Any tips on how to survive a break-up?

LegacyUser

Hi, broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years very recently. He did some pretty s*itty things during our relationship. I still believe he is a good person and would like to remain in contact with him. We were arguing a lot towards the end. We couldnt take it anymore. Am very upset/down/sad/anxious/nervous.

I have asked him to take me back-says he cant cause he needs to sort himself out. I know what he means. I dont know if I asked him to take me back for the right reasons. I miss the feck out of him. But we couldnt continue the way we were. Me always giving him a hard time.

Any tips on surviving a break-up? Would love to hear any encouraging stories. Am weepy and sad. Lonely (am back home but doesnt change loneliness).

Sephiroth_dude

Just keep yourself busy and cut contact with him its the only way to get over him and not think about him,I know how you feel though,I was broken up with about a month ago and it hurts but it'll get easier as time goes on,just keep yourself busy and try not to think about it or dwell on it,I hope you'll be ok.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear that your feeling low at the moment. Don't worry, it doesn't last forever.

IMO don't try and rush how your feeling. Look on this as a time to look afer yourself, an opportunity to grow as person, learn from the experience and become stronger. It wont feel like it now but as days/weeks go by you'll become proud if yourself for being able to get through the tough times on your own.

Keep busy, start a new hobby, get in touch with friends/family you make not have had as much time for recently. As long as your focusing your mind on something else then any anguish or pain your feeling will subside.

Good Luck!

chughes

Wasn't it Mae West that said the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. I don't mean to be flippant, I hope things work out for you.

Das Kitty

I feel for you dear.

My only advice is to cut contact, go through the emotional roller coaster and hang on in there.

xxx

LegacyUser

OP, definitely cut contact for a while, I didn't do this and it was a big mistake. Meant that when I finally realised it was actually over it felt like breaking up all over again. Cutting contact doesn't have to be forever, but definitely for a few weeks/months.

Try and keep busy with work/college whatever, and maybe organise a weekend away with your friends or something similar to look forward to. This was a great help for me, helped me to focus on the positives, and the upsides of being single. I also found going for walks in the evening was a great help, cheered me up and helped me sleep, and also meant I wasn't sitting around the house moping and feeling sorry for myself.

And I know everyone says this, but time really is a healer. I never would have said a few months ago that I could be happy again, but I am now.

Blue_Wolf

Keep yourself busy, get yourself a rebound guy/girl, have some fun and avoid places that will remind ya of the other half. Having close friends and family always helps. They are number 1.

SpitfireIV

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

Keep yourself busy, get yourself a rebound guy/girl.....

Excellent idea, f&%k up someone elses mind and use them for a while :rolleyes:, I really dont agree with this 'rebound' thing or even that 'getting under someone to get over someone'.

OP, you obviously broke up for a reason, many reasons it would seem, so, keep them firmly in mind. Right now you are missing him, and badly it would seem, thus your attempts to get back with him, you are now seeing things through rose tinted glasses and focusing on only the good points. You naturally miss his company and having him about so you need him close again, but to what end? So that ye can get back together only to begin arguing again?

Put your foot down, cut contact, delete numbers etc, stick with it no matter how much it hurts. Take the time to yourself to sort your head out. Like others have said, find something new to focus on, something that'll occupy your thoughts and keep you going. Have some pride in yourself and dont go hooking up with someone for the sake of it, this will only result in things being worse than they should be and would only be a short term solution, not to mention you may be also playing with someone elses emotions.

It may take months, but, as time goes by it'll get easier and you'll be able to look back and think what was all the upset and panic about, not to mention the feeling of smugness you'll have knowing that you've gotten through, perhaps one of the most difficult things we have to deal with. So, the only encouraging story is the one you'll be able to tell us yourself when you've gotten through all this

katefitz

Sorry to hear about your break up!!
Unfortunately, there is no short cuts - you will have to go through it to survive it but it will make you a stonger person.

one thing that helped me was that I took out a pen and paper and made a list of all the things that I didnt like about him and the why it wudn't work between us - it was amazing how long the list way - honest!!!!

