No sex in 7 months!

Raptor21

Hi, I feel really weird about posting this but I am having some issues with my sex life, or lack of more like it. I'm not normally a big womaniser or anything and I don't have too many one night stands but I would normally get lucky once in a while. However, I have not slept with a girl now in 7 months. I am 23 years old and male so my sex drive is pretty high like most males my age. The main problem is that I am not socializing much lately coz I am very busy with work.
I don't have many girl friends that I can meet other girls through either. I am not some sort of sleeze by the way just looking for one night stands all the time but its human nature to crave sexual relations every now and again. I'm not great with talking to girls when I go out and it is never really a goal to try and hook up with a girl. I just like having fun with my friends and if it happens that I get with a girl, it happens. I don't like trying to chat up girls as I just feel fake. Lately it is really getting to me and I can't seem to stop thinking about sex. Most guy's think about sex a lot but lately I seem to be obsessed. I am starting to feel a bit desperate and it is affecting my self esteem and confidence in myself. I feel like as a young male, I should be having more sexual relations, and it makes me feel inferior at times. Has anybody got any advice with how to cope with these feelings?

LegacyUser

Well do you know anyone that has a successfull career,The bottom line is they had to work very hard at it and its the same with trying to get a girlfriend. You have to work very hard at it to get some results. i am not going to go into the whole how, where, when, to get a girlfriend but you need to get the proper mindset for it all. A friend of mine asked me what was my secret was to getting a girlfriend and i said hard work man hard work.
e.g. when i was single if i saw a hot friendy girl i would start talkin to her, most of the time it didnt work, she either had a bf that had gone to the bathroom or she just wasnt into me. but i kept tryin till i met my current gf. it was a nightmare but i got there thank god. You need a new mind set and its not an easy thing to set into but remember its like a war zone out there your 23 and the girls are been takin left right and centre.
so get on your bike soldier.

Liam Byrne

Raptor21 wrote: »

I just like having fun with my friends and if it happens that I get with a girl, it happens.

Sounds like a healthy approach to me.

Maybe you should push yourself a little, but only in the sense that life shouldn't be something that happens to you, with you standing there passively - you have to steer to make sure that you go in the right direction - but it's better to end up with someone because you were having fun and clicked (to whatever degree) than to be going out looking for a cheap score.

Unfortunately, the result of that approach means that you don't score particularly often, but speaking personally I'd prefer to occasionally end up with someone that I clicked with and had fun with than ending up with a cheap and meaningless "you'll do" score.

unhappycamper

The worst feeling you can have when you are on the scene is when you see a girl you really really fancy and after a while after you both make eye contact the the fear kicks in and you do nothing. I regret doing this only a while back.. how will any man get a girl if he sits there in fear of rejection or if he is too lazy.

AARRRGH

Raptor21 wrote: »

I'm not great with talking to girls when I go out

Even after a few beers? In my experience it seems all you have to do is talk to a girl in this city and you can bring them home.

Men don't approach women like they used to. Just figure out a way to sort out your confidence issue and you'll be laughing.

Most people just drink a few beers.

Raptor21

AARRRGH wrote: »

Even after a few beers? In my experience it seems all you have to do is talk to a girl in this city and you can bring them home.

Men don't approach women like they used to. Just figure out a way to sort out your confidence issue and you'll be laughing.

Most people just drink a few beers.

To be honest, when I go out I usually get absolutely plastered. Not in a bad way or anything, and I don't fall around getting sick or anything. I'm usually very hyper and I think this actually plays against me sometimes. I think a lot of girls don't like a guy that is too drunk. I'm ok talking to girls but I never take myself serious enough I think. For example, when you are chatting to a girl for a while and she seems nice and interested in you, there is a certain point where you "seal the deal" so to speak. This is where I am seriously lacking. When I end up scoring when I go out, it is usually in the mist of some drunken madness that I can't even remember the next day. Perhaps I should stop drinking so much when I go out, but I am quite shy without it.

