I'm quiet! Dislike of loud/outgoing people

LegacyUser

Hi, its really getting me down that I have no time for outgoing and loud people especially at work (desk environment). You know the type? -those who cant stop talking and laughing loud. usually these are outgoing and confident, in groups of friends. Some are decent people I'm sure.. I am quiet and reserved and just want to get on with the day and go home. i just find these people annoying and sometimes imagine really bad things happening to them because of the way they are. I have felt like this for years, even in school/college/acquaintances. I am currently getting counselling for my quietness etc. Any quiet people out there take an instant dislike to these type of people?. They really really annoy me. Maybe I want to be like them. Has anyone experienced this, thanks in advance. I'm male, early 30s.

ManOfMystery

Can't say I've got it as bad as you but there's a guy in our work sits near me and he laughs/sniggers at least once every 30 seconds. He's also quite loud and likes to be the centre of attention. It drives me insane and I know I'm not the only one in here who feels like that!

mikemac

I'm much the same as you OP.

I'll laugh and joke with anyone OP but I don't talk loudly or try to share my weekend stories with the entire office.
We've people here who talk realy loudly on the phone, even if it's a business matter. Attention seekers tbh

I just want to get the work down and out the door at 5:30! So I hate people moaning and complaining out loud. Feck sake, if you've a problem talk to the person responsible and stop depressing the entire office. Drags the rest of us down

DJ WIPEOUT

I am male, early 30's also and sit beside the most loudest girl I've come accross. People on the other end of the phone ask me if there is someone else on the call or if it's a conference call because they can hear everything she says.
I am quieter than the norm but by no means hold back if I need to say something. I have even imitated turning down a volume control knob to her many times with others around. I consider it to be a behavioural (bold, brash and rude) problem on her part but unfortunately in the work environment people expect you to get on with it (different personalities) and unless there is a performance issue developing or a single event where that other person is completely out of order then nobody really cares.
Best advice is to become really good at your work and show them up if they're all talk and no action. Try to keep friends close and enemies even closer!
I always say empty vessels make most noise!

CDfm

i find i prefer a quiet work environment cos it helps me work better and i have my own office but didnt always have

but i have worked in places where i have been around noisy people and could block it out and unless it was loud social kind of stuff you can get on with work and in general it really wont affect you

You are probably a bit shy around louder people for whatever reason so its no harm to make an extra effort to be nice in a social way at work because of this.

If someone is running the mini marathon for charity and you hear about it ask how you can contribute or if someone has a new suit or load tie pay them a compliment or if someone appears quiet or stressed offer to get them a coffee.Thats a suggestion and I think people would respond to you and be more conciderate if you appear interested in them and they think of you as a nice guy.

brendanuk

I am currently getting counselling for my quietness

Whats wrong with being quiet? In some countries/societies/families/work places it is the norm. If you were clean and other people had BO would it be your problem?

Some deluded folk think they are living exciting lives in the office, part of which involves being loud, unfunny & ignorant while taking breaks from tapping on the keyboard.

People work better in quiet environment its a fact. Ask them to pipe down, its not your issue, imo

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again,

To answer previous post from brandanuk:

'I am currently getting counselling for my quietness'

Yes I am getting it - apart from other issues in my life, but the basis is that I am remarkably quiet and this can get me down and prevents me from living life fully.

I know lots of you emphasised with the work environment, but I do also experience the dislike towards the loud person outside of work.

krudler

I work in a call centre with about 85% female workforce, not theres guys there as well who are ridiculously loud,but the girls take the biscuit, theres on in particual who has this voice that sounds like nails on a chalkboard, and tends TO SHOUT EVERYTHING NO MATTER WHAT SHES TALKING ABOUT, I have to genuinely resist the urge to tell her to shut the **** up, am going to do it on my last day before i leave

bubski

Don't like loud people eithre, both myself & hubs are quite in ourselves as in if we were in a group of people we wouldnt compete with others to be heard.

