_Smoke

CDfm wrote: »

Im not with you.

It went from I know nothing to I met the guy again and we exchanged numbers to we had a few flirty emails and no mention of MSN.

Not being crass but the situation changed rapidly and OP didnt know what to believe.I know I dont but the crying was OTT. Forget the him being drunk stuff and all that but she fudged her replies a lot.

The poster I was quoting was saying he oftern got texts from random girls but was still dedicated to his girlfriend. I pointed out that he wouldn't start crying if she found the texts so its not the same thing.

Bottle_of_Smoke

couerdelion wrote: »

So crying is an implication of guilt?

In those circumstances, Yes. You don't think its odd?

She may have been talking to the bloke by email and we don't know what exactly was said. It could be that the OP was throwing accusations that were blatently untrue and upset her.
[/quote]

The OP explained what happened, there was no reference to accusations.

My point is that although there are things that may make you question your trust in someone unless you have proof then you have to go back and remember why you put your original trust in that person. If you are questioning on slim evidence then you are already mistrusting of that person.

Ideologically I agree, reality's different though.

Or maybe he was the mystery person on the grassy knoll?
See what I mean about speculating? It doesn't really help anyone. If we cry wolf often enough then we'll eventually be right and be able to say I told you so and be happy in the knowledge of our own self rightousness.


Anyway, we aren't going to agree. I'm just hoping for the OP to come back and tell me they lived happily every after because i still believe in fairytales.

Educated speculating seems to be what PI is all about. Your right we're unlikely to agree.