Supposing a student goes missing

goneforapuff

Ok so when do you get worried and what would you do about it?

What is normal and what is over the top do you think?

Kenno90

well it depends on the person who's gone missing ,

if the person always has there phone turned on , always lets you know where they are ,

are hardly ever late , seems strange that they haven't contacted you then i'd be worried after a few hours ,



on the other hand if it's some1 who is missing alot and it it turns up he's sleeping in the bath tub , then i'd be worried after a day or so

goneforapuff

Just want to know what is acceptable for you guys really.

When would you worry, when would you not.

Please debate 'cause it might be important some day.

Colli_Flower86

Well in the case of Alan Houston everyone was well on the ball, huge search came about very quickly...unfortunately it didn't help him... I live right beside where he died and I have the relevant rescue skills to have helped him if I'd seen it happen...

Thing is though, you never know, it could be anything, and finding a body sooner rather than later helps the family and friends to stop worrying about what might be and deal with the consequences of the actual scenario.

I find it hard to think of a situation in which it is unusual for a college student to go missing without a trace and they don't turn up dead tbh, but there's still a reason to notify people.

Currently I'm a little worried about one of my friends who started cycling home drunk a couple of nights ago and said he'd be in touch when he got there, but I only met him for the first time a week ago so I don't know his habits very well and don't know any friends of his to contact and see if he is ok... Then again, boys, especially college boys, will be boys and I'm possibly worrying for nothing.

goneforapuff

72 hours and counting, am I allowed to be worried now do you think?

I am only asking 'cause I will be accused of overreacting, if, per chance, I get UPSET. Imagine!

Colli_Flower86

Well who's your friend - might it be the same guy?

I suppose this all goes without saying but have you tried ringing them, checking facebook/bebo/myspace activity and getting in touch with their other friends or family, esp a girl/boyfriend?

goneforapuff

Just got this text

"All well, home tomorrow" I mean after 72 hours+ missing!

So it is ok, it seems, of course the fact that loads of people are worried does not compute. Back to the main debate, what is an acceptable period for you guys to disappear for? Really, please debate it.

Colli_Flower86

Phew! Good to hear your mate is ok but when they get back I'd open their eyes to the fact that you guys were worried. I'm still worried about my mate!

As regards myself personally, I generally always have my passport, driving licence, visa card, atm card, toothbrush, toothpaste and phone charger in my bag in case a night out goes somewhere unexpected, but I do always answer texts/calls within a day and I would never go missing without my phone. If, for some reason, I lose it or it dies, I would get online somewhere within a day and tell people I'm ok via facebook or email.

Because I am so conscious of others worrying, I tend to be the first person to worry when someone else has been uncontactable. 3 days for me is the breaking point. If my mate doesn't get in touch by 6pm tomorrow I'm gona take it further.

goneforapuff

Unfortunately the person in question refuses to to conform to rules, school, yours, mines or anybodies, 'cause they're worth it"

However, it is such a relief to have gotten the text.

This is still a serious topic, what do you do and when?

The Black Oil

If the concerns are causing you distress maybe you could bring them to counselling or to the SU welfare officer.

Awayindahils

goneforapuff wrote: »

Back to the main debate, what is an acceptable period for you guys to disappear for? Really, please debate it.

Heya,

Firstly, I'm glad that your friend is ok. As for how long if ok for some one to be out of contact before one should get worried, that depends on the person. What are there usual habbits like etc.

I don't think you're going to get a debate here. For many people the memory of Alan Houston is still fresh. As early as possible if you have reason to be concerned I suppose.

If you really want a debate maybe try PI.

shay_562

Also depends on who you are in relation to the person. When I lived at home, my parents would freak out if I disappeared for a night without texting to say where I was. Even now that I'm out of home, they'll still get worried if they don't hear anything for 3-4 days at a time. But I'd go upwards of a week without seeing some people, even my roommates, and it wouldn't be out of the ordinary. If this person is your child or dependent in some way, yeah, 72+ hours is pretty long, and as others have said, act early. If not, maybe don't stress quite so much?

Boston

Depends on your relationship with them.

The Black Oil wrote: »

If the concerns are causing you distress maybe you could bring them to counselling or to the SU welfare officer.

You can't "bring" people to those services you can only accompany them if they themselves choose to go.

PurpleFistMixer

Boston wrote: »

You can't "bring" people to those services you can only accompany them if they themselves choose to go.

You can bring your concerns with you, though. : p

But yeah, I'd agree with shay in general. My parents freak out if I'm not home when I say I'll be, but sometimes I don't see friends for days and wouldn't think of anything of it. It depends on what circumstances you last saw them, though, of course. I'd be the tend to worry quite easily, and tbh, if a friend gets annoyed at you worrying over them, I'm not sure what kind of friend they are.

Jegger

my flatmate went missing last week. heard him leave wednesday morning then didnt see him the rest of that day or thursday or friday then when i came home sunday night he was back. turned out he got really sick wednesday and had to go to hospital and his phone battery was dead and they wouldnt let him leave. moral(if thats the right word) of the story is, charge your phone, i guess...

mathew

JonGaffer wrote: »

my flatmate went missing last week. heard him leave wednesday morning then didnt see him the rest of that day or thursday or friday then when i came home sunday night he was back. turned out he got really sick wednesday and had to go to hospital and his phone battery was dead and they wouldnt let him leave. moral(if thats the right word) of the story is, charge your phone, i guess...

or ask them to call people for you
or use the pay phone...
Mobiles arent the only form of contact

Jegger

mathew wrote: »

or ask them to call people for you
or use the pay phone...
Mobiles arent the only form of contact

thats all very good, but my flatmate isn't from ireland so he only has his friends numbers in his phone and does have a landline he can call, so even though he could have use a payphone or even the hospital's landline he doesn't have a number to ring cos their all on his phone.