Have no confidence at all, and it's becoming problematic

LegacyUser

Hello.
I'm a 20 year old student, and I'm really struggling with my confidence level.

Funnily enough, while most people struggle with the public speaking thing, that's not where my problem lies. That's not to say that I enjoy it, indeed I would probably be terrified if I had to give a presentation, but this year I have certainly began to contribute in class alot more, and find myself, completely unprompted, voicing my opinion on an issue. So that's a good thing!!!

But I find my lack of confidence is manifesting itself in other ways.

The most important one is that I really try to avoid responsibility, and that has ramifications for work. I used to work in a couple of jobs (full and part time) where I would be responsible for certain things, e.g., I was the most senior staff member in a retail store, so when the manager is not there (usually) I would have to deal with anything the others did not know. Even basic things like bundles for certain goods, I would not be confident in selling them, and would dread it. I also used to do clerical work in a hospital, and would have to answer the phone dozens of times every day, and retrieve a file or deal with something, and every time the phone would ring I would dread to answer it in case it's something tricky/responsible

I think this stems from another confidence problem I have, and that is that I cannot make a decision or defend an opinion that I have! Even really really simple things like if I lock the back door, or close a window, before I go to bed. Then I might go upstairs and my mother asks me if I did that, and I will suddenly be unsure of it, and have to go down and check!
Likewise, while I might be sure of an opinion on something when I'm posting on boards for example, if I'm asked my opinion on some things 'IRL', and I know there's a possibility I may be challenged on it, I will be reluctant to express that opinion, and will sit on the fence. I think I just don't like the confrontation!

These all have serious implications for my choice of career, etc, and indeed I am looking for work from June onwards, and I would be much more comfortable working in a warehouse or somewhere with no responsibility than taking a job with even moderate responsibility like clerical work

Is this normal? Anybody have similar thoughts when they were my age? Any remedies?

Thanks

LegacyUser

totally can relate to you..it definitely sucks but at work, you really do have to "fake it til you make it". your boss honestly doesnt care if you're intimidated. believe me, i know what im talking about! i worked in an office and ended up getting fired because i continually evaded responsiblity. whilst i may be an extreme case, your career is going to go nowhere unless you actively seek responsibility-cos all the top paid jobs involve responsibility.

i dont mean to be mean but i dont want you to make my mistakes!take small steps to desensitise yourself. im no expert on this obviously but ive been in your situation and you definitely do need to nip it in the bud before you graduate. but dont worry you're only 20-youve loads of time, its easily done with the right attitude and determination.

would a life coach help? or assertiveness training maybe?

leahyl

Hi OP! I more or less feel the same as you - i work in administration and i hate answering the phone - i don't know what it is - i think it's because i know that it's going to be a query on the other end and i'm afraid of not being able to answer it. I don't like too much responsibility either. Like today i had to cover for someone who is in a slightly higher position than me and i was really nervous about it all day yesterday but it turned out to be not so bad in the end and it was good experience.

I remember when i used to work in retail i used to hate going on the tills and would much prefer to be in the stockroom working - i was just very unconfident around customers.

l love the job i'm in now but i still don't like the phone really - although it has got a bit better and i suppose this job has been good experience. Don't worry you're not alone - i'm pretty sure there are loads of people out there who feel the exact same as you.

Btw i used to HATE giving presentations in college - so much that i used to barely sleep the night before if i had one the next day!!

i don't think theres much you can do - just tell yourself that you can do it and that it's really not as bad as you think:)

Take care

LegacyUser

A New Earth written by Eckhart Tolle.

LegacyUser

I know what you mean OP. I'm in my early 20's now and i'm realising that my extreme lack of confidence is becoming a major problem in my life. I didn't go to college when i had the chance due to this. I just couldn't do it.

Also noticing i'm deciding what path i want my future education to take by picking the easiest route instead of the one i'm interested in. In my mind i use excuses such as i don't want to take the bus to college as a reason not to go. Hate public transport here!!! But still...what a shambles i am.

I'm in retail at the moment and everyday i'm feeling worse and worse over the thoughts having to do the jobs that deal with customers. This in turn has increased the chances of me losing my job. I go out of my way to avoid uncomfortable situations and it's Killing me!

I can't leave my house unless absolutely necessary. I'm just afraid of going out there.

When it comes to girls..i'm useless! Can't talk to them for the life of me. Even though if i know a certain girl is very nice i'll just still blank her constantly for fear of rejection/embarrassment....and i'm just talking about a general hello or whatever. Ridiculous, i know.

I could go on and on OP and hopefully someday soon i will here. But what i do know is i should be bloody getting on with it if i want anything out of my limited time in this life. I've identified certain major problems and i'm trying (not enough though) to sort them out.
I think i need to clear everything and start again.

Maybe it would help you too OP, such things as improving your physical apearance ie. join gym/eat well or something. If you can eliminate problems like this then it will do wonders for your confidence i'm sure. All i can really tell you is that there are plenty of other people out there too like me with the same issues and your not alone. Like a previous poster said try nip it in the bud. I think it's vital to do just that especially while your young. I know i have to!
Take care