Job Advice

LegacyUser

Basically I worked from the lowest junior clerical level in the Company to now Senior Executive level. I took hard work and getting my degree through night school with has really stood to me.

I am now in a position where there is a reorganisation ongoing and I have found out through a senior management friend that three senior managers are looking for me to join their sections as I have really shown my talents in the last year and have gained alot of respect.

My problem is that in moving up the ladder I have always avoided positions that would require any time away from home even two days in the year as my wife has always felt very strongly against this and that it would ruin our marriage. I never have and have explained that I would never do any wrong to her if that is the issue she has but she will not talk about it.

Either of the three moves give me no promotion but one could lead to promotion down the line as it looks like I am been primed to take over that position. However this will lead to some foreign travel.

Should I just take the safe jobs with no travel for the sake of a quit life or should I go after the potential for promotion.

For info we are both forty with 2 kids of 16 and 9 and my wife is a stay at home mom.

hobochris

That's really a decision only you can make. I don't envy you as its a tough one to make.

Heineken Helen

Do what's good for your family! If that means having no money and an absent dad, well go for the promotion. I think YOU want the promotion... but you also know it's the wrong choice for your family. Don't blame your wife or say it's for the quiet life because she's rearing your children. She's already put the foot down about travel so it may not be a good choice to even suggest it. Have you said it to her yet? Or are you running the idea past strangers first?

Blangis

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically I worked from the lowest junior clerical level in the Company to now Senior Executive level. I took hard work and getting my degree through night school with has really stood to me.

I am now in a position where there is a reorganisation ongoing and I have found out through a senior management friend that three senior managers are looking for me to join their sections as I have really shown my talents in the last year and have gained alot of respect.

My problem is that in moving up the ladder I have always avoided positions that would require any time away from home even two days in the year as my wife has always felt very strongly against this and that it would ruin our marriage. I never have and have explained that I would never do any wrong to her if that is the issue she has but she will not talk about it.

Either of the three moves give me no promotion but one could lead to promotion down the line as it looks like I am been primed to take over that position. However this will lead to some foreign travel.

Should I just take the safe jobs with no travel for the sake of a quit life or should I go after the potential for promotion.

For info we are both forty with 2 kids of 16 and 9 and my wife is a stay at home mom.

Take the job and bring her with you on your trips. Your kids are old enough to be left with relatives and friends. She can do go sightseeing and shopping while you are at work. If you are flying business class, give her your seat.

Pyr0

Are we looking at a couple of days a year in terms of foreign travel ? I don't see how any wifr wouldn't agree to that if it means bringing in more money for the family. Unless she has massive insecurities about you leaving the house for a night. If takes something like a day away from your home to ruin your marriage something is up there, you can't have your wife force this on you and refuse to speak about it.

seanybiker

I dont envy your position mate. Have you done something in the past that would make your wife paranoid about you heading off .
Maybe your wife feels bad because she is at home all the time and maybe is a bit jealous that you can get paid to travel the world.

LegacyUser

Just for the record it will not be continious travel maybe 2 weeks out of a whole year . For the record I have never done anything in the past for my wife to doubt my fedility. Thirdly I was taking a sounding from boards.ie before I talked to her.

I have working my heart out for to be considered for this position. Why should I turn down thr opportunity. I have dedicated my whole life to my wife and kids they have everyhing they could want. Why could she not just be happy with me.

InReality

Could you refuse the travel ?
If your senior enough maybe you wouldn't have too.

I often wondered about the work/life balance I've seen some well paid people have.
One manager used to do a 6 hour flight every 2 weeks, for no good reason as far as I could see - his successor didn't do it at all.

LegacyUser

As I have already said it is very limited foreign travel maybe a max of 2 weeks in the year.

Heineken Helen

Unregistered wrote: »

Just for the record it will not be continious travel maybe 2 weeks out of a whole year . For the record I have never done anything in the past for my wife to doubt my fedility. Thirdly I was taking a sounding from boards.ie before I talked to her.