Its something I actually feel very uncomfortable to be around, if people are very loud, in particular women, even more so when they start laughing like hyena's - its so annoying.

The woman i sit beside in work is loud.... but only when she is with the others, I just dont tolerate high pitch twittering.

Oh and there is this other one (i work in a call centre) when she speaks on the phone she actually sounds like a chipmunk being casterated... its unreal the noise of her.

zoos

I actually dont think I could get through the day if my office was like a morgue. Im certainly not overly loud or any thing but most people in my office are very talkative and I feel it helps me through the day.

Of course there are the one or two overly loud people who seriously grind my gears... but they give me something to laugh about... because we all know about her mortgage repayments, or what shes having for dinner every night etc... it has turned into a joke at this stage.
It is the quiet ones that frighten me. Silent killers!

CDfm

tell me wrote: »

I know lots of you emphasised with the work environment, but I do also experience the dislike towards the loud person outside of work.

but you also need to have a life and you shouldnt be embarrassed for challenging yourself if it improves your life and career.

if it is holding you back well good for you for looking at it. Go you:)

brendanuk

if we were in a group of people we wouldnt compete with others to be heard.

Good point. Some people compete and others dont. Maybe OP thinks that his view and opinions are less valid to others when this happens?

Royale with Cheese

tell me wrote: »

I am remarkably quiet and this can get me down and prevents me from living life fully.

I can relate to this. I'm fairly quiet myself, which I am comfortable with a lot of the time. I dislike loud overly talkative people, who feel the need to vocalise their every thought.

For myself I only feel the need to talk, when I've actually got something to say. The problem with that is I've realised, I often have nothing to say. And then once I realise I'm being quiet it kind of gets worse and I'd lose confidence and end up coming across nervous and awkward. I don't feel I'm missing out by not blabbing my head off, but after realising I've been in a group for a certain amount of time and not said anything it affects my confidence + social skills and I find it hard to click with people. Once I'm with somebody I already know well though I could talk shíte for hours. Because of this I don't really have any friends I haven't known since school, and I left 6 years ago. To be honest it's only in the last year or two I've realised I have a problem with this, as I've lost touch with old friends.

What makes things worse is that the loud talkative people take quietness as rudeness, just like you or I think they're being rude when they're shouting their head off about absolutely nothing. People are just different I guess.

CDfm

Royale with Cheese wrote: »

I can relate to this. I'm fairly quiet myself, which I am comfortable with a lot of the time. I dislike loud overly talkative people, who feel the need to vocalise their every thought.

For myself I only feel the need to talk, when I've actually got something to say. The problem with that is I've realised, I often have nothing to say.

I've been in a group for a certain amount of time and not said anything it affects my confidence + social skills

What makes things worse is that the loud talkative people take quietness as rudeness, just like you or I think they're being rude when they're shouting their head off about absolutely nothing. People are just different I guess.

Most people dislike loud obnoxious people IMO.

I cant get this social skills - have you ever complimented a guy on his tie even or said nice blackberry I wish I had one of those or do you say anything nice if someone is well groomed. Its not exactly meeting Brian Cowan and having to say "nice stripey shirt it is very sliming" ( mind you if I did meet Trevor Sargents Garda Driver I would have questions about his boss pedalability on the state tandem)

A social chat with a work guy - abreviated a bit
"Nice tie"
"thanks"
"YSL-you know"
"Really - I always admire your ties they look expensive"
"TK MAXX a fiver"

Not exactly a converstion I had but if you ask questions you show an interest in people and if you are socially inept you have to plan it -but people love talking about themselves.

Talkative people dont take quietness as rudeness but if you are shy nod a bit sagely every so often - but you shouldnt apologise for being shy.

hot2def

I'm loud and out-going. I don't know when it happened. I certainly don't try for it.

I'm sorry it annoys anyone. but it beats the $hit out of being quiet/shy/reserved.

Royale with Cheese

To be fair loud and outgoing people have only ever irritated me in an office environment.

