Dating and knowing when to cut and run...

LegacyUser

Hiya,
I honestly am at a bit of a loss at the moment with this, so your opinion is very much needed. I better start from the start i suppose. Just over 18 months a new person joined the company i work with and i must admit to being smitten with her at first sight. It took the guts of 15 months for me to gather the courage and find the right time to ask her out, which i eventually and she accepted.
We have being dating for approx. 2 months without anyone within work knowing (other than people we know we can trust) as she is very nervous about a workplace relationships (based on a previous experience she had that didnt work out).
The problem is that i dont know where i stand with her, I found out recently that i was dating her while she was still with her previous bf and tbh it was upsetting to hear it, i tend to play things especially emotionally very straight. Anyway it was her Birthday very recently and i wanted to arrange food and a few drinks for her birthday, just the two of us, anyway on the day we had agreed to go out she cancelled saying her friend needed her??, she then mentioned that we do it on the following evening and again she cancelled as she said her friends had arranged a party for her and i was not invited.....here is the non-irish part, she is from Budapest, has great english and loves ireland but does not have many irish friends...99% of her friends are hungarian and this fact effectively stopped me from being involved in any other part of her life..i.e. her birthday party as i would have being the only irish person there (trying to fanthom hungarian grammer is not fun).
Up to now i have being ok with this level of exclusion, but i brought a gift for her birthday and well am sore over the non-invite....do i even bother to hand it over or do i just turn on my heels and walk away from it all....

I await your thoughts !

Munster_Gal

Hmmmmm. That's a tough one.
Maybe you should just come straight out and ask her about it. FInd out why she is excluding you from that part of her life. Better to know now and work at it.

cantdecide

+1
I'm a big believer in just getting things out in the open. There's also nothing from stopping you from inviting her into your world. Bring her somewhere to meet your friends...

LegacyUser

Sound's like she's just not that into you.

Most girls would be proud to show off their new o/h to their friends... maybe she brought the "ex" instead?

greatandgood

To be honest sounds like the Hungarian thing is not the issue. She's not ready for a new boyfriend and is reluctant to make you a part of her life. You may be smitten but you need to look out for your emotional well being here and consider cutting your losses.

star-pants

I would sit her down and talk to her, 2months may not seem long to some, but it's long enough that ye should have an idea where ye stand. It's a bit unfair to keep you away from her friends like that.
As someone said, maybe she's not ready for something yet. You also have to remember you've liked her for these past 18 months, that's a long time. She's only *really* liked you the past two. And for her to move on to you whilst still with a bf?
All these issues after just 2months, not that they can't be resolved but just issues so soon.

CDfm

She is a bit unreliable and she seems to be doing the monkey thing -not letting go of one branch until she catches another.This could be why she is unreliable and thoughtless.I went out with one of these who thought it made her fantastic and dramatic.

I may not be right but you place more importance on the relationship than her.Why not just play along while looking out for something else.

She does sound a tad secretive so maybe its her way.

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here,
Thanks for all the opinions, just to clarify a few things especially with respect to what the last poster mentioned cause it stuck a chord so to speak. Whilst i agree on the part noting that i am more that likily thinking more of the relationship than her, i did recently just try to "play along" and go with the flow, however all i got was a chat about not trying..."trying" being the theme of this mess i feel .....
The reason i suppose why i mentioned the hungarian part is that ,if it is that big of a issue now and it doesnt improve or mature into better situation, why should i be bothered with putting all the effort into the dates and the associated chasing.....to some that may come across as being harsh and perhaps hastly but i did not want to be led on a merry dance.

Ta.

NickNolte

If she's treating you like this, lose her. Find someone who treats you well and makes you happy. Life's too short.