Don't know whether I'm coming or going

LegacyUser

Howdy all,

I started seeing a girl about two months ago and we've been getting on great. She is definitely my type and is so nice. It's not the setup I'd usually go for as it's long distance but anyhow. This week however I kind of worked myself into a panic, as I feel like I'm living a lie.

She told me she loves me at the end of our first month, and I reciprocated, we've met each other's parents, and we've stayed over in each other's places. She is constantly telling me how much she loves me and how gorgeous she thinks I am, but I feel like I can never reciprocate that fully. I feel absolutely awful as she is such a lovely person, and she has had such a catalogue of d**kheads as ex bf's that I dont want to be just another guy who hurts her, but it's like as if I've lost interest or something, which I don't want to have happened. The idea of losing her or hurting her had tears streaming out of my eyes the other night. So, hence my confusion.

I don't know though whether this is due to me not having an interest in the relationship or in things in general. I started a new job a month ago and have been busy with that, but outside of work I haven't been taking much of an interest in anything, just working during the week and going to see herself at the weekend. I've been feeling sort of numb, listless and lethargic, struggling to motivate myself to do anything apart from go to work or engage emotionally with other people, so maybe this has a significant role to play.

Your thoughts, please

Otis Driftwood

You are a bit all over the place OP.

From this

we've been getting on great. She is definitely my type and is so nice

She told me she loves me at the end of our first month, and I reciprocated

To this

I feel like I can never reciprocate that fully

And then this

The idea of losing her or hurting her had tears streaming out of my eyes

Its a bit of a mish mash in fairness.

Personally if someone told me they loved me after a month I would freak the hell out.It sounds like she is damaged goods(that may sound a bit harsh but I cant think of a better phrase)due to the litany of past a$$hole boyfriends she has had.The problem with getting one persons version of events is that it is always going to be skewed.Its possible that she came on as strong with past boyfriends and they just got scared and dumped her.Neediness is a major turn off.

What you need to do is sit down and decide yourself what you want.

If you are not into this girl then you must end it now because the longer it goes,the harder she falls for you and the tougher it will be to make the break.

Maybe its just a case that you are freaking out yourself because of how quickly your feelings have developed.That coupled with a new job can make the brain do funny things.

You need to have a long hard think about this and soon and you must make your decision and stick to it.If you are going to end it then it will be very hard on you and her but you must be strong and do it sooner rather than later.

Its a horrible situation to be in but only you know what has to be done.

Good luck to you.

Munster_Gal

Hi OP
If you don't love this girl then you need to end it with her! There's nothing worse that being told that you're not loved but it's better that she hears it now than hearing it 6 or 12 months down the line.

karen3212

Hi Op,

Did you think you loved her, or did you just say you loved her - after the first month?

Did you stop liking her when she started fawning all over you? It could be a case of too easy to get - don't want it anymore.

seanybiker

2 months isnt a very long time. Things seem to be going very fast. I would give it time and see what happens.

lolli

Its early days some people take longer to fall in love than others. If you really like the girl just calm down take it easy and go with the flow.

cissymalfoy

It sounds like to me, you are completely awash with emotion. Starting a new job cant help, and neither can the long distance, because you dont have the daily interaction as you would if she lived down the road.
Never excuse how you feel. If you love her, trust me, you would know. The confliction in your post makes me think not, unfortunately. It sounds like you felt you were in a situation where you could either lie and keep the situation sweet, or not say anything, and risk opening a whole can of worms. Saying "I love you" to someone has so much emotional sentiment attached to it, and it can, and often is, bandied about so it becomes almost a cliche, which is a shame, because then how do you show your true feelings?
I would say you need a long weekend break away, on your own. Get your head together in a place where the external influences are total third party to you, so you can relax, be yourself, and allow your true feelings to come through.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Positivity reigns always.

Personally if someone told me they loved me after a month I would freak the hell out.

Why? You don't need to spend years with someone to know you love them. I was only with my OH a week or two when I knew. Was afraid to say it but he said it himself shortly after that.

It just sounds like you aren't as into her as she is into you. Please be honest with her, don't string her along just because she's a lovely person and you don't want to hurt her. It will hurt worse after 6 months, or a year.

CDfm

OP -I am a guy so being a guy we dont do the love stuff and its a bit scary.Men use the word love a lot less casually than women do.So it looks to me that you are in love.

You have strong feelings for her, like her and find her attractive and thats about what you would expect right now. So its more than wanting to jump her bones every minite.

Call it what you like but when men use love this way they mean bonding & bonking (if you are sleeping together stage)- which takes time.

You care about her so its more than infatuation or teenage "I will die if she doesnt call" way. So you do care that others in the past have not been nice to her. That you have a life and job and seperate from her means that instinctively you know you can survive without her and that makes you independent.

You probably haven't let off a huge one in front of her yet so its early days- but your feelings are such that you would care if she was feeling bad.

But you havent reached the marriage stage that if she was in an accident and paralysed that you would nurse her for life as thats a whole different thing and more mature love.

So OP you are in love by lots of definitions and its complex - try not think too deeply about it. Its not an ordeal you are supposed to enjoy it and relax.