Feeling like everyone regards me with contempt

Affable

I've started to feel like everyone thinks I'm rude, and I really think it's unfair. I am taciturn, surly even, I don't do sugary stuff and I don't like cheap sentiment/falseness but I reckon I am a feeling person deep down.
I don't adhere to the strictest ettiquete cos that feels cumbersome and false. But basically my hearts in the right place I think. I think people just think I can be pushed around because they are used to taking me for granted and getting what they want from me. So are people just used to taking liberties with me or what? I just feel they wouldnt push it with other people but think I'm malleable.

I'm meeting a lot of foreigners too and many people seem self-righteous about English manners also. It seems like everyone has something bad to say about the English which ****s me off no end.

I can't figure if the English thing is part of the mentality, feeling attacked or paranoid.

liah

So what I'm getting from this is that you're surly, short, and perhaps overly direct, and possibly English, and you expect people to just automatically know your heart's in the right place?

How are people meant to know anything other than what you show them? You can't expect them to just "know." That's like asking someone to read your mind.

If you want people to think of you as a good person, act like one, don't be so blunt and short all the time.

Unfortunately there's probably nothing you can do about being English (that is, if you are) :P

Affable

liah wrote: »

So what I'm getting from this is that you're surly, short, and perhaps overly direct, and possibly English, and you expect people to just automatically know your heart's in the right place?

How are people meant to know anything other than what you show them? You can't expect them to just "know." That's like asking someone to read your mind.

If you want people to think of you as a good person, act like one, don't be so blunt and short all the time.

Unfortunately there's probably nothing you can do about being English (that is, if you are) :P

Not short no. Just don't like being controlled. I'm real nice whenI don't feel controlled or that something is being demanded. Don't do false niceness either. I don't KNOW they think i'm rude, that's the percpetion I'm going around with. I feel like people just think they can get their way with me though.

The English thing is maybe exaggerated in my head, since I went to uni in Scotland, and maybe I seek it out too mcuh on the web, but a lot of different Europeans and North Americans too seem to have bad stuff to say about the English. Maybe I've got that out of sync, who knows. The point is I'm feeling it strongly.

I'm kind of suspicious of so called effervescent or nice people, socially slick people 'cos I only think it's about getting what they want anyhow.

Dizzyblonde

I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you're coming across as a little bit arrogant and this, coupled with your reluctance to make an effort with etiquette etc could just be what's putting people off.
To a lot of people, this sort of perceived arrogance coupled with an English accent can grate.
The truth is though, regardless of who we are or where we come from, we have to be nice to people in order for them to be nice back. It's like respect - nobody automatically deserves it, it has to be earned.
Lastly, the fact that people push you around says a lot more about you than it does about them. We teach people how to treat us so don't let them - learn to say 'no'. They'll see you in a different light, and so will you.

Affable

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you're coming across as a little bit arrogant and this, coupled with your reluctance to make an effort with etiquette etc could just be what's putting people off.
To a lot of people, this sort of perceived arrogance coupled with an English accent can grate.
The truth is though, regardless of who we are or where we come from, we have to be nice to people in order for them to be nice back. It's like respect - nobody automatically deserves it, it has to be earned.
Lastly, the fact that people push you around says a lot more about you than it does about them. We teach people how to treat us so don't let them - learn to say 'no'. They'll see you in a different light, and so will you.

Yeah, but a lot of other cultures find arrogant what English people wouldn't. I'm not really good at posting or articulating myself but I can't hide my true nature. If I'm arrogant it's only a defense against the knocks of life. Maybe it is arrogant to say other people resent England but it's the impression I've got, maybe I'm wrong. As for an English accent, well I'm living in England, so it shouldn't be a problem.

I agree we have to be nice. It's not that Im not. It's just I have culture clashes with Americans who expect more openess and niceness surface wise, plus I feel they are pushing me about. I get annoyed by their claims of good manners that don't ring true when you find the real person beneath the sugary manners. I mean, it's like demandent good manners to get what they want and then claim the high ground about it. Have a nice day kind of srpings to mind-that is beig forced upon you, insincere.

Dizzyblonde

Affable wrote: »

Maybe it is arrogant to say other people resent England but it's the impression I've got, maybe I'm wrong. As for an English accent, well I'm living in England, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Well if you look at footage of major football events etc abroad what you'll see a lot of is drunken English fans walking down the middle of the road swathed in union jacks and generally behaving in an extremely arrogant and impolite manner (and they're the non-violent ones!). This certainly doesn't do much for your image abroad.
People will soon get past this once they get to know you though.
As for the fact that you're living in England, maybe you're not too mad about it yourself and feel there's a lot of false politeness.

Dizzyblonde

Affable wrote: »

I agree we have to be nice. It's not that Im not. It's just I have culture clashes with Americans who expect more openess and niceness surface wise, plus I feel they are pushing me about.

Oh don't mind the Yanks :rolleyes:. They're pushy by nature - you just have to stand your ground and repeat yourself until they give up

Affable

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

Well if you look at footage of major football events etc abroad what you'll see a lot of is drunken English fans walking down the middle of the road swathed in union jacks and generally behaving in an extremely arrogant and impolite manner (and they're the non-violent ones!). This certainly doesn't do much for your image abroad.
People will soon get past this once they get to know you though.
As for the fact that you're living in England, maybe you're not too mad about it yourself and feel there's a lot of false politeness.

I know English people can be boorish yobs, and I think that's twattish. (but not exclusively us)
But there are good sides to us. I mean, some countires are very slick and aggressive about ambition and self-promotion, I think that's bad manners and makes me uncomfortable. I do think there is tolerance and fair play still in England and respect for privacy, some people who move here attest to that. So we are not all bad. Yeah some upper class people are anal and snotty, but isn't that everywhere?

Affable

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

Oh don't mind the Yanks :rolleyes:. They're pushy by nature - you just have to stand your ground and repeat yourself until they give up

I just prefer not to mix with them. They are so cocksure and seem to set the situation up so it end in one of two options-
a)you back down for them
b)you are very rude and dont know how to behave

They are either very deluded, or very manipulative. I fear the latter.

Beruthiel

Affable
You've been repeatedly told not to start anymore threads in this forum.
You have been given much advice.
You have chosen to disregard it.
Therefore you are just using PI for ranting.
Get a blog.