I'm Redundant, while wife is pregnant and hates jer job

LegacyUser

Im going mental here. I was made redundant 2 months ago, and still havent been able to find a job. Applied for lots of positions, even more menial ones below the level i was previously working at, and have gotten nowhere. Have wife, child and another on the way. Getting on ok as mortgage etc had protection and herself is working.
Only problem is, she hates her work. Comes home crying some days because of it. She wants to quit, and if i was working, i wouldn't argue much as i dont think the stress is good for her or the baby, but if she does, i dont know what we would do for money.
I told her as soon as i find a job she can quit, but not until then, pointed out that living on the street would not be a good thing, but she still doesnt get it.
Am i wrong in telling her to suck it up until i get a job?

randombar

Don't know too much about the ins and outs of maternity leave, but can't you take it earlier than you're supposed to etc? Or there's a fair few doctors out there that would write a sick note for her if she is upset and it could be bad for the baby etc. If she could just stick until till she could get out for maternity??

LegacyUser

No I do not think you have a right to expect from her to work where she is so desperately unhappy, but I understand your position and you have to think of the child(ren soon!), but rather than expect that from her, could you not find a job even lower down what you're used to, I mean half a wage is better than no wage!

I have worked in a place where I cried going into work, so I know what it feels like. It felt like one day I was going to freak out completely and say or do something really worth getting sacked and then I wouldn't have the reference for future use. So I resigned and walked into another job very scared, but quickly bounced back and I now love my job.

Take it easy on her, she hates her job and she probably feels like you are not very supportive (sorry), but if you can get a different job, then she will be able to move on and I guarantee that your whole family will be much happier!!!

ohanloj3

Tell her to go to her doctor and explain how upset and worked up she is about work and any doctor would willingly give her a cert for "work related stress" or if she didn't want her boss to know the reason she is off then for "personal issues". No doctor will allow a pregnant woman to be under that much stress because of work.

holdmyhand?

my heart really goes out to the both of you. Im sorry you got laid off and are having difficulty finding another job.... but just keep looking and applying, you will find something, and as a previous poster said, half a wage is better then no wage.

i dont think your have the wrong attitude, just maybe, comfort encourage her, tell her you know its hard and that you apprecate her still working while you are looking, how much proud of her you are for sticking with it etc. i know for me, if i feel pressured 24/7 in work and someone says 'look just keep going' it irritates me. kind words go A LONG way.

i also agree and say while the stree is not good for the baby, the 2 of you at home all the time and earning little money, will put alot more stress on the situation. also as you said you have another child, and havin 2 stressed out parents at home would not be good.

promise her a holiday when this whole recession business is over to show much how much you love and respect her and to show how greatful you are.

i really hope it all works out well

kevmy

I agree that your in an awkward situation and I agree with you that you will need the money from your wife's work. However the stress won't help her.

AFAIK from 7 months you can take maternity leave (someone correct me if I'm wrong). So I'd tell her to take maternity as soon as she can. Also if she has any holiday time or sick leave built up take these as well. Spread them out to try and make sure she doesn't work a full week and will still be able to take home a full wage. It is difficult but from your post it has to be done.

On the other hand you keep plugging away applying for jobs. Again it's difficult but falling into a guilt spiral or self pity or indeed overly worrying about it will not help. As well as the usual routes of employment sign up to recruitment websites, tell friends, family and neighbours your willing to do any job for money at least in the short term. People will try and help you if they can. They know how difficult it is these days and even if you only get a day or two of work it's better than nothing.

Do your best trying to find a job and support your wife is all you can do.

rondog

I really dont agree with some posters here.I think its a bad idea for people to take stress leave by way of authorisation from a doctor.There is a stigma now and people are very suspicious of people on stress leave due to the aforementioned reason.If you are uhappy in your job you should leave or approach management for a remedy.You shoul not leave the job on stress leave just to get extra money with the intention of leaving anyway.Thats what has created the ATM sick note culture in this country were peope go to docs for any minor reason just to get time off.
At a time like this thats not fair to take unnecessary maternity leave or stress leave as companies are struggling and maximum productivity is essential in these times.
If you are unhappy leave and dont swindle the system

consultech

rondog wrote: »

I really dont agree with some posters here.I think its a bad idea for people to take stress leave by way of authorisation from a doctor.There is a stigma now and people are very suspicious of people on stress leave due to the aforementioned reason.If you are uhappy in your job you should leave or approach management for a remedy.You shoul not leave the job on stress leave just to get extra money with the intention of leaving anyway.Thats what has created the ATM sick note culture in this country were peope go to docs for any minor reason just to get time off.
At a time like this thats not fair to take unnecessary maternity leave or stress leave as companies are struggling and maximum productivity is essential in these times.
If you are unhappy leave and dont swindle the system

Pretty hard line to think, but in strict terms Rondog is right. However, how exactly would she be "swindling the system" in this instance? She's pregnant and stressed to fook? If ever there was a case?