In my experience, I find it way easier to hook up with girls when I am in a different country. I used to put this all down to Irish girls been a bit more conservative than the likes of American girls or English girls but I think now think that I just behave more confidently when I am away from home than I would do in Ireland.

AARRRGH

I know what you mean about the 'seal the deal' moment.

Why don't you just give them a kiss?

Liam Byrne

Raptor21 wrote: »

To be honest, when I go out I usually get absolutely plastered. Not in a bad way or anything, and I don't fall around getting sick or anything. I'm usually very hyper and I think this actually plays against me sometimes. I think a lot of girls don't like a guy that is too drunk.

If the girls don't like it and you've copped it yourself that that's the reason, then the "absolutely plastered" IS "a bad way".

I know what you mean - that if you're not falling around getting sick, then you're better than most - and there's some truth in that.

But "getting absolutely plastered" every time you're out still isn't good, and if it's still affecting you talking to other people and enjoying nights out with other people, then it is a problem on some level.

Raptor21

Liam Byrne wrote: »

If the girls don't like it and you've copped it yourself that that's the reason, then the "absolutely plastered" IS "a bad way".

I know what you mean - that if you're not falling around getting sick, then you're better than most - and there's some truth in that.

But "getting absolutely plastered" every time you're out still isn't good, and if it's still affecting you talking to other people and enjoying nights out with other people, then it is a problem on some level.

The thing is I actually normally have a great night when I get really drunk but it definitely affects my chances of meeting a girl. It's always been my way to get pretty wasted when I go out, and out of most of my friends I am usually the one who was the drunkest the night before. To be honest, I may be making a bit of an excuse in the fact that I drink too much and this might not totally be the reason why I am not successful with women. I think I have some personal issues that I just have to try and overcome.
I don't know if anybody can relate to this but when I go out and end up getting with a girl, even if it is just a kiss or whatever, I feel way more confident the next day. This carries on for a few weeks maybe and then it goes away and I am back to square one again. I think I crave affection a lot and it seems to affect me on a personal level when I have not felt it for a while. To be honest, I think I need to try and look for a girlfriend more than anything. I know guy's who go out and pull regularly and all and that's great for them but I just don't think that it suits me. I am not a bad looking guy or anything and I should have more success with women, but I obviously have some character issues that I need to work on overcoming.

sillysasauge

Hey man! I would say that it is not healthy to put you're happiness and level of confidence in other peoples hands. I was like yourself for a while and I found the most important thing is to be happy with yourself, then you will appear a lot more attractive! It is not attractive to be so needy and not healthy to put you're self esteem in other people’s hands.

I would say do ease up a bit on the drink as well, so at least you remember what you are doing.

LegacyUser

It's perfectly normal to feel the need after 7 months. If i don't have any for more than a week, I get a bit cranky, lol. I don't feel so much that way when I'm single, but when I'm in a steady relationship, as I am now, it's a bit different. Still, 7 months even if I was single, I'd be massively cranky.
Plastered men are not attractive to sober or even tipsy women. If you are blasted and hitting on anyone that's not right there with you, they will not be receptive. No one wants someone stumbling and drooling all over them (figure of speech).
Not only that, but it sounds like you are getting to the point in your life where you desire something a bit more serious, and trust me, you don't want to get into a relationship with a woman who is regularly sloshed. Massive drama will ensue almost definitely.
Sillysasauge has a good point about the confidence thing. Confidence is extremely attractive. If you are confident, the girls will be more receptive, and figure that you must have good reason to be so sure of yourself, and will be curious to find out what that reason is (confidence should not to confused with arrogance though, lol). Just remember this:
The worst thing that could happen is that she's not interested, and then a girl you didn't know, you will continue to not know. That's not so bad, right?
As for sealing the deal, since you frequent bars, the best thing to do would be to offer to go somewhere neutral but more private with her. Go with her to get something to eat, or some coffee. Most of the time, when someone's been drinking, they want food after (we call it the drunk munchies where I come from, lol). This is safe, neutral, gives you a chance to be more intimate, and then you can decide to go to one or the others' house, if things went well without feeling like a total dog about it. You've shown adequate interest, and given her reason to believe she's not going to end up just another notch on your belt.
The other side of it is, you can gauge whether she's just looking for a one night stand or not. Believe it or not, sometimes that's all we want. She will let you know if this is the case or not, by not letting you go anywhere but to a bedroom once you are out of the club/bar. Hope that helps!

