Sailor

coldfire1x · 28-03-2009 1:22pm #1

Just before marriage, the mum advised to her naive daughter that the sailors are a bit different and sometime like to do things different way. If she wants to keep her man happy, she should be prepared to experiment.

After one year of marriage, on the marriage anniversary daughter thought of the advice given by her mum and that night when her husband came home, she prepared a nice meal and when they were going to bed, asked her man if he wants to do thing a different way.

What, the sailor said, and fill the house with children?

A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses.

She says 'Excuse me - can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

He says, 'Madam, I'm completely blind but if you'll drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says 'That's a two meter Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 5-kg. Test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for £44.'

She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter, I'll take it!'

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

'Oh, That sounds like a Visa Card' says the salesman.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.

The salesman rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be £58.50 please.'

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £44? How did you get to £58.50?'

'The rod is £44, the Duck Caller is £11 and the Fish Bait is £3.50.'

One morning a doctor and his wife were having a row, and he stormed out of the house saying, "And what's more, you're no good in bed!"

Returning at the end of the day, he went upstairs to find his wife in bed with his fellow doctor from the same hospital.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?", he screamed.

Very coolly his wife replied ...

... "Getting a second opinion."

A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip.

Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company.

Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that's for a hand job."

"$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the man exclaimed. "No hand job in the world could be worth $500!"

The hooker summons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below.

"See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I can do with my hands." Against his better judgment, the man pays the $500 and sure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexual experience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "God that was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?"

"$2,500," the hooker replied.

"$2,500 for a blowjob?" cried the astonished man. "That's way too much!"

Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing across the street. "Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there? I own that because of what I can do with my mouth."

"Oh no," moans the man, "this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it."

Once again the hooker takes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasure he received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified.

As soon as the man can speak again, he says, "I just have to know. How much do you get for pussy?"

The hooker drags the man to the window for a third time, points and proclaims, "Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there on the corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!"