How do i tell him i love him?

cissymalfoy

I fell in love with someone just over a year ago. Nothing has ever happened between us, except for non-verbal clues and behaviours which lead me to believe that there is something there. I know a lot of people out there will doubt my feelings, but trust me. I have never felt like this for anyone before. I think of him every day, morning and night. I believe we share a lot of ideals for the future, as well as simple interests like film, reading, spirituality etc. He is not perfect, in fact, if anything he can be quite childish in his approach to a lot in life - I love this really though. I accept him for who he is.
A lot of people recently have told me to follow my heart, and that i should say something to him, so that i know where i stand, allowing me to move on or whatever. My only problem is, if i say anything to him, can i tell him the truth, that i feel like i am in love with him, or would that be too much considering i have never even kissed him, let alone be in a relationship with him.
We have a great friendship, and i believe it will last the test of time. I need to know though. I gain so much happinness from the simple idea that all the coincidences that i have lived, and moments we have shared, mean something (I truly believe they do), and i could go on living this ideal without it holding me back from other possible relations.
My question is, should i tell him the truth, or not, and if i do, do i tell him the truth, or do i tone it down, and not put so much of myself on the line?

Millie

I'd definately tone it down and not put my heart/love on the line until I was a lot more sure of his feelings.

dancing_d

Wow! You certainly have it bad don't you?

Basically that is what happened with my OH and I - we were "friends" and I was obsessed with him. But boys hate/ freak out at full on declarations of love etc so what I did one night out was told him "I had a crazy dream about you. We got together - It was great and now it feels weird seeing you!" saw his reaction to that and decided to go for it. Came on to him and later blamed it on drink... he asked me out and 9 years later..... I am delighted I had the balls to do something!

cantdecide

You certainly seem to have a strong affinity with him but are you sure it isn't a brotherly thing??? I would certainly tell him something though. I wouldn't declare my undying love for him but I think you should say something like ask shim if you think it would ever work if you two were together...

Katgurl

dancing_d wrote: »

so what I did one night out was told him "I had a crazy dream about you. We got together - It was great and now it feels weird seeing you!" saw his reaction to that and decided to go for it. Came on to him and later blamed it on drink... he asked me out and 9 years later..... I am delighted I had the balls to do something!

perfect!!!!

do something like this, i definitely wouldn't recommend any huge declarations of love. just shift the dynamic slightly towards flirting.

best of luck, he sounds great.

Joey the lips

Hi OP your story is lovely.

I will tell you a strange one myself and my o/h were like this about each other although I did not know it. She is now my wife just to let you know how it progressed.

When I was 17 she was 16 she had come just come through the orig teenage relationship. She always said to me at the time( I was a friend of her) it was never going any where. The thing is I was delighted when she broke up with the chap cause I thought she was a fine thing. But little did I know that she broke up cause she facied me. I only found out about a year later when we start getting serious.

Anyway enough how did it progredd. When she broke up with him I was not with anyone. She said to me one night "It annoys me that we are both stuck at home while the others are out and about in their 2's - Do you fancy keeping me company at the pictures on thursday" I read between the lines as a typical man but she said it was always about trying to get across she enjoyed my company but did not want to seem desperate.

We done a couple of these date's when she asked she never asked for a saturday cause she never wanted to seem like she was dating me.

I hope I am explaining myself well cause I am actually enjoying thinking of it again. Anyway I think the trick is to get together as friends on a night out. Can you say something like " What are you doing thursday I am dying to see that new film and everybody seems to be in couples these day when you got the pictures"

If the dating continues for a while and he does not make any moves you will just have to tell him you like him more than a friend but you understand if thats all he wants to be.

I never forget the day I kissed my o/h cause i was mad about her. I actually remember it more than the first time we had sex. Thats the honest gods truth. The air rushed through my head I all of a sudden felt alive. I was aware of the smallest things like the goosebumps on my arms - it was lovely. Do you know what she said afterwords - "Its about time I have been into you for ages" but she never told me how bad she was for a year.

Best of Luck I hope you get lots of advice especially a mens perspective on what way he'd like to be approched.

LegacyUser

My heart goes out to you. It would drive you demented.