OP how far along is your wife? Im not having a go but have u not been reading the paper for the last year? Did Ireland's complete economic instability not cross your mind?

beth-lou

Hi,

That's a crappy situation. I myself am 6 months pregnant, hate my job, am under quite a bit of pressure due to recession, other staff being let go, taken a paycut, would have more money if I were on the dole due to the cost of childcare for the two children I already have and would love to leave my job. But I can't.

My husbands job could go any day now, and after my maternity leave I could very well be the only one earning in our house. The stress of the two of us being out of work would be far greater than the situation we are in now.

A year ago, it would have been different, but now there are little or no jobs out there, my sisters hubby was made redundant and he has been searching for work for months with not even an interview. The reality of the situation is that sometimes we have to grin and bear it to stay afloat.

Try to reassure your wife. She is probably feeling very low, try to make her life as easy as possible when she comes in from work, have the house clean and dinner on the table. And talk to her. The only thing that keeps me going is that I only have three months left and then I have six months off. We'll look at the situation again then. I really feel for you, and you guys are not alone. But seriously ask her to consider how stressed she would be if you were both living on benefits. At least if she stays in work, when she goes back after maternity leave she will be in a better position to look for another job.

Hope this helps.

PS: She could take early maternity leave, but that would mean she would have to return to work earlier after the birth of her baby, not something that most new mothers want to do. But it is an option if things are really bad. The maximum she can receive is €280 and that depends on what she currently earns.

HashSlinging

OP do you and your wife have health insurance, a number of providers have a counselling line which can assist her with dealing with the stress.

Your not really helping the situation by telling her to "suck it up".

rondog

consultech wrote: »

Pretty hard line to think, but in strict terms Rondog is right. However, how exactly would she be "swindling the system" in this instance? She's pregnant and stressed to fook? If ever there was a case?

Maybe swindling the system is a bit harsh but if the OPs wife is going to go on maternity leave,take the maternity leave benfits such as paid salary and then deciding not to go back after a period of time or deciding to go back for a few weeks and then leave to avail of it,i think this is bad practise.there are many people out there that may fit into the role much better and this job it seems is wasted on the Ops wife,probably through no fault of her own.

kevmy

rondog wrote: »

Maybe swindling the system is a bit harsh but if the OPs wife is going to go on maternity leave,take the maternity leave benfits such as paid salary and then deciding not to go back after a period of time or deciding to go back for a few weeks and then leave to avail of it,i think this is bad practise.there are many people out there that may fit into the role much better and this job it seems is wasted on the Ops wife,probably through no fault of her own.

No I don't think it is. She is entitled to do all of the above. I mean if she leaves then they'll both be on the dole which is much worse 'for the system'. Anyone in any job is entitled to leave at any time as long as they obey the terms of there contract and give the appropriate notice.

As for the job being wasted on the OP's wife because she doesn't like well there are plenty of people who don't like their jobs but do them because they are necessary economically. Are those jobs wasted as well?
Also I'm sure the company will get some else in to cover for the maternity leave as is normal practice, so I don't really see your point.

beth-lou

rondog wrote: »

Maybe swindling the system is a bit harsh but if the OPs wife is going to go on maternity leave,take the maternity leave benfits such as paid salary and then deciding not to go back after a period of time or deciding to go back for a few weeks and then leave to avail of it,i think this is bad practise.there are many people out there that may fit into the role much better and this job it seems is wasted on the Ops wife,probably through no fault of her own.

Paid salary while on maternity leave? We are in Ireland right?
You are entitled to a max of €280, which is a state benefit. It is something which is covered by your PRSI stamps and no more. The employer can bump up the wage if they choose to, but that is at their discretion. Mine don't, so I get what I am entitled to. After all I have paid considerable taxes over the last 13 years and taking maternity leave is not swindling the system. You are very badly informed.

rondog

kevmy wrote: »

No I don't think it is. She is entitled to do all of the above. I mean if she leaves then they'll both be on the dole which is much worse 'for the system'. Anyone in any job is entitled to leave at any time as long as they obey the terms of there contract and give the appropriate notice.

As for the job being wasted on the OP's wife because she doesn't like well there are plenty of people who don't like their jobs but do them because they are necessary economically. Are those jobs wasted as well?
Also I'm sure the company will get some else in to cover for the maternity leave as is normal practice, so I don't really see your point.