Outgoing probably isn't the best word, outgoing people to me would be friendly and willing to strike up a conversation. Loud people in general just like the sound of their own voice, even if nobody is listening.

LegacyUser

Im a very quite person as well, I hate loud people.
They usually just talk ****e and their only reason for talking so much is becasuse they need to maintain some kind of control over those around them.
-Engaging people pointlessly when the other person is obviously trying to go somewhere else.
-If your telling an interesting story they'll think you've finished half way through and begin to describe the most mundane and stupid retarded anecdote ever.
-Their need for control is usually obvious in their body language, for instance invading your personal space with their hands etc. **** like that
-Just being boring eejits in general.

As you can see I really hate loud people aswell.
Im fairly quite but I've noticed that when I do talk people listen more to what I have to say, because its not just the noise thats being constantly being emmited from a loud persons mouth.

LegacyUser

I'm also a very quiet person, not unfriendly or anything, i just find making conversation can be a bit of a pain sometimes. Started a job in an office full of loud people and quit after a week. Everyone talked about everyone else, lots of bitching and comments being passed (which I refused to join in with) and i just didn't fit in. Couldn't stick it and was really upset by the whole thing so left.

With my friends i can talk for hours, or if im in a quiet mood they understand im not being ignorant or anything and its not an issue.

OP, the thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with being quiet and being comfortable with yourself is the most important thing. When you feel like talking, talk. If you feel like staying quiet, then do.

And if someone is annoying the hell out of you at work, they're being to loud and its affecting you, then dont be afraid tell them to shut the **** up. I wish I had.

Elbi

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Can't say I've got it as bad as you but there's a guy in our work sits near me and he laughs/sniggers at least once every 30 seconds.

ok, im loud and very outgoing but not so much in the ork place, although myself and friends email over and back a few time a day (about10) and most of the stuff is messing and joking and is very funny so i tend to laugh out loud an awful lot uring the day, after reading this thread i i decided to ask my coworker if he noticed and if it bothered him,
He said "you do laugh out loud alot, like every 20mins but i just think its funny, dont take any notice and you defientely dont distract me or irritate me"

RossFixxxed

This is the thing, frankly I'd prefer to be laughing every few minutes than sitting in total silence all day. There IS a balance. I know I'm too loud so I'll try and temper it, but I see no point in staying silent and not engaging people in some way. It passes the day!

Affable

tell me wrote: »

Hi, its really getting me down that I have no time for outgoing and loud people especially at work (desk environment). You know the type? -those who cant stop talking and laughing loud. usually these are outgoing and confident, in groups of friends. Some are decent people I'm sure.. I am quiet and reserved and just want to get on with the day and go home. i just find these people annoying and sometimes imagine really bad things happening to them because of the way they are. I have felt like this for years, even in school/college/acquaintances. I am currently getting counselling for my quietness etc. Any quiet people out there take an instant dislike to these type of people?. They really really annoy me. Maybe I want to be like them. Has anyone experienced this, thanks in advance. I'm male, early 30s.

Bad things happening to em? Thats kinda harsh? Just cos someone is loud, the might be a nice person too...

What kind of workplace is it?

CDfm

RossFixxxed wrote: »

This is the thing, frankly I'd prefer to be laughing every few minutes than sitting in total silence all day. There IS a balance. I know I'm too loud so I'll try and temper it, but I see no point in staying silent and not engaging people in some way. It passes the day!

it also makes work more productive as it doesnt have to be such an ordeal

its a fallacy that nobody has ever regretted not spending more time in the office -work is a social oputlet for loads of people

RedXIV

I felt pretty bad reading this thread coz i know i'm the kind of guy that loves talking to people. I can't help it, i just like socialising.... I've always managed to get my work done while finding out how everyone in the office etc was and to be honest, i'd prefer that ten times over than having to sit in an office all day with pretty much 100% silence to get work done.

hmmmm I'm gonna have to analyse myself now in future now that this has been identified.

