I don't know if I can put up with her anymore

LegacyUser

O.k so I'm currently Au Pairing and unlike most au pairs I think my kids are great (well that might be a tad bit of a euphamism but whatever) but I can't stand the mother...and more worryingly she doesn't like me. I can't get fired, I just can't. Recently everything I have tried my hand at has failed; I genuinely thought that this was something I might be good at.
She is constantly accusing me of being lazy or pretending to work when she is around. Fair enough, I am a bit on the lazy side but I am doing the best that I can. Today she had lots of work to do (she works at home) and told me I was not to let the kids bother her. The boy had some sort of a school project to do. It involved colouring in a picture and then sticking it on a "Frame" which he was going to make from cardboard. Half way through colouring he said he wanted to make the frame 1st. I was like grand so whatever. He then discovers that there is no card and says he needs to ask his mother if he can go to the shop. So i said no do the colouring first and ask her when she's finished. Hissy fit ensues so I try to make him do his other homework. Eventually he does but he's been so noisy about about it that the mother comes in. By this stage we (me and the boy) have leveled so when mother starts calling me selfish, stupid and lazy he keeps really quitly telling he to stop. She then says that I need to be more active (her english isn't the best) with the kids and for some reason this just gets him really angry and he says "She's more active than you!" and she completely freaks. I meen in my opinion these kids could do with a slap every now and again but I swear to god I thought she was going to punch him. She made both of us cry (I've been here for a month, she's made me cry at least once a week, she's seen me cry because of her twice and she never even apoligised even when it turned out I was in the right).

She also seems to think that I don't do my work without her telling me and she is always telling me that she doesn't want to have to tell me and I tell her that she doesn't yet everyday she still makes a point of telling me to do things I already know to do. It's really starting to get old.

At the begining I used to help clean up the dishes after dinner. Then one day when her and her husband were cleaning the kids asked me to play with them so I brought my plates and all into the sink and then played with them. The next moring she ate me out of it saying that I never help to clean up and it's like I'm trying to avoid work and that I have to help to clean up after dinner. Since then I, alone, have cleaned up after dinner (once her twice her husband has helped, he's a nice man).
Does anyone know how I can deal with her. I'm here til august but I really don't know if I can do it. Has anybody been in a similar situation...please any help is appreciated, I'm at my wits end...

Joey the lips

If your looking for opinions I really dont think you are suited to the job. How do I come to this conclusion?

I would not hire you and my standards are not high.

additionally no child no matter how bad they are deserves to be smacked and my family is proof this can be achieved

Joey the lips

Joey the lips wrote: »

If your looking for opinions I really dont think you are suited to the job. How do I come to this conclusion?

I would not hire you and my standards are not high.

And how did you come to that conclusion based on that post?

I don't know the whole story here but I had a terrible situation when I was an au pair as well. It's fairly common, I'd say VERY common, actually. The problem is almost always with the mother. In my case, she picked on every last little thing I did or said. She moaned if dropped a crumb on the floor, if I took a minute too long in the shower, really stupid, petty things. She also liked to make personal comments, kept asking why I didn't have a boyfriend (I was only 18, ffs!), calling me immature because I wasn't super loud and confident like the Spanish girls, telling me my acne at the time was caused by eating chocolate and not hormonal reasons :rolleyes: I don't know why, I don't understand women, but she basically tried to knock me down the whole time. Nothing I did or said was good enough. She couldn't fault the way I cared for her kids so she picked on everything else. I guess it was a way to make herself feel better. Pathetic really, trying to destroy an 18 year old girl living abroad on her own. People are weird. Luckily I made some local Spanish friends who sympathised and made me realise it was her, not me, and I went out with them all the time which made it all a lot better. I don't know where you are, but perhaps you could do the same?