Anyone is going into work,constantly crying and upset is not going to be produtive,part of a team nor working in the companies best interest.The Ops wife is looking for any excuse to get out and is only hanging inthere because of their financial situation...so yes her job is wasted.

I worked with people who were involved in sales and other areas and if someone is there for a quick buck trying to get as much perks and benefits before leaving the company then yes the job is wasted on them as opposed to someone with long term goals in the company who actually wants to succeed.

In an economic climate such as the present do you honestly think companies have the finances to hire an extra person to cover someones leave aswell as paying maternity leave /while theres approx 1000 people being let go a day here.

And beth lou ,your case is not the case across the board,my compnay pays out 16 weeks full pay to mothers on maternity leave so your case doesnt apply to all as mine doesnt.So you are quite badly informed yourself ,ignorant i would say.And yes we are very much in ireland

Blue_Wolf

I didn't think, and I may stand corrected,a woman gets paid for the whole length of your maternity leave. Just guaranteed your job when you come back.

GaryCocs wrote: »

Don't know too much about the ins and outs of maternity leave, but can't you take it earlier than you're supposed to etc? Or there's a fair few doctors out there that would write a sick note for her if she is upset and it could be bad for the baby etc. If she could just stick until till she could get out for maternity??

rondog

You get whats agreed in your contract.
My job pays 16 weeks full pay then in drops to other rates im not aware.My sisters company pays 12 weeks,it varies from place to place and what you can get agreed in your contract

beth-lou

rondog wrote: »

Anyone is going into work,constantly crying and upset is not going to be produtive,part of a team nor working in the companies best interest.The Ops wife is looking for any excuse to get out and is only hanging inthere because of their financial situation...so yes her job is wasted.

I worked with people who were involved in sales and other areas and if someone is there for a quick buck trying to get as much perks and benefits before leaving the company then yes the job is wasted on them as opposed to someone with long term goals in the company who actually wants to succeed.

In an economic climate such as the present do you honestly think companies have the finances to hire an extra person to cover someones leave aswell as paying maternity leave /while theres approx 1000 people being let go a day here.

And beth lou ,your case is not the case across the board,my compnay pays out 16 weeks full pay to mothers on maternity leave so your case doesnt apply to all as mine doesnt.So you are quite badly informed yourself ,ignorant i would say.And yes we are very much in ireland

You are making huge assumptions there about his wife. Perhaps the working conditions are deplorable, as is the case in some companies. Maybe she is wasted being in that company.

As I said, it is the employers choice to pay out and bump up the wage of someone on maternity leave. I am well aware some do, and it is usually those who can afford to do so that do it. I think we will see a lot of companies stopping that practice in the coming months. They do not have to by law. It is not however full pay. They make up the difference between state benefit and the original wage. So they are not paying a full wage and women leaving to go on maternity leave is a fact of life and has to be factored in to any company, recession or not. Hence the laws there allowing for it and protecting women while they are on it. Or do you suggest we all stop breeding until the recession ends, or perhaps all women of child bearing age should give up their jobs for the other more deserving candidates.

beth-lou

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

I didn't think, and I may stand corrected,a woman gets paid for the whole length of your maternity leave. Just guaranteed your job when you come back.

You get State benefit for 26 weeks. It's up to your employer if they want to make up the difference.

Cormb

jaysus thats terrible - I'm sorry to hear that you find yourselves in that situation.

I fully understand your attitude towards your wife working - being out of work, job searching and expecting a child. If I was in the same boat, I suspect I would feel much the same.

Is your wife unhappy with just the job/role shes in? Or is an unhappiness with the job plus the company in general?
It may be a non-runner, but perhaps she could stay within the same company (for the security of it) but do a different job?

Have you had any more luck recently on the job search?

consultech

beth-lou wrote: »

After all I have paid considerable taxes over the last 13 years and taking maternity leave is not swindling the system. You are very badly informed.

You reckon so? What's the paternity-leave package like in your company? "After all", they've been paying the same, if not more, tax in the last 13 years.

TBH I have major objections to how I've observed the maternity-leave system to work in this country, but that's for another thread. Suffice to say the amount of my current/ex co-workers who could tell our employer they "didnt know" they were 2-3 months pregnant when they joined te company is sickening to say the least.

beth-lou

consultech wrote: »

You reckon so? What's the paternity-leave package like in your company? "After all", they've been paying the same, if not more, tax in the last 13 years.

TBH I have major objections to how I've observed the maternity-leave system to work in this country, but that's for another thread. Suffice to say the amount of my current/ex co-workers who could tell our employer they "didnt know" they were 2-3 months pregnant when they joined te company is sickening to say the least.