OP, If your just quiet, well thats ok, but if your shy, it usually only takes a few bold steps to get yourself in with the guys in the office. And if you can get in on their good side, if you want to get stuff done, its far easier to approach them to leave you alone for a bit than suffer through it and wish bad things on them

pwd

Would it be acceptable to wear earphones? You can get ones with insulation to block out external noise. I worked in a very noisy environment beside a very very loud (nice) guy before and wearing these was hugely helpful.

barbiegirl

I'm loud, always have been. I try my best to keep it down when talking in work but I am sociable. I spend a significant part of my life in work and I won't apologise for engaging others.
Work is not to be endured but also to be enjoyed :-)

leggo

It worries me how nobody has come out and said the true core of the problem...instead dodged the reality.

Being obnoxious is another story. The OP here has expressed a dislike for 'outgoing' people because they are quiet.

This dislike is more than likely you feeling threatened. You dislike that these outgoing, alpha males are dominant and make you feel like you're beneath them.

In reality, what you probably are REALLY disliking is yourself. The louder these people are...the more your quietness is amplified.

And bro, you're not the only one. There's TONS of people in the same boat. Hell, 90% of people that have replied to this thread have said they can relate.

Why did you put the word outgoing in the thread's title? And don't tell me it was a mistake...that's denial. What is wrong with being outgoing? Isn't it a very positive quality (when done correctly)? Would you not feel a bit happier if YOU were more outgoing?

Instead, demonising these people and trying to make it out like THEY have the problem is what is holding you back. That's a limiting belief that appeases you to live within your comfort zone...when clearly your unhappiness with the way you are is being reflected by your disdain for these people.

The first step to recovery and happiness is acceptance. Accept these people for who they are...since you can't do anything to change them.

Accept that perhaps YOU are the person who you're truly unhappy with. And take steps to change that. Be honest with yourself. Write a list of things about yourself that you're unhappy with...then beside each negative write a solution for how you can change that.

You won't change or become happier overnight...it WILL be difficult and you WILL suffer setbacks. But it will happen eventually if you drop the negative attitude and turn it into a proactive one.

This post isn't meant to have a go, btw, just to actually give you some meaningful, worthwhile advice. Hope it helps!

pwd

I think your post is very presumptious. The op is not demonising these people at all. He says he's sure some of them are decent and that he has gone as far as seeking counselling for his own quietness. All he says is that he finds them annoying, and has violent fantasies about destroying them.
Why would you like someone who makes you feel beneath them? Nice people have the awareness to realise if they are intimidating someone, and adapt their manner so they don't.
Being loud or talkative doesn't equate with being dominant.

leggo

He speaks about the problem in such general terms. It's either ALL of the loud/outgoing people's problem or it's his.

From that it's quite easy to assume that he feels threatened by them. His fantasies suggest attacking them. We, as humans, only attack when we feel defensive and vulnearable.

He hasn't listed exact reasons for how these loud/outgoing people make him feel this way...so it's a fair assumption that their general manner is what makes him feel defensive.

What would cause a quiet person to feel vulnerable around loud people? Is it THAT presumptuous to assume that it's because their loud, outgoing ways make the quieter person feel beneath them? As if they don't have a voice because they can't get a word in around these people?

Again, my post wasn't having a go. It's trying to help. So the OP and everyone else can take it or leave it. Doesn't really make a difference to me.

Myxomatosis

hot2def wrote: »

I'm loud and out-going. I don't know when it happened. I certainly don't try for it.

I'm sorry it annoys anyone. but it beats the $hit out of being quiet/shy/reserved.

Firstly anyone who describes themselves as "lout and out-going" is a bit of a self loving twat...Oh look at me, I'm really out-going and friendly and mad, everyone loves me.

From my experience "loud and out-going" people talk utter ****e and know very little about anything, yet let on like they know it all.

