Overwhelmed by strenght of feelings

LegacyUser

I got talking to a man on a night out about 2 weeks ago. We really hit it off, we have loads in common & very much physically attracted to him too(never met someone that I was attracted by both personality & looks before) ended up talking all night. Took my number and asked me out the next day, we've pretty much spent some time together everyday since then, when we're off work we spend pretty much the whole day together.

Thing is I've never felt this strongly about someone so quickly before. Today is the first day in the past two weeks we didn't see each other, he is on night duty and I was working today and I'm missing him! It's a bit pathetic really. I'm 28 years old, not exactly a lovesick teenager, have had a couple of serious relationships too so matters of the heart aren't exactly alien to me.

I feel totally overwhelmed by this. I don't like being in situations I can't control and I don't seem to have a hold over my feelings, nor can I control how he feels or what is going to happen. The only that I'm certain of is that if this goes belly up, then I will be heartbroken and it scares the life out of me.

I know I'm being slightly irrational thinking that it might go wrong, if anything he seems the most eager to spend time together.

Any advice on how to pull myself together and start acting my age would be greatly appreciated.

SarahSassy

Just dont expect too much.. Enjoy it and dont play games but dont assume it either will or wont work out - its too early to have any indication...

I also would not be so available... Its not game playing but its too soon to be giving up your life every day for someone knew... I am going to be lambasted for this but men tend to stay interested when something is more of a challenge to them and not laid out on a platter.

Above all, enjoy it.

impr0v

Why do you want to control it?? Lose control, enjoy it - that kind of thing comes along so seldom that you should embrace it.

Forget about the fear.

If you retreat into a situation now where you're taking it softly, softly - rationing the feelings out so that you don't feel too much at once, all you're doing is gradually preparing yourself for the fall. Perhaps it will come, perhaps it won't, but by telling yourself every day 'don't get too into this, you'll only get hurt in the end,' what you're actually doing is feeling a little bit of the pain every day, for no reason. And it will still hurt if it ends, despite your endeavours. Plus, that little bit of you that was telling you to hold back will be saying 'look how right I was, you can't be happy like that for long.'

Then, before you know it, you've no capacity to feel left.

(That sounded more dramatic than I meant it to. The short answer is to go with it and, if it ends, it ends - better to burn fast and burn brightly than to not burn at all)

LegacyUser

Improv I am surprised at how spot on your reply is. You're dead right I do need to just go with it. Thanks :-)

themacdaddy

SarahSassy wrote: »

men tend to stay interested when something is more of a challenge to them and not laid out on a platter.

+1
Couldn't agree more.Being a guy I find it such a turn off when a girl is needy and clingy in the early stages of a relationship. I think its great that you really like him but try put it in perspective. Your really happy and enjoying the ride but its early days yet. So don't get over keen and keep your feet on the ground. You don't to play hard to get or anything just keep a balance.

Best of luck.....I am glad your happy!

cantdecide

themacdaddy wrote: »

...Being a guy I find it such a turn off when a girl is needy and clingy in the early stages of a relationship....

It's a balance.

I love it when I suspect that a girl is really into me (on the rare occasions when fortune smiles on me). Be restrained in your actions, OP but you shouldn't stop yourself from feeling blown away by him if that's really how you feel...

Blue_Wolf

SarahSassy wrote: »

Just dont expect too much.. Enjoy it and dont play games but dont assume it either will or wont work out.

Well if you have low expectations than ya your protecting yourself but you wont have as much fun as letting yourself vulnerable.
A bit of balance so that you can enjoy yourself as much as you can but at the same time not leaving yourself to open.
Show your interested, but not needy, don't reveal everything too early. The longer you draw it out the more fun you guys can have. Stop worrying about oh god what if he doesn't feel the same. Who cares enjoy and don't come across to needy. Personally I like an independent woman. Maybe he's different though.

LegacyUser

themacdaddy wrote: »

+1
Couldn't agree more.Being a guy I find it such a turn off when a girl is needy and clingy in the early stages of a relationship.

Op here, just want to say I'm anything but needy. I'm a very indepedent person and I like my own space, which is why this situation is so strange for me.

If anything I've tried putting him off by coming up with excuses a few times but he always talks me into meeting even if only for a coffee if I don't have time for anything else. I'm not needy, I don't think he is either. We are just enjoying each other's company alot at the minute. I'm afraid it might crash & burn but suppose I just have to go with it

who007

was in a similar situation not very long ago and went for it but now I wish I had held some of myself back - all the major interest on her part (and she showed a LOT) dies very rapidly leaving me confused and hurt. For a while I was upset and wished I had held back but now I look at it and think f*** it - if she was worth being with she wouldn't have done such an about turn and now I am happily getting on with life again.
It's really an individual thing - both the posters who claim you should hold back and the ones who say just go for it have something valid in their points. At the end of the day though, if you are finding that it scares you now I would hold back a little if I were you.. It's not drawing out the misery of a break up - it's drawing out the pleasure in learning about someone new.

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

he always talks me into meeting

Ok you definitely need to proceed with caution... My experience of guys like this is that they poof after a while cos they scare themselves.

If its meant to be then slowing the pace a bit wont cause any problems....

karen3212

Hey op, a bit of advice from a movie I watched recently, it went something like this: your heart is not made of glass.

I think you need to realise you are strong enough, and then you will be able to let go because you know you will be able to live without him if it doesn't work out.

ah sounds confusing, sorry

LegacyUser

OP Here, have thought alot about this and I am very grateful for the advice & have taken it on board. I think I was being silly & irrational(prob down to pms) I don't think holding back is going to achieve anything. If it comes to it and things don't work out, I'll get over it. I'm a big girl and I've been through alot worse than a broken heart.

who007 wrote: »

was in a similar situation not very long ago and went for it but now I wish I had held some of myself back - all the major interest on her part (and she showed a LOT) dies very rapidly leaving me confused and hurt. For a while I was upset and wished I had held back but now I look at it and think f*** it - if she was worth being with she wouldn't have done such an about turn and now I am happily getting on with life again.
It's really an individual thing - both the posters who claim you should hold back and the ones who say just go for it have something valid in their points. At the end of the day though, if you are finding that it scares you now I would hold back a little if I were you.. It's not drawing out the misery of a break up - it's drawing out the pleasure in learning about someone new.

Thing to remember is your happily getting on with life, so no big disaster there! Don't let one bad experience but a dampner on the possibility of something good. Nothing ventured, nothing gained 'n all that..

OP Here, have thought alot about this and I am very grateful for the advice & have taken it on board. I don't think holding back is going to achieve anything. If it comes to it and things don't work out, I'll get over it. I'm a big girl and I've been through alot worse than a broken heart.

ah sounds confusing, sorry

I know exactly what you mean, thanks :-)

who007

SarahSassy wrote: »

Ok you definitely need to proceed with caution... My experience of guys like this is that they poof after a while cos they scare themselves.

If its meant to be then slowing the pace a bit wont cause any problems....

I agree - and I have to say from experience there are a lot of women like that too.. and definitely agree with the bolded bit