LegacyUser

I suggest you really focus on yourself and the things that make you happy. Go out with people who bring you up, re-enlist in an old hobby or take up a new one you've always wanted to pursue. Just do stuff, keep busy, soon you'll recognise yourself again, you might even see changes for the better.....that's what I did and it worked!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Ammm no I wont be going out hunting for men. If someone wants to do that, thats fine but I couldnt. I aint shagging someone for the sake of a broken heart!!!

He is not from here. I went home. He has no where to live at the moment (lease was up on our house). I really feel for him. Met him today. It was lovely to see him. We had a moment of madness where we both agreed we would try and make it work - then we realised that it wouldnt be for the right reasons. That we ultimately would be getting back together because we missed each other. He is going to crash on a mates couch for a few weeks and see what happens from there. I broke up with someone once and we managed to keep being friends. It was hard but now he is engaged to someone else! So, I think it depends on what you are looking for. The last guy I broke up with I didnt keep in contact with. Jees I never have any luck........

Just to say, I have being listening to MIKA "Relax" and "Happy ending" and to me the words some how make sense "its just the way that we love, like its forever - then spend the rest of our lives but not together" and "two o clock in the morning, somethings on my mind, cant get no rest keep walking around" it just means something to me...am not someone for musical words and have heard lots of love type songs but those words make sense to me for some reason.

SpitfireIV

TipsOnBreakUp wrote: »

Just to say, I have being listening to MIKA "Relax" and "Happy ending" and to me the words some how make sense "its just the way that we love, like its forever - then spend the rest of our lives but not together" and "two o clock in the morning, somethings on my mind, cant get no rest keep walking around" it just means something to me...am not someone for musical words and have heard lots of love type songs but those words make sense to me for some reason.

Isnt it weird when songs that before you would have just passed off suddenly start making sense and you can relate to them?!. Try not to dwell on the mushy ones though, they'll only bring you down and make you feel sad

All the best!

LegacyUser

CroppyBoy1798 wrote: »

, So, the only encouraging story is the one you'll be able to tell us yourself when you've gotten through all this

That is one class line. I must remember that. Ill be telling myself that line in few months too i hope.

IMO You need to cut contact, not forever, but certainly for a few months until you get your head together. If you find it hard mark each day off on a calendar that you have went without contact. Reward yourself to something nice after say a month of no contact, ie a nice facial or something. and as Croppyboy1798 says So, the only encouraging story is the one you'll be able to tell us yourself when you've gotten through all this


Good Luck with it....

jellie

as everyone else has said - cut contact. its really the only way to not get dragged into it.

Id also suggest:
- try taking up a new hobby/class, its good to have plans & structure & distractions
- try keeping busy
- accept invitations out, whether its just for a drink in the pub or to the cinema, or ANYTHING. even if you dont feel like it. youll feel better when youre surrounded by others & distracted.

cantdecide

Cut contact for now. Fall back on friends and family (but don't make too much of a nuisance of yourself). New things in your life- people/ possessions/ clothes experiences etc. Treat yourself well because you deserve it. Don't pressurize yourself to feel any particular way at any time. Settle in- it's usually a road that's longer rather than shorter so don't try to find quick fixes...

af_thefragile

Step one: Cut contact. Any sort of contact. Delete number from phone, email address, remove from facebook/bebo etc. Just get rid of any trace of him atleast for the while.
Step two: Get busy!! Join a gym, write songs, start a band, whatever just keep yourself busy and in contact with people.
Step three: Don't stay at home too much. Go out often, atleast every two days. Go to places where you would be in contact with other people like maybe some sports club or group art/music class or even just with your friends.
Step four: Remember you've been through it before and you can do it again (or if you haven't been though it before, remember everyone goes though it atleast once in their life and its all a part of being human!), stop feeling despair and as it its the end of your world, its not, plenty of fish in the sea, just enjoy your life. Life is too short to waste on crap like this!

Just keep yourself happy. Watch comedy movies, tv shows etc. If you can't find anything, watch cartoon network! Just don't let your mind fester over the thoughts of your ex cuz the more you do that, the harder it'll become for you. Yes, it hurts but time is the best and in this case, the only healer. So just stop thinking about it and leave it to time!!