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BF pressuring me about kids

  • 01-04-2009 10:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey,

    So my bf is starting to put loads of pressure on me about having kids at some stage in the future. It's really freaking me out, I'm only 19. He's in his 20's so I can see it being a bit more of an issue for him. I really love him, but I can't seem to get through to him about how unprepared I am to even think about this.

    Help!


Comments

  • #2
    idontknowmyname
    Closed Accounts Posts: 818 ✭✭✭idontknowmyname


    he shouldn't be putting any pressure on you about this- deciding whether or not you want to have a family is a big decision- you're only 19 so still very young and have a lot to look forward to in life. He may be trying to see if you both share the same goals as this can cause many break-ups down the line, but again you're only 19. I'm almost 27 now- I'm not the same person I was when I was 23, let along 19- I was only a baby! Explain to him that you're still too young to really think about things like this....if he's still being impatient with you then maybe he's not the right guy for you...


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You said he's in this 20's - early/mid/late?

    Talk to him and let him know that your feeling pressured - if he doesn't stop then I'm afraid it might be time to abandon ship on this one. Babies are the last thing that should be on your mind at 19!


  • #4
    Oh The Humanity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    Sit him down and be very clear with him that you do not want kids at the moment or any time soon. Explain to him that you do not want to talk about it either. You dont know when you will be ready if ever so he needs to back off.

    Be crystal clear with him, get him to promise to cease hassling you about the subject.

    If he promises but breaks the promise then you might need to accept you two are on different paths.


  • #5
    cantdecide
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    I'd be concerned about and guy who wanted to have kids with his 19 year old GF. Surely he appreciates that for teh overwhelming majoriy of girls your age that kids aren't even on the distant horizon. It seems a little selfish. Most guys in their 20s won't plan for kids until the 30+ mark, IME. What age is he??


  • #6
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Hi OP,
    some stage in the future

    Could you clarify this?
    I mean is it some stage in the future as in the next 12 to 24 months or some stage in the future as in if you are to settle down together,get hitched or whatever in 5 to 10 years etc?


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  • #7
    Thumpette
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,185 ✭✭✭Thumpette


    My little sister's boyfriend pressured her into having a baby when she was 18. He convinced her how wonderful it would be to be a big happy family- and no-one could break them up then.

    She did have a baby- who is now 3 and the most wonderful little girl- But- he was only trying to control her. He was lazy- he came and went as he pleased, he cheated on her many many times, and he knew that (to a point) she would take it because she needed to stay with him.

    Thanksfuly now she has seen him for what he is and broken uo with him but he manages to still be a good dad to their kid. As much as she loves her daughter and wouldnt change anything she is now 22 and would love to be off enjoying herself like her friends do, having holidays, working abroad etc, and unfortunately those options are reduced for her.

    No-one should pressure you into doing this, at any age, and certainly not your age. If you are not ready- tell him, if he loves you for the right reasons he should accept that.

    Good luck :D


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