OS119

sleep with the hubby.

if he's a 'nice man' as you say, he probably dispairs of the witch. if he goes for it its excellent revenge on the dreadful hag, if not, well, you're going to leave anyway...

dosed

i work as an au pair too. the mother sounds auful, personally I wouldnt put up with it. theres always au pair jobs going, i would line another up and leave.

you can try sitting down with her after th kids are in bed and explaining what you are unhappy about eg: being yelled at, not being specific about what jobs are your responsibility etc. what i do, is i get her to basically tell me everything she expects me to do, and if its a reasonable about for what you ar ebeing paid, then i make damn sure I do it all. then theres no reason for her to get angry.

some mothers are an absolute nightmare and you sound like you have one of them. If a grown woman ever yelled at me in front of th kids and made me cry I would be packing my bags.

Drummerboy2

Unfortunately most Irish people have the opinion that an AU Pair is a cheap servant. Fine a more reasonable employer, I'm sure there are some out there.

Nevyn

OS119 Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

tbh

have you tried calling her bluff? For example, the next time she goes mad, have you tried asking her calmly if she would like you to leave?

LegacyUser

Thanx for all the nice comments, at least now I feel a little better about the whole thing but sometimes I think it is my fault like last night for instance she told the me to make sure that the kids tdied up after they had finally done their homework. So I tidied up the boys stuff with him and told the girl to do it herself (she's 12) when she was finished what she was doing on the computer. She came down later and I didn't think to ask her if she'd done it. Bad move; this morning she ate me out of it for not cleaning. We're going to the place where they have a holiday home tomorrow whic won't be as bad cause it means less home work and cleaning to mess up.

tbh wrote: »

have you tried calling her bluff? For example, the next time she goes mad, have you tried asking her calmly if she would like you to leave?

I was tempted to do this but I opened something in the "Favourites" on her computer and discovered that she has a back up Au Pair...

tbh

I feel for you mate, it must be hard. My advice: lifes too short - get out.

karen3212

Wow, I can't see any other employer getting away with shouting at an employee, and calling them selfish, stupid and lazy. Jebus.

Sit down with her and make a list of the things you need to do, if it is reasonable and in accordance with your contract, then you agree or disagree to it. Write everything down and mark off as you finish it daily, that way you won't forget.

But seriously you shouldn't be taking crap like having her shout at you, and the reason you are taking it is because you think you can't lose this job.

beth-lou

You need to leave.
I hire a nanny, and while she is more experienced and much better paid than you, I have always been of the opinion that if you treat your childminder with respect they will do the same to you and will be better with your kids. I would never, ever dream of shouting at her for anything. If there was an issue we'd talk about it.

The are lots of Au-Pair agencies out there. Sign up with one and find a nice family that will respect you. As far as you being lazy goes, if you are aware of that yourself, maybe try not to be and be efficient in the job you are supposed to do, that way they have nothing to complain about. But even if she is unhappy with you, there is no way she should shout at you. You are not one of her children. You are an employee and have rights.

I have to say though, I find your comment about being one of the few Au-Pairs who actually likes the kids they mind very worrying indeed. That is why I won't employ an Au-Pair. They lack the experience and are low paid and mostly over to learn a language or just get some travelexperience. Why do it if they don't like it? Surely they'd be better off working as a waitress or something else.

beth-lou

beth-lou wrote: »

I have to say though, I find your comment about being one of the few Au-Pairs who actually likes the kids they mind very worrying indeed.

A lot of kids are little monsters and the au pair gets no support from the mother to discipline them and so on. A few of my friends quit their au pair jobs because of that, even though they like kids in general. My kids, unlike the mother, were wonderful so I've no experience of it, but it's a common feeling.

beth-lou

To be honest I'd be embarassed to pay someone the rates that Au-Pairs get to look after kids, especially if it's full time. This woman sounds awful, and if that's the norm, well there are some pretty stupid women out there. Why would you be so nasty to someone that you are supposed to trust with your kids.

Most kids aren't monsters though, it can be hard work, but the majority are good.