Splitting up.

LegacyUser

Sorry to go unreg, but I need some advice about seperating from a marriage. Unfortunately I find myself where I need to remove myself and my baby from our house. Hopefully it will be a temporary thing that we can sort through but he refuses to go to any kind of marriage councelling and Im at my wits end.All came to a head again last night. |had to take DD from the house as he was yelling so much she got really upset. Have never seen him in that kind of rage. All over his mis-reading a document (gagage planning application I assumed it was being done as per plan, turns out he wasnt I said that was the way it was agreed an he flew off the handle. I backed off said we'd do it his way but it didnt calm him any just called me indecisive).His method of getting his own way it to shout knowing with a baby in the house I will agree to most anything just to avoid getting her upset. threw stuff, food mainly, accross kitchen last night first time he did that.He has never been physically voilent but the stuff he says.....
Normally Id be really upset but last night I was just flat. I was worried about effect of it on the baby but I just felt nothing.
We built a house 7 years ago on my dads land and he knows Id hate to ever sell any of the family land (site and house in both names) also love our house. He knows this and maybe he thinks he has a hold on me because of it. I can afford to pay mortgage and a rental(if I can find one) for the short term but keeping up both would be tight. (I pay mortgages and half grocery and heating expences he pays electricity and phone and sky).

Is it alright for one partner to do marriage councelling without the other or is it pointless? I dont want to walk out for good without at least knowing in my own mind that I did my best. i do still love him, I think. Just worried that by not being upset about this means that my heart isnt in it anymore. Should mention I suffer from PCOS and bad mood swings with it which Im forever trying to keep in check and rarely trust my feelings anymore as they can change depending on time of month etc.

Nevyn

You were right to leave he is being threatening and abusive, I hope you are still safe.
You can apply for a safety order for yourself and your daughter and I would
urge you strongly to consider it.
There is no point in doing marriage counseling if he won't take part.

Make your plans to move out and if he will not do counseling or mediation
then you may have to get solicitors invovled.

Home should be a safe place and he should not be bullying you using your child
as leverage.

wicklori

My sympathies OP. Firstly-you did the right thing by getting out-for both you and your daughter.

I understand your concerns abut the house being on your land and those kind of worries can taint any decisions you may make.

For now, concentrate on keeping yourself and your little girl safe. Your first duty is to youself and the little one. Give him time to calm down and realise the gravity fo the situation.

I would be very concerned that he would start throwing things-even food during a row. This marks a progression from his normal style of arguing from what you've said, so be careful.

Just get from one day to the next for now. Maybe look at some counselling for youself, the situation you are in is very stressful and you have some very difficult and important decisions to make.

Not a task for today but go talk to Citizens Information about your situation. The Family Home Protection Act provides for situations like yours-when there is a child/ren, the partner with custody is entitled to two thirds of the home. Not legal advice but go get some-but as I say-not today.

One step at a time-stay safe, I'm thinking of you both....

LegacyUser

We are safe. He would never physically harm either of us. the stuff he threw was at the kitchen door, after I had left the room.I just grabbed my bag, keys and the baby and letf (he told me to) Im not concerned about being physically hurt thats not going to happen (sometimes wish it would it'd be easier to leave) its just the yelling is getting so bad. I think maybe its depression he constantly feels sorry for himself. Maybe running me down makes him feel better I dont know.
The thoughts of leaving, telling people etc is so daunting Feels like im a quitter and thats something I have never been.. Dont have a clue where to start.

Nevyn

You are not a quitter you have said you would want to try and work things out with couselling. You are being but in the horrid posistion of having to choose between
him and the child. When did all thise behaviour start ?

Can you stay away and suggest to him he sees the dr ?

You start by taking a deep breathe and talking to you friends and family and getting
support for yourself, this won't be easy either way.

Dizzyblonde

You're definitely not a quitter - you're very strong to have made the decision to get yourself and your child out of there.
As others have said, take it one step at a time and don't let yourself be rushed into any decisions. Get good legal advice about the house.
Good luck.