I'm in the same boat with my best "girl friend" and finding it very difficult to focus on anything else at the moment. Mad about her - and over the past few months have tried to muster up the courage to ask her would she be interested in taking things further. Some days I wake up and I am on a high - I will have the guts to talk to her, and it is all going to work out. Other days I just beat myself up - why haven't I said anything? Even if I do she won't be interested, i'll hurt her, damage our friendship?

And so I have taken the plunge and just said to her "I'm taking you for dinner" - we do it occasionally anyhow together - I plan to talk to her after the meal - just tell her that this is something I will say once, and give her time to think about it, that I love being around her, and she would be the ideal girl for any man and would she be interested in giving me a chance by sending more time together?

I haven't a clue how it will work out, I am sick at the thought of it but need to know and move on if it isn't right. Maybe you need to do the same thing, and something along the same lines might be what you need to do? I know some fellas may be scared by it but others would really be moved? I know I would if "my" girl was to say it to me. At the same time it would annoy me that she had to take the lead! But then again maybe nothing will come of it for me. I'll be gutted, but will dust myself, move on, and respect her honesty if that is the case.

Best of luck and remember if your friend is the person you think he is at the very least he should be flattered!

cissymalfoy

WOW!! Can i firstly just say a HUGE thank you to everyone for replying - it means a lot to me. I have spoken on this subject with my close friends for a long time, and i think im beginning to maybe piss them off.
I like the idea of last night i dreamt about you and i, as a couple, and seeing how he reacts to it. I have in the past mentioned a dream i had of him, to him, simply because (it was incredible) in the dream he did something that made me laugh so much, that i woke myself up laughing. That had never happened to me before, and it really was incredible.
I realise i need to say something to him, because it would be kinder to myself, but i kinda feel like he already knows. There are though a few slight problems a)he is in Amsterdam, and i am here in Dublin b) I know he is not ready for a relationship, he is a bit of a man whore. He is young, good looking and very social, so why should he be held down with a serious relationship? c) He has plans to move on and go elsewhere, travel, college etc as do i - we are both on separate paths which i feel are destined to converge in the future (strange i know, but thats what my intuition is telling me).
Even though i believe a relationship is fated for both of us in the future, should i tell him how i feel now, for the future?

cissymalfoy

cantdecide wrote: »

You certainly seem to have a strong affinity with him but are you sure it isn't a brotherly thing???

- Just to let you know, no it isnt a brotherly thing. There is a palpable magnetism between us, which is insane to experience. This is where the non-verbal communication starts to come through, along with the body language.

dancing_d

wow yeah that makes it a bit more complicated doesn't it?
You really need to be face to face with someone when you are trying to get your feelings across. Text/ email etc are so easily misread and misinterpreted that it won't convey what you want it to.

If you guys are due to meet up soon I would certainly try to test the water for any future relationship you might have (flirt/eye contact/touch his arm etc).

There is a motto I live by (even have it tattooed! )
Carpe Diem Sine Timore - which means sieze the day without fear.

If there is any advice you need, that is it.

Good Luck

cissymalfoy

It is slightly complex, but i am known for never doing things by half...
I am actually gonna be seeing him soon. Im going over to Amsterdam for my second time this year at the end of april. It will be a few days of maddness - cant wait.
I will probably more than likely end up completely out of it for the majority of the time im there, and ive always been a firm believer in a few drinks giving the dutch courage needed to broach these topics. He is just such a social guy, a magnet for people literally, that it can be difficult to get him on his own. It always sounds a bit foreboding aswell when you go up and say, "Any chance i could have a little chat with you in private?". I need to say something, but its trying to figure out how much truth to share, and getting the timing right.

cwhooley

I am wondering by now if you have taken the plunge and said something. It's wonderful to feel all those amazing feelings and I suppose there is an element of fear and insecurity when wondering if he does or does'nt feel the same. I think that sometimes people may have strong feelings but they may be two steps ahead or two steps behind, and may be going at a different pace than you. The thing would be to try and suss out if he fancies you, not just 'like' but fanices you and then take it from there. It sound as if you both have something very special, you just need to define it and put structure on it. Best of luck. C

Silverfish

cwhooley, please don't drag up old threads.

Thank you.