Back on drink

LegacyUser

Just need to get this off my chest.

Had a drink problem since I was 16. Off the drink a year and a half till tonight. Don't know what went wrong but needed a drink. Went out bought 6 cans of guiness and a bottle of Vodka.

Needed to let someone know cos can't tell anybody i know but just needed to say it

Serena08

Maybey you should talk to someone that knows you and can support you ... the fact that your drinking again is scary enough a few cans is one thing but the bottle of vodka now thats a serious set back I only hope you realise this and can stop... only you know your limits and surley you can remember the damaga the drink has done to your life in the past... I hope you get to talk to someone take care

LegacyUser

Hi, you say you've bought them but you haven't said if you've drunk them. If you haven't walk over to the sink, open everything & pour them away.

If you have then you probably won't be reading this but on the off chance that you are, then for your own head in the moring, stop. After a year off, if you drink all that ,then you won't have to tell anyone ... they'll know when the see you not to mention being very very ill.

I too have a drink problem. I too gave up but only for the about 3 months & then went back over Christmas. I gave up again on Monday. Its not then end of the world that you started. You've stopped before & you can do it again ... but if you've had a few then perhaps tomorrow is best for this discussion, not now.

If you can, stop now & tomorrow is another day.

Good luck.

petethebrick

I know a couple of people with bad drink problems who successfully quit - and guess what. Every one of them relapsed and drank again a couple of times before they quit completely.
You've done great so far having quit for a year and a half - well done. Don't panic too much that you drank again but DO tell your parents or friends so that they can help and support you. Otherwise your problem could spiral out of control again. Good luck!

LegacyUser

OP Here,

Can't tell parents, they have enough on their plate without me telling them I on the drink again. Can't even speak to them till next week cos of issues I have with them and afraid if I spoke to them before that I'd lose it.
Don't want to go to AA cos I've been there before and just can't seem to be able to speak out in public.
Can't tell Councellor because she had such faith that I'd given it up and just don't want or need to feel like I let her down.
How many relapses does it take to give it up. I've been tryin properly since 20, now 26. This is the longest I've ever lasted.
Not goin to throw the drink down the sink, Have my mind set now to drink it all. Expecting g/f to ring at 6:30 in the morning also after her night out. I've a few issues with her too.
Already worryin about how I'm going to get drink after this runs out.

LegacyUser

I know the feeling, you don't want to tell your family/friends as you don't want to let them down and you feel guilty. I've been there so many times. Its a horrible place to be in. I wish you well mate. Keep strong!!!

Sinall

From what I've heard of AA you don't have to speak publically until you are ready. You can go along to the meetings without having to tell your story. Go to a meeting tomorrow if you can find one nearby.

You have not let your counsellor down, she is helping you find your way through this. You can tell her anything and I'm sure she will not judge you.

Hang in there. If you haven't touched the drink tonight try and pour it away and start again tomorrow. Best of luck, I'm rooting for you.

LegacyUser

OP Here again.

Just finished the cans. On the vodka now.

The thing is, something important came up in the family this week. I was the last to find out. I only found out cos I rang home, if I hadn't rang I probably wouldn't have found out. Everybody else knew about it except me makes me feel fairly unimportant.

Girlfriend has made it clear that Family, Friends (About 50) then others (about 20) and then me come most important on her list. Fairly unimportant there

No contact with friends these days, Don't even know if I can even call some friends since haven't had much contact since I gave up the drink.
What would anybody else do?

Honesty appreciated.

Kenno90

you need to realise that this is not just hurting you , but it is also hurting every1 else that cares for you ,

you need motivation read some stories about young people who drank alot over the years , it really starts to hit home

a friend of mine went drinking almost everyday ,
one night he got sick and went to the hospital , he thought he'd be in there one night , but he didn't get out till 2 weeks after that ,

the doctors said that he had a liver of a 50 year old and he was 21 , and advised to never drink again ,

now in your case you need to focus on what made you quit in the first place(18 months is great , so you do have some will power) , and while your reading this i want you to put the vodka down , you already had 6 cans , you had enough today

as for your family not telling you the big important thing , if it is important they might not want to tell you as it may make you upset , or there too busy dealing with the problem then telling everybody about it , your family loves you and not being told something is no reason to panic

fabbydabby

Can't tell Councellor because she had such faith that I'd given it up and just don't want or need to feel like I let her down.

Your councellor is there to help you. I'll bet she would be much more let down if you drank in secret for a long time than nipped this one in the bud and got in touch soon.

Get in touch with her soon.

easyeason3

Well you've proved you can go without it by staying off it for a year & a half so if I was you I'd put the cap back on the vodka bottle & forget about it for tonight.
It sounds like you're extremely lonely & sensitive. Instead of finishing the bottle of vodka, leave the glass out of your hand & get a piece of paper & a pen.
Write down all the things that are bothering you at the moment & how those things make you feel.
Once you have that done get a fresh piece of paper & write down things you want to do or ambitions you might have & then give yourself a reasonable amount of time to achieve these new things.
By writing down the sh!te stuff you're getting the feelings out of you're system without having to face anyone. Believe me it helps because sometimes it's easier to let paper take the weight of these issues out of your head.
And by jotting down things you want to do you're giving yourself something to work towards for yourself & no one else. It's also very satisfying to be able to cross those things off when you complete them.

Then when you're feeling up to it have a think about going back to your counsellor for a chat. You won't be disappointing her or letting her down by doing this but by not discussing it you will be letting her down.

time for a bottle of reality my friend.

on thursday i attended the funeral of my cousin who drank himself to death at 37 years old. he had slid into alcoholism after the breakdown of his marriage but got really bad over the past six months. despite the pleas of his family and friends, and despite the fact that he had been hospitalised several times and had begun to suffer regular seizures as a result of heavy drinking- he continued to drink himself into oblivion every day. i only wish you could see what i saw in the last few days of my cousins life. there were so many tubes running in and out of him you could barely see him on the bed, there was even a tube going into his BIG TOE as his body was so full of fluid. his skin had turned bright green except for his hands which were bright orange from liver failure. in the coffin he resembled jim carrey as THE MASK, not funny AT ALL.

get help mate and sort it out.

LegacyUser

Sounds like you've had a tough couple of weeks. You've done great with the year and a half of being sober, I think you should feel proud of yourself for that one. You can't be solidly strong 100% of the time, and you obviously know that booze isn't the answer to your problems. So read this thread again tomorrow when you're sober and just get on with things. Sort out the things that are bothering you one by one, it's all you can do. Don't hate yourself for having one night of weakness.