I have working my heart out for to be considered for this position. Why should I turn down thr opportunity. I have dedicated my whole life to my wife and kids they have everyhing they could want. Why could she not just be happy with me.

so you've worked your heart out to be considered for this position even though you knew it would always be an issue?:o Sorry if I seem like I'm going hard on you but you seem torn between your job and your wife right now. 2 weeks of travel per year certainly seems reasonable to ME... but for some reason she has big issues with it and has always been clear on that stance. But you seem set on it for whatever reason, so the only thing to do is run it past her again. Somebody suggested bringing the family on these trips? Would that be an option?

Madame Razz

Two weeks travel per year really isn't a lot.

If it was two weeks travel out of every four weeks I'd say something, but I really don't think what you are talking about is in anyway excessive.

I think you should go for it. It will be good for your career, and perhaps bring more money in, which ultimately is better for your family, particularly as one of them is not far off college going age now and Extra money will most certainly be useful then.

You know best yourself of course but given the current climate perhaps this is an offer you shouldn't refuse??

Reesy

Personally, I agree that 2 weeks travel a year is not much, and would not consider it enough to threaten my marriage (but of course your OH may have quite different needs). FWIW I'm writing this from Berlin where I've been since Monday & will prob be till Friday.

I think if you are thinking of going for it, you should talk with your wife first, because whatever about the travel hurting the marriage, I fear the deceit of not consulting her might.

Good luck

antiskeptic

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically I worked from the lowest junior clerical level in the Company to now Senior Executive level. I took hard work and getting my degree through night school with has really stood to me.

I am now in a position where there is a reorganisation ongoing and I have found out through a senior management friend that three senior managers are looking for me to join their sections as I have really shown my talents in the last year and have gained alot of respect.

My problem is that in moving up the ladder I have always avoided positions that would require any time away from home even two days in the year as my wife has always felt very strongly against this and that it would ruin our marriage. I never have and have explained that I would never do any wrong to her if that is the issue she has but she will not talk about it.

Either of the three moves give me no promotion but one could lead to promotion down the line as it looks like I am been primed to take over that position. However this will lead to some foreign travel.

Should I just take the safe jobs with no travel for the sake of a quit life or should I go after the potential for promotion.

For info we are both forty with 2 kids of 16 and 9 and my wife is a stay at home mom.

I think there is something underlying between you and your wife that would be better off sorted. A solid relationship of that duration wouldn't blink at the extent of foreign travel you're contemplating. You want to go for it anyway - you owe it to her to give her the opportunity to work her way around to you both deciding that this is what will be.

If that sounds like politician speak designed to circumvent her objection then I don't mean it so. The underlying issue needs addressing head on: why won't she trust you / why does she think some foreign travel will wreck the marriage / why can she not have you away from home

niceoneted

I have several married friends with kids who husbands travel with work and while they aren't always happy sometimes they are glad of the break and also they feel they can ask for some time away with hubby minding the kids.
I think you have worked hard that you deserve the promotion even with the limited travel. Your kids are at a much more manageable age also .
Try and talk to your wife about it and if she refuses just take it.
Good luck and well done.

LegacyUser

Hi,

There seems to be issues in your relationship if your wife is not happy,

If her needs were being met maybe she would not feel so resentful of your job, How long has she felt this way?


Maybe your making a choice to put your job before her, If there is a crisis in your relationship would'nt it be worth dealing with that and taking responsibility for your part in it before putting more energies into work.


Other couples do balance these situations out but communication and being in touch with your families needs is the key, it doesn't seem to have happened here.

I would suggest some therapy for you both to work through these issues in your relationship, you will then give her the attention she finally needs and you may even get to have the promotion, but you defiantly need to work o why your wife is feeling this way?

InReality

1.
If its maybe 2 weeks a year , take the promotion , but just get out of it when the time comes around. 2 weeks can't do mnuch one way or the other.
Prob your boss thinks its a perk and doesn't know you have this issue with travelling at all.

2.
& agree with the earlier poster that there is something odd with your wife having a prob with 2 weeks away.