sillysasauge

Unregistered wrote: »

It's perfectly normal to feel the need after 7 months. If i don't have any for more than a week, I get a bit cranky, lol. I don't feel so much that way when I'm single, but when I'm in a steady relationship, as I am now, it's a bit different. Still, 7 months even if I was single, I'd be massively cranky.
Plastered men are not attractive to sober or even tipsy women. If you are blasted and hitting on anyone that's not right there with you, they will not be receptive. No one wants someone stumbling and drooling all over them (figure of speech).
Not only that, but it sounds like you are getting to the point in your life where you desire something a bit more serious, and trust me, you don't want to get into a relationship with a woman who is regularly sloshed. Massive drama will ensue almost definitely.
Sillysasauge has a good point about the confidence thing. Confidence is extremely attractive. If you are confident, the girls will be more receptive, and figure that you must have good reason to be so sure of yourself, and will be curious to find out what that reason is (confidence should not to confused with arrogance though, lol). Just remember this:
The worst thing that could happen is that she's not interested, and then a girl you didn't know, you will continue to not know. That's not so bad, right?
As for sealing the deal, since you frequent bars, the best thing to do would be to offer to go somewhere neutral but more private with her. Go with her to get something to eat, or some coffee. Most of the time, when someone's been drinking, they want food after (we call it the drunk munchies where I come from, lol). This is safe, neutral, gives you a chance to be more intimate, and then you can decide to go to one or the others' house, if things went well without feeling like a total dog about it. You've shown adequate interest, and given her reason to believe she's not going to end up just another notch on your belt.
The other side of it is, you can gauge whether she's just looking for a one night stand or not. Believe it or not, sometimes that's all we want. She will let you know if this is the case or not, by not letting you go anywhere but to a bedroom once you are out of the club/bar. Hope that helps!

This is some real good advise.

Another thing i would say about sealing the deal would be to Isolate her from her friends, so she feels more comfortable and there is no judgement from anyone else.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Plastered men are not attractive to sober or even tipsy women. If you are blasted and hitting on anyone that's not right there with you, they will not be receptive. No one wants someone stumbling and drooling all over them (figure of speech).

That could well be true:)

Not only that, but it sounds like you are getting to the point in your life where you desire something a bit more serious, and trust me, you don't want to get into a relationship with a woman who is regularly sloshed. Massive drama will ensue almost definitely.

Women definately aren't that attractive drunk

Sillysasauge has a good point about the confidence thing. Confidence is extremely attractive. If you are confident, the girls will be more receptive, and figure that you must have good reason to be so sure of yourself, and will be curious to find out what that reason is (confidence should not to confused with arrogance though, lol). Just remember this:

In certain parts of the country having a job as you do is considered hugely attractive.

The worst thing that could happen is that she's not interested, and then a girl you didn't know, you will continue to not know. That's not so bad, right?

Dont even think about that -its negative - all women love you

As for sealing the deal, since you frequent bars, the best thing to do would be to offer to go somewhere neutral but more private with her. Go with her to get something to eat, or some coffee. Most of the time, when someone's been drinking, they want food after (we call it the drunk munchies where I come from, lol). This is safe, neutral, gives you a chance to be more intimate, and then you can decide to go to one or the others' house,

You then have to feed her too:D