And your suggestions is.... that what, women don't get maternity leave or should be fired when they become pregnant? I wonder will you be so objectionable should you ever be in the position where your partner becomes pregnant.

Paternity leave would be great I agree. There is no maternity leave package in my company either. They don't pay me while I'm on it and are free to temporarily replace me while I'm gone if they see fit.

I've never met anyone who got a job 2-3 months into their pregnancy.

iguana

consultech wrote: »

Suffice to say the amount of my current/ex co-workers who could tell our employer they "didnt know" they were 2-3 months pregnant when they joined te company is sickening to say the least.

It's completely illegal for an employee to ask if someone interviewing for a post is pregnant and it's illegal for them to make a judgment on whether to employ a person or not based on whether or not they are pregnant. So you're co-workers are totally within their rights to not tell anybody about their pregnancy when they started work. In fact by not saying anything about being pregnant they are protecting the company from potential lawsuits, so as much as it's a pain to the company to hire someone who will shortly be on extended leave, they probably prefer pregnant applicants to keep them in the dark so they can definitely not be sued.

And paternity leave and maternity leave are completely different. While I agree that there should be statutory paternity leave, it is not as much of a necessity as maternity leave. Men don't have to physically make a baby with their body, go through physically draining labour, often incurring injury, and after the birth their bodies aren't baby food stations. So from a basic point of physical strain women need leave before and after having a baby, men don't.

Silverfish

Please don't turn this thread into a debate on paternity vs maternity leave.

If you need to discuss it, start a thread in Humanities.

TURRICAN

id concentrate on the new baby ,jobs will be got again .
look for help with family and friends.

Genghiz Cohen

Right, this is a long shot, but everything is worth a go right?

How possible is it that you take your wifes job?
She is stressed and you're worried that it might damage the baby.

consultech

iguana wrote: »

So you're co-workers are totally within their rights to not tell anybody about their pregnancy when they started work. In fact by not saying anything about being pregnant they are protecting the company from potential lawsuits, so as much as it's a pain to the company to hire someone who will shortly be on extended leave, they probably prefer pregnant applicants to keep them in the dark so they can definitely not be sued.

lmao @ this.

Yes, and shamelessly cling to these rights they do.

And yeah, Im sure every company would much rather not be told and screwed to the wall for €15k in a couple of months time, when they couldve as easily let a mother-to-be go at any point during her probation, for no reason, without lawsuit.

As Silverfish said anyway, not the time/place for it, so see you in Humanities some day.

CDfm

i do think giving up work during a recession is a bit selfish especially if you are finding it difficult to find work

you should do a budget out and work out the consequences.

you may not be able to afford it

going to a doctor while correct would give hear an easy option and now you are providing for 3 and not 2

SarahSassy

In the absence of bullying or intimidation in her workplace then she needs to get on with it...

I hate my job and it makes my life a misery but I need to pay the bills and cant quit. Your wife is the sole earner in the family and she has equal responsbility as you for bringing home the bacon...

Its tough but its also tough on you being out of work and having to worry about the future...

We are all adults and sometimes we need to put up and shut up.

dny123456

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Right, this is a long shot, but everything is worth a go right?

How possible is it that you take your wifes job?
She is stressed and you're worried that it might damage the baby.

At least its constuctive... why is everyone else giving out about maternity etc. This poor guy is in an awful situation and looking for opinions/ways out.

OP, what line of work were you in? Could you re-train to some other area?

LegacyUser

Well Im going unreg for this
For those that say she is screwing the system, shes stressed and pregnant!
She could probably be taking genuine sick leave, or maybe she could try and resolve the stress that is causing the problem in work is it a co worker? or something else

I don not think she should just quit, I think that is shortsighted and unfair, she would be doing herself or her partner any favours there.
She should suck it up a bit and try sort the problems maybe it is part to do with the stress/pregnancy or maybe there is some issue at work.

I feel for you both him as I know that its tough looking for work now (doing it myself) and her because she wont get sympathy from either sex in work even if it is a genuine work issue not related to her pregnancy.I have worked with some complete **** in the past, sometimes I stuck with it and things worked out, other times things were unworkable and I left more to my own detriment as employers dont want to know mostly, arseholes usually stay on as they wont get in somewhere else at the same level (in the clique usually) usually as far as they will go.
Try get her to stick it out if possible I think, you need the money its not everything but it helps not to be right up against the wall.

CDfm

dny123456 wrote: »

At least its constuctive... why is everyone else giving out about maternity etc. This poor guy is in an awful situation and looking for opinions/ways out.

OP, what line of work were you in? Could you re-train to some other area?

OP even if you do get a job she is likely to have to stay working as no job id guaranteed -she needs to be realistic as a parent