For me it's the feigning of intelligence that would annoy me more than the loudness.

mrsdewinter

CDfm wrote: »

it also makes work more productive as it doesnt have to be such an ordeal

its a fallacy that nobody has ever regretted not spending more time in the office -work is a social oputlet for loads of people

I'm pretty quiet myself. But I kinda appreciate the workmates who are a bit more outgoing because they do make the day go faster, and they draw out the quieter ones (such as myself) and include us in conversations.

There are days when they're just really annoying but - and this may not be the healthiest attitude to take - I just bring the shutters down, smile, and let it go in one ear, out the other.

To be honest, the me-me-me extroverts only REALLY get on my nerves when I'm out and about in a social environment. Dammit, at least I'm getting paid to listen to them witter at the office.

musicmonky

working with loud peacocks can be a pain but they are also good craic.

I used to work with a grown man that would be on the phone with the GF every hour on the hour. He was worse than a teenager. I knew every nuance of his relationship.

Personally having a open plan office stinks. Its ok if you have a extravert sales office or selling stocks and shares , then its fine. But if you are trying to do something intellegent by using your brain like programming its a disaster.

http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,27753,24906913-5017672,00.html

barbiegirl

musicmonky wrote: »

working with loud peacocks can be a pain but they are also good craic.

I used to work with a grown man that would be on the phone with the GF every hour on the hour. He was worse than a teenager. I knew every nuance of his relationship.

Personally having a open plan office stinks. Its ok if you have a extravert sales office or selling stocks and shares , then its fine. But if you are trying to do something intellegent by using your brain like programming its a disaster.

http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,27753,24906913-5017672,00.html

You can't have sales and developers or indeed support sitting together it is a disaster. My job is sales and as such I have to be friendly and talk a lot, it part of what makes me good at my job. My hubbie is a developer and the office he works in is very quiet.
Also someone else said that if you say your loud or out going you're full of yourself. Definitely not!!! I am loud, I have a naturally loud voice, I am very aware of it and do my best to keep things down, I have improved with time. As to saying I'm outgoing, yes I am, when I am sure of my position and what is expected of me. If I'm unsure believe me I'm very quiet :-)
The OP needs to recognise that some of this is his issue not just his co-workers.

pwd

barbiegirl wrote: »

You can't have sales and developers or indeed support sitting together it is a disaster. My job is sales and as such I have to be friendly and talk a lot, it part of what makes me good at my job. My hubbie is a developer and the office he works in is very quiet.
Also someone else said that if you say your loud or out going you're full of yourself. Definitely not!!! I am loud, I have a naturally loud voice, I am very aware of it and do my best to keep things down, I have improved with time. As to saying I'm outgoing, yes I am, when I am sure of my position and what is expected of me. If I'm unsure believe me I'm very quiet :-)
The OP needs to recognise that some of this is his issue not just his co-workers.

haha been there done that. You need the earphones

Dudess

Outgoing and loud can be mutually exclusive - I'm very outgoing, gregarious etc, but definitely not loud.

hot2def

Myxomatosis wrote: »

Firstly anyone who describes themselves as "lout and out-going" is a bit of a self loving twat...Oh look at me, I'm really out-going and friendly and mad, everyone loves me.

From my experience "loud and out-going" people talk utter ****e and know very little about anything, yet let on like they know it all.

For me it's the feigning of intelligence that would annoy me more than the loudness.

cheers for the personal attack, much appreciated.

I described myself that way because thats how it is PHRASED IN THE TITLE.

I don't think everyone loves me, I find that one third of people find me funny, one third don't, and the other third are indifferent. But I make a whole lot more in tips than my co-workers.

I'm not going to beat myself up for it just cause some retiring, resentful person feels it overshadows their quiet resentment, am I?

Zaph

Myxomatosis wrote: »

Firstly anyone who describes themselves as "lout and out-going" is a bit of a self loving twat...Oh look at me, I'm really out-going and friendly and mad, everyone loves me.

Personal abuse, even if it is indirect is a bannable offence on this forum. As you've already got a couple of bans to your name here, take a month off and have a good read of the charter before you come back.