Court order for access

LegacyUser

OK, sorry this is a bit long winded and messy butu Ill try to explain it the best I can.

I have a 4 year old son, not with his father for 1.5 years, he walked out on New Years day. The arrangement for him to see his son was he would take him every friday night overnight until saturday evening. This was fine. Then back in Summer 08, he decided that he wanted him for full weekends, every other weekend (one weekend on, one off), I wasnt entirly happy with his, as I was working full time and didnt see my son all in the week (his granny, fathers mother took him for me after school until I finshed work, and because his father doesnt work he could see him when he wants)- anyway, after months of his torment we went to court to get an official access agreement and maintenance order agreed.

He lied through his teeth in court, what a model father he is, how HE picks my son from school and minds him, when really it was his mother, and he got the access he wanted (every other weekend). The judge wrote in the order that he should carry on picking DS from school, unless circumstances change (I said I wasnt happy what was being wrote in the order about him picking him up and holding onto him untl 6).

The every other weekend thing hasnt worked out great, he would tell me he couldnt take DS the night before in some instances, not taking him for a month, wanting to change weekends etc, so it has been a bit messy.

Roll on to last week, I finshed up work on Friday, was really looking forward to spending the summer with DS as his teachers said that Ds would benfit from me being at home with him as he has behavioural issues , which he knew. I told him I would be picking up DS from school now on, but I would be obviously flexible with DS in the week so he wouldnt only be seeing him ever other weekend.

All week he hasnt let me pick up ds, I have been picking him up in the late afternoon, mainly because I dont want to cause a scene at the school and upset DS.

I gave the ex a birthday present last night from DS, just something that he could hand over and a card, all last night I was getting abusive text messages, calling me ever name under the sun, saying what a horrible person and scabby c*nt i am, etc etc etc i wont get into it, but even tho i wasnt writing back he just carried on.

Today, he told me that Im not getting access to my son (who lives with me) until 6 o'clock every evening and there was nothing i can do about it.

Im here really upset, I dont know what to do, he has serious anger issues and Im a bit scared of him because of his past behaviour over the last 18 months.

I want to pull access and get a new court order but there will be war. He slags me off to DS, ds has come back saying awful things about me, and in the past has left him on his own while he went to the shop admittly not for long, but even so,and he is just avery very bitter person.

I just dont know what to do now can i pull access like that? There would be murder, and if he found out where i lived he would cause murder and come over for a fight and threats (has done it before), can anyone advise?

LegacyUser

I feel for you, my sister was in a similiar situation with the ex not picking him and then when he did he was with his girlfriend or a babysitter.
Maybe you should write down all the times he hasn't collected him and keep a diary of all the things he has been doing including saving the text messages on your phone.
Is your son being affected by all this? If so can you afford a counsellor so that you have proof in court? My sister did this as my nephew was being abused by her ex's girlfriend. Obviously it's different situation for you but your son may be able to tell the counsellor how he feels about all this rowing. At the end of the day he's the one in the middle of this and doesn't particulary want to see his two role models rowing every time there's a hand over.
I know there's places in the UK where you can drop child off and leave and then ur ex collects, don't know if there is one here.

Sleepy

All you can do is go back through the courts requesting a change to the access. Keep a log of weekends he doesn't turn up / doesn't take your son etc. Work to the letter of the agreement you currently have (i.e. don't agree to swap weekends etc.) and contact your solicitor.

LegacyUser

OP go back to court - with the said text messages as evidence
and the fact that circumstances have changed

Dublin_Gunner

I've been through similar issues (father here), and the only way is to go back to court.

Keep all of those texts that he sent - you can print them off using your phones software and a computer. Ask someone to help if you don't know how - I had to use text messages in my case.

Get in contact with your solicitor, and have this mess sorted out. Stick to the agreement as exactly as you can - i.e. keep your nose clean.

The first thing they'll do is to see who is/is not keeping to the agreement.

You will get it sorted, but unfortunately this may continue for years

LegacyUser

Hi Op sounds just like my case! Plus the fact he lied through his teeth and nothing can be done to prove it. I never ever wanted my son to be deprived of a relationship with his father and we had agreed access between us but then he wanted more. We went to court, the judge gave him less that we had agreed and I was the one who gave extra as i felt it was in the best interests of the child. Then came the changing times, days etc because he had met someone and was trying to fit the child in around seeing her. I am not saying he isnt entitled to a social life of his own but I felt he should put the child first and work around him, with an odd exception.

I learned the hard way, record every single thing, be it voicemail, texts, emails and record every single time he does not turn up when he is supposed to, times dates and if you can have a witness to say he hasnt been there.

If he has already lied in court he will try to do that again more than likely and say you are just being bitter.

I would certainly go back to court, your circumstances have changed in that you can spend time with your child, im sure the judge only gave him the access to pick your child up because you could not do so.

Do not let him use your wanting to spend the time with your child as a weapon against you as it comes across.

The child is not a pawn for him to use to hurt you.

As for the present, it would be the last I would buy. Let him stew thats just pure ungrateful.

Do yourself and your child a favour go back to the courts, your son needs to be the most important thing here and his parents fighting over him wont be of any benefit

LegacyUser

I am a divorced Dad and my kids are teenagers now.

My ex used the court and when we had a system up and running inevitably would change it.


Courts are bad because they are adversorial so someone has to loose and they are the last ditch effort. My personal view is that family law courts make things worse.

I suggest mediation and probably a co-parenting course. Gingerbread used to run one.

Can you can suck it up for now?

Im not saying this cos its a woman/man thing but because its tit for tat. A child will pick up on that tension and going to court wont lessen it.

Last night I was at a musical my daughter was in and its cos she wanted me there. The first time I have seen her on stage. Don't you think at 15 she doesnt have a view and wonder why it was nesscessary not to pass on invites etc.Small people have views too and its not all about you and your ex.

I'd say leave it and allow things to calm down.Let him have his rant and offer to take the child back early if and when he cant make it. The same thing if he wants to take the child to a football match or wants some extra holiday time in the summer.

Thats my 10c worth and my daughter was gorgeous on stage.